Newbies Nest
Evening all! I didn't get a chance to go back from this mornings post, but I took a quick scan since then. Looks like everyone is doing pretty good.
I assumed that post/point would resonate with some here. I think so many of us have tended to loved ones' needs and situations they've found themselves in and to others out of a fear we will be rejected or moral obligation if we don't while ignoring our own needs . This has led to an invitation to AL as a way to cope with our self neglect and over extension. As I was reading Nanette's response I am reminded of what I wrote in my journal yesterday. Fear can be so damaging to us and is often behind many behaviors we exhibit. We want to control things because we are afraid of the outcome or the pain we may feel from watching those loved ones suffer or any possible rejection we may have to face by saying no. Here is a small insert of my entry:
"I shrugged (a reference to Atlas Shrugged title meaning shrugging the weight of the world off the shoulders). No longer will I carry the responsibility or consequences of the actions and choices of others. They now answer for their own choices. If they get hurt, I will not carry that pain. It it their consequence. I've been afraid of feeling the emotional pain of watching them suffer, so I do everything to save them from the repercussions of their actions."
There is more, but you get the idea. We are afraid (fear) of feeling hurt, so we involve ourselves deeply in the business of others trying to control the outcome so we don't feel the pain or hurt. Inevitably we wind up feeling the pain anyway as the life gets sucked out of us taking on what is not ours to take on. We lose focus on taking care of ourselves and our lives unravel. When you decide to stop picking up the pieces and let others take care of their own messes, you may just well have some serious backlash, lose or discard some people in your life and feel the pain from that action. However, you will be free from the burden and shrugged that tremendous weight off of your shoulders. This is something I have been working through. I have felt the backlash, experienced loss and pain, but I would not change what I am doing. I should have already done this, but I wasn't ready. My first two AF periods failed first because I hadn't dealt or addressed my issues properly and the second time because it was so painful to do so. BUT, through all that darkness, I am now starting to see sunshine and get back to taking care of me. I'm still in the process of cleaning up this issue and the consequences to myself, but I really am beginning to feel like the weight of the world is slipping away...
As I approach my 30 day mark and head to my next goal of 60 days which I have not achieved yet, I wanted to state how it is different this time for me. I'm digging deeper and implementing real change with actions and it's for me, not someone else. In other words, the motivation is internal, not coming from an external source.
Oneredshoe...that song just popped into my head that morning loud and clear. I felt it should be in the NN.
Did you know there 'is' a listening thread? Fallen Angel and I post some beautiful music that is great for yoga or meditation under the Lisa Gerrard thread. It's not that perky piece, but maybe you will enjoy it.:l
You're welcome Star. Already mentioned Nanette and Lola, yes it is nice to remember. I look forward to even more clearing of the fog. It is truly good to be free and feeling healthier as the days progress.
Change the wish to action...productivity and implementing solutions is really key.imo
Everyone hang tough and know it gets better. I have my ups and downs, but the ups are so worth it. Escaping is misery with no action toward solving the problem.
Love,
Slay
:l:h
Evening all! I didn't get a chance to go back from this mornings post, but I took a quick scan since then. Looks like everyone is doing pretty good.
I assumed that post/point would resonate with some here. I think so many of us have tended to loved ones' needs and situations they've found themselves in and to others out of a fear we will be rejected or moral obligation if we don't while ignoring our own needs . This has led to an invitation to AL as a way to cope with our self neglect and over extension. As I was reading Nanette's response I am reminded of what I wrote in my journal yesterday. Fear can be so damaging to us and is often behind many behaviors we exhibit. We want to control things because we are afraid of the outcome or the pain we may feel from watching those loved ones suffer or any possible rejection we may have to face by saying no. Here is a small insert of my entry:
"I shrugged (a reference to Atlas Shrugged title meaning shrugging the weight of the world off the shoulders). No longer will I carry the responsibility or consequences of the actions and choices of others. They now answer for their own choices. If they get hurt, I will not carry that pain. It it their consequence. I've been afraid of feeling the emotional pain of watching them suffer, so I do everything to save them from the repercussions of their actions."
There is more, but you get the idea. We are afraid (fear) of feeling hurt, so we involve ourselves deeply in the business of others trying to control the outcome so we don't feel the pain or hurt. Inevitably we wind up feeling the pain anyway as the life gets sucked out of us taking on what is not ours to take on. We lose focus on taking care of ourselves and our lives unravel. When you decide to stop picking up the pieces and let others take care of their own messes, you may just well have some serious backlash, lose or discard some people in your life and feel the pain from that action. However, you will be free from the burden and shrugged that tremendous weight off of your shoulders. This is something I have been working through. I have felt the backlash, experienced loss and pain, but I would not change what I am doing. I should have already done this, but I wasn't ready. My first two AF periods failed first because I hadn't dealt or addressed my issues properly and the second time because it was so painful to do so. BUT, through all that darkness, I am now starting to see sunshine and get back to taking care of me. I'm still in the process of cleaning up this issue and the consequences to myself, but I really am beginning to feel like the weight of the world is slipping away...
As I approach my 30 day mark and head to my next goal of 60 days which I have not achieved yet, I wanted to state how it is different this time for me. I'm digging deeper and implementing real change with actions and it's for me, not someone else. In other words, the motivation is internal, not coming from an external source.
Oneredshoe...that song just popped into my head that morning loud and clear. I felt it should be in the NN.
Did you know there 'is' a listening thread? Fallen Angel and I post some beautiful music that is great for yoga or meditation under the Lisa Gerrard thread. It's not that perky piece, but maybe you will enjoy it.:lYou're welcome Star. Already mentioned Nanette and Lola, yes it is nice to remember. I look forward to even more clearing of the fog. It is truly good to be free and feeling healthier as the days progress.
Change the wish to action...productivity and implementing solutions is really key.imo
Everyone hang tough and know it gets better. I have my ups and downs, but the ups are so worth it. Escaping is misery with no action toward solving the problem.
Love,
Slay
:l:h
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