Newbies Nest

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

jenniech;1510641 wrote: A very close friend of the family passed away today. When I was 18 and my dad abandoned my mom and I, Nick came into our lives. He was my mom's best friend, boyfriend for a while and just always there. He was only 1 year older than my oldest sister (my mom was quite the cougar )
Anyway, he was only 57. A chronic alcoholic. He died a slow, horrible death.....over the past year that is. Today his heart finally gave out and he died of a heart attack.

So, I just found out about an hour ago and the FIRST thing that I wanted to do was have a drink.
Shit.
I won't but I really want to........I hate AL

I can't begin to imagine your heartache, Jennie. And there is nothing that I can say that will make things better. Please know that you are loved. If Byrdie were here, she would agree that to take a drink will only make a terrible situation worse.

Thing is... my family could have sent a similar "email" regarding me at any time during the last couple of years of my battle with alcohol. I was young, in the hospital, fighting for life, but not yet willing to give up on alcohol. As soon as I would be discharged, I would sneak off to the market for more beer. Alcoholism causes us to behave in ways that are insane and, as you well know, ultimately fatal.

Don't take up that drink. Do whatever you need to do. Rant, Cry, Call friends, Break some dishes. It's okay. Just do not allow alcohol to be the solution that it pretends to be. Alcohol is a liar. You know this.

You are loved. You are loved. And then you are loved some more. :kissyface:

[kuya]

Newbies Nest

Jenni.....so sorry for you and your mum :l:l

Following on the conversation on alcohol being like an abusive relationship I must concur.

I was involved with an extremely violent man for only a short time but the drama was addictive, the highs so high, the lows so low. Alcohol was so similar on a daily basis. Recovering from that two years of hell with that man took ten years, PTSD and cemented my pre existing drinking into alcoholism.

I hated this man, and a society that enabled his behaviour and drank AT both. Only when I forgave him, society AND MYSELF was I able to heal and sober up.

When we list the stages of recovery forgiveness is not mentioned but I think it is an important part. Drinking AT situations and people is a common theme here and self loathing for our alcoholism is just as common.

I became an alcoholic as a result of living, accepting that fact without anger or even regret is a vital part of my acceptance of sobriety.

I would not change being where I am now, even if I could go back in time. The person that has overcome these problems is a far more interesting and complete human being.

I am not recovering, I have recovered, and will remain so as long as I CHOOSE not to drink.

Accepting sobriety, not as a death sentence for drinking, but a life sentence of peace is a subtle but vital attitude.

[Guitarista]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nester's,

My condolences to you and your family Jennie. 57 is so young. This addiction wants us dead, and it takes good people.

We must find our own path and walk it. Take care of yourself today.

G bloke.

[Kohl mom]

Newbies Nest

Does anyone know how to tell if you are an alcoholic or u just abuse it when stressed? I can have a beer or two, go home and go to bed.... Or not drink at all. Then a major stressful event will happen and I will turn to vodka to ease the stress.... Just wondering..?

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Jennie, I'm so sorry for your loss. Tess nailed it...if drinking would bring people back or change a situation I'd sure be in a different setting completely. But you know all that. It is amazing that seeing this person die of something that we all could potentially perish from should be enough to wake us up...but it isn't, because this is addiction and that changes everything. All I know to tell you is that we are all thinking of you...and we are here if you need to tell us about him. Experiencing grief for the first time sober sucks....but it's things like this to make you appreciate the fact that you ARE dealing with it, instead of sweeping it under the rug. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hate AL, too. Byrdie

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Kohl...so glad you found the nest!
Well, this is a question that has plagued each and every one of us....'AM I an ALK?' And really, only you can answer that. I made a comment the other day that I have never seen anyone that came here that wasn't. If AL is becoming a problem in your life and you feel unable to control it, then you might be one of us. One of the best tests you can give yourself is to do 30 days AF. If you sail thru this time and have NO issues or cravings (to speak of)....lose track of time and don' t have any crazy thoughts...then I'd say there's a good chance that you are ok. But if you start hearing the Voices that tell you to drink, count the minutes, hours and days like a crazy person. Try/fail, try/fail, ad nauseum , pull up a twig, you might be one of us. This isn't such bad news! If you are and ALK, there is a cure! Once you get on your AF way, you'll see that you really don't need to turn to the bottle when there are things to deal with. I'll bump up that thread "You know you're an alcoholic when" thread. You might find some common symptoms there.
Welcome aboard!! Read and post!! That's the best advice I can give! We're glad you're here!!
Byrdie

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Kohl mom;1510711 wrote: Does anyone know how to tell if you are an alcoholic or u just abuse it when stressed? I can have a beer or two, go home and go to bed.... Or not drink at all. Then a major stressful event will happen and I will turn to vodka to ease the stress.... Just wondering..?

Dear Kohl mom,

I honestly do not know the answer to your question. If you want my advice, stop drinking. My hunch is that if we wonder if we struggle with alcoholism, we do or WE WILL. Quit now while the quitting is good. It will only become more difficult with the passing of years. Life is better without alcohol. Much, much better. Also you will be setting a healthy example for your children by living life without alcohol.

[little beagle]

Newbies Nest

Jenni I'm sorry you are feeling sad and hurt. I think al really sucks. It steals so much from us and not one single thing is given back in return. Stay strong. We need your strength to keep our team going.
I had a rough start to my camping trip. This was always a Big drinking event for us. The cravings were driving me crazy. But I honestly thought about all of you guys, Byrdie, Tess, Hadit, G, I know I missed a few but you know I am thinking of the whole team.
Thanks everyone for your support.
The river We are on is Amazing. We are the only ones here on a friends property and weather is perfect. Worth being af to enjoy every second of this experience. And to be able to remember it. My first af holiday since I can remember. Yeah.:thanks:

[hadit]

Newbies Nest

Jenni, Just catching up on all the posts,its 10.am in Australia. So,so sorry to hear that your good friend has passed away. Thinking of you. One of my best mates went the same way. It was horrible. Did it stop me drinking........No it didn't? It was a long time ago; I now know, thanks to MWO and all the wonderful people here, running to the bottle is not the answer. IT would only make matters worse! So Jenni, we are here for you. Stay strong. It is a very sad time. Hope your mum is dealing with the situation as best she can.:l:l:l

[Guitarista]

Newbies Nest

little beagle;1510726 wrote:
Worth being af to enjoy every second of this experience. And to be able to remember it. My first af holiday since I can remember. Yeah.:thanks:

You betcha Little beagle.

I suspect that the fact you are experiencing this cool holiday and scenery booze free, will send another positive message to your subconscious that you do not need AL to enjoy yourself or to socialise.

Keep it going, and where are the pics?! hehe.

Day 14.

[JackDanielsGirl]

Newbies Nest

Evening everyone,

It has been a great day today! Spent time with my little nephew, he so makes me smile and feel good that I can enjoy him sober.

He is about to turn 3.

Lane and his dad went fishing caught a bunch.

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest.
Passing Velcro to right and left so stay put.
JDG

[halo]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Jack Daniels Girl for passing on the velcro, I always feel better when I have a piece!
Jenniech, thinking of you and know that we are here for you, remember the answer for relief from pain can never, ever be found in a bottle. You always help us and give us strength, passing some on to you..

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

little beagle;1510726 wrote: Jenni I'm sorry you are feeling sad and hurt. I think al really sucks. It steals so much from us and not one single thing is given back in return. Stay strong. We need your strength to keep our team going.
I had a rough start to my camping trip. This was always a Big drinking event for us. The cravings were driving me crazy. But I honestly thought about all of you guys, Byrdie, Tess, Hadit, G, I know I missed a few but you know I am thinking of the whole team.
Thanks everyone for your support.
The river We are on is Amazing. We are the only ones here on a friends property and weather is perfect. Worth being af to enjoy every second of this experience. And to be able to remember it. My first af holiday since I can remember. Yeah.:thanks:

Way to go, little beagle, way to go!! :happy: Yes! You want to remember your camping trip and the amazing river. And who would want to blackout during perfect weather?? Breathe it all in. Thanks for keeping us posted. Enjoy!!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters!

Busy day around here I see

Jenni, so sorry for your loss. Please know that all of your MWO friends are thinking of you.
It is indeed hard to watch someone shorten their lives with AL or drugs of any kind. These examples can break us or strengthen our resolve to stay on our path, hang in there.

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest. Use all the nest belts & butt velcro you need
Lav

[hadit]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning Nesters, Just been for a very long walk in he forest alongside a beautiful creek near where we live.Hope everyone is having a super af Sunday!!! Little Beagle, I just love camping and do it lots. We camp along rivers and in deserts. I have even had the good fortune to have camped my way through Africa. But, I always drink to much camping,its kind of the done thing in this country.Its so good to here camping can be enjoyed and is just as much fun without AL. I am on Day 18 today and feel strong. The last few days I have challenged al at some restuarants and other social things. EACH time I have said NO and one! My real TEST will be in a few weeks when we will be going camping. Good Luck to you,I can't honestly remember camping without AL. WELL DONE.:goodjob::goodjob: