Newbies Nest

[kuya]

Newbies Nest

Nursie;1508273 wrote: Kuya, thank you so much for that!
We have been having some amazing talks and much more about boys, friends, feelings than homework. She has made some poor decisions and has dealt with the natural consequences. I did take her phone for lying and sneaking but mostly because she is so distracted by the texts and drama from all these boys that are crazy about her. Her grades are poor for the first time in her life.
But the more we talk, the more she opens up, and we are on the same page. She is a special girl. Thanks for the advice Kuya, and I don't ask unless I really want it so I appreciate it!

I was thinking a lot on this today and realise there is a good reason why they make this year and easy year academically ( well they do in NZ) I think the educationalists know they are all deranged and crazy hormonally at this time and it settles next year.
What I have found is once I remember how nuts I was at that time, how I mooned over boys constantly and fantasised endlessly I have far more sympathy.

We have to set boundaries for their safety, they have to have consequences ( my daughter had to get up early and do the dishes that she 'forgot' last night) and lying is punishable by my quite severe expression of betrayal and hurt. Having said that I think they lie less when they really understand it is because you care rather than are trying to control.

I have a deal that as long as the grades are OK I mind my business, if they fall I set a timetable.......she hates to have her time organised by me and makes sure this doesn't happen. This time last year I spent two weeks of my spare time doing algebra with her.....she had just changed schools and was behind. The fact I would suffer algebra WITH her ( it was PAINFUL!) meant a lot to her. She went from 45% to 89% in test results and now loves math, whereas a year ago it was her least favourite subject.

I read a long time ago that when we love a thing or a person we spend a lot of time with it/them. E.g. A teenage boy and his first car, tinkering with and cleaning it.

It is so hard as working mothers to find the energy to give our children the time their psyche needs to feel cared for. The damage of 'women's liberation' to our children is incalculable IMO. Most of us women now work because we HAVE to, not WANT to. Big business benefits and our families suffer.

[Guitarista]

Newbies Nest

Hiya Nester's!

All good here. Work meeting went well and we had a 'win win' outcome, so I am pleased.

Back on track Soda girl. Those AF days will stack up before you know it.

Thinking of all affected by the tornadoes.

Passing the butt Velcro to my left...........

[hadit]

Newbies Nest

Well Done G, New you could do it mate!


Day 13 here!

[Guitarista]

Newbies Nest

hadit;1508416 wrote: Well Done G, New you could do it mate!


Day 13 here!

Thanks Hadit. It's a relief to have it over with! hehe

Great going on day 13! The magic day Byrdy reckons!

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

sodagirl - that is really unbelievable....how awful......but I am glad you are here and still fighting the good fight.

I am filled with sadness today for all of those people in OK. 20 children from one school still missing and that number could grow. Simply horrible.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

Hope everyone had a safe night in the nest

Thinking of everyone in Oklahoma, such a tragedy.
Have a safe AF Tuesday everyone!

Lav

[hadit]

Newbies Nest

Good night Nesters, Been watching the news on Oklahoma. Its been on all channels here in Australia. Thinking of you all. Stay Safe. Will check in tomorrow.:l:l:l

[Donehere]

Newbies Nest

Good morning nesters, guess I missed a real storm in this area, my heart goes out to the survivors of the tornado yesterday. I was in a small one when I was young, and I still get scared when those clouds roll in and the warnings hit.
Kuya, you are so right about why we drink, I come from an abusive alcoholic father, my sister drinks alot, my older brother does drink but not bad, my middle brother drinks, but he is terminal and I would never wish to take any comfort from him, then there is me, and my youngest brother rarely drinks, so the odds are against me.
Today is Day6 for me, been there, even got the hat for 30 days last time, sorry no t-shirt. I guess what I am saying is I hold little hope for myself as far as staying AF.
I was in a relationship 3 years ago for only 5 years but seems like forever, he always said nasty things and was not supportive when I needed him. You see I have a lung condition that is rare, but he said that when I can no longer work all I will do is sit and drink, you are nothing but an alcoholic, strange however, he could grab a beer and take the keys. But he had a way of making me feel less than I am.
Now I have met a man who is not judgemental, and loves me unconditionally. But I tell you it is so hard to shake the past verbal attacks.
I have so much to be thankful for I have 6 beautiful grandchildren and one more in aug. I have three wonderful children, a handsome loving son-in-law, a beautiful open daughter-in-law who captures you with her laugh.
I am artistic, intellegent with a great sense of humour, so why do I question myself????
Yesterday is just that, we have no control over it, but we do have control today, which opens our tomorrow. My mind tells me all the right things, I understand it is the dependecy talking, but fear of a AF life terrifies me. My Mom used to say "The devil you know is better than the one you don't". It was not about AL, but fits.
Staying AL free

[Donehere]

Newbies Nest

Good morning nesters, guess I missed a real storm in this area, my heart goes out to the survivors of the tornado yesterday. I was in a small one when I was young, and I still get scared when those clouds roll in and the warnings hit.
Kuya, you are so right about why we drink, I come from an abusive alcoholic father, my sister drinks alot, my older brother does drink but not bad, my middle brother drinks, but he is terminal and I would never wish to take any comfort from him, then there is me, and my youngest brother rarely drinks, so the odds are against me.
Today is Day6 for me, been there, even got the hat for 30 days last time, sorry no t-shirt. I guess what I am saying is I hold little hope for myself as far as staying AF.
I was in a relationship 3 years ago for only 5 years but seems like forever, he always said nasty things and was not supportive when I needed him. You see I have a lung condition that is rare, but he said that when I can no longer work all I will do is sit and drink, you are nothing but an alcoholic, strange however, he could grab a beer and take the keys. But he had a way of making me feel less than I am.
Now I have met a man who is not judgemental, and loves me unconditionally. But I tell you it is so hard to shake the past verbal attacks.
I have so much to be thankful for I have 6 beautiful grandchildren and one more in aug. I have three wonderful children, a handsome loving son-in-law, a beautiful daughter-in-law who captures you with her laugh.
I am artistic, intellegent with a great sense of humour, so why do I question myself????
Yesterday is just that, we have no control over it, but we do have control today, which opens our tomorrow. My mind tells me all the right things, I understand it is the dependecy talking, but fear of a AF life terrifies me. My Mom used to say "The devil you know is better than the one you don't". It was not about AL, but fits.
Staying AL free

[Donehere]

Newbies Nest

sorry about the duplicates, computer still a problem

[JackDanielsGirl]

Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters,

Waking to a gloomy day here is the South East. Awaiting storms this afternoon that passed through OK. My thoughts and prayers are with those affected. A parent should not have to bury their child, I can not even begin to imagine.

Donehere - sorry to hear of your past hurts. I can identify I have a verbally abusive husband. We must remember the words of others do not define who we are, or our potential. We define who we are, let those awful words be a thing of the past and enjoy everyday with your new companion. Soak up the kind words, and actions and know you deserve this because you are a great person.

Sodagirl - WOW! I would have never thought to question recipes of fresh veggies. I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles. I would be really upset. Do not feel as if you have failed, you did not, it was not a conscious decision, someone else made the decision for you "slipped you a mickey" so to speak. Hang in there.

Wishing everyone a safe and sober Tuesday.
JDG

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning, Nesters!
Donehere....I wish I could find the post that Kuya wrote about the way we talk to ourselves. If we were looking at it from the outside as a third person, and listened in on the conversations we have with ourselves, we would be arrested and locked away for abuse. I know those conversations..."I will never amount to a pile of shit". "I'm just not worth the trouble" "What's the use I'm just going to fail at this, too"....sound familiar? If we were really our own best friend we'd be making supportive comments!! We'd be lifting our friend UP instead of constantly saying things to beat ourselves down into the dirt. CHANGE that conversation!! In my one year AF acceptance speech, I said, "I finally learned which voices to listen to!" This goes for the Voices in my life....on this site...and in my head!! Listen to the voices that want to help you up! Do not participate in the verbal bashing of yourself!! You will find the fun, funny, happy person that you remember! YOU are still in there!! You CAN do this! There is not one reason in the world you can't...If a 25 year drunk like me can get sober (and get the tee shirt) then you can, too! So begin a new conversation today with your best friend.....YOU! Byrdie

[bcp2013]

Newbies Nest

Hi all,sorry to here about the tornados,sad,anyway hope your weekend was great,mine was sober now for 52 days,was a bit hard on sat ,l got through it,was a little grumpy now okay,must of been cause long weekend here in Canada,anyway I've been laughing more since l quit drinking,l never feel guilt anymore,l feel more alive,I've been walking more and just more in the now,instead like my husband put it,why do we want to walk around like we are institutionalized,and drugged up they don't have a choice we do,makes a lot of sense,sometimes our mind plays tricks with us,you know it's funny but if we just know it's a thought and a thought can be changed it will make this journey easier,all the best Tuesday everyone,I'm off to work now!!

[sodagirl]

Newbies Nest

Good morning all! Found a new tea that I adore..It's by TAZO and it's Wild Sweet Orange. Nice break from my favorite lemon zinger. Anyway, I am back at it, but still feeling a little blah. I have to take the ALLONE powder yet this morning. Made my breakfast and need to head into the office around 11am. Because I used Sunday drinking to alleviate the hangover I got from the marinated food, I was a little off yesterday, but made it through. I even mowed the lawn again! Well, it needed it. I am feeling achy and tired, but doing better. I carry the L-Glut with me in case of an emergency and need to check out all the rest of the tools. I can't believe how that one setback brought my cravings back full force, in fact when I got up this morning I thought, I could have a beer later as it's going to be warm here and then had to tell myself..I don't drink and I cannot drink and reread all the things that happen the next day after I do drink. Started to reread Jason Vales' book, but I'm looking to see if it's on tape so I can listen to it while doing things. On a sad note, not only did I eat a ton of alcohol laden food...cheeses, veggies, dips, salsa but I packed on almost 8lbs..I'm guessing it could be from all the salt. They even had lunch meat cut in chunks that they had marinated in whiskey with a little worchester sauce and garlic. When I asked why I didn't taste any alcohol, it was because of the brands of whiskey and wine that they bought and when you mix it with a ton of herbs and spices, you can't taste the alcohol. Again, it made me think of how you can't taste the vodka in jello shots. Lesson learned. Hope you all have a great Tuesday!

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Sodagirl's story about being tricked and how alert we need to be reminded me of a really stupid mistake I almost made this weekend.

I've never been a beer drinker so when I had to stop consuming gluten over 20 years ago, not drinking beer was not a big deal for me, as it is for many people. Anyway, gluten-free beers have become readily available over the last few years but I was never tempted to try them --- I was quite fine with drinking only wine (actually, I was TOO FINE with that!!!).

Anyway, a friend was drinking a gluten-free beer at an event last weekend and was saying how good it was. She offered it to me and said I should taste it. I ALMOST DID!! Since the only thing alchoholic I ever drank was wine, I just wasn't thinking about the beer containing AL -- I was just interested because it didn't contain gluten and I am extremely zero-tolerant on that and question everything I put in my mouth. Fortunately, it occurred to me oh, yeah, I also don't drink beer (zero-tolerance on AL, also!). A simple "No, thanks, I'll stick with this" (soda water with lime) and the incident was over without a fuss.

I am glad to no longer constantly obsess about not drinking but that near miss, and Sodagirl's weird experience, remind me to relax and enjoy myself but Be Alert!

Have a great AF day everyone! To anyone who wonders if it is worth it - IT IS!!!