Newbies Nest

[Blossoms]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone
I just found this forum today.
I'm on day 5, and was finding it hard .... Thank you so much to Kuya and Siren for your help and support

[Siren136]

Newbies Nest

kuya;1473895 wrote: Siren I believe that successful sobriety stems from wanting it for its own sake, rather than as a means to an end. That will never last IMO.

Your last statement still suggests you think you can control alcohol rather than accepting that alcohol, when you drink it, controls you.

The difference may sound like semantics but if you don't give up your perfectionism you will need the alcohol to numb the pain. I was also a perfectionist.......life didn't get real till I dropped the act.

I have wanted it for a while for myself. I guess I should have said that work is one of the reasons I decided to do it now (along with weight gain, relationship, overall health - liver pain, etc). I have no illusions that I shouldn't just plain stay away from alcohol.

Enneagram talks about how each 'integrates' toward health and 'disintegrates' toward an unhealthy state. A 'healthy' type 3 will start to realize that they are loved for themselves and not for their accomplishments. I need to be AF to get to that point and let go of my need to be seen as perfect.

[Hippyman]

Newbies Nest

Siren136;1473890 wrote: This is me, too. I'm really into personality theory, particularly Enneagram because it talks about our motivations for behavior rather than just some personality attributes.

One of the characteristics of my type (type 3) is "Because you have a tendency to mistake what you do for who you are, you can become a human ?doing? instead of a human being." The theory goes on to say "You can become anxious and fearful that your carefully crafted image of the successful, on the go, efficient ?doer? might be unmasked.".

I have to say that one of the main reasons I decided to quit is that AL was starting to affect my work and I just can't have that.

:goodjob:I've been watching you as you are healing and I am very proud of you. Many years ago I had a very wise teacher tell me that I would never find inner peace that I was seeking until I learning to be "a human being NOT a human doing". Today I have found that to be true. I'm learning to allow life to happen instead of trying to force it too!

[Hippyman]

Newbies Nest

Happy Thursday Nesters! I was feeling well enough yesterday to go to a local showing of Picasso's prints. I still have a cold so I was giving out lots of Free SMILES instead of my normal Free HUGS! Anyway, in these prints, as his penis grew...his head became smaller. Then the last print (He was age 64) both his penis and his head are tiny...LOL You should have heard me trying to explain this to a local Catholic Priest? Thank God the curator saw my dilemma and come to my rescue. :H
I've been invited to be in a local St. Patrick's day parade and I can choose to ride on a float or walk along side and hand out candy. I'm wondering what to wear? I'll send a few hours digging thru my closet today thinking...GREEN! Green to wear but no green beer this year. In fact NO BEER AT ALL Thank God that part of my life is over forever! :l

[noal]

Newbies Nest

day 8 for me today and feeling much better.

I looked back at some of my post on pages 1507, 1517, 1527. Man, 1507 was my 30 day and was full of the energy I want to get back.

Had a long talk with my wife a couple nights ago. I really don't want her seeing my future post but I did print out the three I listed above and showed her. She always suspected my drinking but never knew just how much I was drinking and how often...she made the comment that she has been a fool, but also said she was glad that I am being honest with her now.....I wish that I wouldn't have shown those to her, she's not very happy about all I was doing...my thought was to be open and up front and get it all out now. I know she is going to forgive me AGAIN...but I'm pretty sure this is my last straw.

Then we had a talk with the kids and discussed the plan. they are 13, 14 & 17

The plan: which is how I did it last time,only this time I have a marriage to save.

.Need to be totally open about this with my family

.Because I always started my drinking on the way home from work I will be looking my wife in the eye right away when I get home to confirm that I did not drink that day...my right eye is a sure give away every time.

.I will not go to any hardware stores or errands by myself...too many opportunities along the way there and back home. The question was asked what if no one is around to go? then I just don't go...at least for these first few weeks.
.stick with my campral and fish tablets.

.I have set up weekly meetings with an employee assistance program professional...something about being face to face with someone really helps me in the beginning. My counselor wants my kids to write down how this has effected their lives and put their thoughts in an envelope to be opened at our next meeting. so I will be reading those next Thursday. That's kind of scary knowing that its not just my health I've been screwing up but also people around me that I love. The hope the brite sides is they will see how I have over come this problem, made it thru and become a better man.

.read myo post every morning and try to post more, or at least check in.

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Hi Noal :l

So glad to see you hear and posting your plan- Which IMO is an EXCELLENT one! You sound very sincere in your desire to quit drinking and you are not only thinking of yourself, but others as well.

You know, here in the newbies nest, 7 DAYS of going without AL is a HUGE accomplishment and we have been known to honor those folks achieving this feat with a nice award.

Yes, sir- You have earned a FULL MOON from all your nestmates.

:moon:

We are glad to have you here with us, Noal and hope to get to know you better!

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Hey and by the way, everyone, I have had just a minute to browse through some recent posts and am fascinated by this Enneagram information. I am going to look it up!
Now I finally know what is wrong with me. I am a human doing, not a human being! What a relief to finally put a name on it!

Thanks, friends!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Nesters, we have more big DOINGS today!!
thelaststraw, on behalf of the Newbie's Nest, it is with GREAT PRIDE, that I present you with this Major Award:

:goodtime:

I'm not sure anyone outside of these 4 virtual walls knows how much work went into achieving this. 30 nights of nail biting and hand wringing...30 days of waking up to see if others were still here...30 days of telling Dick Head to go to hell!!! In our world, this is as good as it gets!! We are all so proud of you!!!

As you can see, I always ask for an acceptance speech, and as you can also see, they are always very powerful...after all, you don't get yer hat by being a slack-jawed-nose-picker! Do you have a few words as to what you've learned?
Not only have you received, but you have given back!! WELL DONE!! Byrdie

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

CONGRATULATIONS on THIRTY DAYS, LASTSTRAW!!!

:wave:

[Pinecone]

Newbies Nest

Good morning friends,

Welcome back Noal and welcome to you to, Blossoms!

I just want let the newcomers and lurkers who are reading know that there IS light at the end of the tunnel. This place will work miracles if you put in some work yourself. An alcohol free life truly is the relief that you came here looking for. Having doubts? Just read on here for a while. You might be surprised to find many things that you could have written yourself. That should help you with the delusion that this monkey on your back is just your own private problem, and maybe if you were just a little bit stronger you could control it. Stay with us for a little while and you might see the pain caused by drinking and also the relief of getting that out of your life. You can just read and think if you want. All that is required is to be honest with yourself though (something addicts are not good at...). Just remember that you will probably always be able to find a "reason" to drink, but you might not always be able to muster the strength to get well. And if you do get well, you will never, ever regret it for one second.

Have a great AF day, friends.

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning Nesters! I hope everyone kept their determination set on high yesterday and worked toward healthy day choices. Let's do the same today!

Set your mind to action and discard worry. Worry is a useless emotion whereas action gets results or at least puts you in the game of achieving your goals. You have the control to make your life a happier healthier one. Let's do it!

CONGRATS TO LASTSTRAW FOR 30 DAYS AF!!!!:goodjob:

Let's run those victory laps by adding another day AF today.

Love,

Slay

P.S. - Oneredshoe, I hope your pup is doing alright! With your tender love and care, I'm sure all will be well soon.

[Hippyman]

Newbies Nest

:goodjob:Sounds like you are serious about staying sober. You can do it. I know you can!

noal;1473925 wrote: day 8 for me today and feeling much better.

I looked back at some of my post on pages 1507, 1517, 1527. Man, 1507 was my 30 day and was full of the energy I want to get back.

Had a long talk with my wife a couple nights ago. I really don't want her seeing my future post but I did print out the three I listed above and showed her. She always suspected my drinking but never knew just how much I was drinking and how often...she made the comment that she has been a fool, but also said she was glad that I am being honest with her now.....I wish that I wouldn't have shown those to her, she's not very happy about all I was doing...my thought was to be open and up front and get it all out now. I know she is going to forgive me AGAIN...but I'm pretty sure this is my last straw.

Then we had a talk with the kids and discussed the plan. they are 13, 14 & 17

The plan: which is how I did it last time,only this time I have a marriage to save.

.Need to be totally open about this with my family

.Because I always started my drinking on the way home from work I will be looking my wife in the eye right away when I get home to confirm that I did not drink that day...my right eye is a sure give away every time.

.I will not go to any hardware stores or errands by myself...too many opportunities along the way there and back home. The question was asked what if no one is around to go? then I just don't go...at least for these first few weeks.
.stick with my campral and fish tablets.

.I have set up weekly meetings with an employee assistance program professional...something about being face to face with someone really helps me in the beginning. My counselor wants my kids to write down how this has effected their lives and put their thoughts in an envelope to be opened at our next meeting. so I will be reading those next Thursday. That's kind of scary knowing that its not just my health I've been screwing up but also people around me that I love. The hope the brite sides is they will see how I have over come this problem, made it thru and become a better man.

.read myo post every morning and try to post more, or at least check in.

[Hippyman]

Newbies Nest

THELASTSTRAW, Well done on 30 days!

[noal]

Newbies Nest

Thanks guys!

Right now I feel very confident that I can do it too. I read my post from a year ago and can seen just how great my new life had become. I was happy and normal. I'm starting to feel that way again after just 8 days.

What I need to focus on is the long term which has been a problem of mine for quite awhile.

This site is SO helpful, I really enjoy reading about everyone trying so hard...its very encouraging because we all have something in common.

So many people on here post the day after they fell off the wagon...I wish I would have done that a year ago because I'm sure someone would have said the right thing to get me back on track.

Anyway, I'm back now and ready to get back to a healthy normal life.

thanks everyone.

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

Congratulations to you, Last Straw on your 30 day hat. Well done!

Welcome Blossom. Congrats on five days. The worst days are behind you, now. Don't know how bad your withdrawals were, but the last round, for me, was something I never want to endure again. It took me over two weeks to start feeling even a smidge of energy. Each round seemed to get worse, and by reading on here, I discovered that there is research to back up that each withdrawal adds to something called 'kindling' which makes each successive withdrawal worse.

Congrats on your 'full moon', Noal, and welcome. I never filled my husband in on all the details.....we both knew I had a problem, and for a long time, he kept encouraging me to just have it on the weekends, or only when we ate out, etc. I explained that it doesn't work that way for me. That there is something broken when it comes to me and AL. God knows, I've tried and tried. And failed and failed. He doesn't suggest that anymore.

I knew it would hurt him more to detail events that he knew nothing about....."Hey, did you know that when I sent you to pick up something, I was just getting you out of the way so I could sneak out and get some booze?" What a chump! That's how my hubs would have seen it and it would have unneccessarily caused him more hurt, resentment and pain. We don't need an angry, resentful spouse in the early days of our sobriety. Just my 2 cents.

I would only suggest that one can admit that one has a problem and move forward, without dredging up every detail. Especially early on where we may be driven by a certain zeal to come clean on everything. There is always time for that. Consider the other person's personality and how total honesty will affect them. The best amends I can make to my husband is to try to be as close as I can to the woman he fell in love with 34 years ago. That's what he would want, more than anything. Again, just my 2 cents.....

One red, You gave me so much to think about. Especially something about how someone else's lack of planning is not my emergency....or something like that. I think a lot of us have suffered by taking on problems and responsibilities that aren't really ours. It's especially hard when the person is a child who has just left the nest. The feeling of parental responsibility and the protective instinct vs. knowing when to let go and let them fail, if necessary. I also liked the human being as opposed to the human doing. Lots to ponder.....

Hi to Byrdie, Kuya, Slay, Star, Pinecone, Hippy and anyone I may have missed. Everyone have a great day!

p.s. Hi to you, too, NoSugar and Siren!