Newbies Nest

[Fin]

Newbies Nest

rooniferd;1501506 wrote: Hi all, day 15 here - half way to 30 days. Maybe this time will really stick? I went back and looked at some of my earliest posts on this site and another site I used to post to. Man, I've been struggling with the same issues for a long time. I read posts from literally YEARS ago that could have been written today. Why is this lesson so freakin' hard to learn?

You drink, you lose. Bottom line. And trust me, you lose A LOT.

If I compiled all my posts and put them into a book, no one would buy it because each chapter would be the same - I drink, I feel awful, I attempt to quit, I relapse - REPEAT OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

Where is that chapter where the main character finally sees the light and makes the step to getting out of this hell hole?

I jokingly told someone that I was ready for "chapter 2" in my life. And now this whole book analogy comes into my head about drinking. Coincidence? I think not.

I hope everyone is enjoying a sober Sunday. I know I am!

Rooni, please keep at it. I'm digging deep after many failed attempts but have absolute determination to keep pushing up the hill. Now that I'm 35 days into this current effort, I feel like I'm "in the zone..", breathing easily and able to combat the temptations to turnaround and stumble down the hill again. Not this time. Onward and upward! Get on my heels and we'll work this thing together! I hear the views from the top are nothing short of spectacular...

All the best,
-Fin

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Fin;1502100 wrote: Rooni, please keep at it. I'm digging deep after many failed attempts but have absolute determination to keep pushing up the hill. Now that I'm 35 days into this current effort, I feel like I'm "in the zone..", breathing easily and able to combat the temptations to turnaround and stumble down the hill again. Not this time. Onward and upward! Get on my heels and we'll work this thing together! I hear the views from the top are nothing short of spectacular...

All the best,
-Fin

Fin, thank you for this. We have definitely struggled on this site together for quite a while now. Oh the ups and downs we have faced....

I like your analogy about turning around and stumbling down the hill. The analogy in my head is pretty similar. I see a long winding path in the woods lined with beautiful trees and sweet animals. That's the sober road. Then I see all these little turnoffs and paths that I can choose to go down for various reasons. The drunk path is cold and dark. It's filled with sorrow and misery. The further you go down that path, the gloomier it gets. What's at the end of that path? Why death, of course.

I've been down that drunk path many, many times. But 16 days ago, I managed to stumble back onto the sober path. The sun is shining, the scenery is gorgeous, and it just gets better and better the farther I travel.

Why in the world do I keep going down that dark drunk path? What makes my feet turn in that direction?

That's the key to addiction - the compulsion, the choice to do something we KNOW is bad.

We must be strong if we want to stay on the good path. And yes, Fin darling, we CAN do this together. I just know it!

[mimi911]

Newbies Nest

day 2 again.

i am trying to not let the guilt overwhelm me but not succeeding.

ugh

[Fin]

Newbies Nest

rooniferd;1502111 wrote: Fin, thank you for this. We have definitely struggled on this site together for quite a while now. Oh the ups and downs we have faced....

We must be strong if we want to stay on the good path. And yes, Fin darling, we CAN do this together. I just know it!

Rooni, I donno if you're like me when I have failed, but it's usually only a moment of weakness that then ruins the overall effort. In other words, I can go for days and days (being mindful and deliberate regarding the quit) and then slip off the path in an instant.

It then takes me a long time to get back on track. What I'm doing differently this time around is recognizing those moments of weakness and realizing / remembering where they lead over and over again.

When I'm hurting on this new climb I now think of Byrd's mantra of "just got to get through this day (even moment)" and once I do, I'm good for another week or so before another moment of temptation is in my face. Net-net, by consistently pushing through the weak moments (which are really just a blip on the AF continuum) we CAN be successful long term. That's stating the obvious, but we can be blind to if when AL has it's evil grip on us.

I look forward to your success,
-Fin

[Fin]

Newbies Nest

mimi911;1502115 wrote: day 2 again.

i am trying to not let the guilt overwhelm me but not succeeding.

ugh

Can you go for a walk? Breath and don't feel guilty about (slipping) quitting no matter how many times it might take to get it right. The key is to NOT give up.

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Fin;1502116 wrote: Rooni, I donno if you're like me when I have failed, but it's usually only a moment of weakness that then ruins the overall effort. In other words, I can go for days and days (being mindful and deliberate regarding the quit) and then slip off the path in an instant.

Yes, you are right. I can jump off the sober path in a sheer wink of an eye. Lightening speed. If I can train myself to be mindful of falling into that trap, I think I really have a chance. I have to put up my shield and be vigilant.....

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

rooniferd;1502123 wrote: Yes, you are right. I can jump off the sober path in a sheer wink of an eye. Lightening speed. If I can train myself to be mindful of falling into that trap, I think I really have a chance. I have to put up my shield and be vigilant.....

Hi, Rooni

This sounds like a weird thing for an adult to do but I pretended my parents (who I am so grateful are still alive), who would have been very disappointed in my behavior to say the least, were watching me. Did I want them to see me dump wine down my gullet in what was a really desperate, hopeless, almost out of control act??? It even occurred to me that what if, after they died, they could see me??? And who knows, maybe that happens. In any case, it helped/helps me not act in a way I would be ashamed to have people I love and respect witness.

You can do this!! :h NS

[mimi911]

Newbies Nest

Did I mention that today is my birthday? I am 49 years old and have been drinking since I was 41. It's a good day to stop.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

mimi911;1502159 wrote: Did I mention that today is my birthday? I am 49 years old and have been drinking since I was 41. It's a good day to stop.

Then your birthday and re-birthday can be celebrated together every year !

:h NS

[Fin]

Newbies Nest

mimi911;1502159 wrote: Did I mention that today is my birthday? I am 49 years old and have been drinking since I was 41. It's a good day to stop.

Yes it IS! Take good care of yourself tonight...whatever that means for YOU. Happy Birthday-
-Fin

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Happy Birth and ReBirthday, Mimi!!! This is a great day to start! B

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

NoSugar;1502139 wrote: Hi, Rooni

This sounds like a weird thing for an adult to do but I pretended my parents (who I am so grateful are still alive), who would have been very disappointed in my behavior to say the least, were watching me. Did I want them to see me dump wine down my gullet in what was a really desperate, hopeless, almost out of control act??? It even occurred to me that what if, after they died, they could see me??? And who knows, maybe that happens. In any case, it helped/helps me not act in a way I would be ashamed to have people I love and respect witness.

You can do this!! :h NS

NoSugar - I have thought about that many times. My Mom passed away a little over seven years ago, and I often wonder if she can see me. When I'm drinking or hungover, I picture her standing there - disappointed and crying at her little girl. The Guilt/Shame/Remorse brothers constantly remind me of that vision in my head. On the other hand, when I'm sober and doing well, I see her standing there smiling - proud of her baby. I like the latter vision much more!

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

rooniferd;1502187 wrote: NoSugar - I have thought about that many times...On the other hand, when I'm sober and doing well, I see her standing there smiling - proud of her baby. I like the latter vision much more!

Well you made me feel better, Rooni, because I thought I sounded pretty crazy :H !

I'm sorry your mom has passed away.

It is important to give up drinking for YOU, but part of that will be the happiness in knowing that you are living in a way she would be proud of .

:h NS

[Guitarista]

Newbies Nest

Greetings Nester's,

Happy birthday Mimi. Kick some AL ass today. The toolbox is always a great read, and re- read.

Day 17.

[kuya]

Newbies Nest

Happy birthday Mimi