Newbies Nest

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

byrd - your wisdom is precious!!
You say one is an alcoholic when you can't have ONE drink....that is SO SO true but I did not understand what that really meant until I quit then failed, quit then failed, etc. The thing is, anyone can have ONE drink. What sets ME apart is the fact that the ONE drink may not lead to another THAT time, but eventually, insidiously, the second drink comes and then the third and then the "fuck it"s. Then I am back on the hamster wheel....drinking, passing out, waking up hungover feeling like crap and the only thing giving me instant relief is, guess what? a drink! and then another and another and so it goes. When people said ONE drink is NOT possible for alcoholics, i really didn't get it but now I do after so many failed attempts.

I went to a meeting tonight and there were two men there who could not even say that they had one day AF....they were shaky, sweating and looked like crap. The remorse in there voices were screaming out. It was incredible. I never want to be in that place again.

In bed watching an episode of Walking Dead and sipping sleepy time tea. Life Is Good.
Keeping it simple today....
Goodnight

[free at last]

Newbies Nest

Welcome All in -- yes, we are the 311ers, thanks to Siren for getting the thread started this morning. Look forward to hearing from you. Stay strong.

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

Brydie, while reading your post, one thing that came to mind is dry drunk...not in its full definition, but the anger and inability to move past it and enjoy and embrace life without the alcohol. So many of us go through repeated attempts due to the denial, but we have to move past the other stages once we are out of denial too so we can fully embrace living without AL. So, I typed in dry drunk and pieces of the article compliment your great post with a few alterations made.


Dry Drunk Syndrome
Not Drinking, But Not 'Of Sober Mind' Either

Unfortunately when many former drinkers go through the grieving process over the loss of their old friend, the bottle, some never get past the anger stage.

It is a very real loss. The drink has been their friend for many years and one they could count on. When the whole world turned against them, the bottle never let them down. It was always there ready for the good times, the celebrations, the parties, as well as the sad, mad, and lonely times, too.

Finally their old friend let them down... they got in trouble with the law, lost a job or career, almost lost their family, or the doctors told them they had to stop drinking... whatever the reason, the circumstances of their life brought them to the point where they made a decision to say "so long" to the bottle.

Whether they realized it or not, they began the stages of grieving -- denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance -- the same stages most people go through when they have a great loss in their lives or have been told they have a terminal illness.

First comes the denial -- it's really not that big a deal, I've always said I could quit anytime -- and then the anger and depression when they realize just how much that had come to depend on their old friend alcohol.

Many make it through the process to the final stage -- accepting the loss, learning and growing through the experience, and moving on.

In order to fully recover from the effects of alcoholism, the alcoholic must replace the obsessive behaviors in his life.

There are other steps that can be taken to help make life fun again, without alcohol:

Develop a hobby. Take up gardening, start or expand a collection, build something, go fishing, or learn how to develop your own web pages! Try to find some activity to fill those leisure hours that you used to spend drinking.

Get healthy. All those years of drinking probably took some toll on your physical health. Join the YMCA, take up an exercise program or jogging, or play a sport. Get on some kind of regular (daily) improvement routine.

Improve your mind. It's never too late to learn new things. Get a library card, take a continuing education class, improve your job skills, or surf the 'Net.

Spend time with your family. Maybe you can't replace all those times that you neglected your wife and children while you were in the barrooms, but you can make a new start. Take your wife out to her favorite place, take the kids or grandchildren to the park, or start a project in which the entire family can participate.

Life doesn't have to be a miserable experience just because you quit drinking. There's a whole world out there for you to explore and learn about.


We have to grow our lives again.

Love,

Slay

[halfway content]

Newbies Nest

Thank you, Byrdie. I don't know what to say. One drink will take me down and that thought makes me very sad. I need to find that feel good spot some other way. Optimism used to be my strong suit and I have so much to be thankful for in my life. You set me straight. It was hard for me to read, but I appreciate your bluntness.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

halfway content;1476932 wrote: Thank you, Byrdie. I don't know what to say. One drink will take me down and that thought makes me very sad. I need to find that feel good spot some other way. Optimism used to be my strong suit and I have so much to be thankful for in my life. You set me straight. It was hard for me to read, but I appreciate your bluntness.

Hi Halfway Content,
It is hard to think "never again". I resisted it at first but the more days you have AF, things inside you really do change - maybe back to the way they were before AL? I'm not sure what happens but after some ups and downs emotionally, at some point I just saw it differently and knew I couldn't drink again and felt fine about that. Now I am thrilled about it and feel totally liberated from a heavy burden. I think that if you stick with us here and read a lot and post regularly, you will become comfortable with a new way of looking at an old enemy.
I'm glad you are here. NS

[I'm Strong and in Control]

Newbies Nest

no misery

I am not going to be miserable tomorrow. I am going to wake up and let in joy and energy. There is nothing for me to be unhappy or depressed about. Please remind me if I forget - I am happy.:thanks:

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

I'm Strong and in Control;1476943 wrote: I am not going to be miserable tomorrow. I am going to wake up and let in joy and energy. There is nothing for me to be unhappy or depressed about. Please remind me if I forget - I am happy.:thanks:

Actually ISIC, I felt pretty awful for a couple weeks - physically (cold, tired), mentally (foggy, tired), and emotionally (all over the charts). I continue to feel better some days than others but overall, I am so happy about this life change that the ups and downs are worth it. And I think they are normal. It is important to work on your attitude, concentrate on whatever you are grateful for, do things you enjoy, and treat yourself well. But don't beat yourself up more - you are starting to recover from a horrible, debilitating addiction. I tend to have a controlling , type A personality - this challenge is teaching me patience. That is one of the many new things I am grateful for.

I am trying to just BE and accept how I feel each day without judgment. I know this sounds all New Agey, which I generally am not , but all my failures trying to force changes have made me realize I just need to make myself available to the changes that are happening. Part of that work is reading as much as I can here and trying to help others who are struggling with the same enemy.

Please try to be kind to yourself without trying to force yourself to feel a particular way. NS

[Siren136]

Newbies Nest

NS, you're doing great. You have really embraced this and come into your own. Well done, my friend!

[Oneredshoe]

Newbies Nest

NoSugar;1476950 wrote: Actually ISIC, I felt pretty awful for a couple weeks - physically (cold, tired), mentally (foggy, tired), and emotionally (all over the charts). I continue to feel better some days than others but overall, I am so happy about this life change that the ups and downs are worth it. And I think they are normal. It is important to work on your attitude, concentrate on whatever you are grateful for, do things you enjoy, and treat yourself well. But don't beat yourself up more - you are starting to recover from a horrible, debilitating addiction. I tend to have a controlling , type A personality - this challenge is teaching me patience. That is one of the many new things I am grateful for.

I am trying to just BE and accept how I feel each day without judgment. I know this sounds all New Agey, which I generally am not , but all my failures trying to force changes have made me realize I just need to make myself available to the changes that are happening. Part of that work is reading as much as I can here and trying to help others who are struggling with the same enemy.

Please try to be kind to yourself without trying to force yourself to feel a particular way. NS

Nosugar....you sound amazing, like siren said you really have embraced this and come into your own.
I really needed to read your words today.....I have NOT fallen off of the AF wagon, I have been faced with a couple of challenges which I knew would happen. I have been pretty irritated and perhaps down right angry over the past couple of days, due to the resistance I have been met with over putting my priorities first. Some people have been down right nasty about it, and have treated me poorly because of it.
It is one of those "downs" that are bound to happen yet make me happy and grateful for the changes I have made in my life in order to protect my quit, because it is so totally worth it. Now I don't have to be so irritated and angry anymore, I can let it go, part of the process, embrace my feelings, don't dwell on them and let them go.

Thank you for your words, they were the reminder I really needed! Kind of like satisfying midnight snack (bet you can't guess where I got that line from :H ) I have so been waiting to use that back on you, I loved that line! Now I am sure I can sleep. :l

XOXO,

Red

[kuya]

Newbies Nest

Such positive feelings expressed here.

Byrdie's and Slay's posts earlier today were awesome. Accepting where we are, what we are dealing with is hard at first, but essential to getting this monkey off our backs.

In early sobriety drinking has filled so much of our time that when we quit life feels SO empty. That does not last long, I am pleased to report. Now there are not enough hours in a day, I don't know how I found time to sit for four hours EVERY night and drink.

I thought the following might be a taste of how being sober feels.

INTERESTING THINGS I CAN DO SOBER


Originally Posted by one2many


150 Things To Do Instead of Drinking

1. Read a book
2. Take a walk
3. Play a musical instrument
4. Knit
5. Clean your closets
6. Research your genealogy
7. Cook a gourmet dinner
8. Write an article for your local newspaper
9. Go take some pictures
10. Clean the mildew in your bathroom
11. Start writing that book you've been planning
12. Plan a garden
13. Plant a garden
14. Play with a pet
15. Read to a child
16. Visit someone in an old folks' home
17. Watch a news special on TV
18. Set up a family budget
19. Make a web site
20. Take up archery
21. Exercise
22. Go to an online recovery meeting
23. Surf the internet
24. Call your mom
25. Learn a foreign language
26. Write a poem
27. Play golf
28. Take a bubble bath
29. Draw
30. Teach a parakeet to whistle
31. Take a nap
32. Listen to music
33. Paint
34. Clean your desk
35. Start a stamp collection
36. Go window shopping
37. Browse in a book store
38. Go to an art gallery
39. Go for a drive
40. Paint a room
41. Watch the clouds go by
42. Play darts
43. Do target shooting
44. Do home repairs
45. Clean your garage
46. Sort your photographs
47. Make a scrapbook
48. Climb a tree
49. Plant a tree
50. Make marmalade
51. Make a list of things to do
52. Write a letter to the editor
53. Volunteer somewhere
54. Take a hike
55. Take a college class
56. Try yoga
57. Meditate
58. Get a massage
59. Make fruit smoothies
60. Bake cookies
61. Do a crossword puzzle
62. Go to the gym
63. Plant a color bowl
64. Sharpen your pruning tools
65. Change your engine oil
66. Sew
67. Groom your dog
68. Go see a play
69. Write a sonnet
70. Sort your recipes
71. Play solitaire
72. Go bird watching
73. Write a letter to a friend
74. Read a poetry book
75. Repot your houseplants
76. Go to a movie
77. Mow your lawn
78. Put up (or take down) your Christmas lights
79. Make pickles
80. Go jogging
81. Watch sitcoms
82. Plan menus for a diet
83. Do a jigsaw puzzle
84. Play chess
85. Write a country-western song
86. Watch a video
87. Go for a bike ride
88. Plant an herb garden
89. Start an online journal
90. Dye your hair
91. Go to a restaurant
92. Lift weights
93. Bake some bread
94. Learn a martial art
95. Polish the furniture
96. Make a flower arrangement
97. Read the newspaper
98. Start some seeds
99. Sort your magazines
100. Do some laundry.
111. Take a nature walk
112. Play with your kids
113. Volunteer at a homeless shelter
114. Volunteer at a school
115. Pick up garbage in a park
116. Tickle your kids
117. Play basketball
118. Volunteer at an animal shelter
119. Read to a child or pet
120. Sign up for obedience training with your dog
121. Take a walk and pick up litter you see on the way
122. Spend time at the library
123. Sort all your digital photos and make an album to print for holiday gifts to family.
124. Help your kid organize his closet.
125. Figure out the melody and chords to your current favorite tune on the piano.
126. Practice your holiday cookie recipes
127. Make crackers from scratch (that one didn't go so well).
128. Make tortillas from scratch (better).
129. Reread a book you haven't read for years.
130. Tango
131. Learn about someone else’s religion.
132. Reread one of your college textbooks.
133. Key out a wildflower.
134. Do your nails.
135. Do word puzzles.
136. Play a board game.
137. Burn CD’s of some of your favorite music for a friend.
138. Plant a bonsai.
139. Play Mad Libs.
140. Speak only in heroic couplets for an hour.
141. Read poetry online.
142. Ride a stationary bicycle.
143. Set up a domino topple.
144. Play backgammon.
145. Build a house of cards
146. Make an entry in Wikipedia.
147. Read a world almanac.
148. Publish a family newsletter.
149. Throw cards at a hat.
150. Go to bed.
...you can fill in 101 - 110!

INTERESTING THINGS I CAN DO DRUNK

1. Errrrrrrrrmmmmmmm. Talk shit and make a fool of myself ?

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Good morning! I have read snippets here and am so wanting to read more and spend more time, but I am having some issues with my eyes. Had them dilated and checked yesterday, and while I have floaters, there doesn't appear to be any detachment or tears. so I guess that is good news, but still don't know if this has been sudden or progressive. I am checked again in a little over a week, but no changes in prescriptions or anything until then, so I am left a little fuzzy.

I am sending everybody strength - quitting Al is the best thing I have ever done for myself. The only thing that could ever make me go back is something so drastic that it would make me want to stop living. Because that's what it would amount to. I know in my heart and soul that drinking again = dying. Even if it's just metaphorically - it's true. That life I led was like a living death.

ok. Enough happy talk for today! I will try to check in occasionally, turn up the font size and leave a note. :-)

[halfway content]

Newbies Nest

Kuya,

I absolutely love your list! My lucky number is 11 so I checked that one out. Hmmmm "Start writing a book that you been planning." Well, I don't think that is going to happen today, so my new lucky number is 149. "Throw cards at a hat." Now that is something that I can do!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning nesters!

Lola, sure hope everything is OK with you:l

Wishing everyone a wonderful AF Hump day

Lav

[nonamegirl]

Newbies Nest

Good morning

Hello, and again, thank you.
Kuya, your list of things I can do is lovely. Slay, I am printing off the article about dry drunk... I sure did need to hear that. And ISIC, with your permission, I am going to put your name "I AM STRONG AND IN CONTROL" on my bathroom mirror, along with your note about being "happy, and remind me if I am not" I come here and always find encouraging words. Thank you.

I feel much better today, and really really appreciate you all.

[Snowflake]

Newbies Nest

I'm looking for my new HAT! YEAH!

Dear All in the Newbies Nest

I am getting so overly excited ? I am fluttering around everywhere looking for my new HAT ? I thought I would find it here ? but, alas, no, I think I have to fly off to the Roll Call Thread to collect it ? I hope it is still waiting for me!

I just want to thank everyone ? especially, Slaythefear, Starfish1, Byrdlady (I hope your eyes are OK), Kuya, Almost free, NoSugar, Jenniech, Lavande, Free at Last and New Day for your kind congratulations on my 30 days AF ? it really has brought tears to my eyes, I am overwhelmed by your kindness ? not only to me, but to everyone you encounter here at MWO.

You really are such a fantastic community of people, striving in whichever way to help everyone out, no matter what time of day or night it is or what the dilemma is, there is always someone here willing to help out ? For some it seems to be a full time job, and I really don?t know how you manage to fit it all in with day to day living!

Thank you so much and look forward to getting to know you all a bit more in the future, when I fly over to visit you more often

In the meantime ? I?m off to the Newbies Roll Call to collect my Hat! ? YAHOO!

Lots of Love Snowflake :lX
AF Day 31