Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Fin.. It's an eye opener. I was a solid Stage 3. Given that it IS progressive, I'd have eventually ended up Stage 4. Conversely, had I had the sense to stop at Stage 1, I could have avoided Stages 2 and 3, but hindsight is 20/20. B

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

And sometimes I feel afraid, Byrdie.

Life can seem so large and well, sort of frightening.

I am a miss-fit. I do not say this out of self-pity. I state it as a fact.

Funny thing, though, lots of people think I've got it together.

Maybe today is just a difficult day. That's okay. One day is melded into all of life.

Most of all, WE ARE LOVED, warts and all.

The Universe, or God, or Higher Power, or Whomever... Loves us. ~ :h

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

I feel afraid sometimes, too, Tess.
When I do...I go back to the words on the bottom of my posts...all I gotta do, is get thru THIS day.
The older I get, the more I find my uniqueness is a gift....who wants the same average person in the same average wrapper! All of us bring something to the table...treasure yourself. B

[Elliesmom]

Newbies Nest

So long as movies are on minds, "When A Man Loves a Woman" is another one that hits home in a big way. It's from 1994, with Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia. It was written by Al Franken (this is definitely not a comedy) and based on his true life story of being in denial after learning his wife was a closet alcoholic (the husband is also played as a pilot, coincidentally). It chronicles his confusion as she goes through recovery, and her frustration and anger by his refusal to accept that there's anything wrong with her.

I saw it many years ago, and thought a few times about watching it again this week, but don't think I'm ready yet, but was more thinking of this movie when I read descriptions of unsupportive spouses or spouses in denial, so I just thought I'd throw that out there. :l

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Ellie, I was compelled to watch it again just last week - it was really REALLY weird....as I came home from taking my son to school, and the tv was on. Which it never is....and THAT movie was on....which I have thought about so many times since the original time that I watched it....(when I couldn't really relate to someone hiding vodka bottles in their drawers...)

I sat down and watched it and felt completely wasted for the rest of the day....I so could see myself and actually my husband too - as the enabler - not wanting things to change but wanting things to change.....right down to our appearance.....I sobbed and sobbed watching it....and you might be right. It was very powerful....not sure if I was ready before now. But I am also wanting to watch K9's recommendation prob next week when hubby is out of town.

[Fin]

Newbies Nest

Elliesmom;1458753 wrote: So long as movies are on minds, "When A Man Loves a Woman" is another one that hits home in a big way. :l

Yep, this is a really good one. Talk about going from life of the party to having to deal with who we are sober - ain't easy but we have to do it.

[Irishtea]

Newbies Nest

kuya;1458329 wrote:

Hi Irish and :welcome:

Perhaps it would be good to tell us a little about yourself, it helps to write it out, clarify if you will.

Good to hear so much positivity today

Keep trucking

Hi Kuya,

Thanks to you and Birdlady for your reply. I'm now day 2 AF! Last night was a breeze. I started to read Alan Carr's book and it really made an impact, as has this community - thanks, guys!

A bit about me... I'm awfully shy and have used alcohol since I was of legal age to get me through social situations. The last few years I have been also drinking to cope with the stress of a divorce, a depressed daughter and intense work commitments. I was drinking a bottle of white wine most days, sometimes more on a weekend if there was a family lunch or another celebration. My family all drink like fish and they are very big personalities so its difficult not to drink when around them. My partner also drinks, but not that much. I'm a bad influence! This last weekend we spent at the beach with my family for my day's 85th birthday and I really overdid it. I'm sick of feeling groggy and achey in the mornings and am worried about my health (I'm 54 and have been a regular drink since 18), though recent tests show I'm in fairly good shape. I know I can't last much longer without going down hill. So I made the decision to just stop. Yesterday I felt achey, tired, a bit hazel, and I didn't sleep at all well last night (no alcohol to help me!), but I jumped out of bed at 7am this morning (Australia time) and feel pretty good today. My partner is Vy supportive and will stop drinking with me, so I'm very lucky

Today I have a lot of stuff planned, but my partner is away tonight and I'm a bit worried I might be tempted. It's so much easier if you're accountable to someone. But I'm determined to ride it through. I know I don't need it, it's bad for me and so I will watch some tv with my daughter and go to bed early and ad a good book. That's the plan.

Thanks all for sharing your experiences and resources. Very helpful!

Irish x

[Irishtea]

Newbies Nest

Lavande;1458371 wrote: Good evening
Hello & welcome Irish!
Be sure to download the MWO book from the Health store here on the site. It has lots of helpful info.
Wishing you the best!

Big winter storm due to arrive by Friday ~ I am not thrilled but what can you do?
Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest.

Lav

Thanks Lavande,

I bought the book a couple of years ago but never took the advice! I can't find it so will go and get another copy and read it through. I bought some Kudzu locally because it costs $43 in postage to buy it from the online store here!

Hope you're safe for the storm. We've had cyclones here in Oz just last week that did horrible damage. Stay safe,

Irish x

[Hippyman]

Newbies Nest

Mein Sonnenschein;1458621 wrote: Hi everyone. I'm leaving work now to execute my evening "plan". I can't say thank you enough to everyone for the suggestion of structure. So, after I shut down my computer I will:

>Drive down the gym and get in a good workout.
>Pick up my dog from "daycare" on the way home (my husband's mother LOL)
>Build a fire in the firplace.
>Make a huge healthy tasty salad.
>Make a healthy sparkling water/cucumber/lemon drink.

And... I am going to rent the movie you guys have been talking about... "Flight". Luckily I have my internet in Germany tricked to thinking I'm in the USA so I can still use my USA Itunes account without any blocks. After all of the comments on the power of this movie, I'm sure I will be able to relate as well. Good night all!

I hope you enjoyed the movie. I went to Red Box and rented "Flight" too. I'll let you know what I thought of it in the morning.

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

Evening Nesters! Well, I've turned down the girl's night out for the second week in a row. I thought maybe I would go this morning, but I decided I'm not strong enough to go out to dinner with a bunch of women drinking and not be one of them. It struck me when someone (Irishtea, I think) mentioned bigger than life personalities. There are a couple of them in the group, and I'm not very fond of that over the top behavior when I'm not getting crazy with them...AL puts me in EXTRA EXTRAVERT mode. Maybe in time I can join them in their turf or maybe I'll find another social outlet that fits my new life better. Should I take up fencing since I'm learning a thing or two about slaying fear? Anyway, it's so true that feeding our hunger does measurable amounts to take any desire to partake away. Today was full of situations and stressful news that could have resulted in a breakdown and my mind did wonder to that place for a short moment, but I opted to get some food/treats and fill my stomach. My past has been full of under eating days, so this eating is a new trick. I'm learning to put my priorities in order. Forget about the calories right now and focus on this important change. As a woman that can be a tall order.:upset:

Byrdlady, thanks for sharing that today. It was a good read to see what a progressive disease looks like in words. It helps with understanding others here a bit more as well.

Ellie, I owned that movie for years, but it was on a VCR tape. lol I watched it on YouTube around September or October of last year I believe. I crave viewing it from time to time...EXCELLENT movie.

Tess, I think the fact that you are crying is a GREAT sign. It's like I told Ellie, it's the real you trying to call out for attention you haven't been giving her. She wants you to hear her through all those layers you've built up over the years. Many of us hide our tears and suffer in silence. It's a piece of the puzzle on why we escape through a substance. We've been neglecting the true inner self.:l:h You are on your way to healing.

Perse, Flight is on my list, too. I may watch it tonight. When I log off from posting here, it's that or another story. I think Flight may be fitting after my day today.

To everyone here new and old, hugs from Slay. Hang tough. Slay is too exhausted mentally to post anymore tonight.

See you all tomorrow.

Love,

Slay

[Overit44]

Newbies Nest

Romanticising some. Yes, I'm hungry, bored, tired (can't remember them all) cold. So, I'm off to take my little white angel. Hugs to everyone!

Irish-yup, this is where you belong. Stick around.

Hugs to everyone!

[mimi911]

Newbies Nest

So after getting pretty caught up on all the posts I have a few responses to make:

Slaythefear- I completely understand about going out and being the only one not drinking. It is not fun being around people that are drinking when you aren't. Its annoying, they are laughing and having a "good time" when you are just sitting there knowing you either want to drink or just go home. I wonder if that feeling ever leaves or if it just gets better.

Byrdlady- transparency is something I wished my husband would have done after the affair. It would have built up the trust faster. (although, it may never be 100%).
I want his trust ASAP so will do whatever I must to regain it.

Also, thanks for giving us the "stages of alcoholism"

I believe that I am in stage one, slowly moving into stage 2. I say this because I will go 30, 60, 90 days without drinking and then spend a night binging and black out. Usually it only takes one bottle of wine. There are times when I will go for awhile drinking once a week, not always blacking out.

Lavande, k9lover, Lolab and Byrde- It seems like I can be off this website for a long time and then I come back and here you are again still sharing all your wisdom. Love you guys.

Pesephone1- thanks for wishing me well and back at ya

Starfish1- I can understand about being young with a major illness. I had breast cancer at the age of 27. I can't blame it on my weight because I was way underweight at the time. I can't blame it on alcohol because I didn't touch alcohol until I was 41, not even as a teen.

My addiction started with a broken heart. It has taken awhile to progress to addiction but progress it has.

Overit44- Lol, I had to think really hard this morning 1. did I drink last night 2. What did I do to feel this guilty 3. If having an affair was this horrible in my dreams just think what it would do if it were a reality. NO THANK YOU.....

Everyone else- Happy AF day. Tomorrow we can add another day to our calendar.

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Slaythefear;1458799 wrote: Evening Nesters! ...Today was full of situations and stressful news that could have resulted in a breakdown and my mind did wonder to that place for a short moment, but I opted to get some food/treats and fill my stomach. My past has been full of under eating days, so this eating is a new trick. I'm learning to put my priorities in order. Forget about the calories right now and focus on this important change. As a woman that can be a tall order.:upset:...

Love,

Slay

Well, wonderful Slay, we need to feed ourselves. Yes, as a woman in this "You can never be too thin" bullshit culture of ours, that IS a tall order.

Like with my delightful Byrdie, a quote comes to mind. But I must go find it. However, I'm going to need to sort through shelves of real, honest-to-goodness, paper-bound books. Love books!!

I think it's something Cheryl Strayed wrote. So it shouldn't be too far away.

So... don't go too far. k:

[Irishtea]

Newbies Nest

Hi Mimi,

I agree about going out with people who drink and I'm thinking that I probably don't even like a lot of my drinking partners without a few drinks in me and probably wouldn't bother with them otherwise. I'm fairly shy and those big personalities can draw you in, but in the end they become annoying and/ or exhausting without the crutch of alcohol to filter them! Maybe the only answer IS to find new friends.... Something for me to think on, hats for sure.

Best wishes,
Irish

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Quote:
Originally Posted by Slaythefear View Post
Evening Nesters! ...Today was full of situations and stressful news that could have resulted in a breakdown and my mind did wonder to that place for a short moment, but I opted to get some food/treats and fill my stomach. My past has been full of under eating days, so this eating is a new trick. I'm learning to put my priorities in order. Forget about the calories right now and focus on this important change. As a woman that can be a tall order....

Love,

Slay

Well, wonderful Slay, we need to feed ourselves. Yes, as a woman in this "You can never be too thin" bullshit culture of ours, that IS a tall order.

Like with my delightful Byrdie, a quote comes to mind. But I must go find it. However, I'm going to need to sort through shelves of real, honest-to-goodness, paper-bound books. Love books!!

I think it's something Cheryl Strayed wrote. So it shouldn't be too far away.

So... don't go too far.

I found it. Yes, it IS Cheryl Strayed (she is writing back to her twentysomething self), and she writes, "Stop worrying about whether you're fat. You're not fat. Or rather, you're sometimes a little bit fat, but who gives a shit! There is nothing more boring and fruitless than a woman lamenting the fact that her stomach is round. Feed yourself. Literally. The sort of people worthy of your love will love you more for this, sweet pea..."

Pure wisdom!!