Newbies Nest

[Hippyman]

Newbies Nest

In other news...I watch the movie Flight last night! I'm so glad that Hollywood did such and honest take on the power off alcohol and also the lengths that alcoholics will go it to over come it! I was thoroughly impressed!

[Elliesmom]

Newbies Nest

Jenni --- I have two daughters, 15 yo and almost 18. I know how guilty you already feel about missing out on being truly "there" for your son during some of his toughest adolescent years. You have a chance right now to actually be there for him, 100%, when he really truly needs you. That's a chance to begin making up for anything you're regretting from the past that can't be changed. At least that's how I'm trying to look at things with my daughters; I have one going off to college in 7 months and I've pretty much missed at least 50% of the past 7 years. You can start now and be there for him and get him through this.

Here's one option on handling it: A 16 year old daughter of my friend is in the same boat as your son. Mom knew she was using, but found texts proving she's dealing. What mom did was to call the police on her own daughter, saying she suspected she was using (not dealing) and asked them to come to her house. The police agreed in advance that they wouldn't arrest her daughter even if they found a stash, but just scare her. They showed up with canine units and searched the apartment and found her stash (which they took, along with paraphernalia). They did NOT reveal that mom was the one who reported her, but said it was from a tip, which the kid totally believed, since she WAS dealing. The police told her that they were going to begin random weekly canine unit searches of her school, and if they found anything they could link back to her, she WOULD be arrested and taken to jail.

It worked -- she was so terrified she quickly agreed with the police to go to counseling, take weekly drug tests administered by her mother, etc. It's only been a week, so I don't know if this will stick, but mom thinks it will. Anyway, I'm not saying that's the absolute answer for everyone, but be careful not to let your own guilt over AL abuse or history with weed be a factor in determining what your son needs. Your love is what he needs and you'll figure out how to get him through it much better without AL. Hugs! :l

[Icanwithoutacan]

Newbies Nest

Elliesmom congrats!!!!!!! JimmyD I'm in LA tooooo and I totally get it. Just gotta make it thru THIS day tho right? I hate drinking bleach!

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters!

Ellies - Enjoy your MOON, you worked hard for it and we are darn proud of ya!

Hippy - Glad you enjoyed Flight...wow, quite a few of us watched it this week didn't we? What should we watch next week? LOL

Here's the weekly squad: :yougo::yougo:HAPPY FRIDAY!:yougo::yougo:

Now get out there and enjoy your ALCOHOL-HANGOVER-FREE weekend!

Remember: A craving will never last as long as a hangover, and you'll never wake up in the morning wishing you'd drank the night before!

:h:h

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

I can't tell you how much it helps to get all the support from you nesters!! I have heard some really great advice.

My husband and I are talking about telling the police and then having the police assign him some community service. And taking away the cell phone is probably the way to go in the short run at least.

We are taking this slow. The storm is keeping us all home so it is a great opportunity to hash it out without any outside commitments.

I have an emotional hangover from all of this. I am going to try to take a nap now....and then the shoveling begins!!

Thanks again ..... you give me a warm heart. :h

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

TribalRose;1458900 wrote: Hello / I read this board a lot and see lots of wisdom. I'm middle aged and wanting to change my ways of dealing with everything. I've always leaned on the booze to manage. It ain't fun anymore. You folks here sound so happy. I want that too. I don't have a bucketful of family around to confide in - It's just me.

TribalRose - Good Morning! Well, it's morning for me: I can't speak for the rest of the world. Tribal, my friend, you are exactly right, "It ain't fun anymore." Actually, it's quite miserable, yes? We ALL leaned on the booze to manage. But, as it turns out, the booze managed us.

We are happy, Tribal, and sometimes scared, angry, lost, hopeful, grateful, and dancing with joy. But that is life anyway -- it's a bunch of hills and mountains and flat plains. Life is difficult. And beautiful.

You don't need the booze, Tribal, though you probably feel that you do. You don't.

So... get all booze out of your home. Every last drop. And drink lots of alcohol-free drinks. Every cell in your precious body needs fluid, pure water, not shitty poison. Oh, and those who have gone before me recommend that you eat abundantly for the first few days. Eat a lot. You may not have a lot in your home to eat. Or you may have a pantry full of various and delightful foods to choose from. I don't know. (Hell, for me, once I threw out the beer I had some stale Doritos and hmm -- that was about it.) Go get some good food and fill your belly.

Then come back and chat with us some more. We would be honored to get to know you a bit better. ~ :welcome:

[Overit44]

Newbies Nest

K9-HOLY CARP! I just read you have 26 days NF? Where did the time go? so, now it's just the "habit" aspect right? Finding new things to do with your hands, fingers, mouth, break times, etc. I sucked on lolipops and those fat stik pretzels. Great job!

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

K9Lover;1459192 wrote:

Remember: A craving will never last as long as a hangover, and you'll never wake up in the morning wishing you'd drank the night before!

:h:h

Thanks, K9! You should post that every Friday! (and Saturday and... ).

[Persephone1]

Newbies Nest

K9Lover;1459192 wrote:

Remember: A craving will never last as long as a hangover, and you'll never wake up in the morning wishing you'd drank the night before!

:h:h

THANKS K9, ME LIKEE THIS!!inkele:

Hello Fellow Nesters!

Congrats Ellie! Feels GREAT! huh?

:welcome:Newcomers, you have found a really lovely place here, I hope you settle in...

Geez, there are a lot of posts to cover to catch up! It is just aces that so many have this place to come and find what they need and give what they have. Beautiful...

I posted on a different thread a frustration that I am having is that in spite of my KNOWING full well that this is A POISON for me, I know the effects and damage that will follow IF I drink, I still have waves of desire that flood in - EVEN THOUGH I DON'T WANT TO DRINK! My mind is made up and yet they come...? WTF????? I was advised that my brain is creating new neuro-pathways. It takes about 28 days for the brain to do this and to change a habit. So, if that is the case, it's comforting and I will work with it and not against it! I want this and I want my mind/body to follow along!!!

Today is day 14 for me, it's hard to believe really. I have had some tough moments, but they passed and each and every time they did I was SO GRATEFUL I WEATHERED THE STORM. It is a gratifying feeling. And so worth the mindful effort.

For me, the main objective the first days and weeks is to guard my sobriety at all costs. The finer details are slowly coming into focus naturally, at least that is the experience that I am having. This forum is INVALUABLE to me. :thanks: so very much!

Jenni - seems that you've had a LOT thrown at you in a condensed amount of time, I sympathize. You are doing a great job! I wanted to offer my 2 cents re: the matter with your son: (DISCLAIMER: THIS IS JUST MY OPINION) FEAR and Scare tactics seem to only work temporarily. I personally do not think they work long term nor do they address the root problem. You can focus on the symptom, but as a fellow addict, I know I can find a way to get what I want. It may serve to make him that much more cunning in his attempts to get his 'fix.' It did for me...

I smoked weed when I was a teenager. I was in A LOT of pain. My parents could have figured out a way to make it near impossible to get it (and they tried & I still found ways), but I would have still been there, alone in severe pain. Clearly, I don't know the reasons that your son uses, but I think it's worth investing the time in. Perhaps you can heal and grow together. It could solidify an amazing relationship for the two of you. Both my parents were alcoholics when I was growing up. I cannot imagine what it might have been like if they really paid attention to what was going on with me, got me the help I needed and taken the time to see how much pain I was in, how desperate I was. People begin using to escape their reality. We don't want to feel. Had I really been given the care and tools to deal with this as a child I may have never turned to alcohol years later?I'll never know. Just a thought...take what you need and leave the rest. All the best to you, truly.

To the rest of you my fuzzy friends, Cheers to a poison free day - and weekend :bigwink:!!!

[thelaststraw]

Newbies Nest

O My Gravy, People. Thanks so much.
After reading LAVANDE's post...I remember the night a few years ago, when the garbage collector was coming the next morning, I'd stashed a bunch of bottles disguised in kitty litter bags and droppings. It became windy and I was afraid the can would spill out and I would be discovered. So I told hubby I'd take care of putting the garbie can out in the morning. So ashamed, but not ashamed enough to quit right then.
I haven't told anyone this.
It's such a lifesaver to have you people here. Thanks so much.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Tribal and Daisy! Snuggle on in!! Great to see you both. This is the best place I can think of to get going on the right path! We have a wonderful group here to share this journey with you.

As Lav would say...Friday is JUST another day! Not a reason to drink! The rest of the world isn't really out there sipping a glass of _____ with a sunset behind them and perfect white linen dresses flowing in the breeze! This is the bullshit AL tells us! Starve the bastard! (after what he's done to us!). Don't give up your quit no matter what and no matter who! Byrdie

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Last Straw...I can relate. I wasn't really that much of an environmentalist...I just didn't want to be discovered. Check out the thread....'You might be an Alcoholic if....' thread...you will see some doozies in there. Some will make you laugh and some will make you cry...I'll go find it and bump it up for you! B

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Slaythefear;1459071 wrote:

I rented 'Flight' last night. WOW! WOW! A powerful movie. The life and lies of an addict...the message is frank and clear...destruction for self and others. The very end scene brought tears to my eyes. That famous question we so often hear echoing through the chambers of this forum. Again, WOW!!!! I woke in bed with it still on my mind. Highly recommended.

Tess, we women surely have struggled with that ever present program running in our minds throughout our lives. Don't get me wrong, I feel great being thin and in shape, but the endless messages and pressure to be perfect according to what is deemed acceptable or in vogue in our society causes many girls/women a lot of emotional distress and ushers in the absence of self acceptance and love for who we uniquely are in lieu of what societal programming has decided makes us worthy. In many marketing campaigns it is used not to promote a healthy lifestyle, but rather to sell us things by creating and exploiting insecurities. Nothing healthy about that!!! My daughter went through a period of bulimia due to those programs. Thank goodness that is over with and she is beginning to fight back and realize that being a toothpick is not what gives her worth. I myself have wrestled with the whole 'don't eat' problem a good part of my life to gain acceptance. Thank goodness for age 50...I'm finally truly finding myself and wisdom has begun to rule this temple of mine.

Love,

Slay

Precious Slay - your writing is beautiful. Your memory is even more fascinating. Thank you. ~

For me, I had the body of a gymnast (heard that a thousand times) and perhaps a model (heard that a hundred times). But (please don't hate me) I didn't work at it one bit. I was SHY. Sweetly and all-inclusive shy. So... I perhaps did not appear to be shy. I hid behind very long locks of painfully blond hair (really hate blond jokes -- but understand the misplaced jealousy behind them) and a stack of books.

Then came alcohol. Beer. Lots of beer.

Will I ever be a healthy 110 pounds again? Maybe. I've lost a ridiculous amount of weight since going sober. Most of the weight has been puffy, bloated, toxic water-weight. I'm not going to rush my sadly abused body. I respect the process. Every organ I own suffered the terrible assault of alcoholism. God Bless every cell that has been given to me. I respect life. Precious life.

And as far as our culture placing value on very thin women: You probably don't want me to "go there." Going there causes my blood pressure to rise to unhealthy levels. I've seen too many men with a pot belly (and a Swedish bank account?) smiling like an asshole while standing next to a waif.

No thanks.

Love you, Slay. You are strong. We are blessed to have you as a Nest-friend. ~ :naughtfeet:

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Overit44;1459206 wrote: K9-HOLY CARP! I just read you have 26 days NF? Where did the time go? so, now it's just the "habit" aspect right? Finding new things to do with your hands, fingers, mouth, break times, etc. I sucked on lolipops and those fat stik pretzels. Great job!

Holy CARP Overit! (Isn't carp a fish? LOL :H)
I know, right...where the heck did the time go? This time FEELS different. I'm not obsessing over it, in fact I actually forget that I'm quitting smoking (if that makes any sense).

My daughter and I are joining the gym tonight. I used to LOVE going and I'm looking forward to getting back into it!!

[mimi911]

Newbies Nest

It's when I am not drinking that I can recognize what drives me to drink. I had a lot of clarity last night after my husband came home.

Isn't it sad that when he's gone, I don't drink. I'm happy, relaxed. I know what you are probably thinking. That it's time to call it quits but I can't do that.

1. I've been with him since I was 16 and have been marriad 29 years. So I have been with him a total of 32 years.
2. I don't have a career since I stayed home to raise our children.
3. I couldn't handle living in the same town as him, seeing him but I couldn't move away either. I am extremely close to both of my children and of course the two grandbabies. Also, my kids and I have a really tight bond whereas they are not very close to their dad.
4. ????????

At least drinking isn't an option because if this marriage its going to fall apart I want to be wide awake to make the right decisions.