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    Newbies Nest

    Last Straw...I make observations of the milestones myself. When I came in, long termers would fly in, say how great being sober was, but negelcted to tell me how the hell to do it! Here is what I found and continue to observe...
    Day 1 is THE HARDEST. Day 3, all the AL is out of your blood (if you were to test it) and you are operating under your own power. MOST of the withdrawal symptoms pass by D3. (but I had almost flu like symptoms the first couple weeks...tired, achy, bleh)

    Day 4 and 5 are a slippery slope. Why? Because this is where we tell ourselves that we are feeling FANTASTIC! What was all the FUSS about??? If I can stop for 4/5 days, I MUST NOT HAVE A PROBLEM AFTER ALL!! I think I'll reward myself! I can stop at one...two tops! This is the undoing of many a nester. Keep going....push thru these thoughts....like Patrick says, it is The Voice trying to get back in.

    As you can see from our own Mein, 7 days is a huge milestone, and that's why Star acknowledges it with her MOONS. At D7, we have been able to handle ALL the days of the week...so we can't say, 'well, it's FRIDAY' or whatever...we have now been thru each day and we know that we can do it. This is a huge step.

    Day 13
    was a big one for me...I had gotten 12 days twice before and fell...this last time I pushed thru and I'm so glad I did. This was the day that it all seemed possible...that I really could live a life without AL!! This was a gamechanging day for me.

    From D13 on until D30 are emotional. Pity-paryties are thrown. Now you are creating a habit...you will be conquering the world one minute and reduced to a pile of tears the next. Weak/Strong....This is NORMAL, and everyone does this. We are clearing out years of abuse, after all...

    After Day 30
    ...there is a flat spot. "Is this all there is?" Like a bride coming home from her honeymoon...All the high emotions and feelings of accompishment....your HAT from the nest....but then, NOW WHAT? From here until about 45-60 days
    will be a little flat, and this is when Lolab comes in and discusses 'phases' in sobriety. (and there are many). But when you know about these landmines you can watch out for them. By this time, you have a significant amount of AF time and a big investment in your quit. This is when maintenance comes into play...I think it's an important time to STAY in the nest to help others...by seeing where you came from, it's easier to stay on the right path (if you ask me).

    Day 100
    is when I feel like I really arrived. "I don't drink" is easy to say and I mean it. Not one, not ever. It tried to kill me, and I resent that (call me crazy).

    Each phase is important...it's just like growing up. You will do a lot of that in this timespan. Instead of glazing over problems you will face them and march right thru them instead of shoving them aside. Is this always pretty? No, it isn't...sometimes it's dam hard...but when you get thru them, there is a tremendous amount of pride and satisfaction from a fear that you faced and came out the other side. It is a sense of PEACE like no other I can describe. The agitation and conflict in my head are gone, it's just a simpler place up there now. The days pass faster than you will imagine...stay the course...this peace in my head is worth the price of admission! Please don't be overwhelmed at this timeline of mine...because at EACH stage, you feel better, not worse...whenever I have a bad patch I remember the words at the bottom of every message I send, all you gotta do, is get thru this day. Byrdie
    All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
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    Newbie's Nest

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      Newbies Nest

      Byrdlady, thank you soooo much for your response on this topic! I have been setting small goals for myself because "30" days is just too big for me to handle right now. But I often think about the big 3-0 and what comes after. It was great to hear the story from your perspective! Thank you again!
      Would you like you, if you met you?

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        Newbies Nest

        Mein (or MS, for short)- Wow, has that SEVEN Days flown by or what? You are doing great and in order for your first prize from the Newbies Nest! Your full moon, Mein!
        :moon:

        We are so proud of you for kicking AL to the curb, where he belongs! You have conquered every day of the week now and shown yourself that it CAN be done! :goodjob:

        You are sounding, great, Mein! Keep up the good work!
        :heartbeat:

        Star:star:

        08-13-15

        I am only one drink away from never being sober again.

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          Newbies Nest

          Today is day 7 for me as well. I would say it isn't a big deal because I have been here often, but it is a big deal.

          Each day that we don't drink, whether we are daily drinkers, or like me occasional drinkers but an alcoholic that will always overdo if I take that first drink.

          I won't feel like celebrating (AF of course) until I hit day 61. I haven't hit that day more than 2 or 3 times in the last couple of years.

          Have a wonderful day everyone.
          :hitme:
          Day 1:4/4/2014

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            Newbies Nest

            Mimi!!! Star stepped off the stage for a bit, please allow me to bestow YOUR full moon!!! :moon: Every day for a week, you have kicked AL arse! Well done, in our world these milestones are HUGE. Congratulations!! We are so proud of you...we'll be right here to cheer you to 61 days and beyond! Byrdie
            All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
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            Newbie's Nest

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              Newbies Nest

              Morning All! I hope everyone is feeling well and strong today. I haven't read back yet and hopefully will do that later today. I'm feeling under the weather today and my bad dreams would give Kuya something to chew on...my brain is dreaming like it is on speed and for many years I didn't dream at all or I didn't remember dreaming. Lately, it's like a continuous slide show of images and craziness. It may not feel good to be achy and tired, but it feels great seeing my AF number increase. Day 18...each day I add just makes me smile. So for all the newest members, keep beating down any urges or temptations. It's been relatively easy for me this time around other than a couple of days. I don't really want it. Maybe third time is a charm and maybe finally dealing with some issues that were huge triggers has been a big key in making it an easier journey so far.

              Hang in there...grab a hand if you are weak and lend one if you are strong. We can all do this together.:l

              Love,

              Slay
              Rule your mind or it will rule you. It is from a thought that an action grows. :bat

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                Newbies Nest

                Good Monday morning to all! Pouring down raining here, I actually like the rain, kinda feel like the kid who knows practice is called off, smiling inside.

                Hippy Man: How did the dog kissing contest go? It was this weekend right? I was wondering how it went.
                We have a circus dog (Bijon) I hated her at first, now when I go home to visit she goes crazy trying to kiss and lick me. I wasn't very nice to her, I really don't understand. I guess there is a lesson to be learned at every turn.

                Byrdie: Thanks again for your terrific observations. I too was wondering "What Next". Thanks for sharing your experience with us here in the nest.

                Siren: A big Happy Birthday to you!!! Go somewhere fun and AF, enjoy the day, keep it going.

                Snowflake: Welcome back, the fact you are with us again is a fantastic sign that you are on your way.
                I too was a functional alcoholic. Only the grace of God and protection of probably 10 guardian Angels kept me from killing myself, killing others and quite possibly killing someone in my own family. I was very blessed that worse things didn't happen, they were bad enough, but could have been so much worse!
                I was the job that the Angels had to draw straws for, the short stick got me.

                Last straw: Great job, keep it up!

                Ican: Again awesome job going on 8 now we can do this!

                Mein: You , Ican and I are all riding the rails together, lets keep in touch, Congrats on your full moon
                I need you guys to help keep us on the right track. Going on 8 days now I feel great. I was able to go to Germany only for one day years ago, won a trip to Austria and took a day trip. I know you miss the states, but I would so love to go back to Germany and spend more time. Please keep up the posts about the scenery food etc. I'm living through you, I really want to go back one day. Send some pics I can only imagine how beautiful it is there with snow covered trees and story book houses. Take care

                Daisy: keep it going you got this!

                Tess: Speaking of empties, I found two "unopened" aluminum bottles of colors light under the seat of my truck the other day, I can't imagine how they got away, Haha. I used to throw them out of the window
                (Yes littering) My kids would say "Daddy that's littering" and I didn't have the heart or guts to say " Daddy would get a much worse ticket or go to jail if a police officer would stop me with these bottles in the truck"!
                What a great example I was setting Drinking and driving and littering. So terrible, Thank God that's over!

                I'm so fortunate that I landed here when I did. Thanks to all of you!

                Have a Great Monday, I'll check in tonight, sorry if I ramble on, it feels so great to finally share and admit my past transgressions. I appreciate each and every one of y'all!

                Mimi : just realized you are right behind Ms, Ican and I, lets stick together and beat this monster!

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                  Newbies Nest

                  Byrdlady, I just took a quick scan back in the nest, that's a great post about your timeline. I think you should post that weekly as a reminder of the stages, not only for newbies, but for some of us to remember the struggles to keep us on the right path.

                  Thanks!

                  Love,

                  Slay

                  P.S. - Congrats MS and Mimi on your day 7s. I've been like you Mimi...not an everyday drinker, but when I start with one, the off switch goes into hiding most of the time. I've been really analyzing that lately. For me, I think I'm beginning to understand more about the psychological aspect that puts the off switch into hiding. Keep up the good work, gals.
                  Rule your mind or it will rule you. It is from a thought that an action grows. :bat

                  Comment


                    Newbies Nest

                    jIMMYDAMA;1460904 wrote: Good Monday morning to all! Pouring down raining here, I actually like the rain, kinda feel like the kid who knows practice is called off, smiling inside.

                    Hippy Man: How did the dog kissing contest go? It was this weekend right? I was wondering how it went.
                    We have a circus dog (Bijon) I hated her at first, now when I go home to visit she goes crazy trying to kiss and lick me. I wasn't very nice to her, I really don't understand. I guess there is a lesson to be learned at every turn.

                    Byrdie: Thanks again for your terrific observations. I too was wondering "What Next". Thanks for sharing your experience with us here in the nest.

                    Siren: A big Happy Birthday to you!!! Go somewhere fun and AF, enjoy the day, keep it going.

                    Snowflake: Welcome back, the fact you are with us again is a fantastic sign that you are on your way.
                    I too was a functional alcoholic. Only the grace of God and protection of probably 10 guardian Angels kept me from killing myself, killing others and quite possibly killing someone in my own family. I was very blessed that worse things didn't happen, they were bad enough, but could have been so much worse!
                    I was the job that the Angels had to draw straws for, the short stick got me.

                    Last straw: Great job, keep it up!

                    Ican: Again awesome job going on 8 now we can do this!

                    Mein: You , Ican and I are all riding the rails together, lets keep in touch, Congrats on your full moon
                    I need you guys to help keep us on the right track. Going on 8 days now I feel great. I was able to go to Germany only for one day years ago, won a trip to Austria and took a day trip. I know you miss the states, but I would so love to go back to Germany and spend more time. Please keep up the posts about the scenery food etc. I'm living through you, I really want to go back one day. Send some pics I can only imagine how beautiful it is there with snow covered trees and story book houses. Take care

                    Daisy: keep it going you got this!

                    Tess: Speaking of empties, I found two "unopened" aluminum bottles of colors light under the seat of my truck the other day, I can't imagine how they got away, Haha. I used to throw them out of the window
                    (Yes littering) My kids would say "Daddy that's littering" and I didn't have the heart or guts to say " Daddy would get a much worse ticket or go to jail if a police officer would stop me with these bottles in the truck"!
                    What a great example I was setting Drinking and driving and littering. So terrible, Thank God that's over!

                    I'm so fortunate that I landed here when I did. Thanks to all of you!

                    Have a Great Monday, I'll check in tonight, sorry if I ramble on, it feels so great to finally share and admit my past transgressions. I appreciate each and every one of y'all!

                    Mimi : just realized you are right behind Ms, Ican and I, lets stick together and beat this monster!
                    Thanks for asking Jimmy, Zelda beat her own record 36 kisses in 30 seconds and kissed 40 times in 30 seconds but a little girl with candy all over her face got her puppy to kiss her 42 times so we took second place. I was really surprised at how big the crowd was. Probably about 50 doxies there. Many wouldn't give even give 1 kiss. Abagail gave 7 kisses and Zoey gave 3 kisses. I guess they're gonna have to really practice up for next year...lol :H
                    Sober since Sept. 24th 2012 This time 4 SURE!
                    https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-3162-30074.html Newbies Nest
                    https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html Tool Box
                    https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/what-plan-how-do-i-get-one-68554.html How to get a sobriety plan

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                      Newbies Nest

                      Byrdlady;1460866 wrote: Last Straw...I make observations of the milestones myself. When I came in, long termers would fly in, say how great being sober was, but negelcted to tell me how the hell to do it! Here is what I found and continue to observe...
                      Outstanding Post! I keep getting into the 30's...that flat spot and end up caving. NOT this time with this nice road map. Thank you, thank you...
                      Achieved Goals: Getting Back to Working on This Project!
                      Goal In Progress...1 YEAR

                      Instructions on posting to Roll Call:

                      Go forward boldly and unafraid

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                        Newbies Nest

                        Fin, Jimmy, MS, Slay... you are most welcome...with a map, I can get anywhere...otherwise I just drive in circles. Every day waking up with, 'THIS can't be normal!' is for the byrds!! When you know what you are feeling IS normal, it sure helps...everyone is doing GREAT! B
                        All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
                        Tool Box
                        Newbie's Nest

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                          Newbies Nest

                          --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                          I am new on here....Finally I have admitted to myself that I do need some kind of help!!!

                          I am married with a nearly 2 year old...and even just being open and admitting that I have somekind of problem is weird but promising for me.

                          I don't drink every day...but if I do it's usually wine....I will drink in the day and then try to pretend to myself and my husband that I haven't been drinkung....He really hates it and this is now causing a serious problem in my marriage.....I don't want it to end so this is why I am here....

                          I am understanding that I am the kind of person that can't just have a few drinks...It's either none or quite a lot!!!!! But I'm not that sure of how to go about it or how I will feel in situations where other people are drinking and I won't be able to!!! HELP....

                          ANy advise would be greatly appreciated...I need to keep my family together...

                          Thanx for listening S xxx

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                            Newbies Nest

                            Hello to All,

                            I haven't had a chance to read this morning's posts. I will go back and do that once I'm finished with classes.

                            For now, I will be selfish and just jump right into the middle of Newbies Nest...

                            Something is changing with me. I noticed it yesterday. It has to do with perception. I'ts difficult to be articulate because I don't fully understand it. So, hmm, I think I will use the analogy of "Can't see the forest for the trees." That's how I've been: very focused on any task at hand (usually my studies or, sadly, my drinking), but mostly oblivious to the world at large. I am now beginning to see more clearly the entire forest. There's a great big world out there!!

                            It seems as if I have new eye glasses. But why? And why now? And what am I to do? I will graduate in June. I'm wondering what I will be able to do, if anything, to make the world just a little bit better.

                            So... that's it for now. I need to review for an exam in 15 minutes.

                            Take care, ALL ~
                            Tess in The Nest ~ Sober since January 1, 2013

                            The man pulling radishes
                            pointed the way
                            with a radish. ISSA

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                              Newbies Nest

                              jenniech;1460805 wrote: lie and say my date is 1/18, not 1/28. Isn't that stupid? I don't know why I do it. Well, I do know....when I had to change my date I was ashamed that I had failed once again and didn't want anyone to know it. So now I am spending WAY too much time obsessing over it. I need to come clean. Such alcoholic behavior!! And so stupid and meaningless to everyone else but myself! .

                              Hi, Jennie

                              In the Roll Call we count AF days. I like posting there and seeing my number and those of our friends going up and up. However, we also could be counting days sober. Having a single glass of wine or e.g. New Day's single, planned toast to her daughter's birthday last weekend (Hi, New Day!) might end the "AF streak" but it likely would not end a sobriety streak if it stopped there and did not lead to repeated drinking episodes. I can guarantee you that I would be sober after 1 glass of wine given how high the bar had been raised due to my excessive intake (unless 18 days has allowed my alcohol metabolizing enzymes time to return to normal...).

                              Because I have decided that abstinence needs to be my goal given my 'all or nothing' personality and my track history of failure in moderation, I am tracking days AF. If I do slip and have a glass of wine, I will be very disappointed in myself: I will go back to day 1 on the roll call and you guys will probably hear a lot of whining here. BUT- a single slip of a minimal amount of alcohol would not end my now personal-record-breaking 18-day sobriety streak. My 50% days of drinking in January did not meet my goal by a long shot but it sure was better than my 100% November and ~75% December tallies! 18 days of sobriety would not be as good for me, given my goal, as 18 days AF but it would nevertheless be a huge accomplishment.

                              I am not writing this to provide myself or anyone else an excuse to fail. My point is that just like we need tools to end a destructive behavior, we need to be realistic, not fixated on an arbitrary number, not enslaved to a roll coll list for a specific variable, or too dang hard on ourselves. A slip up or a deliberate action is human. Getting back up, forgiving yourself, and moving forward immediately is what a person who is determined to succeed does and what MWO (especially some wonderful nest monitors we have!) encourages.

                              Sorry for the overly long post but I have been thinking about this lately, worried about what I would do if I messed up. Given the personality referred to above, my tendency would be to say: well, I'm a drinker, then. And that would be stupid. I am planning now, while I am feeling very strong about being AF, to prepare to forgive myself if it should come to that and to immediately get back with the program. That plan does not at all liberate me to fail but makes me feel less anxious and more able to just concentrate on what I need to be doing now.

                              Since I'm going on and on, I would like to share a post I found yesterday from Patrice that reinforces my commitment to being AF. Her description of her time moderating fits me to a tee (although I never achieved her level of success). I am going to write her and thank her for conducting and reporting on the experiment so well. I feel no need to replicate and verify her findings!!!
                              patrice;1460578 wrote:
                              Hi all,

                              I just wanted to relay my recent experience with moderation.

                              In some ways I have successfully moderated my drinking to acceptable ( ie within the recommended guidelines) levels over the past few months, however this journey has left me absolutely EXHAUSTED!! and now I think I know why

                              Abstinence means making one BIG choice and sticking to it but moderation means making many small choices which requires SO much mental energy. First I had to define what moderation meant to me then I had to constantly prevent myself from having ' just one more'.
                              Reducing my dependence has involved making different choices at different times, sometimes saying Yes, but mostly having to say No. This has been totally exhausting.. However, quitting and abstinence means ONE decision, you always know what to do and if you stuff up only another ONE decision to get back on the horse, saving that precious mental energy which can then be directed to something else..

                              Just my little experience to add to the myriad here. I now choose complete abstinence and look forward expending my energy on other things

                              Take care all
                              Patrice
                              (I think I have more that used up the space on MWO that I did not fill this weekend while visiting my parents and helping them learn to use an iPad. They are in their mid- to late-70s and let me assure you, this took all my waking hours so while I was not reading/posting I also WAS NOT DRINKING thank goodness because I needed focus, concentration, and patience! They seem to love it, though, and will be a great communication tool).

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                                Newbies Nest

                                s1179! Welcome!! You have landed yourself in the best possible place if you are ready to take your life back! I always suggest reading back a couple weeks right here in the Newbie's Nest, and get to know us. Then check out the link below for the Tool Box, there are 100's of tips and coping skills to help you get started. Admitting this is half the battle, so you are on your way! So glad you found us, every single one of us know what you are feeling...and it's time to make some changes. We can help...read and post...read and post! Byrdie
                                All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
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                                Newbie's Nest

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