Newbies Nest

[Hippyman]

Newbies Nest

[quote]nonamegirl;1456696 wrote:

[FONT=Book Antiqua][SIZE=4][COLOR=Indigo]
Happy Monday everyone. Make it a joyful SOBER day...and don't forget to make someone smile!

Thank you. I have read several of your other posts today, and you have given me a great deal to think about. The one thing that I think I am hearing from you is that today I shouldn't be kicking myself (well, too hard, anyway) but rather be willing to love myself a little and know that today I am going to make better choices than I did yesterday.

Thank you. All of you. I promise I'll be back.

:welcome: Time to get yourself a sobriety plan in place and follow it. I am so glad you are here with us. Keep your eyes straight ahead on the prize. A happy sober future is waiting ahead for you. You can do it. I KNOW YOU CAN. This time 4 sure! :l

[Elliesmom]

Newbies Nest

Day 3 and still okay

Thanks for all the advice - and Kuya that post you shared did help a lot! I bought the starter kit and book, and am excited for it to arrive.

Last night I was an emotional mess. No cravings, but I was just a mess. I've been taking zoloft and Wellbutrin for several years, but gained about 40 pounds and went off the zoloft about 6 weeks ago and the zoloft withdrawal/depression has been awful. Of course, I'm completely aware that my depression was because of self-loathing due to alcohol abuse - what a sick cycle -- Take pharmaceuticals to deal with the depression of being an active drunk. Anyway, my husband (who doesn't drink) knows I've been more depressed than usual due to zoloft withdrawal. But last night as I was journaling right before bed, my words turned into this tornado of everything I hate about myself and I started sobbing uncontrollably. My poor husband thought I was having a breakdown due to the zoloft withdrawal! I let him have that. Oh, For anyone who didn't see my first post the other day, I've been drinking about 1/3-1/2 bottle of gin every night for ages and have successfully hidden it from my family. I'm super sneaky and really good at it. I plan to tell him what's really going on and has been going on if I can make it through at least 2 weeks AF.

But today I woke up feeling kind of alright. I've been saying I'm going to work out daily (to lose the weight) forever, but make excuses about not scheduling it in the morning...I'm not a "morning person", have to get the kids' lunches ready before school, was up late working, whatever. This morning, I actually woke up at 5:30, and hangover free, hopped onto my treadmill and did a couple miles. And I felt great. And lunches were made, kids didn't miss their buses, etc. I really, really liked this morning and want more of them.

I really appreciate reading everyones' posts...this has been my deepest secret that I've kept from everyone in the world, and to be able to share that here is an amazing gift. I hope to get to Day 4 tomorrow.

Peace.

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

I'm going to quote Hipster again, today. I really like what he said here February 1 with some pronoun changes.


"Put your attention on what you do want and pay very little attention to what you don't want."

That really is a powerful statement toward achieving joy in your life.

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

Ellie, welcome and I understand what you are going through. The depression and cycle is a common theme in this addiction. Lately it's been a central theme around here or maybe I just recognized it more because of my own struggle with it lately.

You said,

ut last night as I was journaling right before bed, my words turned into this tornado of everything I hate about myself and I started sobbing uncontrollably.

That is the real you trying to reach the out of control you. It's good to purge like that. The truth is trying to come out, but take it easy on yourself. Rome wasn't built in a day and loving and liking yourself takes some time. You can start working to love yourself now as you are. As you change things you don't like about yourself, you will begin to like yourself again, too. One day and one step at a time. For now, the focus is shedding the alcohol abuse. That has to come first. Make that the priority, not weight loss or all the other things you don't like about yourself, but LOVE yourself as is. Love and like are different animals. Get off your own back, so that negativity doesn't trigger you to reach for the escape route.

Lots of love,

Slay

[Persephone1]

Newbies Nest

Hello fellow Nest-mates & :welcome:Newcomers,

Today is day 10! for me and it started off shaky to be honest. I'm feeling like Gollum and the poison feels more like 'the precious!' I don't mind acknowledging this as I want to fully feel anything and everything, express, process, explore and ultimately make the right choices. I do understand the 'fake it till you make it/white-knuckle' approach as well, and that is where I started today as I drove in this blizzard to my lovely cabin. The (initial) trigger today is this snow & the idea of cozying up with some warm wine seemed so inviting?I know I'm romanticizing and this is why 'the precious' seems so fitting?Now that I successfully avoided the liquor store, I'm aiming to figure out what's really going on inside me that is causing the deeper trigger/temptation. My initial plan to combat the craving was to read, read, read here on the forum and participate. Today it wasn't so much the words of wisdom that are helping as much as the words of those who are regretful, in anguish for giving in and longing to be free. And my own words on DAY 1?Thanks SO MUCH to all of you for sharing the deep dark places on this journey, as those help tremendously too. When I get to romanticizing sometimes the ONLY THING THAT HELPS is to really remember how I felt 11 days ago - "ALCOHOLISM AT ITS BEST GETS AS GOOD AS THE LAST DRUNK." It's a f'n liar and a thief. Thanks for allowing me to rant/brain drain?it helps.


Mein - I was dealing with severe depression long before I ever started drinking. I know the overwhelming pain and the desperation to make it stop?even it's temporary. It can leave you feeling hopeless and helpless.
But alcohol just makes it worse. Prolongs the agony. Compounds the problem. Try to find healthy ways to comfort yourself and get to your doc asap to address the depression. Please keep reaching out here. Reading and posting certainly helps you not feel so alone. You are not, we are holding you up and are here for you.

Ellie - Here's to day 3 and free! I can relate to the 'secret' of alcoholism. I hid it from many people as well, so it is wonderful to have a place to 'get real' and it certainly does help with having a place to be accountable. Good for you for exercising too -It's amazing how much that helps!

Hippy - Thanks for sharing your hippy-hapiness! It's contagious! Dream exploration?do u do interpretations? I have a doozy if you're interested? I've been doing nightly lucid dreaming meditations and it's really fascinating. Love the dream world

Jimmy & NoName - So glad you are here with us. Please stay close, it's a really wonderful place in the nest; lots of love and encouragement.

Byrdlady - thanks for the reminder about Fear. It is a thief and will rob us blind, if we let it.

Jenni & Rednose - Here's to day 8! You are doing great

Nanette - Congratulations on the 3 months!!! Your words and wisdom are very inspiring. I am sincerely longing to be where you are

Quest - Good for you on Day 3! We are here on the journey with you! Please keep close to us. It's an invaluable place...

Lav, Slay & Kuya - as always, thank you for your optimism and encouragement. Your wisdom and strength carries me far...

All the best to all of you...:h

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Ellie..I stopped taking Cymbalta cold turkey after taking if for 5 years. I had no idea the ride I was in for when I did that. (you AREN'T supposed to stop aburptly). I ended up in the ER with withdrawals! Once I got home with some Ativan, it took me 6 weeks to get it all out of my system. I was a basket case! I was planniing my demise!!! ME! Finally my sister looked online at Cymbalta withdrawals and you wouldn't believe the folks on there! Mad as hell that nobody prepared them for the agonizing thoughts you have getting that stuff out of your system! I bet if you looked at an online board with zoloft, you'd find you aren't alone. The good news is you should be about out of that tunnel! Then when you get out from under AL, you are going to be amazed at your world. It felt like Dorothy on The Wizard of Oz stepping out from a black and white world into one of Technicolor!!! You are on the right track! Byrdie

[Overit44]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone! Still so busy at work I can't see straight. Just read this page of posts and wanted to mention 2 things:
1) my friend of 52 died of her alcoholism just last month
2) my friend of 48 died last week of an accidental OD of her prescription meds (not sure if AL was a factor)
Why do we contunie to POISON ourselves? Mind boggling, really.

I am on AB and Anti-anxiety meds so I'm not shooting half cocked here but I think it is so important that we quit trying to fix EVERYTHING with a pill. We've got our bodies so messed up. These things are foreign to our bodies. We screwed up our bodies with AL or drugs and now we're trying to fix them with more drugs! Lets be kind to our bodies, try and detox them, give them good nourishing foods, meditate, stretch, dream, walk.

Hugs to everyone!

[Hippyman]

Newbies Nest

Persephone1;1456784 wrote: Hello fellow Nest-mates & :welcome:Newcomers,

Today is day 10! for me and it started off shaky to be honest. I'm feeling like Gollum and the poison feels more like 'the precious!' I don't mind acknowledging this as I want to fully feel anything and everything, express, process, explore and ultimately make the right choices. I do understand the 'fake it till you make it/white-knuckle' approach as well, and that is where I started today as I drove in this blizzard to my lovely cabin. The (initial) trigger today is this snow & the idea of cozying up with some warm wine seemed so inviting?I know I'm romanticizing and this is why 'the precious' seems so fitting?Now that I successfully avoided the liquor store, I'm aiming to figure out what's really going on inside me that is causing the deeper trigger/temptation. My initial plan to combat the craving was to read, read, read here on the forum and participate. Today it wasn't so much the words of wisdom that are helping as much as the words of those who are regretful, in anguish for giving in and longing to be free. And my own words on DAY 1?Thanks SO MUCH to all of you for sharing the deep dark places on this journey, as those help tremendously too. When I get to romanticizing sometimes the ONLY THING THAT HELPS is to really remember how I felt 11 days ago - "ALCOHOLISM AT ITS BEST GETS AS GOOD AS THE LAST DRUNK." It's a f'n liar and a thief. Thanks for allowing me to rant/brain drain?it helps.


Mein - I was dealing with severe depression long before I ever started drinking. I know the overwhelming pain and the desperation to make it stop?even it's temporary. It can leave you feeling hopeless and helpless.
But alcohol just makes it worse. Prolongs the agony. Compounds the problem. Try to find healthy ways to comfort yourself and get to your doc asap to address the depression. Please keep reaching out here. Reading and posting certainly helps you not feel so alone. You are not, we are holding you up and are here for you.

Ellie - Here's to day 3 and free! I can relate to the 'secret' of alcoholism. I hid it from many people as well, so it is wonderful to have a place to 'get real' and it certainly does help with having a place to be accountable. Good for you for exercising too -It's amazing how much that helps!

Hippy - Thanks for sharing your hippy-hapiness! It's contagious! Dream exploration?do u do interpretations? I have a doozy if you're interested? I've been doing nightly lucid dreaming meditations and it's really fascinating. Love the dream world

Jimmy & NoName - So glad you are here with us. Please stay close, it's a really wonderful place in the nest; lots of love and encouragement.

Byrdlady - thanks for the reminder about Fear. It is a thief and will rob us blind, if we let it.

Jenni & Rednose - Here's to day 8! You are doing great

Nanette - Congratulations on the 3 months!!! Your words and wisdom are very inspiring. I am sincerely longing to be where you are

Quest - Good for you on Day 3! We are here on the journey with you! Please keep close to us. It's an invaluable place...

Lav, Slay & Kuya - as always, thank you for your optimism and encouragement. Your wisdom and strength carries me far...

All the best to all of you...:h

Robert Moss teaching a technique called "Lighting Dream work". You give your dream a title and share it with a group and each person then says ..."If it were my dream, I'd think or do ??? Then you look how it could be related to what's happening in your life today and find a way to honor your dream.

[Hippyman]

Newbies Nest

Overit44;1456820 wrote: Hi everyone! Still so busy at work I can't see straight. Just read this page of posts and wanted to mention 2 things:
1) my friend of 52 died of her alcoholism just last month
2) my friend of 48 died last week of an accidental OD of her prescription meds (not sure if AL was a factor)
Why do we contunie to POISON ourselves? Mind boggling, really.

I am on AB and Anti-anxiety meds so I'm not shooting half cocked here but I think it is so important that we quit trying to fix EVERYTHING with a pill. We've got our bodies so messed up. These things are foreign to our bodies. We screwed up our bodies with AL or drugs and now we're trying to fix them with more drugs! Lets be kind to our bodies, try and detox them, give them good nourishing foods, meditate, stretch, dream, walk.

Hugs to everyone!

If I could trust myself to have the power to over come the compulsion to drink alcohol then I wouldn't need any meds as a safeguard. Alcohol has proven to me over and over again that it is stronger than I am. I have now proven to alcohol with the help of some well chosen meds it can no longer control me. I need the power to say no the the med gives me or alcohol would surely put me in an early grave!

[Overit44]

Newbies Nest

That's why stated that I am on meds. I'm not discounting them. Just the thought that we try to fix everything with a pill, then we're taking pills to fix problems that those pills cause, etc. It's just a shame and a waste and I don't think our DR's (not all of them) are taking this seriously or are just giving people what they "want".

I'm thankful for my doc that she wouldn't just give me the AB the first time I asked for it. She made me think about it and the effects and my goals and other resources avaliable.

When you're handling dynomite, you read the directions and follow them as if your life depended on it!

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1456677 wrote: ...Just read the 30 Day Acceptance Speeches of the Hat Recipient's!! I wish I could put them all in one place for easy reading...ALL of us say that this is easier than we thought it would be!!! Plus you have an attractive HAT! :goodtime...:
...If I can do it...I know YOU can, too!! Byrdie

Dear Byrdie, I wear my 30-Day-AF-Hat everyday with tremendous joy!! The color is perfect for my complexion... :what?: I can't honestly say that the first 30 days were easier than I thought they would be. But, YOU KNOW, I'm a wimp!! :dragon1: Okay, maybe not a wimp. Maybe a dragon. But not as tough as some. Still, I made it. Which means that ANYONE can make it. And life is so much better without alcohol!! :dancin:

So... hang out with us in The Nest. You will find wisdom and compassion and kindness and an occasional kick in the pants here...

Welcome to All ~ :kissyface:

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

I can totally relate to both overit44 and hippy man. I have been on zoloft since 2000. I have tried a couple of times to wean myself off it SLOWLY and man, it is a killer!! I went right back on. But those times that I tried to quit, I was actively drinking.

I am taking this one step at a time. First Alcohol (deadliest of all); then cigarettes (very light smoker but NEED my 3 cigarettes a day) and then Zoloft. I figure the whole process will take AT LEAST ONE YEAR, if not much longer. Rome wasn't built in a day.

In the meantime, I eat as many fresh fruits and veggies as possible. I am an avid eater of healthy foods. That really makes me feel great!! Every morning, a blender of fresh spinach, soy protein, ground flax seeds, half banana and handful of berries with water. Lunch - salad with olive oil and vinegar. Dinner: small protein, brown rice and steamed veggies. (so wouldnt you think I would lose weight eating like this and not drinking?? Ha! Getting old sucks.)

I am not perfect, but I am trying!!

[mimi911]

Newbies Nest

Here I am again after 3 months AF.

I thought it was going so well then I went on vacation where everything is centered around alcohol. I gave in the first night out.

Since coming home a week ago I have drank (heavily) 3 times.

My husband didn't come to bed last night and left the house without a word. I'm not sure if I have any lives left or if last night was the drunk that will end a 29 year marriage.

I'm not hung over this morning but I still drank way too much last night and only partially remember what went on.

[Overit44]

Newbies Nest

Oh Mimi911-I'm so sorry. I hope you can make amends with your husband. I've hurt my so badly with my AL words and actions, it breaks my heart. Good luck to you.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Mimi...this is the power of Addiction. Once you can accept that you can't not drink, the journey gets EASIER, not harder! Adopt a policy of Zero Tolerance....not one, not ever! When we get into trouble is when we think we've got this thing licked!!! 'Maybe just one' has kicked many of us on our asses. Unfortunately, our brains know just where we left off and can pick it right back up and make up for lost time besides.

Are you ready to get AL OUT now? Because if you are, we have a wonderful place to begin....we can teach how to not drink...but we cannot teach you how to drink more responsibly...that ship has sailed. Everyone of us started where you are now...Day 1. Actions speak louder than words, you'll have to show your hubs you can do this...if you are like I was...my words and promises had lost all thier meaning. Start today and by this time next week, you'll be amazed at how much better things are!!

You with us?? Byrdie