Newbies Nest

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

thanks for your post sugar.....it is so nice to know that I am not alone in feeling like I am a big bore

[Nursie]

Newbies Nest

Hi MJL, I just posted a response to your other thread. Welcome to the NEwbies Nest, and stick with us!

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters! I never made it to the nest yesterday evening as I had an emergency with my Chinchilla. Poor thing had gotten a little thread wrapped around his toe and it inflammed because the circulation was cut off. I noticed it while trying to get him back in his cage to run errands and then the errand wound up in a wrestling match to get him in his bath house and a box to run to the pet store. I couldn't see or hold him well enough to cut the tight nylon string loose, so I went to where I purchased him to get help. It's off now and treated with peroxide and antibiotic salve and I have the name of a exotic animal vet. So, he was running happy this morning, but only time will tell if we can save the toe. I have to watch him carefully to be sure it isn't dead which can lead to gangrene or that an infection doesn't get worse. WHO KNEW? So checking in this morning to cheer you all on and to respond to yesterdays thoughtful replies to my post.

Thanks New Day, Almost Free, Elliesmom, Brydlady and Kradle for your kind words.

Brydlady, it's so true, and don't feel you need to apologize for mentioning your father. :l It's therapeutic and it sets an example that we can manage pain and loss without AL and we all face loss and are not alone in suffering.

Kradle, it is all too common when one person is in love and the other is not. The person who is in love keeps bending, caring and trying to show there love thinking it will make a difference while the other person who doesn't care takes advantage of them while they are in that state. Just like your gf suffered. Her hanging on to that love and acting on her feelings cost her dearly. I've realized that in this marriage. I have done the same thing and it has cost me, but I'm drawing the line. Even though those whispers just like the AL voice whispers are there, we need to silence them and use our reason and logic. Those thoughts and emotions are going to harm us, but they can be SO STRONG that we make poor choices. I've been working hard by implementing reason against them. Slowly they have lessened over time and now I am letting my mind operate more on thinking through those thoughts and emotions so they don't cause me more harm. It's the grieving process. Just as Brydlady mentioned, I have realized just how many areas in my life I am going through a grieving process as I work to change. It's not just AL, it's my relationships, my old behaviors, etc. Once you understand the process, it does give you some strength to hold onto knowing it's normal and you will make it through even if you don't feel like it at times.

Bobby, read the above. YOU will make it. You are in the initial phase of heartbreak. You will learn a lot from this if you break free from AL and be honest with yourself. In time you may look back and be happy it all happened. You just can't see over the horizon just yet, but the sun is shining over there. You have to make the choice to walk toward it. Unfortunately, there is no way around the pain, you have to move through it and beyond it.:l



Jenniech, are you bored with yourself or are you worried that other people find you boring? It makes a difference in how you handle it and yet not completely. If you are worried about being boring to others, nip that thought in the bud. You are people pleasing if that is your motivation...unhealthy behavior that doesn't allow us to be who we truly are and happy with ourselves. After all, that's the true goal...being happy with ourselves in our own skin. If you are bored with your life and routine, then you need to start thinking about something personal you want to add to your life that means something to you. Set a goal and start working toward that goal. It makes life more satisfying. Also, when you begin to be true to who you are, you may find some people admire that in you and don't find you boring at all. Sure, people who drink all the time may because they haven't found themselves, but others may find you more interesting. The drinking crowd is in an illusion.

Blossoms, it's funny how someone may not think about those cultural differences in a relationship when they fall in love, but find them very difficult as time moves on. I love that you see your need for a partnership and not in a role. Very healthy if you can obtain that. Good job on looking out for your needs to be healthy and happy. It is our own personal responsibility and you are rocking it!

I didn't read everyone's posts, but tried to get some in this morning. We lost an hour today, so I need to get going on my list of things to accomplish.

HANG TOUGH, GANG! If it wasn't doable, you wouldn't be seeing success. Set your determination dial on high and knock those doubts out of the park. Play baseball...hit it hard and watch it sail away. Then run your victory lap!

Love,

Slay

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

jenniech;1475570 wrote: thanks for your post sugar.....it is so nice to know that I am not alone in feeling like I am a big bore

Jenn, another thought...it's normal to have that feeling. I've had it; I've read plenty of others having it. It was ONE reason I didn't stop my behavior. If you haven't watched 'When A Man Loves A Woman' with Meg Ryan, do so. There is a scene that so resonated with me and stayed with me as a real concern of mine until now. She says to the woman helping her in detox that she is afraid she will not be any fun anymore. SHE (we) are afraid of rejection. Wow! People may not like us anymore if we are boring. Do you see the people pleasing in that? Do you see how you are living for others' approval and not your own? Isn't yours the most important of all? No way will you ever please everyone. One person will think you are fun because you will drink with them. Another will not approve because of some behavior you did while intoxicated. Some guy thinks your beautiful; another one doesn't. You'll never win that game. You can win pleasing yourself and being happy with who you are to YOU!

Food for thought.

Love,

Slay

[Hippyman]

Newbies Nest

Awh, Thanks Sug! Golden's are one of my all time favorite dogs!!! :crazymonkey:inkele::dancingskel::dancin:Let's DANCE!

NoSugar;1475538 wrote: YOU are the inspiring one around here, HIPPY! I know you like dogs so I feel safe in saying this without offending you: You remind me very much of my 5 year old Golden Retriever and I want to be as open to life and love as the 2 of you!!

[Hippyman]

Newbies Nest

:goodjob:Stay strong...stay sober! You can do it. I KNOW YOU CAN!!! :l

Caz 22;1475550 wrote: Day 3 ..done, first half of the day was just fine,sports event,mostly just the boys drinking so it was not unusual for girls to be sipping water or pop.

Later on the day when more people joined the group for dinner,this was tough,people kept asking if I wanted my usual tipple..this went on for 6 hours.I know with this particular group it usually involves me being the first one to get hammered and instigating great ( usually unmemorable conversations ).

Earlier on the day,I informed my partner that I have a problem with social drinking ( him coming home from work and finding me drunk after spending all day drinking a bottle of gin is not very sociable ).
He is now sitting here apologizing to me for trying to get me to try some new " snazzy " cocktail and for trying to derail me.
I feel great today,strong for having all the support from MWO,Sundays usually involve waking with a fuzzy head and then start drinking again at 12...not today.My day today will include going out for a walk,stocking up on food that my body has not seen for a while ( fresh fruit,nuts,veggies and vitamins ).

Still a very long road ahead,feeling strong.

[Oneredshoe]

Newbies Nest

Nosugar....I had no idea you had a golden retriever, they are amazing dogs! I love all dogs but I am particularly drawn to retrievers. My Maggie is as well, her favorites seem to be goldens. When and if the time is right to add another pup to my family it will be a golden for sure.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Oneredshoe;1475705 wrote: Nosugar....I had no idea you had a golden retriever, they are amazing dogs! I love all dogs but I am particularly drawn to retrievers. My Maggie is as well, her favorites seem to be goldens. When and if the time is right to add another pup to my family it will be a golden for sure.

Hi, OneRed --- Yes, we are on our second fabulous Golden -- LOVE LOVE LOVE HER!!

I found a book about retrievers when we got our first one and it said that you would want the labs to be your brain surgeons and the goldens your party planners!! :bday3:

That, and your training skills vs. mine might explain why Maggie was able to take her test off-lead :H ! (I'm guessing Maggie is a black lab -- is that right?).

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Slaythefear;1475594 wrote: Jenn, another thought...it's normal to have that feeling. I've had it; I've read plenty of others having it. It was ONE reason I didn't stop my behavior. If you haven't watched 'When A Man Loves A Woman' with Meg Ryan, do so. There is a scene that so resonated with me and stayed with me as a real concern of mine until now. She says to the woman helping her in detox that she is afraid she will not be any fun anymore. SHE (we) are afraid of rejection. Wow! People may not like us anymore if we are boring. Do you see the people pleasing in that? Do you see how you are living for others' approval and not your own? Isn't yours the most important of all? No way will you ever please everyone. One person will think you are fun because you will drink with them. Another will not approve because of some behavior you did while intoxicated. Some guy thinks your beautiful; another one doesn't. You'll never win that game. You can win pleasing yourself and being happy with who you are to YOU!

Food for thought.

Love,

Slay

Slay,

Thanks for taking the time to still care for everyone in the nest while you are dealing with so many extra challenges yourself right now.
I'm thinking about you and your struggle and hoping that it is a fair fight and you come out where you want to be.
I have no doubt that you will be Staying Strong!!

Love, NS

[rednose]

Newbies Nest

I cant make it through one day

I am sorry all, but I can't make it through one day af right now. there is to much pain in my life and I don't know how else to deal with it other than drink.
I am not looking for sympathy just telling it like it is.

When I get day one behind me I will post it.

rednose

[Oneredshoe]

Newbies Nest

NoSugar;1475717 wrote: Hi, OneRed --- Yes, we are on our second fabulous Golden -- LOVE LOVE LOVE HER!!

I found a book about retrievers when we got our first one and it said that you would want the labs to be your brain surgeons and the goldens your party planners!! :bday3:

That, and your training skills vs. mine might explain why Maggie was able to take her test off-lead :H ! (I'm guessing Maggie is a black lab -- is that right?).

Nosugar....Maggie is a black lab, and is highly intelligent, which I assure you she uses to her full advantage by playing dumb when it suits her. :whee: The only training skill I have is patience, which she certainly loves to try every now and then. :H. Her passing that test off lead, well I would have to say she is a natural born performer and she was showing off for her boyfriend, River, who is a Golden in our class. :kissyface: If our trainer ever saw how she behaves at home she would be shocked :wow:
She is a pretty happy go lucky mischievous puppy, who keeps me on my toes. I sure do love her, crazy and all.
Dont ya just love them.

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

HI Slay
yes, i have seen "when a man loves a woman" but I must say, your post resonates with me much more....THANK YOU
You are so right..... it is a people pleasing defect of mine. Wow, I need to explore that a bit more. You have really given me something to think about.
:h

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

to the doggy lovers:
I have a chocolate lab and a brindle boxer....both rescues. The lab is an old fart who I love love love and who returns my love with even more!! My boxer is younger and newer to the family but he is in poor health. He is our baby who we need to be very gentle with. They both give me so much. Your posts make me realize how very grateful I am to have them!!

[Blossoms]

Newbies Nest

Good morning (for me) all!
Thank you for such a warm welcome I felt like I jumped in fairly incoherently in the middle of the story...but thank you for listening and supporting and being so kind

Caz - well done indeed!!! Wow - that was huge to manage to stay strong in that kind of event and surroundings. I haven't gone out yet.... Well apart from after the AA meeting on Friday when I was invited along to the French style cafe around the corner. Even though I really wanted a drink even I realised I couldn't do order one in such company!!
I'm so glad your partner is on board and supportive now - that is wonderful! That is so sweet that he apologised for unintentionally trying to derail you It will be easier having him as your support as you deal with social situations

Slay - I've read a number of your posts as I look around the forum and I am blown away by your wisdom. That really spoke to me too. I know I've been feeling "boring" - but that pointed out to me what a self-destructive way of thinking that is.

Rednose - don't be discouraged. Just admitting that alcohol is a problem for you and need to deal with it, that's a huge step!! You've already come so far, so celebrate that. I feel grateful that I am not trying to do this at a difficult time in my life because I don't know if I could do it. You've reached out, and connected with people in the same position as you and hopefully are getting yourself some tools to help you achieve what you want.
Bobby - I read back to your first posts.... And I have to say that you are sounding so much better and stronger. Well done getting out of that hole ( or at least seeing your way out). That was a nasty situation - insult on injury ...that no wonder you were knocked off your feet. They say that living well is the best revenge.

For me it's Monday morning and I am now on spring break from work.... So I've got a few weeks of vacation coming up. I do have a number of projects that I want to work on so I'm feeling pretty positive about that. The first thing I need to look at though is my health. I have been having pretty bad joint pain, especially in my elbows and knuckles. I though at first that it was related to withdrawal.... But it was really bad from about day 5 when the alcohol should have been gone. I have been having joint pain for a while, but I was putting that down to hangover affects. I guess the drinking has been covering it up until now - and without the alcohol it has been flaring up.
There are a number of other things that have been going on with me, that I have dismissed - but adding them all up it looks like a thyroid problem may be the answer. I'm going to a thyroid speciality clinic today to see into it.

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Good evening nesters.....just flying in for a minute to catch up.....

Rednose, we all know how hard it is to 'get back'. Please stay close.....it's not good to isolate. It will just make you feel even more depressed. I know it is so discouraging......we've all been there. Some of us numerous times. Maybe it will help to share about what's going on with you. Ease your burden by sharing it with people who care. We are here to listen, too. Just keep trying the best you can. We love you and are here for you. Hugs!