Newbies Nest

[thelaststraw]

Newbies Nest

OHHHH Jenni, that is an awesome testimony.

That gives me good goosebumps!!!!! When I think of how it could have turned out, man-0-man!!!!!

-S-

[Elliesmom]

Newbies Nest

jenniech;1482191 wrote: Went to a dinner party tonight...first time AF .... The wine was flowing but not into me. My friends live about 35 minutes away. Driving home there was a DWI checkpoint. The first time that has ever happened to me and the first time I ever went to a dinner party and did not drink. Oh, what a feeling!! Cop asked me if I had anything to drink....NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am overcome....talk about a higher power.....

Jennie, that had to have felt SOOO great!! I still get a panicky feeling when I drive past parked police cars (anytime of the day, because even mid-day I'd usually have AL in my system) then I'm like..."wait, I'm SOBER -- nothing to worry about!" I dont know if I'll ever get over that knee-jerk reaction that I'm about to be busted. I'm really glad for you and slightly jealous! Where else would someone say that other than here on this board? :goodjob:

Elliesmom

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

You showed them, Jennie!! Great job, girl!! I remember a couple years back when I was stopped for speeding and I ended up having no drivers license on me and no proof of insurance ans all I could think of was- well at least I'm not drunk!!! ( it was 8 a.m. And sad to say, not totally out of the realm Of possibility!)
I know your experience just added to your belief that you are doing the right thing by getting that beast off your back! Keep up the great work!

[Elliesmom]

Newbies Nest

Hello Nest!! It's Day 50 for me today! Hooray --- these days with zero's in the number are my favorites. With 5 under my belt, 5 more is my next goal. Oneredshoe, you're tomorrow -- and late congrats to Jennie, as I think I missed your day 50.

I haven't posted much lately, so welcome new folks!! If you're very new, remember this: AL will NOT help with your depression or numb your pain because AL CAUSES depression. AL has caused brain damage, including considerable shrinking of brain mass - scarey, huh? AL addicted brains have lost the ability to produce naturally-occurring seratonin and dopamine (feel-good chemicals) because that's what AL does - it suppresses your naturally occurring chemicals that regulate mood, and gives you a false sense of feeling better when AL is in your system. You have brain damage, and your brains have actually shrunk. After 7 days AF, your brain will begin producing seratonin again and the cerebellum will begin growing mass back, but it will take months or even years to work out all the kinks in our nervous system and emotional health from the brain damage we've caused. You'll start feeling REALLY REALLY good after a few weeks (it's wonderful, isn't it?) because of this new infusion of natural seratonin and dopamine into your system, so good that this new seratonin "high" might make you overly confident that you have things under control now and can try drinking again. Until you get used to the naturally occuring feel-goods again, you can't be trusted to make good decisions where AL is concerned, unless its a decisions to keep it the hell away from your body and brain. That's my biggest word of caution. Be vigilant! And take the supplements - they really help calm the nervous sytem and help with sleep, especially in the first few weeks.

I was reflecting last night about how different my life is today compared to about 2 months ago, going from 1/2 liter of gin every day, often starting with a bump in my OJ in the morning and a quick trip home at lunch for a few more bumps, often drunk by 4:30. It would be impossible for me to list everything that has changed for me in such a short time that has been a profound blessing. The general categories of improvements are: physical health, weight, mental health (a decade of depression has lifted), relationship with my daughters, parenting (MUCH better mom), relationship with my husband, quality of work...those are the biggies. But the biggest is that I notice myself thinking a few years down the road now. Little things -- like my 18 yo has the flu, and called me at work on Friday crying, wanting to know when I was coming home because she wanted her mom. I fast-forwarded to how she and I will cope and what I'll do when she's sick but 9 hours away at college next year. That was a new feeling because 2 months ago I was pretty sure there was a good chance I could be dead next year and I wouldn't have even wondered about life a year down the road. I had given up and many times thought death would be easier than the status quo and better for everyone in my life. 2 months and that has ALL changed! In my life before alcohol addiction, if even one of those things in that list had changed for me in just 2 months I'd be celebrating wildly (probably with booze).

I still have occasinaly cravings, but I can't ever imagine going back now because I dont want to lose what I've gained. I have these really bad dreams that I decide to drink again - just had one last night, and I wake up with such relief that it was just a dream that was once my real life nightmare.

I'm not out-of-the-woods, but if I can get this far, anyone can. Also another word to those who feel like they might lose their friends -- I avoided all my friends up until recently, but a few weeks ago experimented with getting together and created AL-free dates. What Ive discovered is that many of my friends who I thought were heavy drinkers only drank like that when they were with ME. I was their excuse to occasionally let loose, to keep up with me. They're just as happy meeting for coffee or breakfast, and I suspect a few are relieved that when with me they dont "have" to drink anymore. That was an eye-opener!

So this is really, really long, for which I apologize. But hey, every 10 days or so maybe I've earned the right to a typing extravaganza. Have a great AL-free week and keep the strength and hope!!

:l
Elliesmom

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Elliesmom,

If anyone has ANY DOUBT about whether getting AL out of their lives is worth it, your amazinging well-articulated post should PUT THEIR MINDS AT REST! Thank you so much for sharing where you are right now!!

I am right with you in feeling so amazingly good -- my happy-neurotransmitter deficiency must have been EXTREME!! It almost feels like it happened too fast to be true and sometimes that worries me a little - that it isn't true. But until I have evidence to the contrary, I'm gonna go with it!!!

This part hits really hits home:

Elliesmom;1482356 wrote: Until you get used to the naturally occuring feel-goods again, you can't be trusted to make good decisions where AL is concerned, unless its a decisions to keep it the hell away from your body and brain. That's my biggest word of caution. Be vigilant! And take the supplements - they really help calm the nervous sytem and help with sleep, especially in the first few weeks.
Elliesmom

I think the only way to trust myself is to make the a priori decision that I AM DONE DRINKING ALCOHOL. So now, whether I'm flying high or down in the dumps, it doesn't really matter in terms of AL, because there are no options. Byrdie, who truly knows what in the heck she is talking about calls it MindPeace and I tell you --- a want a BIG piece of that!!!

I am so happy for you, EM!

Love, NS

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Wow, Elliesmom, what an inspiring post. It really is amazing what being under the illusion-cloud of AL makes us believe about ourselves. And how getting out from under it changes everything....EVERYTHING...down to a cellular level!
I'm so proud of you and for what you have accomplished!
So if you have strength, give it, and if you need some, take it! We are all in this together! Have a happy and sober Sunday! Byrdie

[sweetie78]

Newbies Nest

so i called a friend, and we talked a bit , and i realized... ive been having severely bad blackout episodes for about three years...... i for some reason thought my drinking problem was a recent thing... i think i have to say fuck moderation and go AF for real for a long time.....

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

sweetie78;1482390 wrote: i think i have to say fuck moderation and go AF for real for a long time.....

Good call! I am not saying there are no people who can moderate, but I think they are the minority of people desperate enough to join an online forum such as this.

Kuya wrote in a post I saw (somewhere) this morning that most people kick their addictions quietly, on their own. Some of those people also can probably moderate their alcohol intake without a constant struggle. I suspect most people here tried to do this (quietly and in my case at least, secretly) on their own before coming here -- we are a select population that likely has much better odds of success if fully AF.

All the best to you, Sweetie. NS

[Hippyman]

Newbies Nest

Happy SOBER Sunday Nesters! Today I decided we have been cooped up in the house too much and needed a shopping excursion. I got the girls dressed up in their Sunday's best and off we went to the Pet Supermarket. The people at the store love to see us walk in the door. They know a sucker when they see one and always come over with cookies for the girls. Today we bought 3 King Kong Konk toys that you fill with liver pate...I mean really? Pate for puppies. What a GREAT idea! We have been enjoying our bird feeder and also our squirrel feeder. Those pushy squirrels raid every feeder we have so I bought a new squirrel proof hanger for our biggest feeder. We shall see if it works? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTDldZN20R0[/video]]Mr Squirrel's Wild Ride - YouTube. Even though I left behind a good chunk of change at the store, it's much less than I used to spend buying beer to poison myself with. I've been drunk and I've been sober. SOBER IS MUCH MORE FUN!!!

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Well. Hey there, hippy!!! Isn't this six months for you, dear?? Where's the party?? Do the girls have on their party hats, or what???
Congratulations, happy Hippy!!!

[Hippyman]

Newbies Nest

Starfish1;1482464 wrote: Well. Hey there, hippy!!! Isn't this six months for you, dear?? Where's the party?? Do the girls have on their party hats, or what???
Congratulations, happy Hippy!!!

Yep, it's 6 months TODAY that I've been free from alcohol YEAH. We are pigging out on apple pie to celebrate! My World has changed so much and I am very grateful!!! :l

[Miley]

Newbies Nest

I am new to MWO and wanted to stop by the Nest and introduce myself. I'm 47 and struggle with the Nasty little wine addiction. I've been drinking about a bottle a night....sometimes more. I am sick and tired of obsessing over AL. I also notice that I have to shut off button. Once I have the first drink about 99.9% of the time it's game on and I don't stop at just one. I want to change my life and enjoy life sober...not drunk or hungover and feeling guilty, etc...all the time. I have a feeling ill be in the Nest pretty much daily for awhile and I am thankful for the support.

[kuya]

Newbies Nest

Elliesmum.....you made me cry !

dont do that again!

[Hippyman]

Newbies Nest

Miley;1482527 wrote: I am new to MWO and wanted to stop by the Nest and introduce myself. I'm 47 and struggle with the Nasty little wine addiction. I've been drinking about a bottle a night....sometimes more. I am sick and tired of obsessing over AL. I also notice that I have to shut off button. Once I have the first drink about 99.9% of the time it's game on and I don't stop at just one. I want to change my life and enjoy life sober...not drunk or hungover and feeling guilty, etc...all the time. I have a feeling ill be in the Nest pretty much daily for awhile and I am thankful for the support.

Welcome to the Nest. It's a great place to get help and to get to know others who are winning their battles with alcohol. I look forward to getting to know you! :welcome:

[Hippyman]

Newbies Nest

Why?

kuya;1482548 wrote: Elliesmum.....you made me cry !

dont do that again!