Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters!
Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday. How is it that holidays go by twice as fast as regular living time?
Well if there were ever any doubt in my mind that I'm an ALK, it was erased last night with a dream I had. There I was at Fake Fifty (I'm 53) and in college again! I was in a dorm suite and it was Sunday night and I remembered I had about a 1/3 of a pint of vodka stashed away. I was expecting someone and he was late (something that in real life aggravates the stuffing out of me). I was irritated and decided to have a sip of it to take the edge off. I poured it into a glass ( you can tell this was a dream, I usually chugged it out of the bottle....I know, nice) so there was a little left in the bottle. In realistic detail I remember it going down...the burn and sharp taste of it....the way it makes your nostrils flare (most likely because they know you are drinking poison) and the feeling that you get right after a 'fix'..... Euphoria. I looked at the remaining vodka in the bottle and said to myself, "Now what am I going to do, this isn't enough and it's Sunday night the liquor stores are closed!" I woke up in a panic that I had blown my nearly 2 and a half years! Mercifully, it was all a dream, but I was going right back down the rabbit hole!!! The compulsion of it all!!! Lessoned noted. Not one, not ever for me!! I will not flirt with the devil himself. This dream was disturbing. I swear I could taste the dam stuff! So if I had any doubt that I could safely try this again, (and I didn't) this dream reaffirmed the whole shitstorm of addiction to me. Don't go there! And I won't.

Have a great day everyone! I'm off to visit with customers...taking one to dinnerr tonight with his wife. I can't stand him and she doesn't talk....AT ALL! It's awful. They drink so maybe they won't notice if I don't talk either. Tomorrow night I'm going to an awards dinner for another customer. I'll be the one not drinking (and not caring what anyone else thinks!) Give em hell today, nesters!!! XXOO, Byrdie

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Byrdie - It seems like our brains permanently record our experiences with alcohol. Then every once in a while those recordings "play again" -- though we don't want them to!! I'm sorry that you had that dream. Miserable!! But your telling of it is woven with humor. You always get me laughing. :H Getting sober is a similar feeling to waking up from a really awful dream. It feels SO GREAT to wake up from the nightmare. ~

[Nessie]

Newbies Nest

Hello everyone! Day One here, a bit hungover and with a long day of work ahead. Went to bed without washing my face or brushing my teeth again and woke up feeling gross. As Hank Williams sang (although in a different context), "I just don't like this kind of livin'." Enough is enough!

:new:

[Snapdragon]

Newbies Nest

Hello everyone - Day 58 for me.

Sorry for disappearing. We went on a canal boat holiday in the north of England for a week (yukky weather!!) and had no network coverage at all! A bit stressful at first as I worried myself stupid because I couldn't access my emails (I run my own business) - but then chilled out and enjoyed the peace and quiet!!

Anyway - I had all of my demons thrown to me at once this week! There were two of us couples holidaying and first I had to go shopping with them all to stock up on food - and lots of alcohol! I didn't want to appear the party pooper, so I helped my friends (Aussies) to choose good British beers (not that I'm a beer drinker) and happily put bottles of Baileys and Rum into the shopping trolley laughing about what a merry week we were all going to have (even though I knew I wouldn't be joining in with the drinking!) At this point, I really didn't know how I was going to handle the 'not drinking' so didn't mention anything.

On the boat, every time someone wanted a drink, I poured the beers and the rum & cokes and handed them out and poured myself a ginger beer. No-one seemed to notice that I wasn't drinking until we went to the pub in the evening for meals (which we did every night). I was asked several times 'don't you want some wine?' and just said 'no thanks, I'm really thirsty and prefer a lime and soda.' The most difficult night was when in one pub they had a steak night offer which included two steak dinners and a free bottle of wine which was fantastic value. My husband doesn't drink wine, so I asked if we could have the bottle of wine unopened to take away with us - and promptly hid it away in the cupboard on the boat. The other couple did ask several times 'aren't you going to drink your wine?' and I just said that I didn't feel like it - maybe later.

On the whole I didn't find 'not drinking' too difficult. I managed to join in the 'drinking fun' whilst not drinking - for example when the two guys (neither of which are great drinkers normally) decided that they would crack open a beer each at 9 in the morning to drink whilst chugging the boat in the rain to make the miserable holiday weather feel more cheerful - I took photos and laughed along with them.

Many people have said that they find being in social situations as a non drinker very difficult, but I have personally found that if I just carry on with the fun as I would have before as a drinker (just filling my glass with non-al liquid) everyone seemed to enjoy my company and my contribution to the atmosphere just as much as if I were drinking - and I actually had a great time too.

I know that everyone deals with things differently, but I have found that making my choice not to drink feel insignificant - it is afterall just replacing one liquid for another - and carrying on with everything in life as before but with a different beverage in my glass, is key to my success in finally being AF. I can still go to the pub, to parties and have a holiday with friends who enjoy alcohol in moderation and have a great time.

I haven't had time to read and catch up with the threads here on MWO, but hope to get back on track with how you are all doing very soon.

Congrats to all of you who continue to enjoy sober living!! Love to you all - Snap x

[Siren136]

Newbies Nest

Hi Little Beagle,

Congrats on 30 days!!!! I thought it would be good to go back to one of your first posts to see how far you've come.

little beagle;1498213 wrote: My life is out of control. I want to be alcohol free. I hope I have the strength to do it. I stay sober during the work week, but go nuts on the weekend. Here it is Sunday morning and I have nothing but regrets. Any words of encouragement and advice will be appreciated.

Yep, that was you 30 days ago. Great job!

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

Morning all,
Day 3 and still not sleeping well but I know that is normal.
Off to dads house to meet potential renters..a little scary as I need to do more research on leases so I dont get myself in trouble....lots of work to do on the house too before I can even think of renting it....UGH
But I will NOT let this stress me out to the drinking point..this quitting is just too dam hard....
Dottie

[Siren136]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nessie! Love your avatar and user name! I spent a couple of days in Inverness and loved it there. So much so that the hub and I considered trying to temporarily re-locate there.

I know exactly what you mean. My skin was terrible before I quit - dull and old looking from lack of care. I'm only 36 days AF, but most of my old energy and 'spark' has returned. What's your plan for staying AF today? Do you think you can safely withdraw tonight? How can we support you?

If you can do so, read all over these boards and post as much as you feel comfortable doing. We're here to help. Strap yourself into the Nest and snuggle close.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Snapdragon;1511780 wrote: Hello everyone - Day 58 for me.

I was wondering about you the other day, Snap, and am so glad you are back and still AF (and enjoying yourself :smile! I've missed you. :h - NS

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

HOW is it Tuesday and back to work ALREADY?

I haven't had time to read back much but I'm glad to see everyone winning the battle against the Beast!

I had a good little vacation...BUT, got home and found out my nephew had a party while I was gone. Opened up the trashcan and saw 60 or so empty Bud Light cans staring at me. Many of you know my 20 year old nephew has lived with me for about a year now...but this is it. I told him to be out by July 1st. I'm a bit heartbroken over it...I wanted it to turn out differently....:upset:

No word on the job yet....the government certainly doesn't HURRY!

[Siren136]

Newbies Nest

That's awful, K9! So sorry you have to go through that. My cousin lived with me for a while years ago. My only rule was no drugs. Well I found drugs in his room and out he went. It was the best things for him. Within a couple of months he had a decent job (he had been unemployed while with me) and was engaged to his long time girlfriend. We are stil very close and there are nomhardfeelings. Sometimes tough love is best and you have to do what is best for you and your daughter.

But it doesn't feel great when you're gng through it so :l to you.

[Daily wine]

Newbies Nest

I'm new here and need support badly for my daily wine destruction. I'm tired of family fights trying to raise 2 teenage boys and all my husband and I do is get drunk every night. Not too good of an example. I want it to end

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Guitarista;1511486 wrote: Hiya Nester's,

Good to hear from you Piper. Here's a fresh strip of thick, strong butt Velcro!

Think positive and do your best.

Day 16. Bring it on.

Mr G,

I just REALLY noticed your post and it is so funny! In terms of sanitation, we might want to consider always using fresh butt Velcro and recycling the used stuff!!

I enjoy the way that you can say SO MUCH with just a few words.

My mom sometimes used to say that I had "diarrhea of the mouth." Now, that was just not nice - was it?? But so true... :nanner:

Here's to the gift of being concise!! :coolbubble:

[Nessie]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Siren! I have a work deadline, so I need to keep my nose to the grindstone which is good. Drinking lemon water. Had a bit of an anxiety attack but rode it through and it subsided. Fortunately I have no booze in the house.

Over the past few years I've tried to quit countless times and typically would cave in on the third day ... the longest I ever lasted was two weeks (after which I went on a major bender). I'm the sort of person who likes to do things on my own and not ask for help but I've FINALLY realized that this just isn't something I can tackle all by myself, and I need a community to be part of and accountable to.

[little beagle]

Newbies Nest

Snapdragon:
Thank you that was a very inspiring post. I have in laws coming soon and am worried because they are drinkers and I am now Not. But I will think of that as I am challenged.
To help me remain af I read Allen Carr's Easyway to Control Alcohol. I found that very helpful And I am reading it again. Many days I want to give in to those cravings but I think of how I will feel tomorrow and I also come to mwo and read. I may not always post but I read, read, and read some more. So many people have inspirational things to say. I can honestly say this place is getting me through one of the hardest times my life.
I feel like I am at a crossroads and I want to choose the best direction.
Thank you all for the help and inspirational.:thanks:

[Donehere]

Newbies Nest

Welcome Daily wine. I also found wine to be my downfall, but as time wore on, it could be anything.
Lately however things have taken a turn for the better. I have been AL free since May 15th, and that is my youngest sons 27th birthday.
You have come to the best spot for any who wish to take control of their lives-The Nest

Byrdie thanks for reminding me about the 5 stages. The only one I do not necessarily identify with is the lying one. Yes I hid it and hid it well, so one could say that is lying if only to myself.


Jack's girl, thanks for the kind words. Yes none of us should focus on ill words from the past. We must remember the saying "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me!" That is not something we should ever outgrow. Myself, I can honestly say I do not and have rarely ever said words that I regret in anger. It is hard, but back then my ex always said he did not mean what he said, he only said it in anger. YEA right!!!

So today is day 13 AF for me. Some days are good, others are not. I do believe if I ever managed to find work, my mind will not be so idle and crave AL as much.
Steadfast, like you I changed my name, I used to be Litre. Also like you I watched my days grow. Unlike you I caved, so here I am back in the nest, it seems the safest place to be.

Monday I will see my brother, that is going to be hard. Back in the beginning of April, he was given 2-3 months. Dennis and I are the same age for 26 days, and he will not see his 59th this Oct. He is the middle child and was always the flamboyant one. In high school, I was always known as Dennis' sister. He was lively, good looking and a lady charmer. Watching what this "C" does to him or anyone is horrible. I only hope I have enough strength to not drink.

Yes, I feel like I am on a roller coaster, and yes I hate them. I do not like the highs and the sudden falls of any ride, yet I like how wine taste and the first few glasses, after that I drink it till it is gone. I am struggling more this time than ever before.
Thanks nesters for your ear. This computer is such a pain, I soon will have it repaired. It takes me forever to type I feel like I am back in school starting over.
I wonder if Iam struggling so much because of my worry about finding work and my brothers health and of course my own lung condition.
Have an enjoyable day and be AF,