Newbies Nest

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Thank you so much!

What a welcoming nest to come home to!

In the wee hours of the morning, my twink from across the pond, Snapdragon, noticed one of the "cool" numbers in my post on the Roll Call. Then my quit-buddy, Jenni, threw a big party and after that, I got 3 hats from the most enthusiastic, supportive person I've probably ever met on- or off-line, Byrdie. Thanks so much, you guys, and also to Pinecone, Free, MS, Lav, Kreeves, and anyone else who may have written but that I may have missed in the crowded nest but will see later when I read back over what has turned out to be a validating and inspiring day.

It is funny how some of the days (especially some of the multiples of 10) seem more special than others when really, each day AF is a day of victory. But hey, who doesn't enjoy being recognized and encouraged by their friends??? I never would have guessed that I would be truly touched and delighted by cute little smilies offered by people I am so happy to now have in my life but I sure am.

Love, NS :h

[kuya]

Newbies Nest

Following on from Jenniech's post......

How ironic and incorrect is the perception that alcohol makes us sociable ?

ALL drugs are isolating, the illusion of sharing is the biggest lie we are sold.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

jenniech;1496168 wrote:
To get sober, I had to get out of the isolation.... you can't get sober alone!! You need to reach out to others and share....that is crucial. So as a first step I came here and shared my thoughts, feelings, experiences.....the more sober I became, the more I was able to connect with my family and friends. It has really been quite miraculous.

I wish I could express this better. It doesn't sound as profound as when I heard it earlier today...all I know is, I no longer feel so isolated. I no longer feel like I am the only one that has my problems and no one else could possibly understand. That is just my AL brain lying to me. It is so relieving and comforting to know I am not alone.:h

Jenni, I think you expressed PERFECTLY what you, me, and I bet so many other people have felt. It just is wrong for us to withdraw into ourselves. We evolved to be social creatures and we do better, on all levels, in a group!! I have been such a self-imposed loner the last several years, I had forgotten all that and definitely suffered for it.

While I was sitting around airports today, I worked on a list of "What I did on my MWO Vacation" in response to a query from Halo the other night about why I think I am finally having some success. There are many action items on the list but my main conclusion is that we need a group of like-minded, supportive, honest and open people to help us-- we almost need to do the hip new thing --
crowd-source this problem. I've become a BELIEVER in all of that - IT WORKS!

I better start working on your party. I hear we are limited to 6 smiley characters, which is quite a bummer. I love those little guys.

:h NS

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

kuya;1496199 wrote:
How ironic and incorrect is the perception that alcohol makes us sociable ?

It seems we both love Jenni's post, Kuya. For me it really hits home.

I think in small, occasional doses at social events, it did make me more sociable and at ease. I would have one glass of wine and it made it easier to talk to people I didn't know, laugh at jokes I didn't really think were funny, etc. That is probably how the whole business starts.

What seems like a helpful, essentially harmless thing is actually a powerful addictive agent and in some people becomes our nightmare of large, frequent doses and the accompanying isolation.

We, or at least I, was duped. NS

[Pinecone]

Newbies Nest

Jenni, that is a beautiful post, and don't worry, you nailed the profound part. It really got me thinking, and that is why I come here every single day to read and sometimes post. One of the many, many, many benefits of an AF life that I have found is a major improvement in ALL of my relationships. Even the necessary relationships that I have with people I don't like at all, but have to tolerate/be civil with (i.e. some co-workers). Being AF for a while helps me deal with everyone in a better way. Your post rings very, very true. Another AL lie indeed!

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

halo;1495300 wrote: No Sugar,
Thanks for the congrats! I agree about experiencing the lack of success, I have spent some time thinking about why I was continually unsuccessful in my previous attempts to quit. I believe that in my previous attempts to quit, I felt that my life didn't all of a sudden significantly change for the better, I still had stress, feelings of sadness that came and went and difficult days to cope with. My response was hell I quit drinking for a week maybe two, my life hadn't completely changed for the better, might as well have a drink. This thought process was REPEATED ,OVER AND OVER AGAIN !
Now my philosophy is I know that quitting drinking is not going to result in a euphoric life with no flaws. My kids, at times, are still going to whine and scream, my spouse is still going to leave his shoes all over the front hallway, some of my family members are going to remain insensitive and selfish and work will continue (at times) to have me beating my head against the wall. The difference NOW is that I know AL makes these situations worse because AL makes me feel worse. I need the best me to deal with stressful times and AL most definitely DOES NOT contribute to the best I can be. This change in thought pattern along with this tremendous MWO community (:h Newbies Nest) is the reason I believe I have finally started to achieve success. Does being AF mean your life becomes a bed of roses with sugar on top, no, but AL makes it much worse! No Sugar, what do you think is resulting in your success?

Hi, Halo.

Since I seem to be hogging the nest at the moment anyway and since I worked on this today instead of tidying up some job loose ends (this was much more rewarding and in making it, I reminded myself of several things I need to be thinking about and doing), I'll post my list. It is not the concise document I had hoped for (UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR) but as Byrdie pointed out, I have tried EVERYTHING that I considered at all a reasonable suggestion and different things are done at various times --- some for a couple days, a couple weeks, a couple months, and a few, forever!!

Please don?t think I am trying to tell anyone else what to do! These ?commands? are directed at me but some might work for you, too. They assume that you want to be permanently AF. Although that was not my original goal, it evolved into that within a few weeks. Furthermore, most of these ideas can be found somewhere in the Nest or Toolbox -- copyright violations abound here as well as does theft of intellectual property ? most of my ideas were generated by all of you!!

- Stop lurking; get the guts to sign up and get some help.

- Get all alcohol out of your environment, including anywhere you have hidden it.

- Spend your former drinking time reading and posting ? at least daily and if possible, throughout the day. If MWO isn?t busy, read old posts. The actors change but the script is pretty much the same.

- From your reading, figure out who has a voice you can relate to and then ask questions. Pay attention to the answers, even when they aren?t what you wanted to hear.

- Answer questions when you have an idea that just might be what someone needs to hear. Keep an eye out for people who might need a friend.

- Try to be encouraging without enabling or excusing bad choices. Have the courage to speak up when you think someone is sabotaging a stated goal.

- Post even when you are uncomfortable doing it. Let people know the real you. You can remain anonymous and you have nothing to lose. It is liberating to have nothing to hide!

- If you need to, use PMs and e-mails but try to do most of the hard work on the boards where everyone can benefit from the process and you will be exposed to more than one source.

- Promise yourself to always be honest here and to tell the whole story (including the parts you?ve been trying to hide from even yourself).

- Promise to pause and come here to read and post before you take a drink. Give someone time to help you. By the time you?ve paused and posted, you may have saved yourself!

- Post until just the horrible thought of posting that you drank is enough to make you change your mind.

- Use language that reflects your intentions and the truth; I will not drink, not I hope I don't; I chose to drink, not I slipped; I'm going to order soda water and lime, not I'll probably order some non-AL beverage; etc. Visualize yourself doing (or not) these things.

- Aside from taking care of your dependents and doing your job, put attaining sobriety first and foremost all of the time. Do not feel guilty about this ? it doesn?t last forever.

- Make plans for particular situations you know you will face and contingent plans for the inevitable surprises.

- Plan your responses to uncomfortable comments and questions.

- Avoid books, stores, movies, friends, activities, etc. that you strongly associate with drinking or that trigger an unwanted response.

- Don?t worry that you think about this all the time ? worry if you don?t. Someday you won?t need to.

- Don?t judge people who take a different path to sobriety but help them when you can and avoid people whose choices make you question your commitment to an alcohol-free life ? this applies to online and offline life.

- If you aren?t finding what you need in the Nest or Toolbox ? look elsewhere! You never know what perfect post you?ll read or wonderful friend you?ll meet.

- Participate in a thread on a topic that interests you ? there is more to life than problems with alcohol, even on MWO!

- Don?t let angst, drama, or toxic people derail you ? both in real life and online.

- Don?t judge yourself or worry about reeling emotions. You aren?t going crazy and this settles down soon enough.

- Eat in a way that makes you feel healthy and strong.

- Exercise when that makes you feel better but rest when you need to.

- Do whatever you want to do as long as you don?t drink.

The most important thing, I think, is to use the power of the community that a forum such as this provides, allowing you to achieve something you could not do on your own:

- Reach out to people ahead of you. They?ve been there. It is unlikely that anything you say will shock them. They want to help or they would no longer be participating. You won?t want to disappoint them? it would make you feel awful to have wasted their time and effort.

- Reach out to people behind you. You have just experienced the pain, confusion, fear, sorrow, guilt? that they are now suffering. You can still feel it but you also know that it doesn?t last forever. Tell them! You won?t want to let them down ? they want to believe you and are counting on you.

- Reach out to people at about the same stage. It is always nice to have peers and compare notes. Harness the power of a mini-group ? you?ll be greater than the sum of your parts. You won?t want to not be there for your friends and you sure don?t want to be left behind!


I hope one or more things in that list can be the tipping point for someone --- I've got a glimpse of it now and life is better on the other side.

Much love to all of you, NS :h

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

WHOA
that is a fantastic post no sugar!!! I am honored to have you as my quit buddy!!! I could go on and on and on with examples of each and every bullet point!!!
Each and every thing you said is the perfect recipe for total success!!

This needs to go to the toolbox and I need to read it again in the morning when I am refreshed!!!

:goodjob::thanks::l

[halo]

Newbies Nest

NoSugar;1496213 wrote: Hi, Halo.

Please don?t think I am trying to tell anyone else what to do! -

- - From your reading, figure out who has a voice you can relate to and then ask questions. Pay attention to the answers, even when they aren?t what you wanted to hear.

- The most important thing, I think, is to use the power of the community that a forum such as this provides, allowing you to achieve something you could not do on your own:

-
- I hope one or more things in that list can be the tipping point for someone --- I've got a glimpse of it now and life is better on the other side.

Much love to all of you, NS :h

No Sugar,
Thankyou so much for taking the time to post your response, it was wonderful, I guarantee that your comments WILL BE the tipping point for someone, and that one step can drastically change the life of that individual for the better! I couldn't get AF on my own, I tried many, many, many times, using the power of the MWO and reaching out to a senior member, who I hold in the highest regard was the turning point for me. Tonight I went to a concert, my first concert (I have been to about 50) sober: I would never have thought I would or for that matter could go to a concert without drinking. Well I did AND I had a fantastic time! The many tips you mentioned will help many achieve goals on their AF path...Thanks again for sharing No Sugar :thanks:

[marshally]

Newbies Nest

to anyone

I am a newbie looking for support. I initially read MWO in Dec 2012 because I was on a search to quit drinking. I am a single mother with the most amazing partner who totally hates my drinking (which is really bad). So I found MWO and found a doctor to prescribe toprimax and spent 3 weeks of total bliss off alcohol. Then I thought I could go back and "manage".
Here I am 5 months later re-reading the book and other books and realizing I need support and am reaching out to you.
I would love a newbie buddie to go through this with---or a mentor.
thanks.

[Siren136]

Newbies Nest

Hi marshally,

Attach yourself to the Newbie's Nest for a while. You will get both mentorship and find those just starting out like yourself. Read as many of the other posts (both new and old) but don't stray far from the Nest. Post your thoughts and feelings - and any questions - as much as possible, too. Go through the Toolbox for some great ideas on gaining and maintaining sobriety.

Can you go back to the doctor for more Topamax or to discuss other drugs? I just started on Antabuse because I can't quit on my own. Maybe your GP will have some ideas for you?

Good Luck!!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters & Happy Humpday

Hello & welcome Marshally!
Glad you decided to join us, please settle in for a while. Be sure to visit the Tool box, borrow some great ideas to help you make a good plan!

Looking forward to a milder afternoon of 74 degrees. Can anyone say gardening? :H

Wishing everyone a great AF Wednesday!
Lav

[Cocoflo]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning,

Jenniech, your post about how isolated & lonely one becomes while drinking really hit home with me. I definitely drank to be more social, but ultimately become very alone. Alcohol has negatively affected almost all of my relationships, so if I don't continue to stay sober, I will lose it all.

No Sugar, your post is AWESOME. I've saved a copy on my phone to revisit as needed so I can stay on the right path.

Marshally, I am also a mom with a great husband who hates my drinking. I'm new to this journey & would love to have a fellow newbie buddie. I've tried to quit many times without success. I've made it 7 days, which is the longest that I've gone in years, so I hope this time it "sticks!"

Coco

[halo]

Newbies Nest

Welcome marshally and cocoflo :welcome:,
You have come to the right place, the Newbie's Nest is a warm, supportive place to be !
As a MWO member says, Read, Read, Read and Post often...following these initial words of advice helped me tremendously!
You will find the help you need here at the Nest :l

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Wow, some really powerful posts here. NoSugar, please post that list in the Tool Box. What a wonderful compilation of wisdom!! You should work for Reader's Digest, you just took about 8 years worth of NN posts and condensed them into that list! Beautiful! I, too, am going to save that and print it out.

Marshally, welcome and settle in. I don't know any of us who didn't think that we could control this thing. I was discussing this with a friend yesterday...it is totally up to us where we get off the ride. We can jump off early and get on with the rest of our lives or we can hold on to that hope that we will someday learn to drink normally and get knocked down again and again by it. Then 10 years later we look back and we are still in the same spot...still trying to control what for us, is uncontrollable. But, here's the great news! Life is better without AL, and you have seen that for yourself! Don't let the fear of the process keep you from engaging in it! Once you start doing it, THAT will become your new normal and the way you will want to live your life. You have to get out from under it to see it, tho. We're here to help! We are GLAD you're here!!

I hope everyone has a wonderful, sober Wednesday! Byrdie

[struggles]

Newbies Nest

Good morning all! I have a terrible headache today and feel a little shaky. Got soup on the stove and lemon tea. I went into the hospital last week because my left leg/ankle has been swollen for a few weeks and I was scared that I was going into congestive heart failure, again. Good news, there is no blockage anywhere, my heart is completely perfect and no fluid around my heart. Unfortunately, blood pressure was 185/123, so we are adjusting medications. I'm still struggling with the beer, but doing better. I will be going up in dosage on the Topamax, hopefully it kicks in soon.

Marshally, welcome and I know exactly where you are coming from. I am a single mother as well and on the topa last year did several months, and like you, found it amazing. Then, I slipped, NO CRASHED HARD and needed to pick myself back up and begin again. I will be more than happy to go on this journey with you. I'm not perfect, but I'm working on it. I don't want to drink and know that moderation is not for me.

Hope everyone has a great AF day.