Newbies Nest

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Hi all, I'm on my latest sober period, and I just wanted to check in. I'm on Day 13, and I think I've reached a moment of clarity on this whole thing. Days 1-12 were major foggy and filled with questions, but today I seemed to have to reached a point of acceptance and satisfaction. I am ready to keep going on this journey. I think one of my biggest problems with starting back on the drink is how I conveniently "forget" how bad things get in my life - both during drinking and the next day. Man, my hangovers are just awful! I used to laugh about them. But not now! Now I get so major depressed. I cry. I start drinking more just to cool the thoughts in my head. Talk about the GSR (guilt, shame, remorse) brothers! They come and hang out with me all day, and they don't let up! On those hangover days, you'll find me at the nearby breakfast restaurant in the morning, sitting at the bar, drinking mimosas. There's one down the street with 10-dollar bottomless mimosas Monday-Friday!

Anyway, one thing I've done this time is hang little post-its all over my house to remind me of the horrors of drinking. Things like "don't forget the misery" - "GSR brothers are NOT invited!" - "don't waste another day!" - "the pain is unbearable!" - "be there for your family!" - etc. These post-its are my way of reminding myself of the pain and misery that I never want to experience again.

Happy Friday, all! I plan to be sober all weekend. Hope you will join me!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Morning, Nesters! Late start here, work got in the way! :H:H:H

Budda, I'm so glad you are back with us. I friend of mine that works with me was also sober for 10 years...fell off and it took her another 10 to get back sober. I pull that out as my 'sticky note' when I get a thought that just one or just one weekend won't matter in the scheme of things. It does matter because it pulls us back in and makes our minds race with confusion. I don't want that any more. I had enough MonkeyMind to last a lifetime. A thought now and then is a small price to pay for MindPeace! Do I feel sorry for myself sometimes? Yes, it's only natural...but I have plenty of things to be grateful for, so I try to turn that pity into gratitude (thanks, Lav). I HAVE a lot more than I DON'T have!!).

Cooking was a trigger for me, too. It's funny to me now, my cooking is actually MUCH BETTER now that I'm sober. I remember what I put in and I actually don't burn things or myself anymore! My dinner parties go great because I have the presence of mind to THINK! It takes practice, like anything else, that first one was hard....but exercising those muscles makes then stronger!

NoSugar, well done (cooking joke) on your 100 days. We are all so proud of you...this is a better place because you're here. I hope you know that. Thank you for staying with us and sharing your thoughts here in the nest. Everyone appreciates what you do! Enjoy your prize!!

:finger:

Giving DickHead 'The Bird' for 100 days is HUGE!
We also awarded Day Zero a hat today over on Roll Call....30 days plus 1!! Great job to both of you!!
Here's to a lifetime of sobriety! (and no apologies, being sober is GREAT!!!) XXOO, Byrdie

[justwanttobeme]

Newbies Nest

:new: My story is not one of every day drinking at all. It is more like my husband and I drink to relax maybe once or twice a week (dinners out etc) but then one leads to two leads to too many. Sometimes we can balance it, sometimes not. Last Sunday I think was the last time it will be out of control. When he drinks too much he gets mean. Not so mean he hits just mean. He left the house that night after a huge fight and we worked it out Monday (both missed work). I get stupid when I over drink, I cry (mostly cause I am a widow - lost my first hubby in 2004) and I don't cry until I drink. But I too say things I don't mean. My husband (who was my high school sweetheart we married in 2009) has had a horrible childhood, abusive dad and then abusive wife who degraded him for many years. When he is not drinking he is the kindest man on earth. Our problem is this, if we stay balanced and focused and have one or two drinks, we are great. Life is fun and we relax. When we drink too much we both get crazy and it is scary. I came here to find out how to get through this. Am I overreacting to cut it our totally? Do we have problems? I joined a similar blog when my first husband died and it helped me tremendously. I told my husband that we had to just never drink again after what happened Sunday. He agreed. We also talked about being balanced and talking prior to a social evening, limiting it and then sticking to it since that has worked in the past. I just don't want this out of control again. But I don't want to feel that we can never enjoy a social evening with friends. Most of our friends are social drinkers but not problem drinkers that we know of. IDK why I am here except that I need to talk to someone who understands and may be able to help me. Right now, we have decided not to drink at all. For some reason, in the back of my mind, I am overreacting. Would love to hear from anyone who has the same problem we do. Not every day drinking or really cravings but just not being able to know when the over drinking will come about and how you handled it. Thanks

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

justwanttobeme;1500771 wrote: But I don't want to feel that we can never enjoy a social evening with friends. Most of our friends are social drinkers but not problem drinkers that we know of

Hi Just - We're glad you've found us and welcome to the Nest! You CAN enjoy an evening with friends, without alcohol. That's the trap that the Beast sets...trying to convince us that we can't have fun without him. Like hell! We can have plenty of fun...sober. You also mentioned your friends don't have problems "that you know of". They probably feel the same about you. This disease is a tricky bastard. Please stick close to us and let us know how you're doing. Maybe set a goal of going 30 days without drinking and see how you feel? We're here to help!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Lola,
There is no season or social event important enough to me to make me give up my quit!
I would run & hide if I had to, believe me
I think the change of season unsettles a lot of us, hang in there!

Hello & welcome Justwanto!
I have read many times that if you think you have a drinking problem, then you probably do.
Why don't you down load the MWO book from the Health store here? It's a good place to get started.

NS, CONGRATS on 100 AF days, great work

Byrdie, the gratitude thing really works

[day-zero]

Newbies Nest

Ok here goes . Had quite a rough week and although managed to get through it feel like saying a bit about myself after geting my 30 days hat THANK U ALL . I started drinking in my teens (around 15) or so and was a regular binge drinker by the time i finnished schooling at 18. Everyone (or so i thought)around me did it and i was always the life of the party. Could never socialise without AL. University/college the same but more frequent. Started working and there was a pub at work. All the "main" people were there for a pint or 3 after work. Driving home with a 6 next to me. (Im skinny - 5'11" and 54kg). Got married and had 2 kids. It lasted 10 years when the moderation stoped working and the routine of the 6 next to me on the way home turned into 12 by 10 at night. Wife moved 1800 km away and i followed to start a new life. Moderation again. It lasted 2 months and the divorce followed. I still didnt stop. Met someone a year later. Moderation again. 6 years later it was 12 by 10 and my life was in ruins.
She couldnt handle that i got mean and selfish. Right now im 30 days into AF and my second divorce. She is still living in the same house and i have to see myself and the things i have done every day when i come home. It took me to lose everything i have in life that i care about to look in the mirror and realise i had to stop totaly. My brother and sister and people at work didint have a clue how bad i had become. 15 days AF i nearly started again but started with antabuse. It helps knowing i cannot go back. Every day is one more day AF and the beginning of my new life. I feel beter. Sleep badly.have cravings. Am not mean . And want to see my kids more than 2 times a year.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Hey JWTBM! (Just, for short)
We're glad you found us. Like K9 said, this disease is a bear....the most cunning opponent I've ever met! You've landed in a great spot if you want to get this monkey off your back.
Do you have a problem? That is up to you to decide. I took every test and Cosmo quiz there was and could skew it any way I wanted to in order NOT to see it. If it is causing a problem for you, and you feel it's out of control, then you might want to pull up a twig and hang out for a while. The 30 day challenge is the best way I know to test the waters. If you sail thru 30 days without cravings and after a while don't even notice...you might be one of the very lucky ones that just needs to raise your awareness! If, however, you find you just can't do it, justifying at every turn why you should drink and why you don't have a problem....if you are counting the hours and they drag on forever and you are white knuckling it just to get thru til bedtime, you might be one of us.

If AL caused you enough of a problem to put it in a search engine, find a forum, and join it, I think you may have your answer already. ALK is progressive....it's just a matter of where you want to get off the bus. You can get off early and save yourself and your family/friends a whole lot of grief, or you can stay on it (like I did) until it took almost everything I've worked 25+ years to achieve. I didn't start out drinking every night either. It built up over time in frequency and quantity.

Yes, it's a shame that we can't just have the occasional one out with friends and such....but over time, you'll realize it is the company you are with that is important, and NOT what's in the glass. Being AF will be as natural as putting on your socks. I promise. I wouldn't hang out here in the newbie's nest if I didn't believe that with my heart and soul. Being AF is normal....being drunk out of our minds is not.

So take the 30 day challenge ...that separates the cream from the milk. Normal drinkers wouldn't think that was such a big deal (dam them!!). Be sure to read the Tool Box, link below, for 100's of tips and coping skills to help you thru the first challenging days. You'll read about people just like you, who have completed the 30 days, and how much better things can be when you aren't led around by a bottle. It's good reading!

Remember, Nesters, Friday is just another day, not a free ticket to Boozeville! Do whatever it takes to complete this day AF! You will never regret being sober!! Happy Friday! Byrdie

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Wow, Day Zero. That is an amazing story. There is no statute of limitations on being here in the nest (thank goodness). I hope you will stick around with us for years to come. Together we can all beat this beast! It takes support of likeminded people to do it. Thank you so much for that post. Byrdie

[justwanttobeme]

Newbies Nest

Thank you Byrdlady. It's funny because the 30 days in not a challenge to me. I have done that easily before. (I never drank before my first husband died in 2004) It's just that I don't know when to stop when I start (once I have a few drinks, I keep on and not just stop at a few). That is my huge challenge and also my husband's. He is mean when he drinks too much and it hurts us when he does. However, it happens rarely. I am just one of these people who do not ever want there to be "issues" (yes I over analyze and am OCD) but you are right, I looked up this site for a reason. I will for sure go the 30 days and then maybe we will re-visit being balanced. Not sure yet ... thank you all for your warm welcome. I still just wanted to read other experiences, certainly there is someone out there like us. :thanks:

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

day-zero;1500813 wrote: Ok here goes . Had quite a rough week and although managed to get through it feel like saying a bit about myself after geting my 30 days hat THANK U ALL . ... Sleep badly.have cravings. Am not mean . And want to see my kids more than 2 times a year.

Dear Day-Zero,

I think you have MORE than earned your hat! You did it in the face of such day-to-day stress. That takes a huge commitment and hard work. It is clear by your posts that you are a very kind man -- you and your kids deserve to be in one another's lives as much as possible. Getting AL out of your life will enable you to be the dad you want to be and they want to have.

Thanks for telling us more of your story - sometimes it is tough to open up but it seems like it helps solidify the commitment you are making to MWO and to being AF. Keep reading and posting! I'm looking forward to getting to know you better.

CONGRATULATIONS!!

Love, NS :h

[justwanttobeme]

Newbies Nest

Thank you

[Wine-no!]

Newbies Nest

justwanttobeme;1500842 wrote: Thank you Byrdlady. It's funny because the 30 days in not a challenge to me. I have done that easily before. (I never drank before my first husband died in 2004) It's just that I don't know when to stop when I start (once I have a few drinks, I keep on and not just stop at a few). That is my huge challenge and also my husband's. He is mean when he drinks too much and it hurts us when he does. However, it happens rarely. I am just one of these people who do not ever want there to be "issues" (yes I over analyze and am OCD) but you are right, I looked up this site for a reason. I will for sure go the 30 days and then maybe we will re-visit being balanced. Not sure yet ... thank you all for your warm welcome. I still just wanted to read other experiences, certainly there is someone out there like us. :thanks:

Hello:l
I just wanted to say that I have had several weeks, days etc. when I haven't drunk any alcohol but it was the 'once I start, I just can't stop' that really worried me.. When I watched other people (when I was curious about whether I had a problem or not), I noticed that people would have one or two drinks with dinner and stop! That would be enough! Whilst I can remember plenty of AF days, I can't remember the last time I had one or two drinks and stopped! The drinking then became more regular too (not during the day but most evenings) and I started to have arguments with my husband etc. and I knew it was time that I did something about it before it spiralled out of control. I like byrdlady's analogy of 'it's just when you get off the bus'. That really sums it up I think.

So I am now taking the 30 day challenge and it's been pretty easy so far... I haven't decided what to do at the end of it but probably will go for another back to back 30 to really take time out and evaluate everything.

Good luck with whatever you decide x

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1500766 wrote:
NoSugar, well done (cooking joke) on your 100 days. Enjoy your prize!!
Giving DickHead 'The Bird' for 100 days is HUGE! Here's to a lifetime of sobriety! (and no apologies, being sober is GREAT!!!) XXOO, Byrdie

Thanks for the award, Birdie! I am happy and proud to have made it this far . It is pretty SWEET -- just like those snacks you served over in the Roll Call :H !

I tend to be pretty much pathologically polite when it comes to things like cussing and flippin' the bird and rarely do them, but now that I have had such a prize given to me,

HERE'S TO YOU, AL: :finger: :finger: :finger:


Hmmm... that felt pretty good! :H

[little beagle]

Newbies Nest

Day zero:
I too have no problem staying sober most of the time. One is too many and 1000 isn'tenough sums it up for me. I am 6 days af and I plan to hang with you guys tonite and make it 7.

[day-zero]

Newbies Nest

little beagle;1500894 wrote: Day zero:
I too have no problem staying sober most of the time. One is too many and 1000 isn'tenough sums it up for me. I am 6 days af and I plan to hang with you guys tonite and make it 7.

Yes but i found eventualy any excuse to have the first one. I could go a day or so without and even did many 5 day trails without but just that one and if there were more they were all mine. I just dont have the first one and taking antabuse is a "deterrent" to help the habbit change.