Newbies Nest
Had a really rough evening last night. I worked in the office yesterday, but had an anxiety attack while driving to work, a lot milder, but still scared me. My bosses are out of town so basically I was there to watch over things and could have easily stopped off and grabbed a couple beers to "calm" myself, but then how could I drive home to get my kids off the bus? I had my xanax with me and got through it...cried alot and drank water and tea and ate and ate until I gave myself a stomach ache, but I made it. I felt much better and made it home and actually for the first time in WEEKS went to a grocery store and purchased fresh stuff for dinner before my daughter's band concert. There was not yelling on my end, I was calm and happy. I drove to the school, got seated with my son and the anxiety hit again. I began to sweat and my head started swimming and I just wanted to leave. I kept thinking, what if I pass out? Or, people are going to find out my secret on how much I drink and how much I have just been drinking. I went to the bathroom, came back and they had opened one of the doors by me so a cool breeze was blowing. I prayed that I get through this and get my children home safely and that I remain safe. I made it through the concert, the feeling passed and my daughter needed to finish homework. Well, I needed to run out at 9:30am to get printer paper and I was fine. We all went to bed around 10:30, I was exhausted and I prayed and actually slept most of the night. I did have some sweats, but woke up feeling much better. UNTIL around 7:15am when because I was feeling so well, but brain said, "see it's not so bad, go grab some beer and just have a couple." I quickly remembered yesterday's drive to work, the prayers I said to God, the feeling I got at my daughter's concert and how I need to mow the lawn today and I PROMISED my kids I would make their baseball game tomorrow morning at 9am. I know I can't do any of that if I drink. I cried and made some coffee and took the ALLONE powder and prayed again. The thought has passed for now, but I am terrified that it will come back. I have the powder L-Glut. How much do you take in an emergency situation? I know it can be fast acting to quickly cut those cravings and I'm working on the 'VOICE', but damn it, sometimes I can't get him to just shut the fuck up! Thanks for listening and any advice, please? I don't want to go backwards.:upset:
Had a really rough evening last night. I worked in the office yesterday, but had an anxiety attack while driving to work, a lot milder, but still scared me. My bosses are out of town so basically I was there to watch over things and could have easily stopped off and grabbed a couple beers to "calm" myself, but then how could I drive home to get my kids off the bus? I had my xanax with me and got through it...cried alot and drank water and tea and ate and ate until I gave myself a stomach ache, but I made it. I felt much better and made it home and actually for the first time in WEEKS went to a grocery store and purchased fresh stuff for dinner before my daughter's band concert. There was not yelling on my end, I was calm and happy. I drove to the school, got seated with my son and the anxiety hit again. I began to sweat and my head started swimming and I just wanted to leave. I kept thinking, what if I pass out? Or, people are going to find out my secret on how much I drink and how much I have just been drinking. I went to the bathroom, came back and they had opened one of the doors by me so a cool breeze was blowing. I prayed that I get through this and get my children home safely and that I remain safe. I made it through the concert, the feeling passed and my daughter needed to finish homework. Well, I needed to run out at 9:30am to get printer paper and I was fine. We all went to bed around 10:30, I was exhausted and I prayed and actually slept most of the night. I did have some sweats, but woke up feeling much better. UNTIL around 7:15am when because I was feeling so well, but brain said, "see it's not so bad, go grab some beer and just have a couple." I quickly remembered yesterday's drive to work, the prayers I said to God, the feeling I got at my daughter's concert and how I need to mow the lawn today and I PROMISED my kids I would make their baseball game tomorrow morning at 9am. I know I can't do any of that if I drink. I cried and made some coffee and took the ALLONE powder and prayed again. The thought has passed for now, but I am terrified that it will come back. I have the powder L-Glut. How much do you take in an emergency situation? I know it can be fast acting to quickly cut those cravings and I'm working on the 'VOICE', but damn it, sometimes I can't get him to just shut the fuck up! Thanks for listening and any advice, please? I don't want to go backwards.:upset:
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ants: (The description for this icon is pants. Really, it is!!)
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