Newbies Nest

[Icanwithoutacan]

Newbies Nest

Running bird- idk why the lady on the bus gave you an urge either. Same thing happened to me yesterday. Sat w my dad in hospital all day - body is failing from alcoholism and came home and unwound with alcohol... What the hell? .... Baffling .... Starting over

[Bobbyslife]

Newbies Nest

Hello to all, I sort of made it through the day without drinking.
The bus thing, I remember when I used to ride it when I lived in the city, and I would see the woman and men stumbling in business attire, I asked one person since I was new to riding the bus and never thought it was that bad of how many people drink maybe not to the excess of myself, so i shouldnt speak on it. He told me "oh its just the happy hour people" just kept seeing it everday and then it was like my feeling was oh its ok for me to go home and drink more.

[Bobbyslife]

Newbies Nest

Just an update, the calling doesnt stop
I need to keep track of the dates and time of all this
Stupid me its everytime i get a call , the depression of me thinking back and the urge just hits an all time high. I can not get any sleep, barely really unless when I passed out from drinking. I did make an appointment with a professional. The wait time is incredible, appointment I called around earliest I could find is almost a month away.

[Mein Sonnenschein]

Newbies Nest

Icanwithoutacan, I feel for you. The love of my life was an alcoholic. I stood by him while he battled through some dark times, and I swore up and down that would never happen to me. He passed away due to a car accident (not AL related) but I often wonder if he can see me and how I'm destroying myself the way I used to tell him NOT to. So please know that you are not alone. We do these things to ourselves as coping mechanisms I'm sure, even so that is a crazy way to cope. I'm very sorry to hear about what you are going through with your father.

[DimensionDrifter]

Newbies Nest

FREE WILL!

I have heard a lot of talk about "peer pressure" I think all here should remember that peer pressure is for children not ADULTS.. Children or teenagers have not fully developed their independent minds yet.. Adults however are suppose to evolve and become fully aware and (independent, congnitive) thinkers, who make decisions based on their experience and keep their minds open.. NOT just a robot that REPEATS what you have been told or saw on T.V.! But a fully independent, free thinking spirit capable of coming to YOUR OWN CONCLUSIONS!

[rednose]

Newbies Nest

Start of day 4

Good Morning to you all.
Well here I am at the start of day four and feeling really good except I am pushing my body hard wit exercise. But I have lost 22 pound since January 22.
Out of those days I figure I had 26 days AF out of 37 days. I wish they all had been AF but it was not meant to be. I am glad I am back and it is working today.

HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A GOOD DAY.

rednose:thanks:

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters!

Just doing a flyby

MS, sounds like it was an eye opening event for you!
I am totally sure I always want to be the sober one, you will get there too

I've been talking for years around here about the 'peer pressure' being for kids & not adults!!!
Honestly, it's just a big BS excuse to continue drinking when you say that you want to quit.
No one can force me to do anything that I really don't want to do, right?

Wishing everyone a terrific AF Thursday!
Lav

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters! Well wishes to all for a strong AF day. None of us will get through life without trials and tribulations. Sometimes it is of our own making and sometimes it isn't, but in the end we are still left with the responsibility of finding our way through these times of difficulties and emerging triumphant and wiser from the experience. Life is certainly a journey of discovery. AL will keep you locked in a dark place and away from making the correct decisions during those storms and experiencing the happiness and victory after they pass. This enemy will leave you to the hands of guilt and shame for not properly handling matters from a positions of strength, courage and honor. It's worth freeing yourself from this bondage. Make today 'a clean slate'. Tell yourself you are going to take this gift of life and honor it with all it's ups and downs. Tomorrow today will be gone and you can't get it back. So don't waste it. It's not a renewable resource.


ljeaner's quote to runningbird:

RB, such a sad story. Sometimes if we encounter someone who mirrors our own deepest fears about ourselves it can literally "jar" our psyche. It may seem counter-intuitive to want to drink after seeing someone so inebriated but this experience may have triggered some painful feelings or memories (I am not sure of your family history). If anxiety or pain is a trigger for you (which it likely is for most of us) then it might explain your urge.


Runningbird's response:
Wow, Interesting - that makes me think - escape is my biggest love with AL -banishing worry and fear and tension=

When I first started riding that bus it was a bit intimidating - everyone checking out everyone else's coats and purses and shoes and hair. How fast you scan your riding card - how swift and sure and cool you are

- and here was this lady who didn't care at all what people thought - wasn't afraid of the guards didn't care that she had no bus fare -I think some strange sick part of me might have envied her oblivion... it makes no sense.

ljeannie I was going to reply with a similar explanation and how the scene shows such a dark side of life, the sadness itself can be a trigger.

Runningbird, a thought about escaping into oblivion. Maybe it isn't the oblivion you seek but escaping the fear of worrying what others are thinking...escaping your own insecurities about yourself. In some way you admired that quality she had at that moment because it's what you want to feel and AL is something you've used to get that feeling. Fear is such a powerful destructive force in our lives. We often don't recognize just how much damage this sometimes quiet force is having on our behaviors. A big part of AL recovery is learning to like, love and accept ourselves. There is a lot of mental work to be done outside of the addiction. Why did we ever start in the first place? We can find the answers within ourselves in time and journaling and discussing just like you have can open up our understanding of our own behaviors. Kudos to you. You are thinking and working to discover your demons and your needs.


Find your strength wherever you can. This nest has been so warm and supportive lately. Grab a hand and do this for yourself!!

Love,

Slay

P.S. - Thanks oneredshoe. Maybe I can soak up some of that dancing elephants energy today. She is alive and loving life.

[runningbird]

Newbies Nest

Ican, Hard times seeing your dad die - I am thinking of you as I go through the day today.

Lavaste Good morning and again great wisdom Thank you!

Rednose 22 pounds since January - holy cow! Great job - be careful I guess not to let low blood sugar be your urge

Main - we are here to change and start over stay with us and you will heal and then if your love could see you he could be proud and happy to know you kicked the evil AL.

Thank you for day 6 today. I love waking up and feeling good!

BP is coming down slowly - 136/91 pulse 50 this morning - Notice i did nt publish the first few days - even though I siad I would. Thanks so much good days to all,
RB

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

DimensionDrifter;1470639 wrote: I have heard a lot of talk about "peer pressure" I think all here should remember that peer pressure is for children not ADULTS.. Children or teenagers have not fully developed their independent minds yet.. Adults however are suppose to evolve and become fully aware and (independent, congnitive) thinkers, who make decisions based on their experience and keep their minds open.. NOT just a robot that REPEATS what you have been told or saw on T.V.! But a fully independent, free thinking spirit capable of coming to YOUR OWN CONCLUSIONS!

This is true and I'm a big proponent of recognizing how people have become robots and follow programs in society. I've mentioned it repeatedly here as I used to refer to it as drones living in Dronesville. However, substance abuse has a way of stalling out a person's growth and they tend to stay imprisoned in a level of maturity far below where they could have been. Considering many escape reality using alcohol, they are not learning from facing the challenges appropriately in reality. Our biggest growth spurts come in our darkest hours. If we drown ourselves in AL, we don't get the benefit from the experience.

The good news is it's never too late to hop into life and learn those lessons we are suppose to learn to experience joy and happiness.

Love,

Slay

[DimensionDrifter]

Newbies Nest

CRYSTAL SUPER COMPUTERS!

ljeaner.. Again you have given me some incredible information.. Crystal involved in your dreams is very significant indeed.. I replied on the dream warriors thread.

[runningbird]

Newbies Nest

Slay - Thank yo - you are right, I think I am deathly afraid of what others think - This is the reason I isolate myself - running home to my little house in the woods and shutting the door. AL is my friend to dull the edges of my fear. I am using yo here in the nest now, it feels safe not scary. I will try to begin learning that I can enjoy time in the world - and not just see it as a place to work and then run home.

Thank you and a prayer offered up for the poor lady on the bus - and for all of us who - n some way she may represent.

[DimensionDrifter]

Newbies Nest

Slaythefear;1470652 wrote: This is true and I'm a big proponent of recognizing how people have become robots and follow programs in society. I've mentioned it repeatedly here as I used to refer to it as drones living in Dronesville. However, substance abuse has a way of stalling out a person's growth and they tend to stay imprisoned in a level of maturity far below where they could have been. Considering many escape reality using alcohol, they are not learning from facing the challenges appropriately in reality. Our biggest growth spurts come in our darkest hours. If we drown ourselves in AL, we don't get the benefit from the experience.

The good news is it's never to late to hop into life and learn those lessons we are suppose to learn to experience joy and happiness.

Love,

Slay



Love,

Slay

I agree with you Slay! I also think (if) the addict has a independent mind (despite) the influence of alcohol, they can and should use their experience as a addict to grow. (Eventually) they can grow out of it!

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

runningbird;1470655 wrote: Slay - Thank yo - you are right, I think I am deathly afraid of what others think - This is the reason I isolate myself - running home to my little house in the woods and shutting the door. AL is my friend to dull the edges of my fear. I am using yo here in the nest now, it feels safe not scary. I will try to begin learning that I can enjoy time in the world - and not just see it as a place to work and then run home.

Thank you and a prayer offered up for the poor lady on the bus - and for all of us who - n some way she may represent.

Running, it is not uncommon, so don't feel alone in that struggle either. The good news is you recognize the fear, so now that it is identified, you can begin to look at healthy ways to gain the acceptance. One way is becoming AF because it will create a confidence and strength within you that YOU have the ability to control aspects of your life and the victory in doing that is a great self esteem booster. None of this is an easy battle and that is why the victory is so sweet. :l

DD, never too late. I don't think I was stalled in my growth in a large degree, but I didn't drink for many many years. I drank heavily in my young youth and then I started again approximately six years ago. I have a large number of years where I went through a whole lot in my life without any substance use. However, I know others who have abused substances who are stuck in a maturity level that is far below their age. All the escape never let them truly grow up. I have recently read some articles on this subject because I was dealing with someone who still behaves like a young child. There is no ability to handle life on a rational level. It really brought me to an understanding of how substances can lock our growth and maturity in time. Sad, but some people have experienced things they just never learned to cope with.

Slay

[New Day]

Newbies Nest

Good day Nesters. Just a quick pop in to say I'm still around....doing fine this day 5. Lots of new activity here....glad to see the nest hopping, but it's too much for me to keep up with.

Lav....I too am exhausted after looking after my 11 month old grandson and then cooking dinner for the 4 adults ...... And having to shovel some heavy wet snow yesterday just to get my car back in the driveway after the plow went by. Today is my "day off babysitting"...... So it's catching up with all the housework and cleaning day for me.....and more shovelling! Not exactly how I saw my "later years" being played out....LOL!

Rednose......glad to see you are doing well.......I wish I could lose a few pounds like u have. I think that was one of my biggest disappointments during my 40 day AF run......I didn't lose a pound!......and my eating didn't change......I really thought not consuming all those AL calories would make the weight just fall off. I know it gets harder to lose the older you get though.

Slay.....my thoughts are with you.......glad to see you are hanging tough.

Back to work here......take care of yourselves everyone!