Newbies Nest

[I'm Strong and in Control]

Newbies Nest

Jagman;1471538 wrote: The last message was brief as the previous 2 rambling ones I did I couldn't post for some reason but I totally agree with you Spiderwoman, this is the first Saturday in months I,ve woken up feeling ok. But in actual fact I've woken up feeling great. This time last week I was so hungover having spent about ?80 on a big night out in town....'in the pursuit of happiness'!!!
I picked up some kudzu yesterday, this site reccommends it. I'll let you know if I feel it makes a difference.

All the best eveyone, have a good, healthy weekend.

I too awoke to a hangover-free Saturday morning. What a novelty! This hasn't happened since the last time I was on this site. Maybe I should go dig out all that Kudzu I bought and dust it off . . . Meeting a friend for lunch - another thing I haven't done since the last time I tried not to be a drunk. My favorite site on Facebook is "my inner child is a drunken whore" so that tells you something about me.

[I'm Strong and in Control]

Newbies Nest

Dayum;1471565 wrote: hmm, somethings wrong. It doesn't feel normal. I'm missing something this morning...... oh thats it, I haven't taken painkillers because I don't have a hangover!

phew...! Knew I'd remember what it was

Spent most of last night speaking to my friend who was getting completely drunk and wasted on drugs as well. Have to say the deterioration of his speach was so fast I got quite embarrassed that last weekend that was me. (minus the drugs though).

Kinda looking forward to tonight night now. How odd.

Kuya, you sumed up my previous weekends perfectly!!!!

Day six today and already my sleeping feels so much better. Like the return of an old friend! yay!

Dayum! I just realized we are on the same schedule! Day 6 for me today too!!! Happy un-hangover Saturday!!!!

[ljeanner]

Newbies Nest

Just slept a glorious 10 hours (catch up sleep). Thank you Star!! I will say I am super proud especially this morning. I borrowed my ex-b's car yesterday (we are still great friends) to run errands, and at the end of a very long day I had to pick him up at work. He is a chef at a hotel, and when I arrived he came out to ask if I wanted to come in for a drink before he dropped me off at home. I said, "no, thanks, I am too tired." But offered to walk home from where his work was if he wanted to stay, but he insisted he drive me home. And Fridays are a trigger day, so yay!

Happy to see so many other hung-over free Saturday folk posting on the thread today. Congrats to everyone and Butts Ahoy for you tomorrow Dayum!

Lissa

[Kradle123]

Newbies Nest

almost free;1471560 wrote: Hi Kradel, just happened to wake up for a drink of water and thought I'd check in here to see if anyone was up. Hey, it happens. We are human beings, not superheroes. Just dust yourself off and keep going. You are such a kind and encouraging person. Be at least as kind to yourself. I always remember how I was up late one night, struggling and you stayed up with me, chatting and encouraging me. It meant a lot. I only wish I had been up earlier when you first posted.

Hi to Onered, Jagman, Spiderwoman and Runningbird. Going to go back to bed. See everyone in the morning. Have a good night's sleep, everyone.....

Hi Almost and thank you. :l

I'm good this morning. Didn't overdue but still...

My realization in this (and this started a few days ago) is that I simply must AVOID emotional extremes... I WILL NOT SURVIVE THEM!! :no::no::no:

And of course I struggle with Bi-polar so it's a little..Duh! Moment for me.
I am going to sit down this weekend and design a plan to even myself out, de-stress myself no matter what, no matter who as our dear, sweet Byrd would say because that's what is derailing me every singly solitary time...

You sound good and happy Almost. Stay close, :h

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

I just saw a family group picture from Christmas and I am completely mortified. Talk about dealing with raw emotions. Ok, yes, it is vanity and ego in a way, but when I look at that picture, I don't even recognize myself!!
1. I look drunk (because I am in that picture)
2. I am so LARGE FAT AND BLOATED (not how I picture myself AT ALL - I have really been fooling myself - which of course makes me feel like an idiot)
3. I know I should not care what people think and say about me but I can't help it. What they must think and say about me!!!! Yikes.

How did this happen to me? stupid question, I know, but still.....I am almost in tears about it. My emotions are on quite a roller coaster these past 24 hours. I do feel a change in me....yes, my emotions are raw and I am feeling really depressed about how I look right now but all is not lost. I see me for who I really am now so I can work on my outward appearance by continuing to work on my inside. I have finally realized the alcohol really is the root of ALL problems for me. So, I have hope at the same time as being mortified with myself. that is something I guess.

[Oneredshoe]

Newbies Nest

NoSugar;1471596 wrote: Thank you for posting this.

I know that you are right. My head knows you are right. How can I convince my heart and make it real? That is what I have to figure out. After the last couple days of thinking and thinking and desperate posting, the strength I have gained from people here has gotten me to a place this morning that I at am at least ready to work on it. - just am not quite sure how to do it.

As a first step, I think I will go over to the Toolbox, where I also posted that list and add a rule # 8 (I think it needs its own number!). Thank you for digging up that post (I am amazed you could find it in this very busy nest).

Someone on MWO has a quote in their signature line that has at the end something about when we forgive ourselves we are wise. I know it has to be done to move forward and to successfully stay off of AL. I am going to keep reading and posting and thinking (more productively, I hope) until this clicks.

Thank you for all the love you give in the nest, OneRedShoe. I am always happy when I see Maggie and know there follows a post from you.

NS

Good Morning Nosugar.....I am not the most computer savvy person, I was bound and determined to find that post of yours, it took me a while to figure out how to do a search, and I learned something new. But I just noticed that when I cut and pasted it, it looked as though I had written those rules, sorry about that. .
I think that forgiving ourselves is a process as well. For some of us it just doesn't happen over night, the more things click and the further along you move in staying alcohol free, I think the easier it will become to forgive yourself. When it happens, and it will happen, you will feel as though a million pounds have been lifted off of you.
I will keep checking in on you.....I can't wait to see you add rule #8. Hey I love reading your posts as well, they are always very inspiring and always give me something to think about.

Much Love to you!

[Oneredshoe]

Newbies Nest

ljeanner;1471612 wrote: Just slept a glorious 10 hours (catch up sleep). Thank you Star!! I will say I am super proud especially this morning. I borrowed my ex-b's car yesterday (we are still great friends) to run errands, and at the end of a very long day I had to pick him up at work. He is a chef at a hotel, and when I arrived he came out to ask if I wanted to come in for a drink before he dropped me off at home. I said, "no, thanks, I am too tired." But offered to walk home from where his work was if he wanted to stay, but he insisted he drive me home. And Fridays are a trigger day, so yay!

Happy to see so many other hung-over free Saturday folk posting on the thread today. Congrats to everyone and Butts Ahoy for you tomorrow Dayum!

Lissa

Hey Lj.....did you see your moon? I told you, you would get one.:H:H:H

[ljeanner]

Newbies Nest

Oneredshoe;1471631 wrote: Hey Lj.....did you see your moon? I told you, you would get one.:H:H:H

I did. I love my moon! :h How is your day?

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Good morning everyone, starting day 91. Who'd have thunk........(Oh, just cross posted.......Congratulations Ljeanner! Way to go on your full moon!)

Ironically, I was so close to going out yesterday. I haven't posted about the situation with my son lately, but yesterday I had a brutal, exhausting day with him, as I see him deteriorating on a daily basis. I thought it was a miracle to get him off the horrific meds he was on and had great success with the niacin. Over ten months off the meds and not a trace of the schizophrenic behaviour. He got and held a job, moved out on his own, etc.

When he moved to his own place he decided to discontinue taking them and has remained belligerent and uncooperative. Things have just continued to go downhill from about a week after he stopped taking it. He is not managing things welll, frantic calls, extreme anger, drama and zero gratitude. Lots of verbal abuse as well. By the end of the day, I felt I had been through a meat grinder and was so discouraged and hopeless. After so much progress......Then I slipped and fell on someones steep driveway, which was covered in moss and wet because of the rain. Thank God I didn't break anything. So, feeling battered both physically and emotionally, I was really so close to saying f**k it! I'm happy this morning that I didn't.

Anyway, I'm better today, and I am going to stop answering his calls. There is truly nothing more I can do.....and I hate feeling powerless and helpless. But there it is.....

Kradle, in the course of researching what my son's condition was, and trying to find alternative solutions, I came across some research on bi-polar (which at the time, they weren't sure if that was what he had).

A lot of people were finding success with a supplement called lithium orotate. This is not the prescription lithium. It is apparently a natural mineral and can be found at the health food store. The bottle I have is 120mg, and from my research, each tab contains 5mg of the active ingredient needed. They recommend 25mg per day, so that would be 5 tabs a day of the 120mg tablets.

It is very bio-available and is not toxic to the liver, like the prescription lithium is. That is why they have to monitor patients with blood tests. The prescription form is not very bio-available and has to be taken in very high (toxic) doses. It might be worth a try....what do you have to lose? It turned out that bi-polar was not my son's condition. It was schizophrenia and I was having great success with the alternative treatment, niacin. Only now, he just won't take it.

Jenniech, don't despair. I had reached a bloated, bag lady condition when I got sober (for the two year period I have spoken of). I was up to 165lbs/74kg. I didn't take care of myself, couldn't fit into anything and my hair was falling out. The picture of the worst state I ever reached was at my mother's deathbed. My younger brother wanted a family picture, since it was one of the rare occasions we were all together. One of my lowest days and we got it captured on film. Great. And of course, he had to put it up online to share with every cousin-twice-removed, whom I hadn't seen since high school. I was mortified.

When I got sober, I went on a 'no white stuff' diet. I eliminated all white bread, sugar, flour, rice, and pasta. I ate no fruit, except low glycemic ones like cherries, berries, etc. No concern about fat. The only grain I ate was one whole wheat slice per day, later increased to two. I made things like a cheese omelet for breakfast, a large turkey half-sandwich with lettuce, tomato, mustard and cheese for lunch, meat and veggies, etc. for dinner. I vowed never to go hungry.

I could always have something, as long as it was not on the 'no-no' list. If I wanted something salty, I would use my other slice of ww bread and put some peanut butter on it. If I had a sweet tooth, I would have some full fat plain yogurt with some frozen cherries. Oh, and a big dark, leafy green salad every day. I lost 30lbs/13kg, in less than two months. Then the success kept me going. I got down to 116lbs/52kg in another month and stayed there for over two years, until I fell off the wagon. I didn't even exercise, although I'm not saying that is good. I felt and looked great! I never thought I would ever again look even normal. Anyway, just want to give you some hope that it can be done. I have been on a million 'diets' over the years. And I found that this was the method that worked best for me. The fastest results and the least painfull to adhere to.

Sorry this post has gone on and on........everyone have a great day AF day!

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Oneredshoe;1471607 wrote: Those weren't my rules......I just realized the whole thing didn't come though when I cut an pasted it. Those are Nosugars brilliant rules.

Hey, OneRedShoe, I'm pretty sure there is no copyright protection on an anonymous forum!!! :H:H:H !

The main thing is that all of our words that might help someone get posted where that person has a chance to see them. The Nest is so busy, seeing any particular post contains a rather large element of luck!
I am honored that you considered my words worth re-posting and right now I am working on Rule #8.


Here are some quotes I found about self-forgiveness that I really like:

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future. - Paul Boese

Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger, but faces it head on. - Alice Miller

People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on. - Bill Cosby

A wise man will make haste to forgive, because he knows the true value of time, and will not suffer it to pass away in unnecessary pain. - Samuel Johnson
This one really struck me because it is the feeling that I chose to waste part of my life that hurts so much. But since lost time is my regret, it really would be foolish to waste more of it in self-recrimination and unnecessary pain (and cause more regrets).

We achieve inner health only through forgiveness - the forgiveness not only of others but also of ourselves. - Joshua Loth Liebman

And this one is so direct (which is how I seem to need to be talked to right now by all of you and myself) is so great, I'm going to add it to my signature!:

[Rolling in the muck is not the best way to get clean. ~ Aldous Huxley

If any of you are struggling to let go of past choices and the toxic guilt that comes from being unable to forgive yourself, I hope these quotes, some by people I have never even heard of, speak to you as they they did me.

Love, NoSugar

[ljeanner]

Newbies Nest

Matty_UK?

Just wondering if anyone has seen Matty_UK? Matty, I am thinking about you today and hoping all is okay with you. :l LJ

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

almost free;1471642 wrote:
Ironically, I was so close to going out yesterday. I haven't posted about the situation with my son lately, b....., I was really so close to saying f**k it! I'm happy this morning that I didn't.

Almost Free, I didn't know your story before now.

That you can come on here everyday and encourage all of us in such a powerful way while this pain sits so heavy on your heart just overwhelms me. You are showing us the strength of the human spirit.

I have two children and was surprised to learn over the years of raising them that someone else's pain could hurt me so much more than my own. We have so much invested in our kids and to see them hurt or struggling is so hard. I'm sorry this is where you and your son are right now. And it is so hard when they are grown -- we can't dictate their behavior or fix their problems.

You were so stong when you didn't drink last night. That you could get past that shows me that this addiction can be beat.

I am thinking of you. NoSugar

[Oneredshoe]

Newbies Nest

ljeanner;1471635 wrote: I did. I love my moon! :h How is your day?

Helllloooo Lj,

I have so far had an amazing day! I took my Maggie for open play time this morning, there were so many dogs I couldn't count all of them. I think my rediscovered and new self confidence truly came through today, as I was a dog magnet. :H. I had never been greeted by more wagging tails and puppy kisses. At one point I felt like Cesar Millan being followed by a giant pack of dogs all with "happy tails". :H. It was so crazy that a few people even made comments about it, teasing and asking if I had treats in my pockets. I had so much fun! Gosh I sure do love dogs! How is your day?

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Rule #8

Oneredshoe;1471619 wrote: Good Morning Nosugar....
I think that forgiving ourselves is a process as well. For some of us it just doesn't happen over night, the more things click and the further along you move in staying alcohol free, I think the easier it will become to forgive yourself. When it happens, and it will happen, you will feel as though a million pounds have been lifted off of you.

I will keep checking in on you.....I can't wait to see you add rule #8

Much Love to you!

Hello again, OneRedShoe.

I'm generally a "I want things to happen overnight" kind of person. That clearly is not happening here....
I probably should work on patience while I'm working on forgiveness.

I posted above some quotes I found re: forgiveness. I read several others, too --- it is a very good way to spend some time when you are struggling with problems like most of us are right now.

So, here is what I've come up with for Rule # 8:

8. Forgive yourself - the past can't be changed but the sober you can live your best possible life beginning now. I was told by a wonderful person here on MWO that 'the person you will be NEEDED this addiction'. I can see fleeting glimpses... The failures and struggles are humbling me and as I work through the addiction and careening emotions, I can feel myself softening and becoming more tolerant and compassionate. I'm looking forward to being the New Me --- she is going to be much more fun and loving than the old one!

Please DO keeping checking on me - it makes me feel very protected and secure to know that individuals really care.
That is why I so admire the many Nesters who manage to keep everyones' names and stories straight and send out messages of support to individuals. It is wonderful to hear your name called out, even a screen name!

And I've got your back, too, OneRedShoe. If ever I can do something for you, just let me know!

Love, NoSugar

[columbia]

Newbies Nest

thanks everyone for the forgiveness quotes.............. i am truly working on that this very moment...........its a struggle to look at the past events and know that i actually was a part of them............i am trying to look forward.........eventually......will get there.