Newbies Nest

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Hippyman;1454942 wrote: Awhhh Tess, I had those dreams for about 6 or 7 weeks. I would wake up in a panic and think "HOW DID THIS HAPPEN AGAIN"??? What a relief to figure out it was just a DREAM AKA nightmare and not really part of my life anymore. It's been a couple months since it happened to me and I pray it never will again!

Hey Hippy, thanks for sharing your experience!! It helps to have a timeframe as to when the "crazy dreams" may cease.

BTW, I would like to join Star when she comes to your house to relax and be a kid again!! Or maybe I should say, for me, to be a kid for the first time. Hippy, I've always been a real stick-in-the-mud. During recess I was more inclined to hang out with the playground monitor than to join the kids. If I was "encouraged" to go play (i.e., "Get out there and play, Tess!"), I would tend to be an observer. In the fifth grade I had a fab teacher who would, at times, allow me to stay in the classroom during recess and help grade papers. I loved that!!

Still (I'm going to be "Jr Psychologist" for a moment), I have a hunch that one element of my continued sobriety will be learning how to play. We've gotta have some fun, right?

I'm on my way to my parents this morning. I have such a feeling of dread. Really don't want to go. Wish you could go with me, Hippy... When I was morbidly obese, my dad would joke that the only thing I could "eat" at their house was a glass of water. Now that I'm losing weight rapidly (because I'm not consuming beer by the gallons) my dad says that I can have a slice of cucumber. All of his comments are cloaked as a joke. So if I react with shock, he says, "Tess, you don't see the Joke Card that I'm holding up."

Okay, just between you and me, Hippy, there is no "Joke Card." My dad is dead serious. And part of me wants to walk out and part of me wants to be the "perfect daughter" and smile sweetly.

So... can I come to your house with Star and learn how to play?... :giggle:

[AGUYFROMNC]

Newbies Nest

I am trying my best to work on myself, as I said in an earlier post, when I was sober, I was on meds, therapist, they all did not help. Im just worried once I do get to dating again, Im sure the person will have facebook, and I wouldnt know how to deal with it, I dont get even what my therapist says, "block it out of your mind" I get more help here than with my therapist. So i love companiship and most have facebook, im scared that it will still float in my head, just wish their was a way to get rid of the thoughts without turning to the bottle!

[Hippyman]

Newbies Nest

Tess :l I wish I could go with you too! We could have a great time together. I really do see that my carefree child like attitude can be contagious. There are plenty of stick in the mud's at our public library who have really lighten up. I think it may be cause I spent time there and when they used to make sad faces at me I'd do something goofy and they'd laugh. Now they smile and hug me when I walk in. My motto is LIFE IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN. I have decieded to put my attention on what I do want and pay very little attention to what I don't. Please SMILE for me. :nutso: :happy: :goodluck: :bigwink: :armsaround:

[Hippyman]

Newbies Nest

I think you need to get some sober time under your belt and learn to love yourself and regain self esteem before you worry about dating.

AGUYFROMNC;1454974 wrote: I am trying my best to work on myself, as I said in an earlier post, when I was sober, I was on meds, therapist, they all did not help. Im just worried once I do get to dating again, Im sure the person will have facebook, and I wouldnt know how to deal with it, I dont get even what my therapist says, "block it out of your mind" I get more help here than with my therapist. So i love companiship and most have facebook, im scared that it will still float in my head, just wish their was a way to get rid of the thoughts without turning to the bottle!

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning Everyone :l

I am doing a flyby this morning and will have a proper look at posts hopefully this afternoon- Have been loaded down with work here :ranger

I just "met" Pers a few posts back and believe she is due a full moon today! You are doing a great job, Pers- and we didn't even know it!!! Please keep reading and posting and letting us get to know you. And Congratulations on achieving your NN full moon!

:moon:

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

I have decieded to put my attention on what I do want and pay very little attention to what I don't.

LOVE THAT, Hipster. You now have a quote line in my quote book. You are a new addition. I'm a quote lover because they give a lot of bang for the buck.

I absolutely agree with your suggestion to Aguy as well, Hipster. I just checked in for a moment and when I read another of your posts, Aguy, my thoughts are you may do well to read a book on codependency. Another suggestion we all need sometimes is to stop wishing and just start doing. The action of doing and the results start a cycle of climbing out of a problem one step at a time. We can't wish things away. We have to change things for the change to happen. You can do it. You have to get that mind to go in the right direction. Only you can change what you are thinking upstairs and yes it can be very difficult, but doable.

Tess, your father's judgements in his jokes probably had a lot to do with you not having any fun. That doesn't inspire you to like yourself and I've seen this in many people. The man I am detaching from was a 'it's just a joke' person. He'd find the weakness or fear and then poke at it with jokes. YOU find your own ground and you make yourself happy. He can deal with his own judgements and hangups. Those aren't yours to bear any longer. We all need to learn how to love ourselves. It's absolutely impossible to please everyone and we become miserable people pleasers when we try out of fear of rejection. Make a list of things YOU aren't happy with, not what other people aren't happy with and start trying to change THOSE things for you. You'll drive yourself crazy trying to be perfect. I know, I've been there with you.:l

Sugar...today is a piece of cake...oops, I better make that sugar free.

Hang tough, nesters and have a good whatever time it is in your neck of the nest.


Love,

Slay

[Persephone1]

Newbies Nest

Hey gang, quick check in...today is my 7th day poison free!!!! Yippee........:yay::yay::yay:

In one week I've only been really tempted once. If only I could get a guarantee that every week would be this way: 1 in 7 doesn't sound impossible! Haha, wishful thinking, though it's getting easier daily. The clarity, energy, body & mind connection are growing leaps and bounds and it feels terrific!! Feeling strong and grateful. Thanks for the support, inspiration and guidance. All the best to all of you. Will be back later today....

[Hippyman]

Newbies Nest

[QUOTE=Persephone1;1455041]Hey gang, quick check in...today is my 7th day poison free!!!! Yippee........:yay::yay::yay:

In one week I've only been really tempted once. If only I could get a guarantee that every week would be this way: 1 in 7 doesn't sound impossible! Haha, wishful thinking, though it's getting easier daily. The clarity, energy, body & mind connection are growing leaps and bounds and it feels terrific!! Feeling strong and grateful. Thanks for the support, inspiration and guidance. All the best to all of you. Will be back later today....[/QUOT

7 DAYS SOBER!!! roud::cheering::kissyface:

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Hey Persephone- Did you see your full moon award?

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Hi Tess, :l- Thinking of you and hoping your day is going well at the parents house!
You are such a WINNER!

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Starfish1;1455080 wrote: Hi Tess, :l- Thinking of you and hoping your day is going well at the parents house!
You are such a WINNER!

My Star - I'm going to match Magenta (color of font) for Magenta!! Your post is a delight. Actually, things went terribly at "the parents house." But I am still sober. So, yes, I am a winner. You, delightful Star, are a winner too!!

I'm thinking that part of growing up is to separate from our parents. This is not a new thought. I believe it is mentioned very early on in the Bible: "For a man (and a woman) shall leave their parents and become one with their spouse." Okay, something like that. My paraphrase.

You are a gem, Star. Very beautiful. Thank you!! :armsaround:

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Tess...I'm here to tell ya, Family can drive you NUTS! (see my rants on the !@#$%^*%$ thread) Did I mention my brother has 22 cats?? (and that's the least of his problems!!!) I digress....

What I have gleaned in the past month with intense family contact is this...as we are growing up we think our parents and our brothers and sisters hold this 'power' and that they are the 'grown ups' and they are smarter and wiser and all that. They are our IDOLS and Heroes. What I have come to realize in this past month is that they are just people with problems, too. They have their shortcomings and they are NOT perfect. It is a hard day when you realize this, but they are not. And because they don't fit in my mold of perfect anymore doesn't make them bad people, they are just not the IDOLS I thought they were as I was growing up. And that's ok. I guess it's all part of this growth thing we talk about as we are recovering here...

Stay strong everyone...it's just Friday, not a free for all! If I can stay sober so can you!!! Hugs to all, Byrdie

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1455112 wrote: Tess...I'm here to tell ya, Family can drive you NUTS! (see my rants on the !@#$%^*%$ thread) Did I mention my brother has 22 cats?? (and that's the least of his problems!!!) I digress....

What I have gleaned in the past month with intense family contact is this...as we are growing up we think our parents and our brothers and sisters hold this 'power' and that they are the 'grown ups' and they are smarter and wiser and all that. They are our IDOLS and Heroes. What I have come to realize in this past month is that they are just people with problems, too. They have their shortcomings and they are NOT perfect. It is a hard day when you realize this, but they are not. And because they don't fit in my mold of perfect anymore doesn't make them bad people, they are just not the IDOLS I thought they were as I was growing up. And that's ok. I guess it's all part of this growth thing we talk about as we are recovering here...

Stay strong everyone...it's just Friday, not a free for all! If I can stay sober so can you!!! Hugs to all, Byrdie

I can stay sober with you, Byrdie. Yes, I can. You deserve the respect that I feel for you. Hell, I don't care if it's Friday or whatever day -- I am not going to drink alcohol. Nope. Just not going to do it. End of story. Love you!!

[AGUYFROMNC]

Newbies Nest

Thanks for the replies, as I am always open to anything anyone has to say that can help. A lot of people tell me, first fix yourself then try to start dating again. Looks like I did that in all the correct ways, Stayed sober for close to a year, went to a therapist soon after quiting and phycologist. Took my meds for for that time, did all the correct things as I thought, one thing I did notice was a person I really liked and spent time with. She said all the things a man wants to hear, I want a family, a future with you, ect.... Then one day I told her I was going to my phycologist appointment, I told her what was going on, Shortly after things were fine for 2 days then little by little not as many phone calls, the texts got rare, and we would text all the time. Then finally just told me could not deal with someone who has my sort of problems. She did this in a text message. So even If I try to fix myself , It seems theres still a stigma attached to going to fix yourself with a phyclogist or was it my fault to say something to her?

[kuya]

Newbies Nest

Recluse, a member has this as his signature.....I love it




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The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise.