Newbies Nest

[Hippyman]

Newbies Nest

mylife;1477944 wrote: Hi Nest. I'm back and very sad. I don't know why I can't seem to overcome this horrible addiction. I have been here many times before and obtained some days/weeks and even months of sobriety but as soon as I start feeling good again, I go back to my old self destructive behaviours, and the next thing I know I'm drinking a bottle of wine every night and sometimes more.

I feel awful and I just want this cycle to end. For today, I just need to focus on getting through it, but sometimes I wonder if I will have this problem forever.

Dear mylife, It is your life and there is a way to live it in a joyful sober manner. We as alcoholics have to go to whatever degree necessary to stop the compulsion. In many cases that will meaning meds. I tried to stop for many, many years until AL nearly killed me. I choose to live and to live sober. I had a friend stay with me while I detoxed and took Baclofen and had Antabuse as a back up. That's what it took to get me and keep me sober. You can find your way out. This time 4 sure!;

[Blossoms]

Newbies Nest

Siren - good to hear that you slept well. a good sleep makes everything better:

Straw - maybe you can imagine a steamroller crushing the bottle... Like in a stupid cartoon Ah ... Sorry to hear about the sad sad feelings. Probably very much to be expected, but must feel like crap

Jenni.... Great plan for your Friday night

Hi MyLife good to see you here

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Morning, Nesters! So good to see everyone working The Plan!!

Welcome back, MyLife!! Please read back to earlier in the week...I posted about repeated relapses...trust me when I say they are demoralizing. But as your signature line says...'The future depends on what we do in the present'. That says it all...there are 2 days in the week that aren't here, yesterday and tomorrow. Today is the day to take action. Today is what matters. As I said in my post earlier in the week, admitting that you are an ALK is tough medicine...but once you do, you realize that ONE drink is deadly to us. As long as you have that nagging hope that you CAN have that one drink and be ok, you are not going to succeed (in my opinion). As long as you hold out hope that you can return to the carefree person who can have one and not finish it and think about it the rest of the night, you are going to keep relapsing. I chased that fantasy for a LONG time. I CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC???!!! Not ME!!! Alas...yes I am. I hate labels as much as the next person, but this isn't a label, it's a diagnosis...and it may save your life! ALK can not have AL without relapse. This isn't something to be sad about!! It is blessed relief! The fight is over! I am winning it, too! Life without AL is different, but it is better!!! We are the square pegs out there in a world that drinks all around us, but that's ok...this is my problem, not theirs, and I have to take action to fix it...nobody else....ME. It's not bad at all!! I love my sober life 1000 times better than any day attached to a bottle. The answers just aren't in a bottle anymore. It wasn't fun anymore, it was addiction.

I hope you will spend some time in the Tool Box, link is below....there are some wonderful, inspirational posts in there, as well as how to get your Plan together. You can do this....I've seen you!! We are so glad you're back! Here's the butt Velcro! Byrdie

[nonamegirl]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady, thank you for going to the effort to find Kuya's post about posting... and Kuya, thank you for writing it! I needed to read it. Golly... always good stuff here.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

FallenAngel;1477688 wrote: Hi NoSugar,
Maybe this might help you in your current stage:


In-between
by Melody Beattie

Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in-between.

One of the hardest parts of growth is the concept of letting go of what is old and familiar, but what we don't want, and being willing to stand with our hands empty while we wait for them to be filled.

This may apply to feelings. We may have been full of hurt and anger. In some ways, these feelings may have become comfortably familiar. When we finally face and relinquish our grief, we may feel empty for a time. We are in-between pain and the joy of serenity and acceptance.

Being in-between can apply to relationships. To prepare ourselves for the new, we need first to let go of the old. This can be frightening. We may feel empty and lost for a time. We may feel all alone, wondering what is wrong with us for letting go of the proverbial bird-in-hand, when there is nothing in the bush.

Being in-between can apply to many areas of life and growth. We can be in-between jobs, careers, homes, or goals. We can be in-between behaviors as we let go of the old and are not certain what we will replace it with. This can apply to behaviors that have protected and served us well all of our life such as care-taking and controlling.

We may have many feelings going on when we're in-between: spurts of grief about what we have let go of or lost, and feelings of anxiety, fear, and apprehension about what's ahead. These are normal feelings for the in-between place. Accept them. Feel them. Release them.

Being in-between isn't fun, but it's necessary. It will not last forever. It may feel like we're standing still, but we're not. We're standing at the in-between place. It's how we get from there to here. It is not the destination. We are moving forward, even when we're in-between.

FA, you are a genius at finding and posting the most beautifully written piece that is just what a person needs at that time. I have always wanted action/progress/completion and have struggled with 'in-between' times (feels like I am holding my breath!) so I shouldn't be surprised it is happening now --- I just haven't thought of it this way before. Thank you.

Kuya, I appreciate that you always make me feel 'normal' when things keep changing so quickly! (I was feeling pretty weird about being jealous of struggling newbies!!). It is hard to feel that things are ok when every couple of days I feel like a different person. It is so good to be here where people with experience can offer guidance and reassurance. It makes me wonder how anyone can conquer an addiction on their own.

Pinecone, I LOVE this and will be thrilled to feel this way and believe it will happen if I just relax and let it:
I really started to feel a complete incompatibility with alcohol; AF is the state I am chemically/psychologically predisposed to be in. .
I totally feel that way about some foods I can't eat and for those, there was no struggle. AL clearly is a different bird altogether (i.e. one of the most addictive substances known!!) but I do believe I can get there. I believe all of us can get there if we take advantage of everything MWO offers!!

Blossoms, you are doing so well! You'll be at 2 weeks tomorrow (probably today for you since you are so many hours ahead of me!!). Congratulations. I think your open and honest posts have helped others and have helped you do it.

I believed Kuya's data about posting often when I read it several weeks ago and forced myself to just do it. Organizing my thoughts (loosely!), typing and posting them, and getting feedback has made all the difference. I truly believe this part is critical:
'...formulating your thoughts into written word changes your brain's perception'.
With the foundation of information I gained by avidly reading (HOURS OF READING) so many of the stories here (suggestion: read everything our wonderful Byrdie, Kuya, Hippie, and K9 have ever written) and then posting, my brain finally became open to change; the transition from I need to stop drinking so much to I need to completely stop drinking for awhile to I can NEVER DRINK AGAIN has just evolved over 7 weeks. Only joining MWO was a conscious decision. But despite my chaotic emotions and sometimes inconsistent posts, I am for the first time in years at peace with myself. What an amazing gift.

Welcome to all newcomers whether for the first time or starting over - you can do this! Read and post and read and post and especially post BEFORE you let AL back in!! Someone will help you not do it or perhaps just the pause, the typing, the posting, and reading your own words will break the awful cycle. Let MWO work its magic!

Have a safe and happy AF weekend everyone!

Love, NS

PS OneRed and Blossoms, I swear I'm gonna scan that document pretty soon :H !!!

[thelaststraw]

Newbies Nest

Funny Jenni & Blossoms,

Nice visual this morning for the creep AL
-S-

[Oneredshoe]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning and Happy Friday Nesters,

I just realized that Saint Patricks day is this coming Sunday, which means there is a possibility for some potential "pure pressure" from outside forces this weekend. Hold strong everyone, don't give in. :boxer:

[Funny Girl]

Newbies Nest

Ah, yes - the dreaded St. Pat's weekend . . . . I never go out anymore for that. I'll be right here with my pups. I have an art studio that I'll be participating in all day on Saturday, so that will eat up most of my weekend (thank God!). "Plan to have a plan" and things are easier . . .

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

jenniech;1478021 wrote: Today: go to work (jeans friday - yea!)
Tonight: go to women's only AA meeting. Drop off/pick up son at Bar Mitzvah...will be driving at 11pm tonight....that is new and exciting!! Used to be completely passed out by then. Only a recovering alcoholic would be excited about that

I hear ya' Jennie! When I was first getting sober I volunteered to drive for every late-night activity...I loved the Friday night football games that ended at 10pm, picking up all the kids and delivering them soberly and safely to their homes. Years ago I would have been passed out and hoping my daughter could get a ride with someone else. Now I'm the cool mom (albiet still dorky...lol) that all the kids like to ride with! LOL

:yougo::yougo:HAPPY FRIDAY!!!:yougo::yougo:

A friend of mine is going to see the taping of The Biggest Loser finale on Monday, I'm so jealous...I want to see Jillian Michaels! :H

I hope you all have a great, sober weekend. Remember: NO GREEN BEER!

[RunningCourage]

Newbies Nest

FallenAngel;1477688 wrote: Hi NoSugar,
Maybe this might help you in your current stage:


In-between
by Melody Beattie

Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in-between.

One of the hardest parts of growth is the concept of letting go of what is old and familiar, but what we don't want, and being willing to stand with our hands empty while we wait for them to be filled.

This may apply to feelings. We may have been full of hurt and anger. In some ways, these feelings may have become comfortably familiar. When we finally face and relinquish our grief, we may feel empty for a time. We are in-between pain and the joy of serenity and acceptance.

Being in-between can apply to relationships. To prepare ourselves for the new, we need first to let go of the old. This can be frightening. We may feel empty and lost for a time. We may feel all alone, wondering what is wrong with us for letting go of the proverbial bird-in-hand, when there is nothing in the bush.

Being in-between can apply to many areas of life and growth. We can be in-between jobs, careers, homes, or goals. We can be in-between behaviors as we let go of the old and are not certain what we will replace it with. This can apply to behaviors that have protected and served us well all of our life such as care-taking and controlling.

We may have many feelings going on when we're in-between: spurts of grief about what we have let go of or lost, and feelings of anxiety, fear, and apprehension about what's ahead. These are normal feelings for the in-between place. Accept them. Feel them. Release them.

Being in-between isn't fun, but it's necessary. It will not last forever. It may feel like we're standing still, but we're not. We're standing at the in-between place. It's how we get from there to here. It is not the destination. We are moving forward, even when we're in-between.

Just wanted to add how apt this piece is for many of us here... Will be slapped onto the Stella thread pronto.

Byrdie's subsequent post of a post by Kuya (if that makes sense) is equally sage and one to hold on to.

Have a great day and weekend - St Paddy's no less -

[mylife]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1478041 wrote: Morning, Nesters! So good to see everyone working The Plan!!

Welcome back, MyLife!! Please read back to earlier in the week...I posted about repeated relapses...trust me when I say they are demoralizing. But as your signature line says...'The future depends on what we do in the present'. That says it all...there are 2 days in the week that aren't here, yesterday and tomorrow. Today is the day to take action. Today is what matters. As I said in my post earlier in the week, admitting that you are an ALK is tough medicine...but once you do, you realize that ONE drink is deadly to us. As long as you have that nagging hope that you CAN have that one drink and be ok, you are not going to succeed (in my opinion). As long as you hold out hope that you can return to the carefree person who can have one and not finish it and think about it the rest of the night, you are going to keep relapsing. I chased that fantasy for a LONG time. I CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC???!!! Not ME!!! Alas...yes I am. I hate labels as much as the next person, but this isn't a label, it's a diagnosis...and it may save your life! ALK can not have AL without relapse. This isn't something to be sad about!! It is blessed relief! The fight is over! I am winning it, too! Life without AL is different, but it is better!!! We are the square pegs out there in a world that drinks all around us, but that's ok...this is my problem, not theirs, and I have to take action to fix it...nobody else....ME. It's not bad at all!! I love my sober life 1000 times better than any day attached to a bottle. The answers just aren't in a bottle anymore. It wasn't fun anymore, it was addiction.

I hope you will spend some time in the Tool Box, link is below....there are some wonderful, inspirational posts in there, as well as how to get your Plan together. You can do this....I've seen you!! We are so glad you're back! Here's the butt Velcro! Byrdie

Thanks Byrdie and everyone else for your wonderful advice. I know the ultimate problem is just as Byrdie describes - I can NEVER have AL without a relapse. Plain and simple. I just wish I would do better at accepting that word NEVER. Thank you Byrdie, and now I will follow your tag line - "All you gotta do is get through this day"

I plan to read a lot of posts tonight and work out my long term plan for sobriety.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

No Sugar, MindPeace is something that is hard to put into words. You are so right, it only comes after acceptance. It is truly an amazing place to be I wish we could put a video clip of what it feels like on here and maybe it would be great incentive to get thru those tough days...if you knew that such calmer waters are ahead.

Fallen, such a great piece there. That In-between time is thankless, but so necessary. The other side is priceless! Hang in there everybody...I'm no stronger than anyone else, it just takes some time and patience.

K9, great to see the Friday Pep Girls at it again!

Don't let anyone talk you into drinking this weekend! No matter what and no matter who!! It is NOT worth it! Byrdie

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Mylife....I have trouble with that 'NEVER' word too! Just the thoughts of that make it seem impossible. So I break it down to something I can do...just get thru this day. And that's what I do!! Hugs to you...B

[Persephone1]

Newbies Nest

Have but a few moments, but wanted to pop in and say Congrats to Everyone! wherever you find yourself on this journey. The fact that you are on this forum with these brave and beautiful soul mates is a tremendous step. Bravo! To the wise and insightful 'sages' a very special thanks...SO VERY GRATEFUL that you have paved the WAY out and for your dedicated support, day after day. :h

Can anyone else relate to this? I was in an alcoholic fog for around 8 years. I'm about 6 weeks into being free and I feel like I've been on 'pause' for quite a while. Arrested development, for sure. Even taken some steps backwards, but mostly feel like I am just hitting 'play' again and picking up emotionally/mentally/spiritually where I left off when I started drinking in excess. Just kickin' it around, any thoughts?

Hope you all have a cozy night in the Nest. :l If you feel like doing damage to yourself, PLEASE come here and find strength and love instead.

P.

[thelaststraw]

Newbies Nest

Yes, Perse, I felt like I was on pause for much of the time. Stuff was getting done, life was being lived, but not what it should have been.

Now I am in a slump, from my backsliding, but determined to take it off pause (when I start feeling like not crying all the time and my tummy gets to feeling better).

I am well into Me Me Me right now. Please forgive my selfishness.
-S-