Newbies Nest

[kuya]

Newbies Nest

AGUYFROMNC;1454551 wrote: I am back in the nest. I had a long time of being sober, and I put out a post. Facebook led me to start drinking,

Hi Guy.....do you want to read my last post and rethink this statement of why you are drinking?

[Hippyman]

Newbies Nest

A Guy, take a minute and read the wise words that Kuya wrote here. No one can make you drink but you. Are you ready to quit again. If you are there are plenty of tools here to help you...but it is ultimately up to you!

kuya;1454485 wrote: Good morning nesters and welcome to Luce.

I immediately picked up on your single parenthood as I am in the same situation. I remember feeling sad and lonely due to this, and do still feel lonely. I also felt angry. I also am a working mum so was often tired. Added to that I didn't eat properly and began my evening very hungry.
You may have heard of the acronym H.A.L.T. - things that addicts must avoid - Hungry Angry Lonely Tired.

So we are perfect candidates for thinking 'poor me, poor me, pour me a drink'.

Yet, in the past months I have quit and am happily sober and loving every minute of my life. Even the bad bits are fine as I watch myself dealing with them sooooo much better.

The truth is that as addicts we will use WHATEVER we can to to justify drinking. Reading here has taught me this.

If we are single.....we are lonely
If we are married.....our spouse doesn't understand....or drinks also....or is absent....or is abusive.
If we have kids... They are a problem
If we work......work is horrible....or our boss is mean....we are overworked and exhausted
If we don't work .....we are bored....or broke.....or feel useless
If we are depressed or anxious......the alcohol helped lift the depression or anxiety (momentarily)

What I see is an endless parade of justifications for drinking that really all boil down to the same thing.

We all began drinking alcohol because we liked the buzz, drank too much, too often and became addicted.

The rest of it is window dressing. The core for everyone is extremely simple.

We have a problem, the solution is the same for ALL of us. STOP DRINKING

The justifications are part of the disease and the list of 'problems' are actually JUST LIFE.

[AGUYFROMNC]

Newbies Nest

I understand kuya, I thank you for the post. The smallest things bother me while sober, when I was drinking daily , facebook and whatever they did , would not have cared inside my head at all because I would be drinking those thoughts away.

[paulywogg]

Newbies Nest

hey a guy,when i first quit the first weeks always annoy me,i think "theres no way i can deal with all this crap sober" so id cave and think everyone needs to drink sometimes,this time i have a longer stretch af and its gotten easier getting out of that rut

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Pauly, you are kicking @$$ and taking names! (as we say in the South). I'm so happy for you, your posts are so positive!! Continued success!! B

[RunningCourage]

Newbies Nest

Hmmm.... here's a thought for anyone struggling - especially with the first few days. It may work for you, it may not... but hey... anything's worth a go, yeah? So, my thought is that you read posts of peeps that have done, say, a minimum of 30 days and look in their posts for anything that says "drinking is better than this"

I think anyone would be hard pushed to find such a post.

Of course, we all have our cravings, our struggles, our weak moments. We're human. We've all here had a negative relationship with AL that has caused us all to crave the sauce. So of course we have moments of wondering, "wouldn't it be nice?" But would it, really, even in the short term??

I'm still very new to all this. I don't fully trust myself yet. And i seek out what others have said - long term Affers - to help support my quit. Even wise souls like KTAB who still struggle with the beast but who have done long AF stints have some of the most incredible thoughts and observations. I hold these close - well, they're on the Stella thread - because I want to believe that actually, really AL is just a scam. A scam that has made trillions of squid (?) and killed millions of souls. And I want to be strong enough to not ever need AL, to not ever want AL and to relish my life - the good and the bad, googly-eyes and big arses, geckos and brown bears. (But don't run towards the bears).

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

RC, if the peace you speak of wasn't the prize in all this...then I'd say what's the use. Sure better health...blah, blah, blah....but what's in it for ME? It's the PEACE that comes and the ability to look at booze as a 'thing' and not an object of desire or the forbidden fruit. It's just a thing to me now...I don't WANT it. Moreover, I don't NEED it!!! It took me a long time to get there, but it is worth it. To get thru an evening without giving it a thought? Priceless! I wish there were a fast forward button for this frame of mind...but there is not. In fact, I don't even know that a person knows he/she is there until they realize what ISN'T there...if that makes sense. It's a absence of something, not the addition of it. And that's what all this is about! We all get there one day at a time until you look back and realize how far you've come! A bad day sober is 1000 times better than a good day was drunk. IT IS WORTH IT! Byrdie

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

Evening nesters.
I meet with my manager tomorrow at 1pm EST to tell her I am retiring. Think good thoughts for me that I don't get mad and walk out...I do want to finish out February only for my own satisfaction certainly not for her...NOT for her.
Big step for me and a little scary...
Dottie

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

RunningCourage;1454593 wrote: Hmmm.... here's a thought for anyone struggling - especially with the first few days. It may work for you, it may not... but hey... anything's worth a go, yeah? So, my thought is that you read posts of peeps that have done, say, a minimum of 30 days and look in their posts for anything that says "drinking is better than this"

I think anyone would be hard pushed to find such a post.

Of course, we all have our cravings, our struggles, our weak moments. We're human. We've all here had a negative relationship with AL that has caused us all to crave the sauce. So of course we have moments of wondering, "wouldn't it be nice?" But would it, really, even in the short term??

I'm still very new to all this. I don't fully trust myself yet. And i seek out what others have said - long term Affers - to help support my quit. Even wise souls like KTAB who still struggle with the beast but who have done long AF stints have some of the most incredible thoughts and observations. I hold these close - well, they're on the Stella thread - because I want to believe that actually, really AL is just a scam. A scam that has made trillions of squid (?) and killed millions of souls. And I want to be strong enough to not ever need AL, to not ever want AL and to relish my life - the good and the bad, googly-eyes and big arses, geckos and brown bears. (But don't run towards the bears).

RC - I'm very interested in your writing. Yes, this MWO site is about achieving and maintaining sobriety, but we can talk about one or two other topics as well, yes?

Your writing makes me think of koans practiced by students of Zen. I find your writing to be absorbing. Of course I don't know you or much about you. I'm content to read the few of your posts that make it to Newbies Nest.

The last sentence in your post: "And I want to be strong enough to not ever need AL, to not ever want AL and to relish my life - the good and the bad, googly-eyes and big arses, geckos and brown bears. (But don't run towards the bears)."

Interesting and lovely. ~

[kuya]

Newbies Nest

AGUYFROMNC;1454575 wrote: I understand kuya, I thank you for the post. The smallest things bother me while sober, when I was drinking daily , facebook and whatever they did , would not have cared inside my head at all because I would be drinking those thoughts away.

Until you are sober for some time obsessive compulsive thoughts are the RESULT of drinking alcohol, unless you are genuinely OCD in which case you need additional help beyond the scope of this forum.

I suspect though it may well just be the alcohol talking.

Be brave and stop for a few months, there is nothing to lose.

[Persephone1]

Newbies Nest

Hello Gang, tis day 6, so I'm a super newbie...

I've been having terrible insomnia most nights, I suppose I'm lucky that it's really the only physical backlash to 'depriving' my body of the poison, but sound sleep is important. I really don't want a prescription sleeper so I opted for melatonin. We'll see...

My alarm clock today was my daughter calling with a relational crisis and set me into immediate panic. I swear, there is NOTHING worse than your child being in pain and there is nothing you can do to change a damn thing. Fortunately, I didn't have a hangover and could be fully present for her, which is a true gift in itself. She's a remarkable person and will get through this stronger and even more beautiful inside than she is today, but it's hard to be witness to the process. Fortunately, I didn't drink when I was raising her, so there is no residual guilt or amends to be made, we have a fantastic relationship. I'm lucky.

Other than that, I'm in a relatively good place today. No desire to drink. I dealt with the issue that I had been avoiding that made me feel crazy yesterday. There isn't a resolve or conclusion as of yet, but I'm ok with that...I said what I needed to say and 'volleyed the ball' in their court. I have no control over what is done from there.

Going to buy the supplements today online I couldn't find in the store and possibly the hypno cd's. Does anyone have any feedback on those? They aren't cheap, so any thoughts on them would be appreciated.

Wishing you all a wonderful day free poison...here's to day 6!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Pers, GREAT job on Day 6! Part of this whole thing is learning the things you CAN control from the things you can't...and NOT drinking to drown out the difference.
Lav I know has used the tapes, she will be alone shortly to tuck us in so she will know which ones to get...I'm so happy for you and your 6 days...
Nighty Nesters, be safe and be sober! Byrdie

[kuya]

Newbies Nest

perse.....I am a firm believer in the value of supplements and have used them to repair the damage caused by alcohol and prevent cravings and lift mood.

I will try and bring up a wonderful thread written on the many supplements .....in the mean time their is a good link in my signature.

Well done on your AF time !

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Hello all Nesters!

Sorry, I have been super busy all day!

Dottie, good luck tomorrow. I hope everything goes well with your plan

Persephone, welcome to the Nest & congrats on your 6 AF days ~ terrific!
I've used plain melatonin for sleep which was helpful. Now I use a product called Mellodyn which is even better (it has a good website).
Consider the cost of the Hypno CDs as an investment in your healthy future! They worked great for me in helping me to relax without AL & to change my thinking about it altogether.

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!
Lav

[Persephone1]

Newbies Nest

Ooops, so I'm a bit a of a dope, I just figured out that I shudda been writing in HERE since my first day, as yesterday was a doozy. I started a daily log not paying proper attention...oh well, now I know. Just want to say that I've spent an enormous amount of time over the past few days reading and getting to know many of you. I feel really grateful to have found this forum and the lovely souls here. Thank you all so much.

I am pretty much at a point where I NEED to banish this poison from my life. There's not much but destruction in the entire path we travelled together, and it's been goin' on for some time now. Someone posted something a few pages back (forgive my forgetfulness) that the last drunk is as good as it gets. Yep, that was a week ago...

Tess your 30 day speech was brilliant. 30 days and look at where you are!!! It's freakin' amazing and exciting and do-able!!!! Belated congrats to you, Kairos and New Day & Happy 8th to Sugar! Thanks for the info. on the supplements Kuya (and all of your support!) & Lavande re: the CD's.

Bless you all for all your hard work, perseverance and dedication to this forum AND YOURSELVES.:h:h:h:h:h:h