Newbies Nest

[kuya]

Newbies Nest

daisy45;1465245 wrote: NoSugar, I felt like that last night and even went so far as buying a bottle; got home, thought it all through and remembered how shit I felt on day 1. Was I glad this morning? No, I was delighted with myself.....usually when I go so far as buying it, that is it!
And, never do I even think '1 glass'; it would have to be at least a bottle and a half! So, look deep inside and be really honest with yourself.....you are doing great! Looking forward to your happy post in the morning!

Have you poured it down the sink? THAT would be the thing to do, or on some level you are leaving the door open.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Dear Daisy and Jennie,

Thank you for posting what I need to hear. I think post-stressful weekend let-down took me by surprise and I almost screwed up. It sounds like you have prepared yourself for it, Jennie. That is smart and I am going to have to do that in the future. There are so many surprising demons that rear their ugly head when you least expect it!

Daisy, I read this morning about your going so far as to buy the bottle and then not drinking it and I was so impressed and wondered if having gone that far, I would have had the strength to resist. But you did and you should be so proud of yourself!

I think it is having stories like those of you 2 in my brain where the war is going on is what is tipping the scales in the favor of AF instead of AL. Without people to model behavior on, it is so easy to slip back to the old destructive behaviors.

Thank you. I'm going to have a good dinner and then come back here.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

kuya;1465246 wrote: Have you poured it down the sink? THAT would be the thing to do, or on some level you are leaving the door open.

I am going to pour it down but not until I am so stuffed with food and nonAF beverage that there will be no room for even a SIP (as if I have ever ever ever had only a sip of wine!). But it will be poured out before I go to bed.

[kuya]

Newbies Nest

NoSugar;1465248 wrote: I am going to pour it down but not until I am so stuffed with food and nonAF beverage that there will be no room for even a SIP (as if I have ever ever ever had only a sip of wine!). But it will be poured out before I go to bed.

But why not RIGHT now? You are still bargaining, I understand, but you must recognise it for what it is.

The same applies to you Daisy......pour it out NOW!

You will feel relief and pride

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

No Sugar...I saved this post from KTAB...it is just a great piece and well written. Dick Head will tell you absolutely anything to stay alive...ANYTHING. Don't believe it...it's a lie...take a look at KTABS wonderful words:

Letting go.

Acceptance and denial seem to me to be key elements of moving on. How many of us have truly 100% accepted our alcoholism and let go of the niggling doubt that maybe somehow someday the clock could magically be turned back to a time when we were 'normal'?

As I see it, it is very simple, we have two choices, accept our problem, make the life changing changes necessary or continue to skirt the real issue. I have been clean now for a little while but a couple of weeks ago the friday night feeling hit and the thoughts of how nice a beer or two would be in the local and the cravings of course started. Two beers would have been nice and I am pretty sure I could have stopped at two but it would just have awoken the beast in me again and I would drink again the next day. Maybe its only me but food is somewhat similar, when I get in the mood for say a pizza or an indian meal and dont have it that night, the thought will sit there semi dormant but I will end up eating that food at some time over the next couple of days. I wonder if this is indicative of how the craving and reward centers of my brain are programmed.
Anyway I digress, I didnt drink on the friday but of course the thoughts werent far away and on saturday afternoon I was in the supermarket and found myself in front of the mountain of wine bottles, I picked one up and put it back down, I had allowed the thought to come to me 'hey about a bottle of wine to have with dinner?' I ran with it and then it came the 'maybe you should get two just in case' Then it hit me like a sledge hammer who was I kidding, this addiction wasnt going to go away, the alkie thinking was still there, the lying, the hiding the sneaky drinks were only a breath away. I stopped and bought a bottle of coke.

So I got to thinking about this, was there some part of me still clinging onto the idea that I can drink again? Obviously there is. So what do I do about it? I am back to the two choices, either I accept this or I dont. I believe it is very hard for us to accept that this is our life now and I think that is why so many here keep failing time after time, because they dont give it over totally, I am probably one of the biggest offenders.

If there is a big grey animal in the room with a tusk and a trunk it can only be an elephant. If I am still here posting on an alkie forum after nearly three years looking to help my problem drinking then I am an alcoholic, so if I am born 4 foot 6 with a one ear, green eyes and a big conk I cant change that can I? no more than I can change the fact of my alcoholism either but I can accept the fact. Ok, thats sorted, so without being over dramatic I can stop drinking or I can continue which would undoubtably take years off of my life and result in the quality of the years I have left a hollow shell of what they could be.

After true acceptance comes a sense of relief, a sense of peace and the first step on the path to gratitude for finding however we did the true escape and the right to lead a full and proper life without the ball and chain of AL chaffing the skin on our ankles.
Letting go sounds good to me, how about you?

Take care,
Johnny

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Knock knock, Nesters-
Peek a boo- :keyhole:
This is your long lost friend, star, hoping for a spot back in the nest, please?
I have been out for a lil bit taking care of some personal and work related issues and have missed you all very much!! Glad to see everyone doing so well!! Most of all, thanks to the one and only Byrdlady for working her tail off and handing out those moons!!! Typing from my phone, so no fancy fonts here. But should be back in full swing tomorrow! Daisy, dear- we are polishing up our moon just for you!!!

XOXO

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Yay NoSugar - another happy bunny in the morning! I'll 'see' you then as I'm off to bed. Sleep tight!
Kuya, my intention was to pass it on today but ended up so busy....tomorrow it will be gone! I wasn't tempted knowing it was there - looking forward to hitting my first week in a long time tomorrow!

[Jennifire]

Newbies Nest

Just checking in to say I am doing just fine getting to the end of day 3. Spent some time this evening trying to catch up on reading NN. You're all just awesome! So positiveand persistent. Iended up cleaning everything in sight on Sunday and work plus visiting a dear friend today... we made & ate a great big meal! Somethng I've hardly ever done in years.
Tomorrow is a really early wake up as I have to go some distance to the work site, and we are expecting snow tonight and tomorrow.
Thanks for being here!

[Icanwithoutacan]

Newbies Nest

Just checking in on Day 2 after my slip... Y'all sound good ... Sounds like a lot of triumph over strong urges! Stay strong

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1465250 wrote: No Sugar...I saved this post from KTAB...it is just a great piece and well written. Dick Head will tell you absolutely anything to stay alive...ANYTHING. Don't believe it...it's a lie...take a look at KTABS wonderful words:


So I got to thinking about this, was there some part of me still clinging onto the idea that I can drink again? Obviously there is. So what do I do about it? I am back to the two choices, either I accept this or I dont. I believe it is very hard for us to accept that this is our life now and I think that is why so many here keep failing time after time, because they dont give it over totally, I am probably one of the biggest offenders.


After true acceptance comes a sense of relief, a sense of peace and the first step on the path to gratitude for finding however we did the true escape and the right to lead a full and proper life without the ball and chain of AL chaffing the skin on our ankles.
Letting go sounds good to me, how about you?

Take care,
Johnny

Sometimes over the last 4 weeks I have thought that I had accepted my situation of needing to be AF always and I felt ok about it and sometimes even really happy about it. But an episode like this afternoon and evening ( as I look back at my posts I can see it developing), makes me know I am not really there yet. Maybe because I succeeded in not drinking with peers this weekend I was able to fool myself into thinking that I really do have control over this situation. I did have huge self-control this weekend but it took tremendous effort. There is no way to do that for my whole life so I do have to let go of the idea that I ever will drink again. I guess my instances of acceptance so far have not been the true acceptance that Johnny so eloquently described above.

Letting go DOES sound good to me. The trick is to truly do it with my heart, soul, and brain. I don't know how to do it other than staying here, reading and learning. It doesn't seem like something that can be forced. Pouring out the bottle of wine was at least a step in the right direction. It is gone.

[mimi911]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady- Thanks for the post "letting go".

I know that I haven't fully accepted that I can never drink again. It is 2 weeks today since I have taken a drink but I know that I am not safe.

Two things have kept me from drinking- 1. Knowing I would have to tell all of you that I am back at day 1 again.
2. Checking my next day schedule and knowing that a hang over just doesn't fit into it.

I know that I am not safe or trustworthy at this time but hope someday I can be both of those things.

Take care everyone and have a safe AF evening.

[Pinecone]

Newbies Nest

Good evening friends,

Hi Starfish, good to see you again! I hope things are calming down for you.

Jenni, I'm glad you made it through your weekend and I hope you can get some rest now. In my experience, not only do the cravings subside dramatically, but also your ability to deal with them increases. We get stronger by doing exactly like you just did, facing and then overcoming challenges. Then we realize that we can in fact do it; it is a repeatable event. This is a big blow to the enemy...

Nanette, I'm glad to see you back here, and I really appreciated the honesty in your post.

Have a great AF night everyone!

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

mimi911;1465260 wrote: Byrdlady- Thanks for the post "letting go".

I know that I haven't fully accepted that I can never drink again. It is 2 weeks today since I have taken a drink but I know that I am not safe.

Two things have kept me from drinking- 1. Knowing I would have to tell all of you that I am back at day 1 again.
2. Checking my next day schedule and knowing that a hang over just doesn't fit into it.

I know that I am not safe or trustworthy at this time but hope someday I can be both of those things.

Take care everyone and have a safe AF evening.

I started letting myself think I was safe and could stay under control. Posting and reading here helped me avoid running the doomed experiment a couple hours ago thank goodness.
You are smart to be wary Mimi and maybe someday it won't have to be an active, conscious process but will be part of the background nervous system that directs our actions and keeps us safe. That is my great hope, anyway. All the best to you - NS

[halo]

Newbies Nest

Congrats on pouring out the vino No Sugar! :goodjob:

The post from Johnny resonated with me as well, will I finally find "true" acceptance that AL can never again be a part of my life, i just know that right now I most definitely do not want to go back to Day 1.....Moving forward

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

halo;1465270 wrote: Congrats on pouring out the vino No Sugar! :goodjob:

The post from Johnny resonated with me as well, will I finally find "true" acceptance that AL can never again be a part of my life, i just know that right now I most definitely do not want to go back to Day 1.....Moving forward

I feel like it is like trying to force yourself to be in love with someone. I don't think it works to force it, even if you want it so much to be true. So as you say, Halo, Onwards!