Newbies Nest

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

Good morning!
Just popping in to catch up on posts.
DD - I too was a highly functioning alcoholic. I am purposely NOT telling my mother and some of my friends that I have stopped drinking because I have a problem. Why? Because they will simply tell me that is ridiculous and that I don't have a problem at all. When I feel more comfortable being AF and no longer have the urge to drink, I will tell them. Until then, my sobriety will be on the down low. I know that I am an alcoholic even if others don't. The fact that you searched and found this site should tell you something. Also, because of your loss, you may feel deep down that no matter what you don't want to get sick like your brother...whatever reason, it certainly doesn't hurt to explore this more and seeing what happens if you stop drinking at least for a while.....when I first found this site I wasn't sure if I was an alcoholic.....this can be a very slow process for some - especially those that don't have a rock bottom.....
good luck with whatever you decide

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good Tuesday morning Nesters!

The nest is very busy these days & that means more & more of us have come to the conclusion that allowing AL to run our lives is not what we want
Whether you remain abstinent or drink moderately is entirely your choice. Each of us needs to do an honest & thorough assessment of the role of AL in our lives. I chose abstinence because it was the right thing for me & I have no regrets, never will!
If you do 30 days AF & then decide you still want AL in your life please know that your struggle will never end. I just found it easier to remove AL once & for all.

Wishing everyone a great AF Tuesday!
Lav

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

hey draper...jennie's right. The fact that you have tried to quit, and the fact that you searched for and found this site should tell you that it's worth it to at least give some more thought to it. (wow, that is bad sentence structure!) Most of us, honestly, aren't thinking that we want to quit completely when we first get here....but for lots, it's an inevitable conclusion once we see how much easier and clearer life can be without juggling drinking and sobriety...Give it some time without alcohol, to see what you're like without it. :-)

There is a mid winter break from school this week, so hanging out with the kid. I cringe at the thought of how close I came to wasting these last couple of years of having him in the house....I'm so thankful to be able to navigate each day clearly and much more happily. :-)

[Hippyman]

Newbies Nest

Happy Tuesday Nesters! Last night I had a puzzling dream. It was back in the early days of the settling of the New World. It seemed that I was on a ship and we all where straving. We swam ashore and were welcomed into a Indian village. There was much commotion about my light colored hair? I remember offering beads, wine and beer for food. It all seemed so real. Not like a normal dream. Almost like I had actually been there and done that. Many people who are in my life today were also there??? Amazingly enough it felt like a past life that was effecting the life I'm living now? Strange but true! Enjoy a sober day and don't forget to smile!

[spiderwoman]

Newbies Nest

I have done a lot of reading on this thread but not much posting. I think the fact we are here in the first place is an acknowledgement that there is cause for concern. Like lots of others I had no convictions and haven't been in trouble. What I have had is a weight problem, unnecessary debt, injuries, problems in my relationships with my partner and children and health issues. Quite list when its all written down!

I have managed to stay AF so far because I know if I have even one drink I might never get back to this point and I like it here. No planning the booze run, allowing money to get myself home after a few drinks with friends - which too be brutally honest were no more than premeditated benders, no more lies to me.

I have friends say to me that one won't matter - to that "friend" but for me the consequences would be devastating. In this war being totally honest with myself is proving to be the most important element. That and avoiding drinking pals. After only ten weeks there have been compliments about how much better my skin looks and how I look healthier. Add that to normal blood pressure and a recovering liver and its a damn good reason to keep going. When AL makes an appearance with friends my new reply to whether I want wine is "I would love a glass but unfortunately it: no longer likes me."
C
Thank you all the other posters new and long timers - you have kept me in line for the last few weeeks which I really appreciate.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Draper, this might help you....I'm in a real push for time, so I didn't have time to tidy it up...knowing that ALK is progressive, if I wouldn't stopped at Stage 1 or even 2, I'd have saved myself a whole lotta pain and suffering...I was a solid Stage 3 heading to 4, it was just a matter of time....here you go.

The 4 stages of alcoholism
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alcoholism is a progressive degenerative disease that includes the following four symptoms: craving, physical dependence, tolerance, and the loss of control.

Alcoholism is a complex topic that can be better understood when it is studied and assessed via the four alcoholism stages. And keep in mind that when the term "alcoholism" is used, this also means "alcohol addiction," "alcohol dependency," or "alcohol dependence."

Alcoholism: The First Stage

In the first stage of alcoholism, drinking is no longer social but becomes a means of emotional escape from inhibitions, problems, inhibitions. Stated differently, during the first stage of alcoholism, drinking is, in many instances, a psychological attempt to escape from reality. For instance, early in the disease an individual starts to depend on the mood-altering effects of alcohol.

Another observable characteristic of the first stage of alcoholism is that a slow and gradual increase in tolerance develops, meaning that more and more amounts of alcohol are needed for the individual to "get high" or to "feel the buzz." For example, it is common for problem drinkers in the first stage of alcoholism to start gulping one or two drinks before attending a social function and then to increase social drinking to 3 to 5 drinks per day.

Alcoholism: The Second Stage

In the second stage of alcoholism, the need to drink becomes more powerful. For example, it is common during this stage for the problem drinker to start to drink earlier in the day.

As tolerance increases, furthermore, the individual with the drinking problem drinks not because of psychological tension or stress relief, but because of his or her dependence on alcohol. During this stage of the disease, even though the "loss of control" does not occur on a regular basis, it is, nevertheless, starting to become more noticeable by others such as relatives, family members, neighbors, friends, and co-workers.

Also during this stage of the disease, the problem drinker may begin to feel more concerned and embarrassed about his or her drinking. Often during this stage, problem drinkers are unsuccessful in their attempts to stop drinking.

In this stage, physical symptoms such as hangovers, blackouts, hand tremors, and stomach problems increase. Interestingly, instead of seeing their drinking as the root of the many problems and issues they experience, however, drinkers with a drinking problem in this stage frequently start to blame others and things external to themselves for their difficulties.

Alcoholism: The Third Stage

In the third stage of alcoholism, the loss of control becomes more severe and more observable. This means that problem drinkers are unable to drink in accordance with their intentions. For example, once the individual takes the first drink, he or she commonly can no longer control further drinking behavior, in spite of the fact that the intent might have been to have just "one or two drinks." It should be stressed that an important aspect of this stage of the illness is the following: the drinker often starts to experience more serious drinking problems as well as alcohol-related employment, relationship, financial, and legal problems.

In the third stage of alcoholism, it is common for the problem drinker to start avoiding friends and family and to show a lack of interest in activities and events that once were fun or important. Also typical during this stage are "eye-openers," that is, drinks that are taken whenever the problem drinker awakens. Eye-openers are taken mainly to "calm the nerves," lessen a hangover, or to quiet the feelings of remorse the individual occasionally experiences after a period of time without consuming a drink.

As the drinking increases the individual with the drinking problem starts to neglect most things of importance, even necessities such as food, water, personal hygiene, shelter, and personal interaction. And finally, during this stage, the drinker often makes half-hearted attempts at getting professional medical assistance.

Alcoholism: The Fourth Stage

The fourth and last stage of alcoholism is characterized by a chronic loss of control. In the earlier stages of the illness, the problem drinker may have been successful in maintaining a job. Due to the fact that drinking during this stage frequently starts earlier in the day and commonly continues throughout the day, however, few, if any, full-time jobs can be maintained under these conditions.

In the earlier stages of the illness, the problem drinker had a choice whether he or she would take the first drink. After taking the first drink, the drinker typically lost all control and would then continue drinking. In the last stage of alcoholism, however, alcoholics no longer have a choice: they need to drink in order to function on a daily basis.

During the fourth stage of alcoholism, benders are typical. More to the point, in the fourth stage of alcoholism the alcoholic frequently gets helplessly drunk and may remain in this predicament for a number of days or weeks. The unattainable goal for the drinker while engaging in his or her bender is to experience the "high" they he or she once experienced.

In the second or third stages of alcoholism the drinker's hands may have trembled slightly on mornings after getting drunk the previous night. In the fourth and last stage of alcoholism, conversely, alcoholics get "the shakes" whenever they attempt or are forced to refrain from drinking.

These tremors are an indication of a serious nervous disorder that now affects the drinker's entire body. When "the shakes" are combined with hallucinations, furthermore, the result is known as "the DTs" or delirium tremens. The DTs are a potentially deadly kind of alcoholism withdrawal that almost always takes place unless the alcoholic receives immediate alcoholism treatment. It may come as no surprise that after an attack of the DTs, more than a few alcoholics promise to never drink again. Sadly, most of them do not and cannot fulfill their promise. Consequently, they more often than not return to drinking and the alcoholic drinking patterns and drinking problem start all over again.


From the information discussed above, it can be concluded that the four stages of alcoholism paint a bleak picture for individuals who are alcohol addicted. Perhaps learning about the destructive and damaging outcomes and the unhealthy nature of alcoholism may not make a much of an impact on most individuals who are already chronically alcohol dependent.

It is hoped, however, that by exposing the facts about alcohol dependency and about the stages of alcoholism to our youth BEFORE they start consuming alcohol in an abuse and irresponsible manner will prevent many of our teenagers from experiencing the drinking problems and the unhealthy and devastating realities suffered by most alcoholics

Finding a quality treatment program can be a difficult process. That's why it is important to log on & post here daily and of course other forums or organisations like this,
copied from web.








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[New Day]

Newbies Nest

Good day Nesters.......lets make being AF the new "cool"........ Yes, it's going to be a slow moving trend, but it wasn't too many years ago when it was "cool" to smoke. Does anyone remember being allowed to smoke on airplanes? The thought is just totally disgusting! ......and smoking in restaurants!......I would leave a restaurant now if that was allowed. My hubby still smokes, but he's banished to the garage ......I can't believe we used to smoke in the house too......how uncool is that!
I'm going to try and think of drinking in the same way.

[Oneredshoe]

Newbies Nest

kuya;1465386 wrote: One....acceptance is the place to be, no more bargaining, no more ifs and buts.....you just don't drink anymore.
Take that one thing OUT and MANY other things take its place.

But for now, tread slowly, be kind to yourself, be patient.....peace will be here shortly

Kuya....I am treading slowly, one day at a time. Slow and steady....eyes on the prize.

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Daisy, Daisy, Daisy!!! Dear Daisy :l
You have done it!! You have achieved your first goal of SEVEN DAYS Alcohol Free and we are SO PROUD of YOU!!! We know it's not easy, so, on behalf of the Newbies Nest- we award you the FULL MOON
:moon:
This prize is for kickin' AL's arse to the curb! Daisy, you are doing great and showing us ALL how it is done!
Keep up the good work!

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Thank you for all of the support last evening. I feel very good this morning and now in retrospect, all the "fuss" seems silly. But - I know it was real for me and I've got to be ready to get through the voices in my head that tell me it would be fine to have just a bit of wine... that I don't really have a problem... etc. Anyway, I appreciate the help squashing all that crazy talk.

I hope all of you have a peaceful, AF day.

NS

[nonamegirl]

Newbies Nest

Thank you, Kairos

[QUOTE=Kairos;1465376]Hi DD,
It's not really a problem of the 'amount' you drink as it is about your ability to control it, or the detrimental affect it has on your sense of well being. It's about how much time and space it occupies in your head. It's about your inability to take it or leave it like normal drinkers can. It's about your need to rationalise your habit so that you feel less guilty when you wake up yet another morning feeling you had a little too much. You don't have to get blind drunk every night to know that you drink too often, or to know that alcohol controls you and not the other way round.
I think there comes a point in every drinker's 'career' when they have to be absolutely honest with themselves - never mind whether anyone else feels you have a problem. It's whether YOU believe that you have a problem that counts. That's your starting point.

Kairos, Thank you for saying this. I needed to hear this today. Yes, I know that I rationalize, I know that I THINK I will control it, and sometimes do, but then in the long run I don't. I rationalize by saying to myself that I have every other part of my life in tight control. I'm a good person, right? Having a drink with my husband (who doesn't have a problem) is so good... and then I go and top off my glass when he's out of the room. Like he doesn't know?

Didn't have a drink last night. A step in the right direction. Thanks again, Kairos. :l

[freethinker]

Newbies Nest

Thanks to everyone for the thoughtful responses to my rather lengthly post.

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning, Everyone :l It's good to be back in the nest. I really missed you guys!

Jennifire- Hello, and you are sounding well yourself! Good luck on Day 4. Your full moon award is just around the corner. Stay warm today!

Hi ICan- great job on getting back in the saddle! Keep up the good work! Youcan, Ican!

No Sugar - Terrific work on pouring that wine out. I believe you are correct in saying that letting go of the idea that we can not drink is something that must be accepted by each one of us on a deeper level. It is not easy, but eventually, we all must do it. Lav has the best advice about not trying to "force" the idea, but just to ACCEPT it! Things definitely are much simpler that way! (Thanks, Lav!)

Pinecone :l- You are so thoughtful! Thanks for your welcome back! That made me smile!

Dottie- My friend- Huge congrats on 2 days! You got this girl! This is YOUR time! Let's go!

Welcome, Drape!- I have to agree with the others. We are all at different stages of this disease, but something tells me that if you found us, you may have a problem. Stick around - it couldn't hurt!

Hi Jimmy- I am so happy to hear that you are doing well with your "living in the moment". I am working on that myself. I do better at some times than others, but it is something I strive for. I am working on that during Lent!

Onered- So good to see you again. Big Congrats on 15 days!

Kuya! Thank you, so much for spending time with us here in the nest. You have the absolute BEST advice. We love you here!

Hey Dimension- I am still waiting on my mind to join back up with me. :nutso: I look forward to that. Glad you are enjoying having yours back!

Paisley- that's the way to do it! One step at a time! Keep up the great work!

Welcome back, Struggles- stay close! All you gotta do is get through this day-

Hi Jenniech- Great job on getting thru that long weekend and your ski trip. Every achievement like that makes you MUCH STRONGER. You are doing Great!

Hi my sweet Byrdie and thanks again for all you hard work here! We love you! :heartsnflowers:

Have a great AF day, Everyone!

[jIMMYDAMA]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters, Tuesday still feeling great, I think that living every moment in its own time is helping me so much. I still plan, forecast and prepare for the future I'm just not allowing myself to be that concerned. It's kinda like my kids say IDK, I don't have the answers. I'm not gonna worry and like the song "I'm not in a hurry today"
I'm gonna rely on my 50+ years experience to handle things as they present themselves and I'm not going to allow myself to be that concerned. One of the posts in the tool box really hit home, the crosses I bear will be the ones I choose to carry, and Martyrs get burned at the stake.
On of my really good friends and fellow coach said to me last night "there goes your friend," being very facetious, the person he referred to never had anything good to say about us,
I replied "her opinion of me and how she feels about me is none of my business and I really don't give a S!$@. "

I think I'm really going to like this like this new, sober, DGAS Me!

Thanks for being here and for allowing me to chart and detail my progress, and I truly hope I am helping my fellow travelers on this journey with what is happening to me and my outlook !
Have a wonderful day, I'll check in tonight! j. :thanks:

[Hippyman]

Newbies Nest

OMG, What a good idea!!!

New Day;1465447 wrote: Good day Nesters.......lets make being AF the new "cool"........ Yes, it's going to be a slow moving trend, but it wasn't too many years ago when it was "cool" to smoke. Does anyone remember being allowed to smoke on airplanes? The thought is just totally disgusting! ......and smoking in restaurants!......I would leave a restaurant now if that was allowed. My hubby still smokes, but he's banished to the garage ......I can't believe we used to smoke in the house too......how uncool is that!
I'm going to try and think of drinking in the same way.