Newbies Nest

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Hey Bobbyslife. I don't know what shape you are in or what you have to eat in the house. I've heard from some people that a hot bowl of chicken noodle soup is not too heavy and makes them feel much better. A multi-vitamin wouldn't hurt either, as alcohol depletes a lot of critical nutrients. In fact, a lack of B vitamins has been shown to contribute to a lot of mental problems, including depression and alcohol cravings.

Whatever happens, Bobby, stay with us. Staying away will only make you feel more isolated, depressed and hopeless. Please accept our offer of help. We are not here to judge you, only to help and support you. And to offer our friendship. So glad you are here!

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

A message from a Newbie to the Super-newbies

Hello,

I tried to stop drinking on my own the last half of 2012 and had reasonably good success when I was away from home visiting someone or on vacation but slipped back into old habits at home and would drink too much wine most evenings. Around Christmas I thought I had beaten AL but then regressed AGAIN. I found several online support forums and decided that I would try one despite never having participated in (or believed in the success of) anything like this. I visited the “new” section of 3 forums and liked this one best because of the overall tone members used with one another (mostly unconditional love and support) and the words of several of the successfully AF mentors in the Newbies Nest really resonated with me (I need to hear “no BS straight talk”). So I lurked for awhile and finally got up the nerve to join. I also decided I had to make this work because:

1. I have to stop drinking.
2. I can’t do it alone.
3. I won’t voluntarily go to a face-to-face meeting.

So that is the background that made me give MWO a try. The point of this message is that I noticed several new people in the nest over the last few days that seem to want very much to succeed, just like I do.

Maybe the “MWO rules” I made for myself after lurking and learning from the people here who have remained AF for extended periods (Thanks to all of you!) that have helped me so far will help one of you:

1. Read as many threads as you can and post often. It takes a great deal of time and posting is tricky if that is not your normal personality. It isn’t mine but I’ve forced myself to do it and it is becoming less difficult. I think it is important to post when you are feeling good and strong so that it feels natural for you to do it when you are struggling and need help. Plus, members can help you better if you have given them the chance to know you.

2. Don’t read threads that undermine your goals. For example, I do not read threads that promote moderation because I could feel myself losing my resolve to stay AF when I read them.

3. I promised myself that when tempted to drink, I would first post and give MWO the chance to work its magic. Because this is a global forum, it seems that someone who is willing to help you is always online. (Please give us more than 5 seconds! Be patient and someone will be there).

4. I promised myself I would post about my anxiety when an upcoming event would involve alcohol and I was worried about my ability to resist temptation. The ‘words of wisdom’ I received in responses have armored me.

5. I probably should have put this first – I resolved never to lie on MWO. Therefore, as a proxy for being accountable to myself, I am 100% accountable here. Just knowing I will have to post my failure motivates me not to fail and has stopped me from drinking on several occasions.

6. Make this the # 1 priority in your life right now, ahead of reading books, watching movies, working out, etc. All of those things are a better part of my life AF but they are secondary to the work I do to BE AF.

7. Be as kind to yourself as you see MWO members be to one another in their posts.

8. Forgive yourself - the past can't be changed but the sober you can live your best possible life beginning now. I was told by a wonderful person here on MWO that 'the person you will be NEEDED this addiction'. I can see fleeting glimpses... The failures and struggles are humbling me and as I work through the addiction and careening emotions, I can feel myself softening and becoming more tolerant and compassionate. I'm looking forward to being the New Me --- she is going to be much more fun and loving than the old one!

I hope something here can help one of you.

NoSugar

P.S. GET ALL OF THE ALCOHOL OUT OF YOUR HOUSE, GARAGE, CAR, OR WHEREVER ELSE YOU HID IT!!

[Siren136]

Newbies Nest

NoSugar;1469077 wrote: Hello,

I tried to stop drinking on my own the last half of 2012 and had reasonably good success when I was away from home visiting someone or on vacation but slipped back into old habits at home and would drink too much wine most evenings. Around Christmas I thought I had beaten AL but then regressed AGAIN. I found several online support forums and decided that I would try one despite never having participated in (or believed in the success of) anything like this. I visited the ?new? section of 3 forums and liked this one best because of the overall tone members used with one another (mostly unconditional love and support) and the words of several of the successfully AF mentors in the Newbies Nest really resonated with me (I need to hear ?no BS straight talk?). So I lurked for awhile and finally got up the nerve to join. I also decided I had to make this work because:

1. I have to stop drinking.
2. I can?t do it alone.
3. I won?t voluntarily go to a face-to-face meeting.

So that is the background that made me give MWO a try. The point of this message is that I noticed several new people in the nest over the last few days that seem to want very much to succeed, just like I do.

Maybe the ?MWO rules? I made for myself after lurking and learning from the people here who have remained AF for extended periods (Thanks to all of you!) that have helped me so far will help one of you:

1. Read as many threads as you can and post often. It takes a great deal of time and posting is tricky if that is not your normal personality. It isn?t mine but I?ve forced myself to do it and it is becoming less difficult. I think it is important to post when you are feeling good and strong so that it feels natural for you to do it when you are struggling and need help. Plus, members can help you better if you have given them the chance to know you.

2. Don?t read threads that undermine your goals. For example, I do not read threads that promote moderation because I could feel myself losing my resolve to stay AF when I read them.

3. I promised myself that when tempted to drink, I would first post and give MWO the chance to work its magic. Because this is a global forum, it seems that someone who is willing to help you is always online. (Please give us more than 5 seconds! Be patient and someone will be there).

4. I promised myself I would post about my anxiety when an upcoming event would involve alcohol and I was worried about my ability to resist temptation. The ?words of wisdom? I received in responses have armored me.

5. I probably should have put this first ? I resolved never to lie on MWO. Therefore, as a proxy for being accountable to myself, I am 100% accountable here. Just knowing I will have to post my failure motivates me not to fail and has stopped me from drinking on several occasions.

6. Make this the # 1 priority in your life right now, ahead of reading books, watching movies, working out, etc. All of those things are a better part of my life AF but they are secondary to the work I do to BE AF.

7. Be as kind to yourself as you see MWO members be to one another in their posts.

I hope something here can help one of you.

NoSugar

P.S. GET ALL OF THE ALCOHOL OUT OF YOUR HOUSE, GARAGE, CAR, OR WHEREVER ELSE YOU HID IT!!

Noshee, you are a gem!! Truly brilliant advice!!

[free at last]

Newbies Nest

Wonderful words of advice, No Sugar. Especially the part about posting when you are extremely tempted. Did that tonight and you came back with great advice -- get rid of the available alcohol. Now ready to say I have 5 nights (and days!) AF. Thanks!

[RunningCourage]

Newbies Nest

NoSugar;1469077 wrote: Hello,

I tried to stop drinking on my own the last half of 2012 and had reasonably good success when I was away from home visiting someone or on vacation but slipped back into old habits at home and would drink too much wine most evenings. Around Christmas I thought I had beaten AL but then regressed AGAIN. I found several online support forums and decided that I would try one despite never having participated in (or believed in the success of) anything like this. I visited the ?new? section of 3 forums and liked this one best because of the overall tone members used with one another (mostly unconditional love and support) and the words of several of the successfully AF mentors in the Newbies Nest really resonated with me (I need to hear ?no BS straight talk?). So I lurked for awhile and finally got up the nerve to join. I also decided I had to make this work because:

1. I have to stop drinking.
2. I can?t do it alone.
3. I won?t voluntarily go to a face-to-face meeting.

So that is the background that made me give MWO a try. The point of this message is that I noticed several new people in the nest over the last few days that seem to want very much to succeed, just like I do.

Maybe the ?MWO rules? I made for myself after lurking and learning from the people here who have remained AF for extended periods (Thanks to all of you!) that have helped me so far will help one of you:

1. Read as many threads as you can and post often. It takes a great deal of time and posting is tricky if that is not your normal personality. It isn?t mine but I?ve forced myself to do it and it is becoming less difficult. I think it is important to post when you are feeling good and strong so that it feels natural for you to do it when you are struggling and need help. Plus, members can help you better if you have given them the chance to know you.

2. Don?t read threads that undermine your goals. For example, I do not read threads that promote moderation because I could feel myself losing my resolve to stay AF when I read them.

3. I promised myself that when tempted to drink, I would first post and give MWO the chance to work its magic. Because this is a global forum, it seems that someone who is willing to help you is always online. (Please give us more than 5 seconds! Be patient and someone will be there).

4. I promised myself I would post about my anxiety when an upcoming event would involve alcohol and I was worried about my ability to resist temptation. The ?words of wisdom? I received in responses have armored me.

5. I probably should have put this first ? I resolved never to lie on MWO. Therefore, as a proxy for being accountable to myself, I am 100% accountable here. Just knowing I will have to post my failure motivates me not to fail and has stopped me from drinking on several occasions.

6. Make this the # 1 priority in your life right now, ahead of reading books, watching movies, working out, etc. All of those things are a better part of my life AF but they are secondary to the work I do to BE AF.

7. Be as kind to yourself as you see MWO members be to one another in their posts.

I hope something here can help one of you.

NoSugar

P.S. GET ALL OF THE ALCOHOL OUT OF YOUR HOUSE, GARAGE, CAR, OR WHEREVER ELSE YOU HID IT!!

Welcome "super-newbies" ... you'll get great advice here - not least what NoSugar has just posted. Ummm.... perhaps you should copy this into the Toolbox NS? :goodjob:

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

RC, I was just gonna post that to NOSugar!! That's Tool Box material!

[Overit44]

Newbies Nest

HEY HEY HEY, I'm back. Long story but mom is doing better and is as mean as ever. I'm still on the wagon although the thought did cross my mind a time or two.

Got to get caught up at work.

Hi everyone!

[Bobbyslife]

Newbies Nest

their is great support here. I would still be drinking right now if I did not find this site. I want to eat and I have only had a banana today and the rest of the week just drank and drank rum all day and night. I want to eat but what happened to me just makes me sad and then I just have to go lay down or have that desire to go and get more alcohol. I hope this all goes away soon. especially the depression part because of her leaving and also these strong urges to drink. I will keep on reading

[RunningCourage]

Newbies Nest

Bobbyslife;1469120 wrote: their is great support here. I would still be drinking right now if I did not find this site. I want to eat and I have only had a banana today and the rest of the week just drank and drank rum all day and night. I want to eat but what happened to me just makes me sad and then I just have to go lay down or have that desire to go and get more alcohol. I hope this all goes away soon. especially the depression part because of her leaving and also these strong urges to drink. I will keep on reading

yo - it's the hardest thing - break up. it's like depression x 100. we've all been there in some way or another. but here's the thing - all you do is exacerbate the depression with the AL. trust me mate.... i've done it...LOADS.... and the more i got depressed, the more i drank... and the more i drank, the more i didn't care about me or anything about my life... and very quickly i'd be in a vicious circle with one depression only exacerbating and perpetuating the other depression.

it's so easy for me to write this having lived through it and come out the other side but...

stop drinking. which i think you've done today, yeah? good... excellent...so -

it'll hurt - fuck aye, the pain of separation, a heartbreak is torture... but personally, you have to process that pain... if you hide it with booze it will never be processed... and the only way to process it - REALLY process it - is to go through the motions of the emotions - sober. but when you come through it and turn around and look at where you have come from and what you have gone through and the strength you have built up on the way, you WILL be a stronger, wiser, happier person.

really.

[Bobbyslife]

Newbies Nest

running a big thanks that helped a lot and it makes total sense
just now as I was writing this I received a phone call from the guy we arguged about. never ever received a call from him before but nothing was said just a hang up. think now someone is just trying to make things even harder. I just cant give in, this is painfull and the thought of the bottle taking away some of the depression just makes me want a lot of alcohol. sorry for hearing my pity story. did not think I would feel like this ever.

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

You are doing great Bobby. Do you have something high in protein you could eat? Some peanut butter or some cheese? As so many here have said in the past, eat as much as you can, especially something with some nutritional value. It really helps with the cravings. And lots of water. Remember, your body and your spirit are beaten down right now. Try not to injure them further with more alcohol. If you start today, you will feel so much better tomorrow, in both body and spirit. Try to stay with us so we can give you the additional strength and encouragement you need today.

[Dayum]

Newbies Nest

wow, there are some seriously nice people on here!

Thank you for all the advice and I've cleared out the AL from the house (pity the shop is so close though) but the best decision I made today was to cook something nice and healthy which made me feel a hell of a lot better than I did.

From what I've read I think its quite common but with me the hardest time is trying to sleep. Every slight noise in the night scares me to death and my heart beat acts like im running a race or something!! My normal reaction is to have a few drinks to help me nod off but then I just wake up 3 hours later and have to go through it anyway.

@bobbyslife I'm certainly not one who should give advice and I know how much it hurts. Be great though if the next time she saw you, you were sober, healthy and looking fit! So she knows what shes missing.

[RunningCourage]

Newbies Nest

Bobby - you say: "the thought of the bottle taking away some of the depression"

it doesn't. I've tried that. honest to god - i did it over a girl once and spent about 6 months often drinking heavily at home after having spent the evening in the pub... didn't work. sure, for a couple of hours it felt as if the pain went. but it didn't.

nope. all i remember was that i was a depressed and sodden drunk while drinking and depressed and hungover drunk when waking up... and everything i needed to deal with - namely my emotions - i WASN'T dealing with because...

I was drinking.

I could've moved on from relationships a shit load quicker if I just allowed myself to feel depressed to bear the heartache and to GROW from it. instead i drank over it all and only now (i'm similar age to you) am i beginning to learn that actually i have to deal with stuff sober, but by doing so i become stronger for it.

it aint easy... but there is a choice: face life, or hide. (or as another member has it in their signature: "get happy or die trying"

truth is, hiding's ultimately a shit load more painful and stressful.

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Hey Bobby, I agree with Dayum. Luckily, you are young and will bounce back quickly. It will feel so much better to be sober, healthy and fit, when you meet again, instead of sick, drunk, demoralized and barely functioning. Which is more attractive? Let her see what she is going to be missing out on. Be there for yourself. Start today. You will be glad you did. We are all rooting for you!

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Welcome Bobby!

Most of us have been where you are...brokenhearted, depressed and not really motivated to make a huge change. Alcohol will KEEP you where you are, and you don't want that do you? The only way to improve your situation is to do things differently, and since you've tried to drink away your problems and they're still there...well, maybe it's time to try a new tactic. I know it's not easy (believe me, I started over MANY times). You CAN do this. Look around the site and you will see many success stories. You can be one too. Keep reading and posting. Stick close to us when you feel especially tempted!
K9