Newbies Nest

[Slaythefear]

Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters!

Oneredshoe's quote:

I have NOT fallen off of the AF wagon, I have been faced with a couple of challenges which I knew would happen. I have been pretty irritated and perhaps down right angry over the past couple of days, due to the resistance I have been met with over putting my priorities first. Some people have been down right nasty about it, and have treated me poorly because of it.
It is one of those "downs" that are bound to happen yet make me happy and grateful for the changes I have made in my life in order to protect my quit, because it is so totally worth it.

I completely relate to this post, oneredshoe. I have suffered some losses due to my quit and the new concept of taking care of myself as MY responsibility and to live it and find my happiness and peace in it. Others are responsible for their own choices and actions and I've been letting go of taking on those responsibilities for them and they have NOT been happy about that! When you realize that people are upset with you and rebel against your change because you want to make your life better and take care or yourself, it does bring about anger and pain when a person won't accept that and goes out of your life or treats you very badly. When they lose their spot in taking advantage of you and relying on you to take responsibility for them and treat you badly for it, that can make us realize that they didn't really love or care for who we are, but for what they could get from us. If that is someone you were close to, it can be quite painful. I've had to deal with several close losses lately. I've had to encourage and feed my 'Slay' personality to get through it. It has not been easy, but it is the reality and it is the path to healing.

Kuya, nice list to post here. Seven is cook a gourmet meal...I'll add 151, create a gourmet smoothie. LOL!

My nerves are frazzled today as I'm going to see an attorney for my next step in this ugly process many of you are aware of. The assault case has reached a partial end as the judge found him guilty, but gave him to September to complete a list of things before sentencing. If he completes them, the case is dismissed. He is to get an assessment and counseling...supposedly drug testing, but on his time table, so he can quit for a short time and then show he is clean and go right back to his behavior with no consequences. He's a master at escaping consequences for his actions and the law. However, with a lot of thinking and research, I have created some additional options. I will see an attorney today to see if that is possible. This man has escaped the law his whole life and escaped here from his own country. Why our system doesn't check his records there is quite crazy. If you don't check what people coming here have done in their own countries, how do you protect the citizens of the country they are going into? UGH! Unreal. We have so many laws and yet they are unenforced. Kuya...Write a Book...yeah, I should at the end of this process. WOW! The things I have learned about so many broken systems. You know, it has become a money making process of protecting guilty and thrown out law and order to the gain of profit. Just crazy. However, Slay will continue to fight. What is a concern to this forum is that if I lose in the end and the guilty goes free and the innocent bleeds, I am going to have a VERY DIFFICULT time handling that. The laws are there. He has broken so many of them and perpetrated fraud, so if the laws aren't enforced what the hell do we have them for? I'm feeling a lot of pressure this week and a lot of frustration as I am one to work very hard at something. I don't leave things to chance and I do my homework, so if the broken system fails me, the unfairness of not enforcing laws will really be upsetting. I've seen too much of it pays to be a criminal and not to do the right thing.

Alright, rant over. You get the idea...Slay is stressed and frustrated for the time being.

SO, hang tough people!!! If I can through this walk in hell, YOU can TOO!!!!!

Love,

Slay

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Oneredshoe;1476979 wrote: Nosugar....you sound amazing, like siren said you really have embraced this and come into your own.
I really needed to read your words today.....I have NOT fallen off of the AF wagon, I have been faced with a couple of challenges which I knew would happen. I have been pretty irritated and perhaps down right angry over the past couple of days, due to the resistance I have been met with over putting my priorities first. Some people have been down right nasty about it, and have treated me poorly because of it.
It is one of those "downs" that are bound to happen yet make me happy and grateful for the changes I have made in my life in order to protect my quit, because it is so totally worth it. Now I don't have to be so irritated and angry anymore, I can let it go, part of the process, embrace my feelings, don't dwell on them and let them go.

Thank you for your words, they were the reminder I really needed! Kind of like satisfying midnight snack (bet you can't guess where I got that line from :H ) I have so been waiting to use that back on you, I loved that line! Now I am sure I can sleep. :l

XOXO,

Red

Hi, OneRed. It is nice that we can be here for one another at just the right time sometimes, isn't it? I hope you slept well and are ready for another successfully alcohol-free (done for YOU and to heck with the rest of 'em!) day.

Thanks to you and Siren for noticing that I am doing better overall - I agree and am very happy about that. During the parts of the last 7 weeks that I've managed to get out of my own way, I've figured out some personal issues that make everything that has happened make more sense. As I've posted, it has been driving me crazy that I couldn't figure out why I, who had always been a large and in charge, action-oriented, do things perfectly type of person with an apparently great life, would ever have made such a stupid choice (in my early 40s!) and once I did, not have "simply" fixed it.

This is my current self-awareness status: It is impossible and exhausting to try to be in control and perfect all the time. But if you can't or won't face that, you have to do something to shut up that insistent, driven voice. Drowning in booze works. I was no longer totally in charge or perfect beginning at ~ 4 .m. each day. It must have been such a relief.

I'm sure there is more I will learn by just Being myself and not Forcing myself to be something else. I guess that is why my recent posts here and on other threads are about not forcing anything other than the BIG ONE: you must do whatever it takes not to drink. The rest follows.

:h NS

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

lolab;1477027 wrote: Good morning! I have read snippets here and am so wanting to read more and spend more time, but I am having some issues with my eyes. Had them dilated and checked yesterday, and while I have floaters, there doesn't appear to be any detachment or tears. so I guess that is good news, but still don't know if this has been sudden or progressive. I am checked again in a little over a week, but no changes in prescriptions or anything until then, so I am left a little fuzzy.

I am sending everybody strength - quitting Al is the best thing I have ever done for myself. The only thing that could ever make me go back is something so drastic that it would make me want to stop living. Because that's what it would amount to. I know in my heart and soul that drinking again = dying. Even if it's just metaphorically - it's true. That life I led was like a living death.

ok. Enough happy talk for today! I will try to check in occasionally, turn up the font size and leave a note. :-)

HI, LOLA!

I'm sorry your eyes are having problems --- doesn't it just seem like once you get AL out of your life, everything, including health, should be perfect?? WE WISH!! I hope the problem either disappears on its own or there is an easy solution. Keep us posted!!

Your phrase 'That life I led was like a living death.' really hit me -- While it is a metaphor, it also is literally true. AL is a toxin - acutely lethal in high doses - and at the doses most of us were taking chronically, eventually fatal.

It is hard to think about but good to remember that all of this really IS a matter of life or death.

[Blossoms]

Newbies Nest

Evening all
I'm just finishing the evening of my 11th day by checking in here for the umpteenth time I haven't been posting that much, but I have been staying busy and reading in my breaks. It feels really good to be connected and read everyone's words of wisdom... And then ponder and reflect as I set about another task.

I love the list of things to do
I've been doing a few of them today - Number 5 especially. I've been cleaning out my main storage closet and have managed to put away the boxes that were sitting out in the living room because I couldn't get into the closet.
Along with that I have also been collecting stuff to donate to an English speaking church here in Tokyo for their annual flea market. I took a pile of stuff yesterday and hope to take another pile tomorrow. My daughter is eagerly getting into that and sorting out books and toys that "little kids might like".

It seems also that as my body is getting over the alcohol that it wants to be healthy. I have had such cravings for fruit and vegetables. I've been into making juices the last few days (which is absolutely thrilling my daughter as she gets to order her favourite combination of fruits) and have noticed that if I have juices I am less reliant on chocolate to get me past the alcohol cravings.
I also made a chicken and vegetable soup from scratch today - filled with as many vegetables (especially green vegetables) as I could manage.

I also started taking supplements of B-complex, zinc and fish oils today. I was quite amazed to notice a distinct improvement in mental clarity and focus. I have ADHD (taking Ritalin) and have been struggling with mental fogginess. It was really wonderful to feel everything come into focus so clearly.

[Elliesmom]

Newbies Nest

Slaythefear;1477064 wrote: Morning Nesters!

Oneredshoe's quote:

...When they lose their spot in taking advantage of you and relying on you to take responsibility for them and treat you badly for it, that can make us realize that they didn't really love or care for who we are, but for what they could get from us....

THAT is SO frickin' true, Slay. Over the past 6 weeks of taking care of myself, I've been very isolationist with regard to socializing with anyone, with the exception of my husband and kids. A high-maintenance friend of mine whom I've been a support person for has been pissed at me for the past 3 weeks because I've not provided her with the time she's accustomed to, and has been trying to bait me. I haven't told her I've been going through my own stuff - - but what pisses me off is that it would never occur to her to ask if I'm going through my own stuff, because it's always all about her. She wants to have lunch on Friday and "talk through" her pain about my absence from her life lately (GAG ME)

Also Slay, I want to say that you're a huge inspiration as far as what you've achieved while going through this nightmare. Back in the day, the legal system was designed to protect white male property-owners from everyone else (the women, the enslaved and the indentured immigrants, etc). While evolving into a system that should be protecting the weakest among us from the most powerful and privileged, the powerful and privileged fought back and hired lawyers to create the loopholes that exist today -- so now it's equal opportunity for the unethical sleazeball cons in the world, regardless of income. My husband is an attorney and has worked hard his whole life to make sure he's always been on the moral side of that racket and has never sold out, which means he's never become rich as an attorney :H Hang in there and keep up the good fight!!

Hugs,

Elliesmom:l

[Elliesmom]

Newbies Nest

Also, HAPPY 30 DAYS SNOWFLAKE!! :goodjob:

And good for you, NS for your success -- will you have 50 days tomorrow already?!! You're an amazing cheerleader for everyone on this board. As you continue on your journey of reflecting about what happened and who you are, I hope you put down the words "extraordinarily compassionate and understanding" in your column for self-identity.

Cheers,

Elliesmom

[thelaststraw]

Newbies Nest

i fell.... my bad

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning Nesties!

Lola - I hope your peepers are ok! I'm glad you got them checked, and I hope you can read this. LOL

SNOWFLAKE - A HUGE CONGRATULATIONS ON DAY 30!!! :goodtime: I have never bestowed the hat before, but on behalf of the Nest, please accept this and wear it with PRIDE! Keep up your great work!!!

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

Hi LastStraw,

Bummer! You were doing so great, with 34 days. Quite a long stretch, when you are starting out. Hey, it happens. Just try to learn from it. Was it something particular that sent you out?

Stay close and don't isolate. Those who stay close and get back on the horse right away, have a much better chance of continuing on successfully. Like K9 says, just dust yourself off and keep on going.....progress, not perfection.....

The only danger is in dropping out and isolating yourself. You don't want this to turn into a setback of months or years. We are here for you. Drink lots of water (with lots of lemon) and eat something healthy. You will feel better for it. Sending you hugs and prayers. xoxo

[thelaststraw]

Newbies Nest

ok

[thelaststraw]

Newbies Nest

pray 4 me

[moody odie]

Newbies Nest

Took your advice and did not go. Tea and a good book was better at this stage in life.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Elliesmom;1477098 wrote: THAT is SO frickin' true, Slay. Over the past 6 weeks of taking care of myself, I've been very isolationist with regard to socializing with anyone, with the exception of my husband and kids. A high-maintenance friend of mine whom I've been a support person for has been pissed at me for the past 3 weeks because I've not provided her with the time she's accustomed to, and has been trying to bait me. I haven't told her I've been going through my own stuff - - but what pisses me off is that it would never occur to her to ask if I'm going through my own stuff, because it's always all about her. She wants to have lunch on Friday and "talk through" her pain about my absence from her life lately (GAG ME)
Elliesmom:l

Hi, Elliesmom

Thank you for your really nice compliments about how I try to treat people here. When you get love, it helps you give love, and I sure receive it here. Thanks to all of you!

Your comment above really strikes home to me. I have always known so many intimate details of many friends' lives - the good, the bad, and the very ugly. I think I have been a good listener who never reveals shock or disgust and I try not to judge --- pretty much just act as a sounding-board. I've often thought that I can't believe *** just told me THAT! --Because I never would have told anyone such a thing about me. I doubt that it occurs to them how much I know about them and how little they know about me.

That is why none of them knows about my AL-addiction and all that goes with it.

I was maintaining the perfect image referred to in the post above and at the same time, positioning myself to be needed by them. So, I can't really blame them for wanting me to listen to their problems or for not asking about me since the answer almost always has been: Fine. (Conversation over).

Related to this, when I post something here that is on the 'tough love' side of things -- I sometimes worry about those, thinking it might have been too harsh, wasn't really my business, etc. etc. I'm tempted to revert to my real-life response of not judging or speaking up even when I think something really needs to be changed.

BUT THEN, WHAT IN THE HECK WOULD BE THE POINT OF AN ANONYMOUS FORUM??

The honesty really does need to go both ways and the messages and posts (both directed to me and in general) that have helped me the most have not been the ones that I really wanted to read. But am so glad I did.

NS

[almost free]

Newbies Nest

You sound very down, Last Straw. Don't be discouraged. Many of us have had countless day ones. Stay close and keep posting. Just don't give up. You were able to rack up over a month. That is not a small thing in our world. You can do it again. It will happen for you, as it has for so many others here. Just get through the day as best you can. You will definitely feel better tomorrow. Take care of yourself and don't beat yourself up. Give yourself as much kindness and patience as you would give to any other person here. We all care about you and are rooting for you. Hugs!

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

thelaststraw;1477120 wrote: pray 4 me

I was worried about you the other night, LastStraw. You posts didn't seem to be those of the person we got used to seeing around here. I almost sent you a PM to ask what was going on but I'm sorry to say, I chickened out and decided not to "butt in". I wrote above about worrying about being too harsh or nosy or judgmental and that got the best of me the other night.

I'm glad you came back to the NN and you know what you need to do now, right? You did it before and were so (rightfully!) proud of yourself . Just don't drink today and if you get the urge, post here Before you do drink and see what any of your friends who happen to be online right then think about that idea...

Just that little break can keep you from following through. You can do this and the sooner the better.

Your friend, NS