Newbies Nest

[Nursie]

Newbies Nest

Checking in. Bad night last night,
Day 1

[halo]

Newbies Nest

[QUOTE=PaisleyG;1465084] I have stopped inviting people for dinner because I always drank too much, felt like an idiot, forgot conversations, found myself role modelling crap behaviour in front of offspring, and woke up feeling terrible. Haven't had friends over for dinner for ages, cooking and drinking is one of my favourite combinations.

Thanks Paisley, it's nice to hear others are struggling with the same, I entertain ALOT as well, this weekend, we had friends over for the day, I stayed true, but it was difficult, everyone was having beer and wine, and wondering why I wasn't partaking..The next day, I was out for a friend's birthday, bought a couple of beers for the birthday boy while I had coffee...I did not want coffee...
Removing myself from the social situations seems the best bet to keep up with the sobriety..I am 7 days in today...but I am wondering if I will go into a depressive state isolating myself from friends I've had for ages..You never realize how much alcohol is always around until you start abstaining...

And the path continues, I feel really good being able to jot down thoughts and feelings in the nest though, I am finding it really helps..:thanks:

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Halo! Good to see you! Please accept this FULL MOON for 7 days of kicking AL's @$$! :moon: We are so proud of you! In our world, this is a big accomplishment and we all know it!

I entertain quite a bit, too...but I didn't do it for a good while until I got my confidence. I won't say, 'back' because I never had it unless I was drinking...so I gained confidence! The YOU that you think AL brings out in social situations is still down there, it's just buried by all the crap we built up. Peel those layers back and you will have fun at these events again. A few weeks/months of inconvenience is a small price to pay to get your life back. I wouldn't trade my state of mind for all the booze on Earth! I don't need a drink and I don't want a drink! That's what you get when you stick with it...it is SO worth it...and you get there by going one day at a time...they add up! As you can see by your Moon!
Stay strong! A dam drink isn't worth it!! I want to go find something I wrote Rednose....hang on. B

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

No Sugar...take a look, maybe you are in the Bargaining stage?

When an important relationship ends there is grieving. Remember the 5 stages of grief? Anger (I don't have to tell you about this one, but as it relates to AL, please indulge me). This is you...."I hate AL, I'm never drinkiing again, THIS time I've had it!!!" That's prolly when you found us here. "Something's gotta change!!" So you get underway, the next stage is Denial. . "Maybe I don't have a problem after all!" "What's all the fuss about, I PROVED I can go without it?" "Other people drink MORE than I do!". The next stage is Bargaining. This is where the Pity Party is thrown. "I'll try to moderate". "I'll go AF thru the week and then just drink on weekends". The next stage is Depression. This one hits around the 30 day mark. "Is this all there is?" "What's next?" "How am I supposed to live the rest of my life while the rest of the world is drinking?" Finally, the last stage is Acceptance. I'm telling you, this is what all the fuss is about. Once you can come to terms with how it's got to be...everything else falls into place. Once you take that choice of Drink/Don't Drink out of the equation MOST of the battle is done. I don't think there are any shortcuts thru these stages of grief...not that I've seen and experienced. But you have to get thru them to get to the other side. What IS the other side? That's where you can look at AL for what it is...you don't LONG for it any more...and feel sorry yourself...it's just one of those things. You can get thru the whole day and not think about it! There IS NO struggle. THAT'S the goal, right? Please keep going, we have ALL been in your position...and it does get better...if it didn't none of us could do it! If I can do it, I know you can!! Byrdie

[halo]

Newbies Nest

[QUOTE=Byrdlady;1465202]Halo! Good to see you! Please accept this FULL MOON for 7 days of kicking AL's @$$! :moon: We are so proud of you! In our world, this is a big accomplishment and we all know it!

Byrdlady, all I can say is thankyou , all you senior members are so positive and present, and most importantly non judgemental, you understand what we are going through, it's amazing that you are fostering all of us newbies..A great big thankyou:h

I want to change my life...

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Daisy, stay strong...don't drink AT the situation....remember, these things are always going to happen...it's life. Don't make it a good excuse to fall! Hang in there, drinking won't help a thing (I tried). Dig in and don't give up not matter what and no matter who...you've got a FULL MOON coming tomorrow! Stay with us. B

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Don't worry Byrdie - on the ball tonight! Ex keeps ringing or texting me to complain about my son. He got married and moved his new wife in without any discussion with my son who had only been with him for 2 years by then. They still live in what was our family home and I can understand why my son is hurt.
He has also taken on quite a few traits from his dad which I am not happy about but have no control over - these are the very things that my ex is complaining about. He can see it in my son but no accountability for his own behaviour and how you reap what you sow.
Eventually got in touch with my son and he barked at me on the phone and put it down. I was only concerned but I am not going to worry about it, just accept it for tonight and pray he sees some sense.....

[New Day]

Newbies Nest

Just wanted to say that a 1/2 teaspoon of l-glut powder under the tongue helped me out again tonight. Helps to take that niggling urge to pour a glass of wine when it came to dinner preparation time again tonight.
Besides visiting the Nest, that seems to be my go to tool to get rid of urges. I'm grateful to have discovered this from MWO.
Thanks everyone!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Halo, CONGRATS on your 7 AF days :wd:

Daisy, just don't drink over this, please.
That's old behavior, old habit & you now know for sure that it gets you no where you want to be, right?
Dig around in the Tool box, find something to help you take your mind off of the things you just cannot control

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1465204 wrote: No Sugar...take a look, maybe you are in the Bargaining stage?

When an important relationship ends there is grieving. Remember the 5 stages of grief? Anger (I don't have to tell you about this one, but as it relates to AL, please indulge me). This is you...."I hate AL, I'm never drinkiing again, THIS time I've had it!!!" That's prolly when you found us here. "Something's gotta change!!" So you get underway, the next stage is Denial. . "Maybe I don't have a problem after all!" "What's all the fuss about, I PROVED I can go without it?" "Other people drink MORE than I do!". The next stage is Bargaining. This is where the Pity Party is thrown. "I'll try to moderate". "I'll go AF thru the week and then just drink on weekends". The next stage is Depression. This one hits around the 30 day mark. "Is this all there is?" "What's next?" "How am I supposed to live the rest of my life while the rest of the world is drinking?" Finally, the last stage is Acceptance. I'm telling you, this is what all the fuss is about. Once you can come to terms with how it's got to be...everything else falls into place. Once you take that choice of Drink/Don't Drink out of the equation MOST of the battle is done. I don't think there are any shortcuts thru these stages of grief...not that I've seen and experienced. But you have to get thru them to get to the other side. What IS the other side? That's where you can look at AL for what it is...you don't LONG for it any more...and feel sorry yourself...it's just one of those things. You can get thru the whole day and not think about it! There IS NO struggle. THAT'S the goal, right? Please keep going, we have ALL been in your position...and it does get better...if it didn't none of us could do it! If I can do it, I know you can!! Byrdie

I definitely am in the bargaining stage and close to losing the bargain right now so I had better just keep typing! I guess I am a bit behind because I am close to 30 days which should be Depression. At this moment that sounds better than this conflict going on in my head. I have been watching the last 4 hours of Downton Abbey to keep my mind occupied but unfortunately that show does not require much concentration and they had a big party where all the drinks looked good to me even though I have never had anything other than wine in my life. I am putting my faith in all of you that this constant awareness of not drinking passes because this is a crazy way to live but of course no crazier than drinking my way to oblivion and then doing all the stuff necessary to cover that up. Good grief why was I stronger this weekend when I was around drinkers? Maybe because I psyched myself up for it. Now my guard is down and there is a war in my brain.

Well I typed my way past opening a bottle of wine left as a gift by my weekend guests and that puppy is heading down the drain as soon as I am sure I will pour it all out.

I am not going to be on day 1 tomorrow - I am going to be on day 27 . I also will be hanging around in this nest for awhile tonight I think. Not making it to 30 days at this point would be so intentionally self-destructive that I would be even more worried about myself than I already am and I am getting really tired of thinking about myself all of the time. About the only break from that is when I notice a way I can perhaps help someone on MWO. Luckily Kuya posted earlier about the importance so staying with the forum. Running away from it and drinking is tempting. But I am not going to do either of those things.

Thank you for posting and listening so the same old boring story again. I am bored with myself and this stupid battle. But at least I am not going to drink even though part of me really wants just 1 glass of wine. Luckily I know that is a BIG LIE and it would not happen that way no matter how many deals my split brain tries to make with itself.

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Lav; heading to bed now for an early start in the morning. I have so much going on that could be construed as a 'good reason to drink', but that is what I have been doing and I got nothing but more grief, not relief.
I know everything is more doable when sober and I will make better decisions. It is so upsetting that both my ex and son know what is going on with my dad and yet it is ok to add more to the load.....
The serenity prayer is in my head right now.!

[New Day]

Newbies Nest

Nosugar.....I feel your pain.......can you go for a walk or somewhere for a change of scene, or do a quick workout? If not, sticking close to the Nest is also a great choice. Do the "fast forward" thinking that was posted here (yesterday, I think).......think of the end result if you do drink that wine.....that glass just isn't going to be worth all the pain in the end.

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

No Sugar: I have found in the past that it is AFTER the weekend of being around drinkers when I am most vulnerable. Knowing that, and being in the position right now, I am resisting the urge to drink. I picked up take out food tonight RIGHT NEXT DOOR to a liquor store and the urge to go in and buy a bottle of wine was really strong. But it was just an urge. JUST AN URGE that passed.

I am suffering an emotional hangover from being around people drinking all weekend. So, I am going to nurture myself and stick close to the nest and my tools. I have a feeling I will be feeling this way for a couple of days. So, with that knowledge I am going to glue my ass to the nest and do what I need to do to stay sober.

The only comfort is twofold: I made it through a challenging weekend and everyone tells me these strong urges to drink will someday soon pass and it won't be such a challenge. I am hoping that is true and putting my faith in that.

Stay strong with me!!
:l

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

New Day: What you said is SO TRUE....Believe it even if you don't feel it!!!!

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

NoSugar, I felt like that last night and even went so far as buying a bottle; got home, thought it all through and remembered how shit I felt on day 1. Was I glad this morning? No, I was delighted with myself.....usually when I go so far as buying it, that is it!
And, never do I even think '1 glass'; it would have to be at least a bottle and a half! So, look deep inside and be really honest with yourself.....you are doing great! Looking forward to your happy post in the morning!