Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Moni...I'm sorry this guy turned out to be a butt wipe. Better to know sooner than later.
That's why staying in touch with this site (or around like minded people) is so important to US. The world is telling us and encouraging us all to drink and enjoy ourlselves! Everyone is a pusher of this legal drug....for us, we are swimming against the current and it's hard to do all the time, UNLESS you are amongst others who have to do it, too. For us, one drink is too many. It truly is an ALCOHELL.
Please stay strong...stay with us! You've listed a couple of reasons today and I don't want to see you fall backwards! Nothing is made better by AL. It is a trap! Byrdie

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1468472 wrote: Moni...I'm sorry this guy turned out to be a butt wipe. Better to know sooner than later.
That's why staying in touch with this site (or around like minded people) is so important to US. The world is telling us and encouraging us all to drink and enjoy ourlselves! Everyone is a pusher of this legal drug....for us, we are swimming against the current and it's hard to do all the time, UNLESS you are amongst others who have to do it, too. For us, one drink is too many. It truly is an ALCOHELL.
Please stay strong...stay with us! You've listed a couple of reasons today and I don't want to see you fall backwards! Nothing is made better by AL. It is a trap! Byrdie

Why did all this happen in so many different parts of the world? I know the liquor industry is big but it still doesn't make sense to me that so many people could be duped.

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

Hey Moni, I'm with Perse and Brydlady. WHO NEEDS 'EM'!!!! Look at the bright side of this, you've already seen a side of him that would be trouble in a relationship...dishonesty and selfish behavior. It's so much better to see it early on then after someone has your heart in their possession and proceeds to shred it apart. Consider yourself lucky. The glass is half full! Find something lovely or enjoyable to do for you, and forget about him. I know there are people in a relationship here, but you don't need a mate to be happy. In fact it can often make you miserable especially when you aren't right for one another. Never settle!!! If you are feeling rejected from this, get your mind back on track. There are all kinds of people in the world and we don't match up with everyone. You found that out quick. I had to go through hell and I am still in the battle. Chin up, girl.

It's a y instead of a i, but who cares. The song came to my mind immediately when reading this stuff. Be you and rock it. Never let someone make you feel down on yourself. It may not fit, but it sure has a great upbeat sound. I used to dance to this all the time when I was younger.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E97CmNK3NtU[/video]]Billy Idol - Mony Mony (Lyrics) - YouTube

Decide I'm not giving this dude another minute in my head! (Thanks goes to FA.)

Love,

Slay

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

NoSugar;1468483 wrote: Why did all this happen in so many different parts of the world? I know the liquor industry is big but it still doesn't make sense to me that so many people could be duped.

It happens everyday with all kinds of things. We are constantly getting programmed by marketers and societies who have bought into it all. I've always called it drones living in Dronesville.

"What's that you say? I'm not normal for wearing white pants and shoes in the wintertime and not drinking at a social event. Hells, bells! Now, where did I put those white pants, shoes and AF wine?"

And they collectively said, mg! he he

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Slay...great words there...
NoSug....I don't know when it happened or if I'm now just sensitive to it. BUT it's not just the marketing of it....it's people in general who don't understand addiction! Our friends and family who don't understand that 'just one will hurt us'. BAD! In a million years would you say to a known heroin addict, "here you go, just one won't hurt you"....NO. But unless you advertise about yourself that you are a raging ALKIE, people will offer and try to get you to join in. I think most of them don't know the depth of the problem, and it's on US to keep vigilant and strong. Even the story that Struggles told us about that doctor!!! With all due respect, I don't think they know what to do with us either.....like Hippyman says only an ALK can help and ALK....I think he's got it right. Perhaps it's a combination of ignorance/marketing/vulnerability.....B

[Elliesmom]

Newbies Nest

halo;1468410 wrote: Feeling the blues, need some sun shine, has anyone ever been diagnosed with SAD, seasonal affective disorder?? Did it ever affect your drinking patterns. I wonder if more people tend to drink when in hibernation from the cold or celebrating when the sunshine and warm weather arises, or does it even matter???

Going to pull back on socialization, don't know when I will feel the strength to be able to go out and not be so tempted, am definitely committed to achieve day 30.

Hi Halo - try Vitamin D...seriously as close to a miracle cure for SAD as you'll find, even better than a sun lamp. I live in a far northern climate and started taking at least 4000 I.U. per day last year, per my doc's order, and within a week I was feeling MUCH better. I have a friend who moved here from Hawaii last year, and her doctor told her the same thing before she even moved here as a preventative measure. Also, Tthe next time you see a doctor, ask her to test your vitamin D levels and you'll find out for sure, but nearly everyone in cold-weather climates have vitamin D deficiencies in winter. I hope that helps...the blahs totally suck! Combined with the chemistry changes in your brain related to going AF, vitamin D supplments might be exactly what you need!

Feel better soon,

Elliesmom

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening everyone!

Busy, busy here ~ nice

struggles, where exactly are you located, if I may ask? I worked nearly 30 years in hospitals here in the US & never once did I ever hand over AL to a patient or a visitor. Hospitals do not stock beer around here
I hope your Mom heals quickly & does something about her own drinking issue. Stick to your plan & remember to say NO THANKS to anyone making an offer like that in the future.

Persephone, you took the words right out of my mouth in your response to moni :H

Moni, I am also sorry your date was such an asshole - let him go, promptly!
You are too important right now to have to deal with that BS

Well, the birthday party for my grandaughter was a complete success. No one puked :H
Dear God, my grandson will be turning 2 as well the fiirst week of April so we'll do this all over again!

Hippy, soaking the beans overnight then simmering until tender works for me everytime.

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

Elliesmom;1468543 wrote: Hi Halo - try Vitamin D...seriously as close to a miracle cure for SAD as you'll find, even better than a sun lamp. I live in a far northern climate and started taking at least 4000 I.U. per day last year, per my doc's order, and within a week I was feeling MUCH better. I have a friend who moved here from Hawaii last year, and her doctor told her the same thing before she even moved here as a preventative measure. Also, Tthe next time you see a doctor, ask her to test your vitamin D levels and you'll find out for sure, but nearly everyone in cold-weather climates have vitamin D deficiencies in winter. I hope that helps...the blahs totally suck! Combined with the chemistry changes in your brain related to going AF, vitamin D supplments might be exactly what you need!

GREAT advice, Ellie. I had the same problem as I don't get a lot of sun in the winter months. At my doctor's office, checking women for Vitamin D deficiency has become a regular test. Mine was next to zip. At first I was put on a megadose I had to take once a week. When I stopped taking it, I went right back to a deficiency again. So, a couple months ago, my new doctor told me to take 4000 to 5000 IU daily. Very common, indeed! Magnesium deficiency is, also, common. I posted an article about how to get some in your body on the research thread. In general, we are depleted of many nutrients from AL abuse.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Thanks for your replies Slay and Bird,

I think understanding this is important if there ever is going to be change on a population level. What we are doing here for one another on an individual basis is fabulous but there are so many people who don't know where to look for help or have the resources to do so.

The phrase 'drugs and alcohol ' pisses me off and I think is part of the problem. Alcohol is not viewed by the 'drinking public' as a drug because 1- it is legal and 2- so many people enjoy it and think that intake can be controlled by a 'normal' person (i.e. one like them) .
If we got rid of the word 'alcoholic' and used 'drug addict', it would make people really uncomfortable - so maybe that is what I will do from now on because I want people to feel downright awful about glamorizing something that is killing people.

The more I think about this the madder I'm getting. Thanks for listening. NS

[Elliesmom]

Newbies Nest

I have a minor complaint I want to share that's been bugging me, which seems totally stupid on its face, but I can't tell anyone else and you folks are all I've got when it comes to discussing AL isssues so here goes nothing. Keep in mind, this is pretty minor in the scheme of what others are struggling with, so please forgive the petty nature and skip over completely if you want, because even to me this is already sounding ridiculously silly.

Today is Day 23 for me AF and I've been married for 23 years. I think I've said several other times that I hid my problem from my husband pretty well, going through a liter of gin every 3 days at least. That's 3 big gin bottles a week in recycling, not to manage the boxes of wine. I wasn't always perfect at hiding it, and over 23 years of marriage my husband has had dozens of talks with me about his concern about my drinking when he would occasionally find the week's worth of empties, or know I was totally hung over in the mornings. He has a glass of wine now and then -- like once a week and only out for dinner -- but that's it. When he would ask about the bottles, or even get really angry with me when I was hung over or couldn't pick up the kids at night because I'd been drinking, I'd lie but would know he didn't believe me.

I promised him I'd quit many times in the past, but it never lasted more than 10 days or so. So this time, no big announcements -- I just did it. I reached rock bottom totally in private and had that moment of clarity 23 days ago, joined MWO the next morning, and never told him I quit.

So here's what bugs me. He hasn't even noticed I've stopped drinking! I thought maybe he was just not saying anything about it since I didn't make the usual grand announcement that I was changing my life. I thought perhaps he was respecting the fact that I maybe don't want to talk about it. Or maybe he thought he'd jinx it if he said something. But after a week on a family road trip, I realized very clearly that he HAS NO IDEA.

3 times we went out to nice restaurants for dinner last week and he ordered a glass of wine and asked me what I wanted, but I'd get lemonade with the kids. The last night he asked if I wanted to get a BOTTLE of wine, which would have been cheaper than 2 glasses. I told him I just wanted milk and he didn't even miss a beat and just ordered himself a glass. Then the last day we were at a waterpark and he ordered some fruity mixed drink and brought it over to me saying, "Hey this is fantastic, you've gotta try it!" I just said "no thanks" and that was it. What the hell?

I totally realize I could just tell him, but now it's become a game to see how long this will go on. And secretly now I'm worried that I'll jinx it if I tell him. Like I said, these sounds stupid to me as I'm typing because I could easily remedy this and tell him, but I really wanted him to notice on his own. It's not like I just colored my hair or something.

So for anyone who hung in there during this irrational vent, Happy Sunday -- and to all, here come warm wishes for a really awesomely fantastically glorious MONDAY!! (A little optimism can't hurt...)

Peace,

Elliesmom

[moni]

Newbies Nest

I think in the words from my favourite movie, I have the reds today (worse than the blues). I find these days very difficult since I became AF because previously I blamed alcohol for them. Now I know everybody has bad days and giving up doesn't solve everything and make life fluffy and constantly wonderful. I just still find the blows life hits me tough to deal with. I missed my parents terribly today. 4 times I went to call them and then got so sad. Thankfully these moments never prompt me to drink and I don't keep alcohol in the house anyway.

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

Ellie, that isn't silly. I doubt that many here wouldn't feel the same way. Of course, for one you'd want some recognition for the achievement and effort you are putting forth especially after he has noted it is a problem. Knowing my mind, I would be thinking, 'don't you even care or love me enough to notice'? I loved Perse's post today concerning the book 'Unwashed' and it's not about you. It struck me as very wise advice.

I don't know your husband, but he may be feeling the same way you are...that if he mentions it, the sobriety will end. It could be because he just feels you SHOULD be doing it as he doesn't realize just how hard it can be or a number of reasons. Maybe he feels you don't want to talk about it as you haven't mentioned it THIS TIME. IMO, the best way to handle this is to keep your focus on the fact that you are doing for YOU! To make a better life for you. When I was doing it for others, I fell on my face. This time it is really about me and I don't care what anyone else things, good or bad. With that said, we know how hard it is and we'll give you the recognition. YOU are doing fantastic. Best way to win is to keep the eye on YOU concerning this.

:l girl!

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

Evening all,
The sun was shining today so that made for an enjoyable shopping trip.
TV will stink tonight...the oscars dont interest me at all since we rarely go to see any movies..so i hope some other cable channels will keep me interested.
Feeling good today but slept strangely last night...weird dreams again....but I didnt have to get up early so this was OK....
Seems the AL commercials are everywhere. Displays in the store etc....just need ignore them ALL....
Dottie

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Moni...I just watched those Rain in My Heart Documentaries that are under the general discussion tab. I've heard about them for years. Dam, what a wake up call...I've been sober for 2 years and it scared me straight!!! Maybe a reminder like that is what might help you get out of these reds/blues/or dumps you are in...to see just how far you have come...BUT what lurks ahead if it's uncontrolled. There are lots of other interesting snippets of videos there, too.
I'm sorry you are in the pits...what can we do to help? Have you eaten something?

Elliesmom...I worry that your hubs is going to unwittingly sabbotage you! Maybe you should tell him that you have quit...Men are just wired differently, I wouldn't get mad at him for not noticing...and remember, you are doing this for YOU! Would it be NICE if he noticed and went on and on about how great you look and how well you are doing??? Yep, but alas...We will give you those kudos!! Just keep it going and don't look back!!!
PS, you look fabulous and you are doing GREAT~~ XO, Byrdie

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Slay, cross post...SAME MESSAGE!!!! Fist Bump!
Dot Bell....nice going lady! You are doing great, too~ Hang in and be good to yourself tonight....tomorrow it's back in the Lion's Den for us. UGG! Thinking of you...B