Newbies Nest

[Nursie]

Newbies Nest

You can do it Daisy!
Haven't caught up today, i was working all day.
Now i'm home in my PJs with my seltzer and a big turkey sandwich!
Tomorrow I wii wake up to two weeks an I feel blessed.

*sprinkling sober dust over the nest for tonight.

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Nursie;1471793 wrote: You can do it Daisy!
Haven't caught up today, i was working all day.
Now i'm home in my PJs with my seltzer and a big turkey sandwich!
Tomorrow I wii wake up to two weeks an I feel blessed.

*sprinkling sober dust over the nest for tonight.

Nursie, I feel like such a twat, especially with you. You are getting there against the odds! Thank you - I don't want to waste another night.....

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Hey, Daisy, I was within an inch of going out myself yesterday. It's so hard sometimes and it can so easily hit you at a time when you are already down. I had countless day ones. I didn't even want to show my face at AA after a while, when I was in it. I felt like the queen of relapses. It took me five years to get my 2 years of sobriety. But one day, for whatever reason, no one even knows, it sticks. What I found interesting is how someone once said that it was one of the quits that they didn't think would stick, that did! It will happen, just hang in there.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

almost free;1471736 wrote:

Unfortunately, most of the things that give me peace and happiness are in the past. Looking over the kids old school projects, photographs of happy events, happier times and people who are no longer here......all the happy things seem to be in the past. I kind of feel that the future doesn't hold much happiness for me, just a better ability (without AL) to deal with the inevitable trials of life. Better get out of this depressing mindset, or I will soon be crying in my beer!
!

I almost called you AF (because I am lazy about typing names) but realized that that means alcohol free on MWO. Coincidence? I think NOT because you are doing it!!! And you are doing it in spite of feeling so sad. You are strong.

A book that has affected me greatly in terms of handling the past is one about logotherapy (this really is much better than it sounds and you only need to read the first third of the book unless you plan to become a logotherapist! ).
Man's Search for Meaning: Viktor E. Frankl: 9780807014295: Amazon.com: Books

It relates directly to the forgiveness issue that I've been struggling with but he writes also about cherishing your happy memories from the past - they are yours and no matter what happens, you can carry them with you. Your present troubles do not diminish what has been yours. It exists and it cannot be taken away.

My dad hasn't read the book but when our family is enjoying one another, he always comments about how he loves "making memories". After we leave, I picture him taking out his memories, gently turning them over to see all sides, and recreating the moments. And they are always there for him to enjoy until he makes some shiny new ones to add to his collection.

And AF, I want to believe that there will be some happiness for you in the future even if it is around a bend and you just can't see it now.

Crying is probably a good thing and I know it won't be into stupid beer. Maybe you could cry into your tea.

Love, NS

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

almost free;1471808 wrote: Hey, Daisy, I was within an inch of going out myself yesterday. It's so hard sometimes and it can so easily hit you at a time when you are already down. I had countless day ones. I didn't even want to show my face at AA after a while, when I was in it. I felt like the queen of relapses. It took me five years to get my 2 years of sobriety. But one day, for whatever reason, no one even knows, it sticks. What I found interesting is how someone oce said that it was one of the quits that they didn't think would stick, that did! It will happen, just hang in there.

AlmostFree. thank you so much - you may have made the difference over what happens tomorrow.
I sooooo appreciate you......

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Thanks, Daisy, I hope tomorrow is better for you. I just love mwo, because it allows us to meet so many new and caring friends, like you. We tend to isolate with our drinking and this forum is such a wonderful place where we can connect with people who are struggling with the same issues.

No Sugar, thanks for the encouraging words. I never thought of memories like that; something to cherish and enjoy. I've always chided myself that it was like a pathetic weakness, living in the past..... I did read 'Man's Search for Meaning' many years ago. It was a great book. Especially, I remember that part about the sadistic guard, who much later in life actually was able to become a human being, as opposed to a monster. A very moving book. Thanks!

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

almost free;1471817 wrote: Thanks, Daisy, I hope tomorrow is better for you. I just love mwo, because it allows us to meet so many new and caring friends, like you. We tend to isolate with our drinking and this forum is such a wonderful place where we can connect with people who are struggling with the same issues.

No Sugar, thanks for the encouraging words. I never thought of memories like that; something to cherish and enjoy. I've always chided myself that it was like a pathetic weakness, living in the past..... I did read 'Man's Search for Meaning' many years ago. It was a great book. Especially, I remember that part about the sadistic guard, who much later in life actually was able to become a human being, as opposed to a monster. A very moving book. Thanks!

God, am I glad you are here tonight. Will be in touch tomorrow. Heading to bed - in peace because of you! xxxxx

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Have a good sleep Daisy. Just going to run down and do some laundry. See you tomorrow. Hugs!

[Oneredshoe]

Newbies Nest

Daisy,
Don't beat yourself up, you shouldn't feel like a "twat". Shoot I am not sure if I could count all of my "stumbles". Almost free is right about there being that one quit that sticks and it being the one that you least expected. It isn't easy, if it were none of us would be here, be kind to yourself. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off, tomorrow is a new day. I just read this somewhere; smooth seas never have made a skilled sailor.

[runningbird]

Newbies Nest

so much joy so much pain

Today was the funeral for my daughter-in-law's father. He was 54, She is 6 months pregnant with the first grandson. She is an only child.

My older son and his wife spent Friday night with me - She is also 6 months pregnant with a baby boy. they also have 2 year old girl. I watched my little 2 yr old grand daughter friday when they went out for a date.

After the funeral we were going to go to the hospital to see my brother - the one who had the heart attack and stroke - he is 59 and has been in ICU for a week - we did not see him because he was released today and did not want visitors at his home.

Funerals are hard but to see the pain and the strength my son and his wife are showing - She gave a lovely and brave speech remembering he Dad and all he meant to her, the strain showing on her young face, so near to having her first child. We got back to my house and my older son and his wife and daughter had to leave right away.

The whole day and been a bit overwhelming for me so I went for a long (13 mile) run in the mountains. When I got to about 1300 feet it started snowing and was snowing heavily by the time I reached 2500 feet I got home and was so cold and tired - normally I woud stop at the store and buy a bottle of wine - but I have 8 days today and so I came home and had a hot bath.

The joy is having such wonderful sones and daughters-in -law, 2 beautiful grandsons due the end of April and a lively grand daughter - the pain pf course is the death of her father and the poor prognosis for my brother - so much LIFE

Thank you for being here - for your honesty which helps me with mine - and helps me finish my 8th day AL. Normally so many emotions would over whelm me and I would dull the feeling with wine.

i am not sure the run in the mountains and the dark and snow was not a form of escape as well - but I know the trails and had the clothing so it was not completely stupid.

Thank you!!
RB

[Persephone1]

Newbies Nest

Runningbird, Thanks for sharing and congrats on day 8!

Not to diminish any of the pain you are experiencing/witnessing...THIS is what LIVING is all about. Being present for All of it. Bravo for embracing the whole experience and being there for/with your family. So very grateful that you've had the sobriety & strength of 8 days to carry you through it. It just keeps getting better. The run in the mountains and snow sounds lovely to me, perhaps you can have healthy escapes?

You're so right, SO MUCH LIFE...

All the best, P :l

[runningbird]

Newbies Nest

Persephone, YOU are so right - this IS what life is. You diminish nothing with the truth. I am a woos (is that a word) an emotional escape artist = not proud to say that.

I need to build emotional strength, to live fully and to live without AL. My life is very good and very blessed, I am so grateful for my many blessings - But I need to build emotional resilience - I can't use the excuse that I am especially sensitive to justify giving in to AL - AL only makes anything worse - and decreases emotional strength,,
I welcome ideas others use to face live head one without fear - and I don't mean face dragons - just life.

Thank you so much.

Persephone - how is you physical pain, today? you did not mention it - i was thinking about you when I was running.

[sweetpea29]

Newbies Nest

daisy45;1471787 wrote: day1 again but not giving up!

Hi Daisy,

Just want to pop in and say well done on coming here and being honest. Ive had countless day ones before coming to this site and thankfully did not give up trying.

Just want to wish you strength and give ya a :l

[kuya]

Newbies Nest

daisy45;1471787 wrote: day1 again but not giving up!

Hi Daisy,
It would really help you to check in here when you fear you MAY drink.

People here care about you but they cannot help you if you do not ask for help when you need it........which is BEFORE you drink.

As you rightly say in your signature......relapse occurs BEFORE you drink, and you didn't check in yesterday before you drank.

[Nursie]

Newbies Nest

daisy45;1471798 wrote: Nursie, I feel like such a twat, especially with you. You are getting there against the odds! Thank you - I don't want to waste another night.....

Not not not a twat! I JUST got back on. It took losing my brother and finding my way through 6 months more of drunken fog even after that to realize I cannot live like this anymore.
I know you want it, and I know you can do it!
Have you considered the Antabuse? I just started taking it.
A lovely friend gave me some, along with a sobriety bracelet. (Well, I call it a sobriety bracelet,but it's a beautiful handmade piece).

Hang in there chickapee.