Newbies Nest

[Bobbyslife]

Newbies Nest

I just don't what to do , it has gotten to the point og childish you do this to me and that , and it got to my cell phone. her new friend is even calling. maybe a new drinking partner? Since she did drink. The worst about it it was her uncles best friend, whom I trusted in my home. What a mess. I know I know the booze is just a temp fix..thankfully I have this board to help me out, I know once I am completely sober and out of this mess I can offer some advice to people going through this pure torture. Its like I am a looser I get left after 5 years for someone I know , over what I woverworked as I find out.

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

Must go to the gym on the way home...darn wine is calling me....UGH....I will go work out and then GO HOME....aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh
Dottie

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

NoSugar;1470713 wrote: This morning at 8 a.m. as I was pumping gas, I saw a stooped-over man in shabby clothes leaving the station with a large package (12 cans?) of cheap beer in each hand. I watched as he slowly made his way across the gas bay and down the street. I suppose he was buying the day's "groceries". I'm sure this has played out before my eyes in the past but I have never seen it before. I have never felt anything. Today it made me cry.

Until I joined MWO, I had no idea what the lives of some people in alcohol's grip are like. Not being a beer drinker, I didn't know that a person could drink more than about 6. I didn't know that some people drink in the daytime or that others don't drink every day but still consider themselves to have a problem because they can't stop when they start. I didn't know that some people have to face my 4p.m. cravings for the whole damn time they are awake every day. And this blindness was in a person who drank too much wine most evenings. Maybe I thought everyone who drank too much did it like I did. Maybe I was so caught up with my own struggles, I didn't even see myself reflected in others. I don't know. But I'm about to start crying again as I sit here in a Starbuck's, waiting to get on with my trip.

I didn't really know how badly alcohol ruins lives even as it decimated mine. Today this is crushing me. I AM that sad man carrying his crappy booze home to sit and drink today.

I'm so sorry that I didn't know but I thank all of you for telling your truth here so that my stupid blind eyes are opening and I am seeing who you are - wonderful people who are working so hard to get out - and helping others get out - from under this enormous burden. I am seeing who I really am -- I am that lady on the bus and that man at the gas station and so many other wonderful but unseen people in this world who have had their lives hijacked by alcohol or another drug.

I'm not even sure what my point is other than we have to keep helping one another here and if we can, in the 'offline' world. I wish I could have chased that man down and somehow 'told' him what I have learned in the last 5 weeks. But you can't tell it. You have to live it and I am so grateful to all of you for giving me the chance. I am not going to let you, my family, or myself down.

Thank you for listening if you've made it this far. Maybe now I can continue my trip.

I love this forum and everyone here. NS

NoSugar; it is great to get sober and 'see' for the first time, the past with all its lessons, now for the opportunities, and a future full of hope....
Your personality shines through in this beautiful, heartfelt post....

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Starfish1;1470674 wrote: Good Morning Everyone :l

Just a quick post to say "hi" and mention how proud I am of all of those who overcame struggles last night. You are all doing great!

Just a note to Daisy- yes, HALT has saved me over and over again. Just look at me, girl- I am not bragging here, but if I can do 150 days (and no going back), by paying attention to HALT (and a few other triggers)- then you and everyone else can do it! Keep up the great work!

Gang, I am so sorry for the limited time I have been spending here, but my work load has suddenly increased tremendously. I am trying to keep up with post reading, but have very limited amount of time to reply. Just know that I am with you all the way.

You guys ROCK!!

Hi Starfish; thank you for the encouragement.....Hope you are making your way through that pile of work!!!!:l

[ljeanner]

Newbies Nest

Put on the water for green tea, and sucked back a B-50 and rhodiola. AAAAAAAAAH.

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Star, Slay, Last Straw and Ljeanner, just trying to hang in there like the rest of you.......

Hey Daisy, Chilli.......(loved the lyrics, chilli)

Hang tough Dottie. Sounds like a good plan. Check in with us later, if you feel you need the support. Glad that you are sharing about it. I think it helps somehow......

Bobby, what exactly do they want? Are they leaving messages? Maybe you should pick up and tell her to stop obsessing about you. Ask the guy why his new girlfriend can't seem to let go. Tell them, 'Hey, it's over, time for everyone to move on". Do it cheerfully......maybe even like you've come to realize that you are actually glad it's over....a relief......

[spiderwoman]

Newbies Nest

Lots of powerful posts on here today. When I remember how I used to be I am horrified and can relate to the buying of cheap booze (just like the man at the garage), not really knowing what I was doing (lady on the bus) and shudder. As the days and weeks go on I am just begining to see how much support I've had from my sons and partner and how little from other so called friends. The one who left the wine the other night and another who thoughtfully brought a bottle of Baileys "just in case I fancied a drink".

This giving up certainly makes you re-evaluate your life and friendships. Wishing everybody a good day/night and continued freedom from the beast. Watching my friend drink herself silly this week has reinforced my commitment to beat this forever.

[Maibaby]

Newbies Nest

I have to get better at this computer stuff...just wrote a huge thing..thought I submitted it but cant see it anywhere ....too tired now to think about it..might try tomorrow as used up my brain space for the day!
Maibaby
PS probably for the best I was making myself squirm anyway sometimes great fear comes with the truth so at least I have another day to avoid it!!!

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Spiderwoman, I know how you feel about watching others get drunk when you are sober. Happened last weekend - definitely opens your eyes to your own past behaviour! I don't want anyone to see me like that again!
Dottie, hope the gym worked that craving away - if not, you have room for a big feast after burning all those calories! That should do the trick!
Oh and hi Almostfree, ljeanner and maibaby.....

[thelaststraw]

Newbies Nest

bobbieslife. there is someting deeper. tell us. what you describe happened to me...oh ...maybe 10 times....and i am old, so 5 years x 10 guys....ya .

what is the deeper problem?

let it all out. tell us. we are here to listen. get it all out.

that's a good thing, right?
-S-

[Maibaby]

Newbies Nest

Hi Bobbyslife..the last straw is right...it's always something deeeeep! My post I lost was about that...I was writing a list of events in my life to try and see where I picked up this avoidance habit alc habit...I had got to thinking about it last night and couldn't finish...couldn't even think it through it shocked me a bit cos I have never thought to do it and when I started there was too much to look at.......did not realise how many sad things had happened...no wonder my children say I am half crazy even though they mean it in a good way ...I want to get better just a bit overwhelmed. Looking at yourself honestly is hard and sometimes the emotion just makes you want to go to sleep .... but just keep loving your unique one of a kind self and you can only go upwards even if it is in spurts or not at all somedays. You really will get there in the end Hang in even if it's by the end of your fingernails....I was so close to opting out after I saw all my writing had been for nothing....I am sometimes very childish and try to sabotage myself and I am also hanging in by the very very end of my fingernails!
Maibaby

[Bobbyslife]

Newbies Nest

I am trying to think, I know since we had to work Saturdays for the past 4 months. She had a problem with that "your never their for me" "u like work better than me" that is what I can hear that I never heard the previous years, their was no verbal abuse, never physical. arguments they did not really happen until a month ago. I had to work an eveining shift on Saturdays because as everyone knows the economy is not at its greatest. Our shift had to make up for the layed off people. I really would share more if there was more, or Maybe my Sundays were my rest days and she drank just as much as I did. I am learning new things from my older neighbor.

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Bobbyslife;1470851 wrote: I am trying to think, I know since we had to work Saturdays for the past 4 months. She had a problem with that "your never their for me" "u like work better than me" that is what I can hear that I never heard the previous years, their was no verbal abuse, never physical. arguments they did not really happen until a month ago. I had to work an eveining shift on Saturdays because as everyone knows the economy is not at its greatest. Our shift had to make up for the layed off people. I really would share more if there was more, or Maybe my Sundays were my rest days and she drank just as much as I did. I am learning new things from my older neighbor.

....so glad you have your older friend to go to; people turn up in our lives at times when we need them the most. This man has a fountain of wisdom - make the most of your time with him.....we all have a lot to learn; not all of us are lucky enough to someone like that... Every cloud has a silver lining and I think 'he' is yours!

[Maibaby]

Newbies Nest

Bobbyslife....I mean look deeeep in yourself petal and try and work out why you don't want to let it go....you are not able to work out what she is thinking ...you cant fix her or change the past but maybe you can work out why or what is scaring you about just letting it go....other than they won't leave you alone to get on with life. Would changing your number be so bad? I so mean no offence by the way....but like myself you seem a bit stuck
Maibaby

[I'm Strong and in Control]

Newbies Nest

Mein Sonnenschein;1470616 wrote: Good morning to all. Yesterday I had promised that I would check in and give everyone an update. As I had said yesterday, I was MIA last week due to work travel. Before I left on my trip I was completely freaked out. And I mean completely! Usually work travel is a free pass to drink whatever the hell I want and worry about the consequences later. Since I am in the weak stages of depression and drinking, I was certain I would fail. And fail I did... but not in the way I expected.

So the bad news... as of today I am back to Day 4 since I did give in and drink while I was with my colleagues. The good news... I did not binge drink ONE SINGLE EVENING!!! Maybe this sounds like a huge failure, and maybe it is, but I am so very proud of myself. I am usually the crazy binge drinker that has to be carried to her hotel room. Instead, I was the one taking care of other drunk colleagues. Somehow, and I don't know how, I managed to keep my cool and pace myself under all circumstances (even while out at a club with some of my younger colleagues). I would limit myself to only a few drinks and drink water in between wherever I could. I have to say that being one of the more sober people in the group gave me the opportunity to watch what was going on around me, I was amazed what AL did to my colleagues. I have not been "the sober one" in the group in a very, very long time. I witnessed crazy conversations, passing out at dinner, almost passing out in the hotel pool... etc. Of course I did not mind helping my colleagues that needed help, but all I could think of was... "what if i was not there, what would happen to this person"??? Scary. So scary. Suddenly my motivation to drink is not as high as it was. Of course I still crave. I was craving badly yesterday evening (always seems to happen at 4pm), but all I had to do was think back to last week and will myself NOT TO GIVE IN. I don't know if this new perspective will stick but I'm really hoping it does.

Has anyone ever had a similar experience? Where you come into a situation or witness and experience and that really effects your thinking?

I just hope and pray that I truly will keep this piece of perspective and not fall back into my old habits. I want to be one of the strong senior MWO members that helps others rather than constantly asking for help.

I hope all of you are well and please know that I was thinking of everyone last week. Please take care of yourselves!

Wow. I don't know that I would risk going out to a club with a bunch of drunk colleagues when I'm dealing with my own alcohol issues. That was pretty daring!