Newbies Nest

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Well, guess I'll call it a night. It's past 1 am in my corner of the nest. Good night, all....

[Jagman]

Newbies Nest

Day 7 dawned, I'm gonna do this.
Get In !

[kuya]

Newbies Nest

Jagman;1472486 wrote: Day 7 dawned, I'm gonna do this.
Get In !

Yay for Jagman!

Yes you CAN do this.

After half a bottle of vodka for 23 years I did it. Best thing I ever did. Nowhere near as hard as I feared all those years.

You are over the physical symptoms.......now you have just gotta WANT it bad.

I am sober and LOVING IT !

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

good morning!!!

just a quick gentle reminder: please be considerate with your words when directing your post to others in the nest.....I'm talking about comments directed to a person in particular. If you would not be able to say it to their face, please don't type it....
thanks

[Hippyman]

Newbies Nest

Happy Monday Nesters. It's great to see the newbies joining us here in the nest. You have found a wonderful, safe place to learn how to live a sober life. All the tools are here on this site and sobriety will be yours if you use them. Please stay close and we can all heal together! :goodjob:
I had an exciting weekend. The Living History event was fun and the Dachshunds St. Patrick days party was GREAT! The girls got all dressed up in their GREEN garb and we almost won the "Pot of Gold" AKA (dog treats). :H You had to guess how many treats were in the pot to win. We guessed 111 and the answer was 131? Close but NO BANANA!:upset:
Today I have decided to clean and do laundry. It's a beautiful day to hang linens outside. I love the smell of freshly washed sheets hung out on the line. That's a pleasant memory I have of my Grandma. She was a sweetheart when she was sober, that is!
Tonight is our monthly dream group. It's alot of fun and we study Robert Mosses work. He truly is one of my all time favorite teachers.
Have a joyful, SOBER day and make sure you give someone a free hug! :l

[Elliesmom]

Newbies Nest

It's been incredibly, terribly lonely, and the shame and guilt has me filled with self-loathing... I've been operating on this assumption that I probably will die soon, and I'm only in my mid 40's. I had pretty much given up... as long as death is probably around the corner anyway.. I imagined myself in that casket and my 15 and 17 year old daughters the ones consumed with grief. But without a mom to console them...So I woke up yesterday and decided I owed it to my children to try one more time. So here I am.

Good Monday, All -- that paragraph above was my first post to this site, 30 days ago. There have been many times when I wanted to go back and recall what I had written, because all I remembered was that I cried a lot while I was typing. But I knew it would be painful, so I've been waiting for this day to go back and compare my life a month ago to my life this morning. And it's WONDERFUL, and new, and filled with tons of HOPE, which I thought was gone forever.

I'm not the best cheerleader here by a long-shot, but I just wanted to share that to encourage any new folks...and maybe others who've been around and slipped...that it IS totally possible to quit. It's harder than hell but you can do it.

Whenever I think about AL, I remind myself that while the cravings still pop up, the physical need is GONE. The craving is real, but it's coming from some part of our primitive brains and will shut up once we remind it who's in charge (and eat!). After 7 days your body doesn't need it anymore. So what would I get if I allowed myself "just 1 drink?"

A pleasant, light buzz? No. There's been a lot posted here about how our tolerance will remain high for years, even, so "just 1" won't make me feel any pleasant physical sensations other than suddenly craving a lot more. My tolerance is the same as the day I quit.

A treat to reward myself? There's no such think as an AL "treat" for me. I can't have "just 1", ever. For me, it will always be an all-you-can-eat AL buffet versus a treat.

Relaxation and good sleep? I sweat all night, woke up multiple times because my heart was pounding/racing, and was tired all the time.


How about a fine wine for that amazing sensory experience? NO. That's what I used to tell myself, but it's a fat lie. No alcoholic drink can beat a bowl of ice cream, ever.

What I WOULD get is an addiction back. I'd be up to a big liter of gin every day within 5 days, I'm sure of it. It nearly destroyed my life and if I hadn't stopped, I'm sure I would be dead within a year or two, and I know it's the same for lots of you in the nest.

Other things I'd get are guilt, shame and self-loathing every morning. Lying to everyone around me. Worried at work that it's still on my breath. Going home at noon for a lunch made of cocktails to stop the shakes, then going back to work with it ACTUALLY on my breath (I know some of my colleagues had to have smelled it...I can't believe I was never busted). Oh yeah, worrying about being busted. Panicking every time I saw a police officer. Not remembering what I said to my daughters the night before. Not remembering promises I made and breaking them. Not remembering kissing my kids goodnight and telling them I love them. My youngest telling me my breath stinks. Missing my kids' events because I shouldn't drive. Missing parent-teacher conferences because I was too drunk to drive. Getting into fights with my husband and not remembering them. Spending at least $80 a week on gin. Spending $40 a week on nice wine to drink so my husband wouldn't suspect I was actually chugging the hard liqour. Pretending to have the stomach flue when I was incredibly hung over. Remembering its recycling day and racing home to take it outside before my husband saw what was in there. And the big one...hating myself and wishing for death, because I had accepted it was coming soon and just wanted to get it over with. That was just 30 days ago.

Whew. There's a lot more, but those were the biggies. I wanted to share that, because I know most of you could have written that same paragraph. During the times I was tempted this past month, I would read lists like that from other Nesters and be reminded about the place I came from versus the place I'm at today, and the place I am guaranteed to go back to with "just 1". For the rest of my life, the ONLY thing I will EVER get from "just 1" is being ripped back into a life of a living hell.

That is my truth, but it's not the end of my story. Now I have hope, contentment, and while I'm still working on the whole inner peace thing and forgiving myself, I'm a work in progress versus a lost cause. I plan to be around, now, for my children's college graduations, weddings, and maybe even live to meet some grandchildren.

All of that is what I want and need, and I don't ever want to lose again the hope that I'll someday have that. This place has been a blessing for me in huge ways ! :thanks:

Elliesmom

[Oneredshoe]

Newbies Nest

kuya;1472438 wrote: Well One, if you can do all this in 28 days, just imagine how AMAZING the rest of your life is going to be! :l:l


And hi to you TWITCH.......WelCome to the nest, settle in and read around a lot. I have seen your posts a couple of times on the forum

Kuya.....I will always be a work in progress. :H I wish I were better with words, I wish I could write out what I feel in my heart, so I could explain the past 29 days better. I feel different this time, this quit feels very different this time, things so far seem to be clicking. I feel this sense of relief, I don't feel "cocky" like I have on my previous attempts, humbled but quietly confident. I know I still have a lot to learn and a lot to work on, I am not out of the woods. Notice I have added a signature, that is my way of saying I am here to stay! .

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Wow, Elliesmom....what an incredible story of success. I don't have children, but I had accepted the fact that mine was going to be a shorter life...I had ACCEPTED it!!! WTF??? It is amazing the power of AL!! Now I want to live! I have a PURPOSE and one of those is to bestow YOUR HAT!!! Please accept this small token of a huge job:

:goodtime:

This hat can't begin to explain the strength and determination it took to achieve. But WE all know what it takes. The Flying Underwear are just around the corner for you!! And many other good things, too!! I am thrilled for your success!! Byrdie

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Onered...I know what you mean about not being able to verbalize it. If you could hold up a mirror to the SuperNewbie's and say, 'this can be you in 30 days if you dig your heels in!!' they just wouldn't believe it!! I feel lighter...in spirit, my burdens, the whole thing...everything is just lighter! And simpler...that's the beauty of it. If we could just get folks all the way thru those first 30 days, it gets easier and better! Plus the fact that each fall makes it harder to get up....like a boxing match. You know, this really is an awful lot like a boxing match...AL is either going to knock us out, or we are going to get up and walk away victorious.
I'm putting the finishing touches on yer hat!!! XXOO, Byrdie

[Oneredshoe]

Newbies Nest

almost free;1472427 wrote: Hey, Onered. Sorry, I was just PM-ing Daisy. Haven't heard from her and was checking if she is ok. Yeah, it's been another draining, brutal day......I feel like I have been hanging by a thread the last couple of days, but still hanging on......thanks for asking.

Hey almost free....sorry I didn't stay on last night, I was tired. You know I have been thinking about Daisy as well, did you hear back from her? Thread or not you are still hanging in there. :goodjob: I will check in later. Be Awesome today!!!!!!!

[Oneredshoe]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1472566 wrote: Onered...I know what you mean about not being able to verbalize it. If you could hold up a mirror to the SuperNewbie's and say, 'this can be you in 30 days if you dig your heels in!!' they just wouldn't believe it!! I feel lighter...in spirit, my burdens, the whole thing...everything is just lighter! And simpler...that's the beauty of it. If we could just get folks all the way thru those first 30 days, it gets easier and better! Plus the fact that each fall makes it harder to get up....like a boxing match. You know, this really is an awful lot like a boxing match...AL is either going to knock us out, or we are going to get up and walk away victorious.
I'm putting the finishing touches on yer hat!!! XXOO, Byrdie

Byrd....You get what I am trying to explain. :H. It is like a boxing match. That is a great analogy!
I can't wait to see my hat. I can't believe that it will be 30 days tomorrow.

[I'm Strong and in Control]

Newbies Nest

bookmark?

Elliesmom;1472552 wrote: It's been incredibly, terribly lonely, and the shame and guilt has me filled with self-loathing... I've been operating on this assumption that I probably will die soon, and I'm only in my mid 40's. I had pretty much given up... as long as death is probably around the corner anyway.. I imagined myself in that casket and my 15 and 17 year old daughters the ones consumed with grief. But without a mom to console them...So I woke up yesterday and decided I owed it to my children to try one more time. So here I am.

Good Monday, All -- that paragraph above was my first post to this site, 30 days ago. There have been many times when I wanted to go back and recall what I had written, because all I remembered was that I cried a lot while I was typing. But I knew it would be painful, so I've been waiting for this day to go back and compare my life a month ago to my life this morning. And it's WONDERFUL, and new, and filled with tons of HOPE, which I thought was gone forever.

I'm not the best cheerleader here by a long-shot, but I just wanted to share that to encourage any new folks...and maybe others who've been around and slipped...that it IS totally possible to quit. It's harder than hell but you can do it.

Whenever I think about AL, I remind myself that while the cravings still pop up, the physical need is GONE. The craving is real, but it's coming from some part of our primitive brains and will shut up once we remind it who's in charge (and eat!). After 7 days your body doesn't need it anymore. So what would I get if I allowed myself "just 1 drink?"

A pleasant, light buzz? No. There's been a lot posted here about how our tolerance will remain high for years, even, so "just 1" won't make me feel any pleasant physical sensations other than suddenly craving a lot more. My tolerance is the same as the day I quit.

A treat to reward myself? There's no such think as an AL "treat" for me. I can't have "just 1", ever. For me, it will always be an all-you-can-eat AL buffet versus a treat.

Relaxation and good sleep? I sweat all night, woke up multiple times because my heart was pounding/racing, and was tired all the time.


How about a fine wine for that amazing sensory experience? NO. That's what I used to tell myself, but it's a fat lie. No alcoholic drink can beat a bowl of ice cream, ever.

What I WOULD get is an addiction back. I'd be up to a big liter of gin every day within 5 days, I'm sure of it. It nearly destroyed my life and if I hadn't stopped, I'm sure I would be dead within a year or two, and I know it's the same for lots of you in the nest.

Other things I'd get are guilt, shame and self-loathing every morning. Lying to everyone around me. Worried at work that it's still on my breath. Going home at noon for a lunch made of cocktails to stop the shakes, then going back to work with it ACTUALLY on my breath (I know some of my colleagues had to have smelled it...I can't believe I was never busted). Oh yeah, worrying about being busted. Panicking every time I saw a police officer. Not remembering what I said to my daughters the night before. Not remembering promises I made and breaking them. Not remembering kissing my kids goodnight and telling them I love them. My youngest telling me my breath stinks. Missing my kids' events because I shouldn't drive. Missing parent-teacher conferences because I was too drunk to drive. Getting into fights with my husband and not remembering them. Spending at least $80 a week on gin. Spending $40 a week on nice wine to drink so my husband wouldn't suspect I was actually chugging the hard liqour. Pretending to have the stomach flue when I was incredibly hung over. Remembering its recycling day and racing home to take it outside before my husband saw what was in there. And the big one...hating myself and wishing for death, because I had accepted it was coming soon and just wanted to get it over with. That was just 30 days ago.

Whew. There's a lot more, but those were the biggies. I wanted to share that, because I know most of you could have written that same paragraph. During the times I was tempted this past month, I would read lists like that from other Nesters and be reminded about the place I came from versus the place I'm at today, and the place I am guaranteed to go back to with "just 1". For the rest of my life, the ONLY thing I will EVER get from "just 1" is being ripped back into a life of a living hell.

That is my truth, but it's not the end of my story. Now I have hope, contentment, and while I'm still working on the whole inner peace thing and forgiving myself, I'm a work in progress versus a lost cause. I plan to be around, now, for my children's college graduations, weddings, and maybe even live to meet some grandchildren.

All of that is what I want and need, and I don't ever want to lose again the hope that I'll someday have that. This place has been a blessing for me in huge ways ! :thanks:

ElliesmomLast Monday I was lying in bed, too hungover/still drunk to go to work. (again). Much different perspective today, having strung 7 sober, alcohol free days together. I don't feel any better physically - and that is ok - big positive mental recovery. I realize I've been the cause of my own lonliness. Why make plans with people when I can sit home and drink? How can I drive hungover? Will they see me shake? See how bad I look. Anyway - nevermind. How can I bookmark this marvelous thread to keep in my bag of tricks?:goodjob:

[Oneredshoe]

Newbies Nest

Elliesmom.....CONGRATULATIONS on 30!!!!!
Your story was very powerful, it moved me to tears. I am so glad that you have shared your story of success. I hit 30 tomorrow so I am right behind you, my story isn't over either, I will be around here long after 30, I look forward to hearing more from you.

[noal]

Newbies Nest

don't even know where to start except I am running back to this forum. an entire year has gone by since I last visited... it was a tremendous help before I thru away almost six months al free... so I am signing up again.

plan to do a lot of reading before I spill my guts

thanks

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Strong, it only takes a few AF days to start getting your mojo back!

I think that our perspective changes a lot as we go thru this journey...it was perfectly acceptable to wake up feeling like a shi#shake and the self loathing and all that. But then after a time, when we start to feel better, we begin to LONG for the very thing that took us down. We think 'if only'!! If only I had a nickel for every 'if only' I said!! But a bad day of NOT drinking is 1000 times better than a good day of being drunk. For some reason we don't see that...our 'normal' changes I guess. A little discomfort now seems a lot worse than the staggering drunk we were....how can that be? THAT'S the power of addiction! Kuya states it so well, that one week of inconvenience has changed a 23 year streak of insanity!
I'm so happy that you are with us here....as you can see, we have lots of success!!! Congrats of your 7 days!!! Byrdie