Newbies Nest

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

grade1/2;1457423 wrote: Why is it that every time I feel great and sober, I want a drink?
Logically doesn't make sense to me

grade1/2 - There may be an element of self-sabotage in your desire to drink every time you feel great and sober. Sometimes we truly can be our own worst enemies. Part of recovery, for me, is learning to be my own best friend. We're happy to have you with us in Newbies Nest!! :wavin:

[Overit44]

Newbies Nest

Mimi-I don't put my thoughts on paper very well so don't take this the wrong way. Take it as encouragement that you can do this with or without your husbands help. You have the power! Also, let me point out that we are all different, so I understand there's not one way right for everyone.

I have to tell you that my husband still drinks, and smokes for that matter. (I quite smoking over 2 years ago) Our house is the "party" house for our friends. We are the only ones with out little ones around. So, when our friends need a break, or a night out, etc. (almost every night of the week someone is over) they are at our house with the pool table, ping pong, darts, etc. My husbands motto is "one more beer and you're outta here" but it's a joke because he says that for the next 6 rounds they have. I quit. I must admit it was with the help of Antabuse but in my mind, for me, I was over it. It was my decision, no one else's. My husband does not think I had a problem and thought I should just moderate, which I know I can't. He has no clue how much I was actually drinking. Yes, I've had to change course slightly. I couldn't (at first) hang out all night in the man cave. I distracted myself with laundry or dishes or a good book, etc. just to change up the habits. Now, it's all good. Day 56 (?) and counting.

My point is this. I quit because I wanted to. I did not encourage my husband to quit nor am I taking it out on him that I have to and he isn't. It is my choice to get healthy and do other things with my time, my energy, my thoughts, etc. I think at first he was bummed that he had lost his drinking buddy but I haven't changed (I've made a point not to) and so I've proved that it's OK if I don't join him in "one more" and just drink my D7UP.

In fact we were around our friends (first time since I've quit) for the Super Bowl party and not one person noticed that I was not partaking. I had my D7Up in my glass with ice and was just fine and was able to join in the fun as usual. In fact, the hostess asked if I would join her if she made bloody Mary's and I said "no thank you." and that was the end of it. (they don't even know that I've quit)

I wish you good luck. I hope you can mend the fence with you husband. But please, don't take it out on him or others. This is your choice for you. Support would be wonderful but it isn't necessary. That's what we're here for. Have a GREAT AF day. I know I'm going to.

[gingersnap]

Newbies Nest

Hello, I am a frequent flyer....come with resolve for a few days but then fly off. I have reached a point where I know it is life or death if I don't stop drinking...I have not been diagnosed with anything, but know my body will only take so much. Stats: 62 yr old/young, have 4 kids, 6 grandkids, work a full time office job, been here 16 yrs...married, good guy......have been drinking 1 - 11/2 bottles of wine a night an average of 5 nights a week for several yrs. Drink alone, hide, sneak, all the fun stuff, don't remember phone calls....need I say more? Two weeks ago I decided enough...I went to a counselor and have an appt today. She was a very straight shooter.....calls a drunk a drunk...she has been sober 26 yrs. She ask if I had gone to AA...no. She said I had to go to AA, that would be part of the only way I can kick this. I said I have not been able to bring myself to go in my small town. I might go in a neighboring big town...she said, I wouldn't go to my hometown AA because, I thought I was better than them....that threw me for a loop. I think I am better than no one. I think I am less. I admire the folks that can go and be forthright, I am ashamed I can't. She said you have what they have, you are no different. No I'm not. I just can't go here in my hometown at this point, maybe never will be. I feel there are factors playing into my alcohol addiction and hoped we would work on some of those things. I now feel like a little kid going to the principal....I have not gone to a meeting, however since I have seen her 14 days ago, I have had a 4 day sober stretch and a 3 day stretch, for me that is big. I have been journaling, and she gave me a little Big Book, I have been reading. I am also spiritual and do a lot of reading and praying. I know coming here and keeping up to date with everyone would be good for me also. I am just curious on others take on AA. I do 100% believe it has it's place, but is it mandatory for my sobriety??? Thanks for listening. Ginger

[gingersnap]

Newbies Nest

Confused

Hello, I am a frequent flyer....come with resolve for a few days but then fly off. I have reached a point where I know it is life or death if I don't stop drinking...I have not been diagnosed with anything, but know my body will only take so much. Stats: 62 yr old/young, have 4 kids, 6 grandkids, work a full time office job, been here 16 yrs...married, good guy......have been drinking 1 - 11/2 bottles of wine a night an average of 5 nights a week for several yrs. Drink alone, hide, sneak, all the fun stuff, don't remember phone calls....need I say more? Two weeks ago I decided enough...I went to a counselor and have an appt today. She was a very straight shooter.....calls a drunk a drunk...she has been sober 26 yrs. She ask if I had gone to AA...no. She said I had to go to AA, that would be part of the only way I can kick this. I said I have not been able to bring myself to go in my small town. I might go in a neighboring big town...she said, I wouldn't go to my hometown AA because, I thought I was better than them....that threw me for a loop. I think I am better than no one. I think I am less. I admire the folks that can go and be forthright, I am ashamed I can't. She said you have what they have, you are no different. No I'm not. I just can't go here in my hometown at this point, maybe never will be. I feel there are factors playing into my alcohol addiction and hoped we would work on some of those things. I now feel like a little kid going to the principal....I have not gone to a meeting, however since I have seen her 14 days ago, I have had a 4 day sober stretch and a 3 day stretch, for me that is big. I have been journaling, and she gave me a little Big Book, I have been reading. I am also spiritual and do a lot of reading and praying. I know coming here and keeping up to date with everyone would be good for me also. I am just curious on others take on AA. I do 100% believe it has it's place, but is it mandatory for my sobriety??? Thanks for listening. Ginger

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

gingersnap;1457462 wrote:
She said I had to go to AA, that would be part of the only way I can kick this. I said I have not been able to
. I do 100% believe it has it's place, but is it mandatory for my sobriety??? Thanks for listening. Ginger

Hi, Ginger

I know I would not be interested in AA. For me, this is a private problem and I wanted to solve it privately. I tried that for several months but realized I did need support and I found it -- HERE!

I have found that reading and posting here (ad nauseum but not in a drunk sort of way!)
has been invaluable. I am only on day 13 and so do not claim to be an expert or a complete success story but this forum has helped me switch my thinking to the point that I feel very confident that I can maintain this sobriety.

One problem I have with the AA philosophy is that once you are addicted to alcohol, you always are and you will always have an ongoing illness. I just don't agree. There is a cure and it is pretty simple: don't drink alcohol.

Welcome! There are many people here who will be eager to help you.

[Overit44]

Newbies Nest

Hi Ginger. AA is for some, not for me, some of the same reasons you mentioned. My DR was adamant that I find some support, and this was it for me. As NoSugar also stated, I don't want to live my whole life with an ongoing illness and fight it everyday for the rest of my life. I've received the cure, "don't drink" and I'm moving on with my life. I also don't smoke, don't drink pipe cleaner, don't sniff paint, don't walk in front of busses, don't handle snakes, don't jump the Grand Canyon on motorcycles, etc. The point is, I would NEVER think of doing those things or putting my body in harms way like that. Same with alcohol, it is a poison to me and therefore I will NEVER risk my quit for anything or anyone. It's over. Like Byrdie says "move along, nothing to see here, keep moving..................."

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Overit44;1457436 wrote: Mimi-I don't put my thoughts on paper very well so don't take this the wrong way. Take it as encouragement that you can do this with or without your husbands help. You have the power! Also, let me point out that we are all different, so I understand there's not one way right for everyone.

...My point is this. I quit because I wanted to. I did not encourage my husband to quit nor am I taking it out on him that I have to and he isn't. It is my choice to get healthy and do other things with my time, my energy, my thoughts, etc. I think at first he was bummed that he had lost his drinking buddy but I haven't changed (I've made a point not to) and so I've proved that it's OK if I don't join him in "one more" and just drink my D7UP....

Overit - Your post was written to Mimi, but it is of great benefit to me too. Thank you!! Your approach makes so much sense when I see it in writing. Really, it's not my job to change my husband (or anyone else), but to focus on ME and my recovery. Becoming angry with people who keep alcohol in their homes -- or insisting that drinking alcohol is nearly a crime is a waste of my energy. And, honestly, nobody cares too much about my opinion of their personal preferences in life... Ah, such a blow to my ego!! :rolleyesmonkey:

I appreciate your refreshing words. ~

[Overit44]

Newbies Nest

Tess-thank you so much. My brain comes up with great things to say but I don't speak or write it very well. I understand your point also about being angry with others. I shared here that a friend died a tragic death in January, related to alcohol, and another friend died last week as a result of OD on her prescription meds (not sure if alcohol was involved). They were 52 and 48 respectively. REALLY? That just pisses me off! I'm so sick of the wastefullness. Not that any of us are ever ready to pass through to the other side but when you're old, or an accident or even an illness, there is usually an explanation. But to die from just careless behavior, that is just reckless and I'm getting fed up with reckless people! ( I think I ranted about that yesterday) Explain those reckless behaviors to a child who is dying and wants to live and go to school and get a job and have a family and a 401K and a car to repair and a mortgage and a yard to clean up, etc. Can't do it huh?

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Tess-2;1457497 wrote: Becoming angry with people who keep alcohol in their homes -- or insisting that drinking alcohol is nearly a crime is a waste of my energy. And, honestly, nobody cares too much about my opinion of their personal preferences in life... Ah, such a blow to my ego!! :rolleyesmonkey:~[/COLOR]

Hi, Tess

As I watched my friends go on and on about the choice of wine last night at the shi-shi wine bar we were at, and as I looked at all of the expensive alcohol and drinking-related merchandise sold there, I felt more pity than anger. I suspect that my friends are drinking more than deep-down they want to, also. (I'm editing this to add that I was drinking decaf and water!!!).

I feel like I have been liberated from a marketing scam. Mostly those only take your money but this one can take your life. I work in the field of nutrition and I am sorry to say that the same thing is true with our food supply. We have been sold so many lies in the guise of health, coolness, adulthood, etc etc. I find the grocery store (other than the periphery) and all alcohol-related establishments very depressing.

If I thought we could change anything on a global scale, a dose of the anger you presently are feeling might be a very motivating force. I think, though, that change in many areas will come when individuals want to change what they eat or drink and other individuals help them --- as so beautifully happens here.

I love your posts, Tess. Thank you.

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Hi Ginger!
Good to see you again!! Do you have to go to AA to succeed?? Absolutely NOT! Don't let anyone (even a Doctor) put rules on your recovery...you do what works for YOU. If you want to quit, you will. MWO is all the support I need...the lovely folks here have saved my life. The same can happen to you. Just stick around and let us help!!! :h
K9

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Overit and NoSugar - friends in sobriety and all things which make common sense. :clapclap: It sounds like there is a balance to be achieved between minding my own business and feeling a somewhat justified sense of anger about alcohol. A balance...

I think I'm going to study the prohibition years. (As if I don't have enough homework already...) But, I have suddenly become GENUINELY interested in that era. Clearly, prohibition did not work. But I want to think about why it didn't work. Well, I just like to think about things. Can't seem to help myself... :question2:

[Overit44]

Newbies Nest

Tess-just what are you going to school for anyway? I'm sure you've told us before but, well, I have CSR.

[Overit44]

Newbies Nest

and remember, attitude for me regarding all things that I'm not held captive by anymore?

That's where I have the attitude (in my head only) of rolling my eyes, flipping my hair, turning on my heels and flouncing away shaking what the Good Lord gave me!

[Hippyman]

Newbies Nest

I agree with Winkie. :l We all have to find what works for us and then focus on doing that. We all want to get to the same place "A HAPPY, HEATHY SOBER LIFE" but we take different paths to get there!

K9Lover;1457573 wrote: Hi Ginger!
Good to see you again!! Do you have to go to AA to succeed?? Absolutely NOT! Don't let anyone (even a Doctor) put rules on your recovery...you do what works for YOU. If you want to quit, you will. MWO is all the support I need...the lovely folks here have saved my life. The same can happen to you. Just stick around and let us help!!! :h
K9

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Overit...isn't it CRS? (not CSR?) Maybe there's a new one...I prolly got that too! :H:H:H