Newbies Nest

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Blossoms,

The safest thing is to carry on with your sobriety until you are not angry or tired, at least. You are correct in thinking and saying that this is no time to make a decision like that.

[Blossoms]

Newbies Nest

Starfish1;1486616 wrote: Wait, what are you saying, Blossom, are you saying that if you drink your day with your husband will be better? I am just unclear - Are you thinking that will make him feel better, if you drink?

Sorry I am not being very clear tonight.
That has been one of the biggest problems for me since the start. My husband wants me to drink with him. So me giving up drinking really affected our relationship. I have been hoping that we could be close without drinking together and have been trying, but maybe it isn't possible.

I'm not saying I'm going to start drinking again because he wants me too - just that it is something I have to deal with.

[Blossoms]

Newbies Nest

Starfish1;1486618 wrote: Blossoms,

The safest thing is to carry on with your sobriety until you are not angry or tired, at least. You are correct in thinking and saying that this is no time to make a decision like that.

Absolutely! I know that I am hitting every branch of the trigger tree tonight. And I am glad that I have spent enough time AF to see that.
I also don't want me to be deciding to drink just to make my husband happy - that's just not on anymore.

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

You are in a tough spot, Blossoms. Your husband does not understand, just like many husbands. It is so good that you have come here. How can we help you get thru this tough time? What time of the night is it over there? Has your husband gone to bed for the night?

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Blossoms, if you will stay the course on being AF, you will be amazed at how many other things fall into place. For me, it came down to choosing between my hubs of 24 years or AL. At the time it was a hard choice. Now I could kick myself for letting it get that far out of control. I know you don't want to hear this, but if you look at the success rate of people who try to moderate, it is dismal. If you REALLY do your homework and follow the people, they aren't having much success...they are constantly fighting it, and losing. I bet in the short time you've been in the nest, you've seen people coming back here having tried it. Your relationship with AL is as good today as it's ever going to get. I say 'as good'....because it can sure get worse. I never drank harder than the year I tried to moderate.
My thoughts on that are, if you are still wanting a drink really bad...moderating isn't for you. I believe in my heart of hearts that the only folks who CAN moderate are the ones that aren't aware they are doing it. Normal drinkers don't have to stop for 30 days .....normal drinkers don't give stopping a second thought. If this site offers anything at all, it is the gift of experience from others who have walked in your shoes. Please don't fool yourself into thinking that you MIGHT BE THE ONE who can do it. Stick with your quit and you will never be sorry! I look around at so many who thought they had it made after their 30 days and went back to it...every quit gets harder, you can trust me on that one. Drinking AL is not worth it, but you have to put some real sober time in to see it. In hindsight, I am just amazed at what AL made me do...the choices I made while under its grip. It is too strong an opponent and you cannot control it, IMHO....once you cross the line. Your brain knows where you left off...even after years of being sober, just look around this site for a few hours and you will see story after story. Use the tools here and use your own experience. Drinking isn't going to make anything better.....your life, your marriage....nothing. It is out to take over your life....Please stay the course! Try and get some sleep. You don't need AL in your life...and I never thought I'd say that! My life is just GREAT without it! Better, actually!
Of course, we will respect whatever decision you make, but do your homework...find the evidence right here before you decide. It really is all here on this site. We will help however we can! XXOO, Byrdie

[Blossoms]

Newbies Nest

Yes he's gone to sleep and is snoring away happily (where is the rolling eyes smiley)It's midnight here now. I won't be drinking tonight, and with the help of you wonderful people here I am feeling calmer and less distraught and able to sleep ( without dreaming of divorce or homicide). Thank you
Tomorrow *will* be better!!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Blossoms...you are in a tough spot. My hubs gave me the ultimatum to stop drinking or he was outta here. So I did make the choice to be with him. He drinks moderately and sometimes he resents that I can't join in. But he can't have it both ways. It just doesn't work like a switch with us....believe me, if I could have made moderating work I would have. It was a disaster. It sounds as tho the marriage has some issues...but if you are using AL, you can pile one more on to the list, and it's a big one. I'm sorry my hubs lost his drinking buddy, but he gained a wife back in the process. Drinking to please someone else sounds like a disaster in the making. Stay the course AF and you will never be sorry....don't lose one more day to AL. This is your life and AL is out to kill us!
Trying to moderate is chasing a fantasy....all you have to do is spend some time on this site to see it. I bet in the short amount of time you've been here, you've seen many fly back into the nest after having tried to moderate. Once you cross the line, there just is no going back IMO....you only get one brain and it knows where you left off. Please don't hold out hope that you can be the one in a million that can do it....you will be disappointed. USE this site for all it's worth and you will see it. Once a pickle, never a cucumber again. Nobody was ever sorry he/she stayed sober but there are 1000's of stories of folks full of guilt/shame/remorse that they drank.
I hope you can get some rest tonight. I will hold you close in my thoughts....Byrdie

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Blossoms;1486629 wrote: Yes he's gone to sleep and is snoring away happily (where is the rolling eyes smiley)It's midnight here now. I won't be drinking tonight, and with the help of you wonderful people here I am feeling calmer and less distraught and able to sleep ( without dreaming of divorce or homicide). Thank you
Tomorrow *will* be better!!

I'm so glad you came HERE, Blossoms -- this is how MWO works for us, I think.

All the best to you! Love, NoSugar

[BHOG]

Newbies Nest

Blossoms, doe he realize how much drinking hurt you, how hard it is for you?

[Mein Sonnenschein]

Newbies Nest

Siren136;1486147 wrote: MS, I'm going to try to have a completely AF April. I started a thread already - feel free to join me over there, too.

Great idea Siren! That was my thought exactly... AF for April. It also helped that April first began on a Monday so I took that as a sign of new beginnings. I will look for the April thread after this post.

Day 2 for me and I feel wonderful today. I can't believe how irresponsible I was last week. I was working from home at our apartment in Switzerland, thinking that I needed some time alone to get some work done... plus, the Swiss mountains exude a relaxing atmosphere. Well... a few of those days I drank while I was working. Wine, one of my greatest loves and worst enemies. I had so much wine on Friday that I don't remember the details of one of my follow-up tasks on a project I manage. I just can't believe how stupid I can be. Is AL worth f-ing up my career??!!! Blah! Which is why I feel wonderful today. Lot's of good stuff going on at work this week and I woke up without a hangover. I have forgotten how good that feels. But I do know myself... I'll have a few good days then my ol' friend depression will step in. I will be prepared this time and not give in.

Hope everyone else is feeling good today!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Going back a few pages to laststraw's question about Sam-E for depression-
and to your statement MS re depression returning after having a few good days-

I never tried Sam-E myself but I have read some positive reports on it's effectiveness especially for people who are already on antidepressants.
I did not do well on ADs myself so I searched an found something that works great for me. I credit Amoryn to my success in achieving & maintaining my quits. Take a look, it's a great product & causes no side effects
AMORYN Mood Booster | Natural Supplement for Depression & Anxiety

[kuya]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters.......

Blossoms ...... Well done you, you are being very mature about this. Why do you think your husband NEEDS you to drink? Can you ask him? If you could find out what is at the root of his fear then you might be able to sort it out.

I suspect a lot of men, consciously or not, realise they will lose the woman who ditches her sexual inhibitions when she consumes alcohol. There are a LOT of things I would do drunk that I would not do sober ! :H:H

TMI ?? :H:H

[Overit44]

Newbies Nest

ooh, ooh, let me, let me.................

Blossom, can you hear me? I'll try and speak up.

My husband did not think I had a problem, and still doesn't understand why I would want to quit. But, I love him so much and a big part of our life was our drinking together. So I didn't want things to change for him, I was the one with the problem, and I didn't want him to be able to blame any changes on me. So, I've made it a point not to let anything change, as best I can.

No, it has not been easy sometimes but I credit my fortitude to 2 things. 1) I wanted to quit. I had to. I had made it up in my mind and there was no changing it. I wanted to quit more than I wanted to have a drink. 2) Antabuse made it impossible for me to doubt myself.

So, I've found an appropriate drink for me. It allows me to have something in my hand. I can hang out with my husband. I can have something in the cooler when we go out on the quads or camping. I can "cheers" with my husband after a long day at work. I can hang out in the man cave with our friends and have something for myself rather than just stand there and be a bump on a log. Yes, I've had to paint a smile on my face sometimes and clench my fists at other times. I don't talk about it, I don't pout, I don't blame him that I can't drink. This was my decision, alone. The opportunity has not arisen yet but I feel confident that if he wanted me to go to a bar (we don't really "hang out" in bars) I could and he would not peer pressure me into drinking. His latest statement when the subject came up was "well, it's just one of those things that you either do or you don't" and he does and I don't. No big deal. I know everyone is not the same and no, I am not superwoman because of my ability to abstain. It was just a decision that I made, and that's that.

My drink, by the way, is Diet 7-Up. It bubbles and fizzes and that's what I like. If I want, I can put it in a nice glass, over ice, with lemon or even lime if I feel like it.

So, if it's still just an excuse that he's mad that you "don't drink alcohol" something else is wrong. Does he feel bad about himself because he's drinking too much and he's taking it out on you? I really think there are other issues here.

Sorry, you did not ask for my opinion. I really hope this situation can resolve itself for you.

Kuya-LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Fin]

Newbies Nest

I will NOT give in to the major crave that's hitting me now. It hits hard at 4 PM. When I get home instead of cracking the IPA, back to the cranberry and soda stream H20 - the killer combo for health and not feeling like a dip shit tomorrow AM.

Be good, all -
Fin

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Fin, good for you in coming here instead of the fridge!!! Get something to EAT! Ride it out no matter what. I know you can do this! (and I hope there aren't any IPA's in the fridge!!). Hang in there...you don't want to miss out on Star's Full Moon that she's shining up for you! Keep reading and posting...go look for our polls and be thinking of others for me to put out there!! XO, Byrdie