Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

jIMMYDAMA.....please report to front and center.
On behalf of the entire Newbie's Nest, it is my great honor to bestow a small token of a huge job. My dear, YOUR HAT!! (crowd cheers!!)

:goodtime:

It is quite amazing to see the transformations in people from when they fly into the nest to the point where they get this major award. 30 Days sounds like an eternity on those first couple days...like such a big mountain to climb...but as you see, you do it by putting one foot in front of the other. It's a leap of faith in a lot of ways, wouldn't you say? You have to trust those who go ahead of you and have taken the falls. We are all so proud of you!!!

Would you have a few words to say? What have you learned and how you have changed? You don't have to, but it might help someone else who is struggling! WELL DONE!!! Byrdie

[Oneredshoe]

Newbies Nest

jIMMYDAMA....30 for you too, don't ya just feel like dancing and shouting it from the roof tops!:alf: well done jimmy, well done! :greatjob2:

I counted my consecutive AF days over and over on my calendar; touching each and every single day that was marked with my big bright and bold AF mark, 30, I have really hit 30! I have been crying off and on all morning long and honestly don't know what to say. I am over come with this amazing sense of relief and joy and need some time to form my thoughts, I will write more later today. Thank you to everyone for all of the amazing love, support and knowledge that all of you have bestowed upon me.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

ONEred....paging One. Red. Shoe. Please report to stage for major award:

A-hem. Testing. Ok.
On behalf of the entire Newbie's Nest, it is my GREAT honor to present this coveted award for 30 DAYS without AL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOHOOOOOO!! (crowd goes nuts)

:day5:

You'll find that this hat goes with everything. Parties, family events, just sitting by yourself watching tv. The sober hat is a real milestone in your life. I hope you will treasure and protect it at all costs!!! WE are so proud of you!!!! You came, you saw, you conquered...................and you helped others!! Well done!

Would you have a few words for a grateful nest? What have you learned...the biggest secret to getting sober, etc. Nothing major, just how you did it!!! :H

Here's to a lifetime of sobriety!!!!!!!!!!!!! Byrdie

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

The word alcoholic --- credit to Byrdie

Hi, Nesters

Elsewhere on MWO I saw a post by our great friend Byrdie who asked "do you consider yourself to be an alcoholic? ". (I decided not to reply there because although I am an alcohol abstainer, I have not met the inclusion criteria of 100 days AF )

I think this is an important thing to think about because the words we use matter in terms of how we think about ourselves, how others see us, and how society deals with various issues that affect all of us.

Politically correct speech can be cumbersome and sometimes impairs clear communication so perhaps "I am an alcoholic" seems preferable to the slightly awkward "I am addicted to alcohol". However, I prefer the latter (and there is only 1 word more in the phrase, we just haven't heard it much, at least in the US).

I hate the phrase "drugs and alcohol", which suggests that alcohol is not a drug. It is; it just happens to be legal and socially acceptable/desirable, making it one of the most dangerous drugs available.

"I am an alcoholic" defines the person who says it (and the word has very negative connotations that we can't pretend aren't there).

"I am addicted to alcohol" defines the relationship the person has with the drug, alcohol.

At some point, I will not be addicted to alcohol although I will always have the (high) potential to become addicted again. But when I'm not consuming it, I'm not addicted.

If I define myself as BEING an alcoholic, my goal must be to BE an alcoholic who doesn't drink.
That would be a really cumbersome and awkward phrase to think or say.
And why would we want to define ourselves by something we are not doing?
My goal is to not have the word alcohol be at all related to my self-identity. For about 35 years the word was not at all relevant to anything I thought or said about myself one way or the other.

When I type here, I try not to use alcoholic as a noun and this does make some of my sentences even longer than they already are. It's a good adjective, though: Toxic Alcoholic Beverage.

Just something to think about in this oh-so-politically-correct world we live in.

Sorry about stealing your idea, Birdie, but I think it is important for all of us in the nest to think about.

Love to all of you, NS

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Thanks, NoSugar...I think it's important, too. Mind you, in real life I do not go around with this label around my neck. In fact, it rarely evens comes up!! This was also a myth in my head...'EVERYONE will wonder why I'm NOT drinking!!!' This thought was usually accompanied by Flying Monkies and witches with green faces. It just didn't happen. The World Inside My Head knows that I'm an Alcoholic...the world outside, does not. This works for me. But only when I accepted that foul badge was I able to move along to treat this malody we have. How can you treat what you don't have??? So once I accepted it, and found out the cure...I was able to move forward instead of being paralysed by 'what if I'm not?' (BTW, I clearly was!) This was a pretty big step for me.
B

[Siren136]

Newbies Nest

I also tend to avoid labeling myself or others. I don't like labels.

I say I that have a problem with alcohol. It's real, and it's serious, and it's not going away anytime soon. The only option for me is to keep trying to quit.

[jIMMYDAMA]

Newbies Nest

Thanks again for all the encouragement and well wishes, this has been the longest and quickest month of my life. I firmly believe that the key is the support I have received from this Group of friends. I have lost a best friend in this process that hurts, I have been apart from my family living away for 10 weeks now. There were times that I truly almost gave up. I have faithfully read the posts every day no matter what. I have learned more about myself from this family than I ever knew would be possible. I know I am stronger than I thought and kinder more patient than I ever thought I could be.
It is truly a one day at a time, put it in Gods hands journey, I am just so thankful y'all are traveling down this road with me. I know that I am not alone and there is light at the end of the tunnel ( and its not a train )

I know also that the reason this forum of friends works is because
If you help enough other people get what they want and need you will in turn get what and need in the process!!! :thanks: from the bottom of my heart:h

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

CONGRATS TO ONEREDSHOE AND JIMMY! WELL DONE GUYS ON 30 DAY AF!

:goodjob:

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Good morning everyone.

Congrats to Onered and jIMMYDAMA on their 30 days. That is one HUGE milestone that always seems so unattainable at the start. But look at you guys. YOU DID IT!

Welcome back Odat! So glad to see you again.

Hi to Slay, Star, New Day and Siren. And of course, Byrdie and Kuya. Hope everyone is doing ok today. Better than ok!

Byrdie, I love that: 'this hat goes with everything....parties, family events, just sitting by yourself watching tv...'

Hope you feel better soon, Hippy!

NoSugar, you've given us lots of stuff to think about......I particularly liked: 'why would we want to define ourselves by something we are not doing?' Interesting.....While I think it's important not to be lulled into a feeling of complacency, I don't like my entire identity to be centered on being an alcoholic. We are all multi-faceted beings. I think the goal should be to make it a non-issue, as in 'I don't eat shellfish'. Period. End of sentence. 'No thank you, I don't drink' or 'I just don't anymore'.

I really think that NOT drinking is becoming the new cool. More and more 'celebrity types' are becoming abstainers. That's great, because they are, especially to the young, role models. It becomes more socially acceptable to say no to alcohol. Almost cool. Some of them have been through the meat grinder of alcoholism like us, but others are doing it for health and beauty reasons.

I believe it is a growing trend, like you read about more and more people experimenting with vegetarianism. I'm sure they find themselves always having to explain (and justify?) their choice as well. (And, BTW, who says to the vegetarian, 'Oh, just have one little bite of this steak..'?) It's sure a lot easier on the host, when we are the guests (as opposed to the vegetarian); no special foods, etc. So we don't have to feel overly sensitive and feel like we are the only ones that are different. Just my two cents......

Everyone have a great day. I'm sure by the time I post this, more people will have posted, so Hi in advance to anyone I missed.

p.s. What a touching post, jIMMY! So glad you joined us!

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Lunchtime check in here-

HUGE CONGRATS to Onered and Jimmy!!!!:yay::clapclap::goodjob:

[Bobbyslife]

Newbies Nest

My Ex Fiance of 5 years called again today, asking if there was anything of hers left at the house. I said NO so she said had some other man come on the phone. Said "I am going to whoop ur butt" same old same old.... As you all know she left around a little more than 2 weeks ago and has this tuirkey calling my home everyday. I cant put the bottle down due to the depression of having my fianc? leave me of 5 years. What else can numb this pain besides alcohol. This sucks. I do want to thank everyone that has given me advice and help in this matter

[Overit44]

Newbies Nest

Bobby-I'm not getting it, although I have read back to try and understand. If she left you, why does she keep calling and why is another man going to beat you up? What did you do? That is so strange to me.

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Bobby,

You've said that the only issue she had was that you weren't 'there' enough for her. What's with the 'going to whoop ur butt' stuff? Does she think you are refusing to give her back some of her stuff? What exactly are they going to 'whoop ur butt' for? This doesn't make any sense.

Tell her you are glad she has found someone who can be there for her. Tell her she needs to let go and move on. Doesn't this new guy wonder why she is putting so much time and energy into continually calling you? This all sounds so incrediby childish.

The depression is not going to get better with booze. Only worse. Unfortunately, life is full of challenges, some of them heartbreaking. We just have to get through them and keep going. Concentrate on yourself and focus on getting yourself alcohol free, healthy and fit. Your whole state of mind will improve tremendously, once you are free of the booze.

Start over. The sooner the better. We are here to listen to you and help you through all this. You don't have to do this alone. Stay close and start taking care of yourself. Eat well, drink lots of water (with lemon juice is best) and start moving forward. You can do it and you will be glad you did. All it takes is some movement in the right direction. Look at how many people here are doing it. You can, too!

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

Bobbyslife;1473027 wrote: My Ex Fiance of 5 years called again today, asking if there was anything of hers left at the house. I said NO so she said had some other man come on the phone. Said "I am going to whoop ur butt" same old same old.... As you all know she left around a little more than 2 weeks ago and has this tuirkey calling my home everyday. I cant put the bottle down due to the depression of having my fianc? leave me of 5 years. What else can numb this pain besides alcohol. This sucks. I do want to thank everyone that has given me advice and help in this matter

Bobby, this may not be what you want to hear, but it is what you need to hear. Until you stop playing the victim, you will keep making excuses to drink. I UNDERSTAND the pain you are feeling, but YOU are the only one who can free YOURSELF from that pain by stepping outside the victim box and not feeling sorry for yourself. You as we all can, will bring more pain upon yourself until you choose to step away from that mindset. No, it isn't easy. No, it will not just snap and be over with, but YOU are not taking control of taking care of and being responsible for you. Most know some of what I have been going through, so I COMPLETELY understand the pain. I, also, understand what you need to do to break free of where you are right now. TAKE CONTROL...stop being a victim and be completely honest with yourself.

:l:h

Love,

Slay

[Sharky]

Newbies Nest

odat1234;1472956 wrote: Good Morning all, i'm here again and this time I PROMISE myself 30 days straight. No bargains, no deals, just 30 days. I'm a mess and I'm tired of it. Time to clean up and stop this nonsense! I will read back today and see how everyone is doing. So glad to see you all again...:l

Welcome back!! Just rejoining again. This is crazy - serious effort this time!!! Hope you are well.