Newbies Nest

[runningbird]

Newbies Nest

maybe don't read if you feel tempted by AL this evening

Hey to all - I logged in at work - Feeling a little blue on the end of Day 6 - My brother - still in the hospital had ventricular tachicardia last night - I asked my mother if they had considered a pace maker and she said my Brother has stated he would rather dies from a heart attack than be disabled by a stroke -completely giving up-

It makes me angry and it brings our lives as children to mind - understanding why giving up seems a reasonable choice ... But no no no - this brings the evil voice whispering in my head, too - ...

"you too should give up - you went through the same childhood - you have the same pain to bury - don't torture yourself trying -relax enjoy a glass of champagne - you owe it to yourself...":durn::egad::no: "You work hard and have a good life - Champagne is your friend and whiskey is your brother's friend - you can't survive without it - don't try - life is short - everyone dies."

Okay - but I have started to feel hope the last few days - My body is feeling good my blood pressure coming down - what is this madness that spreads like buttercups under the fallen leaves. My brother's heart and brain are so damaged by the stress they have been under and by the stroke and heartattack he just had that they cannot operate to clear his carotid arteries and so they cannot lower his blood pressure or his heart will not be able to push sufficient blood to his brain to keep it alive!!:shocked:

I have to prepare for house guests tonight but I wil stay close to the nest to read your hope and wisdom.

Thank you so much for listening. If I can last 150 days I thinkI might get some flying underpants, I have to keep that in mind:H

group hug RB

[Maibaby]

Newbies Nest

Hi RB....I also suffer from SVT...very bloody scary refused the op ...never thought about it scaring other people....doctor says if I give up alc SVT might go away...after telling me this was not possible...not sure what to believe...my heart goes out to you you are being very strong....our childhood has an impact doesn't it? I am pissed off my brother does not seem to have issues the way I do...he told me I lived in a fantasy world and I was crackers. I have terrible panic attacks remembering what my Dad did to him yet he thinks I am mad! Haven't spoken to him in about 18 years....or rather he has not spoken to me!
You have great courage.....guess he doesn't have as much. Maybe my brother has more courage than me...never looked at it that way!
Big hug for you
Maibaby

[mommyKW]

Newbies Nest

ljeanner;1470696 wrote: Congrats! Keep up the amazing work mommyKW!

Thanks for the encouragement ljeanner! I am currently at my "witching hour" on Day Two but resolved to get through it. I have been reading the warm and encouraging posts on this thread and will stay close.

[Overit44]

Newbies Nest

Originally Posted by Byrdlady
Mein...I am curious...did you go to your meeting with the intention of drinking or did you fall after you got there? This information is critical to us...to learn that we blow our quits long before they are blown."

OMG-this is so true. I haven't been taking my little white angel, but I have them in my pocket. When I got the call that my mom was ill, the thoughts started ticking off. I was driving there alone, I would be staying in her house alone, for a whole week, no one would see me, etc. I was "planning" to blow my quit. So, I hurried up and popped a pill, whew, good for at least 3 days. Then, thankfully, it never even crossed my mind while I was there and then on the 8 hour drive home by myself, I was thinking about all the work I got done while I was there (cleaning her house out) and I realized it never would have happened had I been drinking.

[Maibaby]

Newbies Nest

I am IRRITATED...I have just written my story again and by the time I posted it I was logged out!!! I think Fate is telling me not to bloody bother!!! Sorry...totally depressed takes so much to talk about ones private self and I make it a point to NEVER EVER do it!
I can hear AL screaming my name
Maibaby
I will come back when I grow up...

[Oneredshoe]

Newbies Nest

Maibaby.....When you say logged off do you mean simply logged off of MWO? If so I think all you have to do is log back in and your post should be saved, it has happened to me a couple of times but when I log back in my post is still there waiting to be submitted. Just try it and see what happens. Or you could type it in a different screen and paste it.
I think that it is important for you to tell your story if you chose to, so far from what I have read it seems to be something that really bothers you. Just think of how much better you will feel to get it off of your chest....and the beauty of it is that it would be completely anonymous with a very nonjudgmental group. It could also help you come to realize some very important factors about your triggers and why you want to remain AF. As well as to help you make your quit plan stronger. There are a lot of caring wise people here that could help you to find your way out. I look forward to reading your story when you are ready to share it. In the mean time hold strong.

[Oneredshoe]

Newbies Nest

Maibaby.....When you say logged off do you mean simply logged off of MWO? If so I think all you have to do is log back in and your post should be saved, it has happened to me a couple of times but when I log back in my post is still there waiting to be submitted. Just try it and see what happens. Or you could type it in a different screen and paste it.
I think that it is important for you to tell your story if you chose to, so far from what I have read it seems to be something that really bothers you. Just think of how much better you will feel to get it off of your chest....and the beauty of it is that it would be completely anonymous with a very nonjudgmental group. It could also help you come to realize some very important factors about your triggers and why you want to remain AF. As well as to help you make your quit plan stronger. There are a lot of caring wise people here that could help you to find your way out. I look forward to reading your story when you are ready to share it. In the mean time hold strong.

[Oneredshoe]

Newbies Nest

Fate

Good evening Nesters....I discovered something this morning and really feel like sharing it. If most of you don't already know, I am a firm believer in fate.
I keep a calendar hanging in my bathroom, I know it is a little odd, but it is the first thing I look at in the morning and the last thing I look over at night before I retire to bed. I keep track of my appointments and most of all my AF days. This morning I was looking over my calendar to discover that my 30th consecutive AF day will fall upon March 5, which would have been my Dads 55th birthday. I did not plan my quit this way.....it made me cry because I know that my Dad would kick my butt for the way I have been living my life by not living my life, but I also know that he would be very proud of me for quitting and living my life the way I was meant to and want to ALCOHOL FREE! Made me feel like he is really watching over me. I just had to share my discovery. I hope that everyone has a wonderful AF evening. Much love to all of you.

[columbia]

Newbies Nest

getting there

hi all.......nesters

i am new to the site...does anyone know how to download the pdf version of rj book...........just spent an hour purchasing it..and searching for the seamless link..........its enough to put me on the edge of day two of my journey...........help!

[thelaststraw]

Newbies Nest

Hi Columbia.
I can't help with that...hang on here, someone will be along shortly.

Welcome to the nest.

I hope you find it as helpful as I do.
-S-

[thelaststraw]

Newbies Nest

Maibaby, don't let technology get in the way of sobriety....hang here

[ljeanner]

Newbies Nest

Oneredshoe, your dad is watching over you! I know mine is. I am so sorry your lost your dad. He was young. My dad was only 51 when he died. I too believe in fate. I recently received a pretty powerful message from the beyond from my dad this week as well. Congrats on your successes so far, and what a way for the universe to send you a little extra incentive to make to your 30 days AF! Hugs, LJ

[ljeanner]

Newbies Nest

Columbia ... did you receive a confirmation via email with a link after your purchase?

[Maibaby]

Newbies Nest

Last Time!!! My Story

born
10 days Adopted
13 years Mother died
15 years father remarried
16 years Left home
18 years gave up a bottle of brandy each morning and alc for 2 years
23 years married first husband
4 weeks later found him in bed with someone else
24 Ran away to Oz to leave bad husband..if I hadn't would have kept trying belief marriage 4eva
27 (1988) moved in with boyfriend
1989 he had motorbike accident died resuscitated psychological problem
1991 24th Dec Xmas eve miscarriage
1992 Jan 4th just over a week later horrified I still had to get married...chair provided to weak to stand up was a bad miscarriage lost alot of blood transfusions etc
1993 1st daughter Yeeha lover her to bits ...bad post natal depression
1994 2nd daughter Yeeha no Post natal dep
Dad Died some year in here
2002 3rd daughter been waiting a while but knew it would happen
2007 Husband diagnosed leukeamia
2007 neice died neuroblastoma...tumour on the brain and spine 2 years old
2011 2nd daughter held by knifepoint by boyfriend raped by 14 ..need to kill this person
2012 1st daughter maxillofacial surgery...trauma brought on manic depression inherent form husbands biological father and husband
2013 Me alcoholic SVT bowel need to leave terrible marriage
the end

[thelaststraw]

Newbies Nest

We all have gone through that first moment when we knew we had to change the AL (Alcohol) consumption in our lives.

Hang here for loving help with that. I don't post much help, but I know I have been helped by this site. Hang here and someone will come along soon.
-S-