Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

NoSugar, mimi & others -
Acceptance, for me meant that the battle was finally over! I quit, that's it!!!!!

Everything suddenly becomes simpler......nothing to think about, worry about, plan for, nothing
Removing AL from my life was the best gift, ever!
Once you end that internal struggle your life becomes yours once again, not AL's.

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!
Lav

[freethinker]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone. I joined last week. My original quit date was last Wed. 2/13. Well, I made it to Sat. On Saturday I attended a memorial/celebration of life for my older brother, who died Dec. 17th. He was a heavy drinker and smoker. He had advanced emphysema, then small cell lung cancer. He was 59. We were very close.

Anyway, I had probably about 8 Bud Lites over about 5 hours time. Didn't feel my best the next day, but not really hung over. It was one of those very emotional days spent with my other older brother and some good friends and family. It was essentially a "party" in my brothers honor with quite a lot of people.. It's exactly what he wanted. I know it was a slip and I'll have more challenges to come. I can really handle not drinking at home, which ironically, is where I do (did?) most of my drinking. My wife hardly drinks at all. Needless to say, she's happy seeing me drink less (or not at all), but it's because she wants me to have optimum health and not gain weight. Otherwise, when I drink I'm well behaved.

My challenge will be the social functions. I guess I need to pose a question to you guys/gals. How bad of a case am I ? I've been drinking a long time, no doubt. But I've always been functional. I've never been arrested for anything, never a DUI. I'm fairly well respected and present myself well in social circles. I feel my drinking demons are more a product of my own perception versus the perception of others towards me. I don't think I'm delusional. Maybe I am? It's a tough thing to wrap my mind around. If, as a man, I go by the guidelines that say if you drink more than two drinks a night then you're a heavy drinker, well, jeez, that's the majority of my days. I've had countless evenings when I probably had 3 or 4, but not more. So, does that make me an alcoholic or just someone who enjoys a few cocktails in the evening ?

In other words, so far my life has been pretty good: Marine Corps Vet, successful marriage, no real financial hardship, I paid my house off in 13 yrs ( no mortgage anymore, yay!), everyone tells me I look like I'm in my early 40s ( I'm 52). I'm starting a different kind of insurance practice working with seniors, I'm building my own website, yada, yada, yada.

And yet I'm here. Something is compelling me to be here. Maybe I'm starting to feel old and I'm blaming it on my drinking. I don't know. I DO know that I can do better. Whether that's total abstinence OR achieving a stronger ability to moderate, I still feel like I need to do something different to have a healthier, better quality of life as I get older. If binge drinking on occasion ( 6 or more) makes me an alcoholic then I guess that's what I am. I have had some blackouts but not many. I have always felt ashamed after a night of over indulgence. I have rarely, and I do mean RARELY, ever had a drink to get me "right" after waking up. I haven't had a drop since Saturday night and haven't missed it a bit. Am I being too hard on myself or just holding myself to a higher standard? I know it may be a bit of self delusion, but when I read a lot of the threads it seems that there are lots of folks here who drink way more than I've ever drank on a regular basis.

I know there are many different levels of drinkers here. I would appreciate any comments from anyone new or any of you veteran forum members. Thanks for reading this rather long missive. ( Mods, if this should be moved to another thread please do so. I didn't know where to put it and didn't think it would be so long. Maybe I should have started a thread. Sorry.)

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

End of day 2...tired but glad I made it..
Night all.
Dottie

[Icanwithoutacan]

Newbies Nest

Hey DD ..., no one can tell you if you have a problem, but I can relate to "not drinking as much as others" and "being highly functional".....personally, I have trouble stopping at just one and want that high so I consider myself a problem drinker ... I mean I don't feel that way about lemonade or tea or coffee so it's the alcohol that my body craves... I may not have hit bottom but I don't want to ...

[jIMMYDAMA]

Newbies Nest

Good night everyone just a quick check in. I had a great day our kids won big again 9-2
started raining kids had a blast playing baseball in the rain ( I loved it too) lots of living in the moment. I have to focus on it but its getting better and I'm getting better at realizing my feelings at the moment. Take care I truly feel as long as I share, contribute and check in with you guys I can and will continue to grow in my new AF life.

Thanks sleep well my friends! j

[Oneredshoe]

Newbies Nest

Good Evening Nesters...just wanted to do a quick check in. Kuya I haven't fallen off the AF wagon....15 consecutive days going on 16. I am super exhausted from the weekend of entertaining out of town guests. I hope that everyone has a wonderful evening.

Hello Draper- I think only you can come to the conclusion as to whether or not you feel as though you have an issue with alcohol.

Jimmy and Byrdlady....thanks for the inspirational posts. And Slay.....I had that song in my head all fliping day after I read your post lol.

To the rest of the gang stay strong.....slow and steady eyes on the prize.

[kuya]

Newbies Nest

NoSugar;1465266 wrote: I started letting myself think I was safe and could stay under control. Posting and reading here helped me avoid running the doomed experiment a couple hours ago thank goodness.
You are smart to be wary Mimi and maybe someday it won't have to be an active, conscious process but will be part of the background nervous system that directs our actions and keeps us safe. That is might great hope, anyway. All the best to you - NS

I want to tell you that it doesn't take very long. At 3 months AF I bought wine as a gift for my daughter's piano teacher, and it sat on my kitchen counter for two days. I was really a little nervous when I bought it but it had nothing to say to me, nada, zilch. Not one thought crossed my mind to drink it ......alcohol was dead to me.

Do not worry that the battle is forever, it isn't

[kuya]

Newbies Nest

Oneredshoe;1465303 wrote: Good Evening Nesters...just wanted to do a quick check in. Kuya I haven't fallen off the AF wagon....15 consecutive days going on 16. I am super exhausted from the weekend of entertaining out of town guests. I hope that everyone has a wonderful evening.

Hello Draper- I think only you can come to the conclusion as to whether or not you feel as though you have an issue with alcohol.

Jimmy and Byrdlady....thanks for the inspirational posts. And Slay.....I had that song in my head all fliping day after I read your post lol.

To the rest of the gang stay strong.....slow and steady eyes on the prize.

I am so very proud of you One

It just feels like you needed the right thoughts in place.

What do you feel helped you this time?

[Oneredshoe]

Newbies Nest

kuya;1465305 wrote: I am so very proud of you One

It just feels like you needed the right thoughts in place.

What do you feel helped you this time?

Kuya..... Being straight up honest with myself...I am an alcoholic, proven to myself over and over again. 1 is too many for me and 20 isn't enough. I have excepted this fact and know in my heart that I truly am 1 drink away from spiraling out of control to that deep dark place and I don't and won't allow myself to go there.

I also remind myself of this post by you

"It's like sitting next to the ocean, so peaceful.

Sometimes sand will get down your crack, sometimes a seagull will poop on you, but the peace of being free from this dreadful compulsion is awesome."

[DimensionDrifter]

Newbies Nest

SOL 7 - Mother of Creation

.... We have slipped the solitude of Earth to Enterphase with the Truth of Creation!
AT LAST.. all systems are a go.. as we throttle up the ion drive.
Our destination MARS! A new world not scared by corporate and personal greed.. A new beginning for the human race. A place where our collective experience will create a new collective culture and conscious. Not be guided by the spun hands of the history of Earth, and what our institutions taught us as (fact) will not guide our (truth)! And creation will be so pleased that we have learned to think more like the creator than the created. For that was their goal for us all along..

P.S. Forgive me for being so grandiose.. But my mind is working again and I want to use it!

[Kairos]

Newbies Nest

Hi DD,
I agree with Icanwithoutacan
No-one can tell you if you have a problem with alcohol except you.
Yes, of course many of us on here can say that there are people who drink way more than us (and some who drink less) who feel that they have a problem with AL. It's not really a problem of the 'amount' you drink as it is about your ability to control it, or the detrimental affect it has on your sense of well being. It's about how much time and space it occupies in your head. It's about your inability to take it or leave it like normal drinkers can. It's about your need to rationalise your habit so that you feel less guilty when you wake up yet another morning feeling you had a little too much. You don't have to get blind drunk every night to know that you drink too often, or to know that alcohol controls you and not the other way round.
I think there comes a point in every drinker's 'career' when they have to be absolutely honest with themselves - never mind whether anyone else feels you have a problem. It's whether YOU believe that you have a problem that counts. That's your starting point. As someone else said in another post. Decide who is running the show. You or your AL head.
Then strategies are straighforward and you get so much help on these threads to get going.
I'm here, like you , not becasue I was a raging AL head. I have never been in trouble either. No-one might guess I have a probem on the outside but I know AL was controlling me nevertheless. I want something better. I want my health back.
Good Luck with your inventory! DD

[kuya]

Newbies Nest

One....acceptance is the place to be, no more bargaining, no more ifs and buts.....you just don't drink anymore.
Take that one thing OUT and MANY other things take its place.

But for now, tread slowly, be kind to yourself, be patient.....peace will be here shortly

[PaisleyG]

Newbies Nest

ay 3AF. Cool, that means I have reached my goal but perhaps I should shift the goal posts. hb 5 AF nights? Crazy. Would not have even attempted that till I lucked upon this forum. It's so reassuring to know there are so many people trying to make a change for the better.

Nursie, don't worry, start again. You can do it. You are in good company. :l

[struggles]

Newbies Nest

I made two weeks and failed this weekend into yesterday. I am reading all the posts and they help. So today is day one for me again. This is the hardest part, trying to get through today without drinking to ease the uneasiness I feel. I know it leads to nothing good, but my brain is saying just have a drink....but one drink will lead me to 20!

[Siren136]

Newbies Nest

Morning all! I have been struggling lately. I have not been completely AF but have significantly cut back from where I was a month ago. I'm still in the Bargaining stage that Byrdie was talking about yesterday. I'm not entirely happy with myself, but I get up each day intending to try again. I have been sick so my resolve has been very weak.

Last night I said "screw it" and went down and "stole" a small bottle of mead from my husband's larder. I opened it and walked upstairs intending to drink it. Thankfully I 'played it forward' and knew that I wouldn't get a good night's sleep if I did that and I wanted to be up early for a workout. So I put it away and didn't have any. I'll tell my husband about it later and let him drink it.

Lots of stress at work these days. I have a big presentation to give Thursday that I am not ready for, so tonight may be a late night. I might not post at all if I'm feeling strong, but if the stress makes me want to drink I may just check in for some words of strength.

I hope everyone has a wonderful AF day!