Newbies Nest
reposted here at the request of BHOG, if it helps anyone then it was worth it
Hi to those who don't know me. I'm pingupurplepants and I stopped a daily vodka and wine addiction exactly two years and one month ago.
I remember the day clearly. I crawled into my doctors, in tears, and handed her a letter saying I was miserable and felt like shit. She was pretty unsupportive, handed me some ADs, and told me to go away and cut down on pouring vodka down my neck.
That was the kick I needed. I knew in my heart I was drinking too much but I denied ever having a problem. After all if I wanted to stop for a period of time, I could. At least that's what I told myself. BUt looking back on it, I never had a single day without a drink (more like several) for about 3 years prior to that date.
I never intended to quit for good. I thought if I could do a week or two, get my head clear, then I would be OK to have another go at sensible drinking. I used the willpower method. That's all. I just refused to pick up that first drink because I knew once I started I knew I wouldn't stop. I had got into a cycle of drinking every night, taking sleep aids to sleep, sleeping like shit, waking up with a headache, and doing it all again day after day. The times I started drinking got earlier and earlier, sometimes as soon as I got in from school if I knew I didn't have to go out again. I declined social functions and meetings if I knew I wouldn't be able to drink. My head and body were totally fucked up.
It has not been an easy journey. As time went by, I discovered this site, originally intending to get some advice about controlling drinking. Yet something inside made me feel uneasy about trying again. I talked endlessly to a few people, blogged my thoughts, and the weeks and months of alcohol free living stacked up. Each month was a new challenge, and I gave myself treats and made a big fuss (quietly in my own little world) to celebrate the fact I'd reached another milestone. I became very introvert without alcohol, and felt uncomfortable and down right miserable at social functions. Everyone around me still drank. They called me dull and boring. It felt horrible. But still I carried on.
When I hit a year and had a mega happy dance, afterwards, I was confused. Do I have another go or do I carry on with this hermit like existence. I knew the answer in the bottom of my heart was that AF life was the only way to go, but I was still unhappy inside. I missed drinking and the high it gave me. I started to forget all the shit that went with it.
A year and a month (this day last year) after quitting I felt really low. I spent the next few months having a massive internal battle with myself. Nothing seemed to make any sense. I didn't know what to do. I tried AA which turned out to be a disaster. I tried keeping a journal and I started a scrap book with print outs of quotes and advice from people on here.
Something clicked for me last Winter. I am not sure what. I think it was progressive, I mean I didn't wake up one morning and think I'm cool now. But slowly the fog lifted and I started to find a personality and confidence I hadn't felt since I had been drinking. And slowly it became OK for me to not drink, I felt OK being out with other drinkers, I didn't resent it like I did before. I had much more good times and much less wobbles...
So, why bother to post this? Well I met some lovely people in Dublin last week, at various stages of the journey, and they got me thinking about how to give back. I'm crap with individual advice. And someone on here said just by living you are showing people that there is a way without alcohol in your life
It took a long long time, and it is still a work in progress, but if reading this helps anyone then it was worth writing it down
Much love
P3
x
(cello player and level 3 skater!!!)
__________________
reposted here at the request of BHOG, if it helps anyone then it was worth it
Hi to those who don't know me. I'm pingupurplepants and I stopped a daily vodka and wine addiction exactly two years and one month ago.
I remember the day clearly. I crawled into my doctors, in tears, and handed her a letter saying I was miserable and felt like shit. She was pretty unsupportive, handed me some ADs, and told me to go away and cut down on pouring vodka down my neck.
That was the kick I needed. I knew in my heart I was drinking too much but I denied ever having a problem. After all if I wanted to stop for a period of time, I could. At least that's what I told myself. BUt looking back on it, I never had a single day without a drink (more like several) for about 3 years prior to that date.
I never intended to quit for good. I thought if I could do a week or two, get my head clear, then I would be OK to have another go at sensible drinking. I used the willpower method. That's all. I just refused to pick up that first drink because I knew once I started I knew I wouldn't stop. I had got into a cycle of drinking every night, taking sleep aids to sleep, sleeping like shit, waking up with a headache, and doing it all again day after day. The times I started drinking got earlier and earlier, sometimes as soon as I got in from school if I knew I didn't have to go out again. I declined social functions and meetings if I knew I wouldn't be able to drink. My head and body were totally fucked up.
It has not been an easy journey. As time went by, I discovered this site, originally intending to get some advice about controlling drinking. Yet something inside made me feel uneasy about trying again. I talked endlessly to a few people, blogged my thoughts, and the weeks and months of alcohol free living stacked up. Each month was a new challenge, and I gave myself treats and made a big fuss (quietly in my own little world) to celebrate the fact I'd reached another milestone. I became very introvert without alcohol, and felt uncomfortable and down right miserable at social functions. Everyone around me still drank. They called me dull and boring. It felt horrible. But still I carried on.
When I hit a year and had a mega happy dance, afterwards, I was confused. Do I have another go or do I carry on with this hermit like existence. I knew the answer in the bottom of my heart was that AF life was the only way to go, but I was still unhappy inside. I missed drinking and the high it gave me. I started to forget all the shit that went with it.
A year and a month (this day last year) after quitting I felt really low. I spent the next few months having a massive internal battle with myself. Nothing seemed to make any sense. I didn't know what to do. I tried AA which turned out to be a disaster. I tried keeping a journal and I started a scrap book with print outs of quotes and advice from people on here.
Something clicked for me last Winter. I am not sure what. I think it was progressive, I mean I didn't wake up one morning and think I'm cool now. But slowly the fog lifted and I started to find a personality and confidence I hadn't felt since I had been drinking. And slowly it became OK for me to not drink, I felt OK being out with other drinkers, I didn't resent it like I did before. I had much more good times and much less wobbles...
So, why bother to post this? Well I met some lovely people in Dublin last week, at various stages of the journey, and they got me thinking about how to give back. I'm crap with individual advice. And someone on here said just by living you are showing people that there is a way without alcohol in your life
It took a long long time, and it is still a work in progress, but if reading this helps anyone then it was worth writing it down
Much love
P3
x
(cello player and level 3 skater!!!)
__________________
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