Newbies Nest

[paulywogg]

Newbies Nest

oh snap,i feel so bad for you! i would be devastated too,but like byrdie said you are drinking "at"him,youre gonna feel like shit tomorrow and still have to deal with it,oh i dont even know what to say,im so sorry,what a dick!

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Snapdragon;1518554 wrote: Hello Nesties - well I have to confess that tonight after 70 or soish days (I've lost track) of sobriety, I deliberately blew it tonight to spite my arsehole husband!! I initially gave up drinking for him (because he said he loved me Sooo much, but not so much when I'd had a few!) Well - life has been amazing for us for the past few months (had holidays, big family parties and special time together) so imagine my shock when I 'inadvertently' got copied into an email he sent to a single 'lady' in our town arranging for him to meet up with her stating that 'if she called his number and he sounded a bit 'off' it was because he was in VERY suspicious company!

Sooo - I don't know where I'm heading at the moment. I feel like crap, I feel drunk and awful - and part of me wishes that I could curl up and die (but I don't mean that seriously). I'm just so mixed up and confused - but hey ho - I have a whole utility room of alcohol left over from his party to consume before I have to make a serious decision. SORRY to everyone on MWO for spoiling my dream

Dear Snapdragon,

I hear your pain. I honestly feel your pain. Raw pain.

When you sober up, I hope you will stay with us in Newbies Nest. We love you very much!!

The next time you sober up, don't do it for your husband or anyone else, do it for yourself.

The next time you sober up, please get all alcohol out of your living space (home, apartment, bedroom with a cousin, pup tent, whatever.) Leftover alcohol is dangerous. Very dangerous.

Before we lose you, Snapdragon, before the alcohol takes over your brain, please know that you are loved. No matter what a shit your husband may be, no matter what mistakes you may have made along the way, no matter what, life is precious. And life is so very much better without alcohol.

If you're still with us, and when you are able, sip water. And then drink some more water. I advise drinking water (which has a surprisingly sweet taste) while pouring any and all alcohol down the sink. I don't care if it is a $300 bottle of wine or a cheap six-pack of beer. Sip water (water is life). Dump alcohol (alcohol is death).

And stay in touch.

Your flirting husband is the least of your problems. Alcohol is your biggest enemy. Take the upper hand. Be gentle with yourself.

We are here. Always. ~

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Oh Snap :l
Your husband doesn't deserve you. Sorry to sound harsh, but he doesn't! I have no patience for liars and cheats...I know, I know "but I love him"...blah...love yourself more! Don't beat yourself up too much over drinking. Get sober, start over and deal with the situation. We are here, and will be, here for you! We do love you, so come back to us.
Love,
K9

[MossRose]

Newbies Nest

Snap - I just want to cry reading your post. I know your pain. Infidelity sucks. I too turned to the bottle when I learned of my husband affair. I went on a four-day long bender, in front of my sons!!, and when I finally sobered up - he was still a cheat and I had to deal with that. I know that sounds harsh, but I have been there. If you need to talk, PM me. I am 2 years out from d-day and I can promise you that things do get better. I know right now you feel like a tsunami is ripping your life apart. But drinking doesn't help. I am living proof of that. xoxoxo.. Right now you need to take good care of yourself. Keep eating. Don't go on the infidelity diet. He's not worth it.

[hadit]

Newbies Nest

Snap, Sorry you are having a very bad time. Please stay with us. I can only imagine your pain. Alcohol will not help as you know,it only provides a small amount of relief and then takes you into a very bad place.Think about yourself Snap.Have you a friend you can go and see? Giving up the booze can be a selfish journey to follow,I know, its been all about me the last 4/5 weeks. But thats OK,we need to do whatever it takes to stay sober. So please come back when you are ready. I like K9 hate cheats and Liars! My son has pretty much done the same thing to his wife. We have told him what he has done is unforgivable. Try to stay strong.:l:l

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

I had a nice day with my girls, I am grateful.

Tess, you do know that not every breast lump is cancerous. Many women have problems with multiple cysts over their lifetime. We'll all be thinking about you & your Mom.

Snap, I am truly sorry for your situation. Unfortunately I endured something very similar but I deliberately decided NOT to drink over it & I am so glad. I had more than a year AF & I wasn't going to start again because he was coming unglued. Get yourself sober, work on yourself first & foremost. We will all be here for you just as everyone was for me

Sending greetings to everyone & wishes for a safe night in the nest!
Lav

[free at last]

Newbies Nest

Snap, you are in my thoughts. Sending a cyber hug your way.

[little beagle]

Newbies Nest

Tess I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Snap. I ache with you. Cry, burn his clothes, write him an ugly letter, but please don't hurt yourself. That demon al laughs with glee in situations like this.
Nite all.

[struggles]

Newbies Nest

Oh Snap~

I honestly, feel your pain and my own heart aches for you right now. I don't have words to make it better...noone does. If I tell you he is an asshole and you don't deserve him, you will find every reason to defend him and tell me all the good qualities you just shared and what a great man he is...and you will not like me for putting him down.

if I tell you that you deserve better than that and to move on and "get a grip, girl." You will delete me from facebook and never talk to me again....quietly hiding in the pain, the alcohol will make it all better...it will all go away......tomorrow comes and the sum comes up and it goes down.

I can't take the pain and hurt and just plain stomach rotting, tears rolling, numb feeling, even before the booze, feeling away...but I can promise you, each day will get better...BUT you have to make a choice. Do you want to cling onto this relationship that you now know is SOUR? (try making lemonade out of vinegar) or do you just want to feel relief and be done. I got to the point when I found out, I was done, I filed for divorce...no "let's work it out", "no let's mediate without at lawyer"....NO...I took every stinkin dime I had and gave it to my attorney and filed...BAM and point blank....of course..I kept drinking..which brings me to you, here, telling my story. TRUST ME.....IT WON'T HELP. Call your Dr. tell him what happened, HE/SHE can help. I may not be able to help on the sober thing, because it seems I can't get past a few months, but this cheating thing....I got your back, inside and out....you would be amazed at how many others there were. AND I GOT DRUNK OVER THAT BULL SHIT??? hell, I should've gotten drunk over the JETS not making it to the SuperBowl...ooops, I mean playoffs...:H

Please stay close, I'm only seven days, but I've been where you are and AL really doesn't help.:h

[STEADFAST]

Newbies Nest

Hold On

Dear Tess,
So sorry for what you're going through with your Mum. Medical science has made great improvements in recent years. My nephew found out just before his 25th birthday that he had a tumour in his bowell. His entire bowell was removed, and after months of chemo and radiation therapy he has been given the "all clear." I hope your Mum gets good treatment and makes a similarly good recovery. And I also hope you feel supported and strong. Best wishes to you.

Dear Snapdragon,
Everything that other Nesters have said to you is good advice. I have 'issues' with my husband, and suspect he is threatened by the new, sober me....It puts me in a much better frame of mind to deal with him! Am gonna stick with it. I can relate to the email stuff too - maybe he (subconcsiously) wanted you to find out?? Either way, stay strong and let him know you wont stand for his behaviour.

My best wishes to all the fellow Nesters. We must 'Hold On' and support each other. As has already been pointed out, alcohol only makes problems so much worse. It's worth Holding On.

take care everyone, :h
Steady

[Snapdragon]

Newbies Nest

Thank you everyone for your kind messages - and yes, you're all right alcohol doesn't make things better. I forgot how horrible it is to wake up with a raging hangover and a mouth tasting like I've eaten a mouldy brick!! Surprising how awful I look as well - puffy eyes urrggg!!

I'm just so hurt and upset. Everything has been so perfect this past few months. Hubby and I have been getting on so well - at his 50th party he told everyone how much he loved me and how happy he is. He swears that there is nothing going on with this woman, that she had got in touch with him asking if he'd like to meet for a coffee (and I could see from the email that this is true). It's the dishonesty that I can't stomach. If it was an innocent meeting, why didn't he just say to me 'xxx got in touch and asked me if I'd like to meet and catch up over a coffee, you don't mind if I go do you?' Reading his words: 'give me a call, but if I sound off on the phone it's because I'm in suspicous company!' is what hurts the most. Also, I keep thinking, I found out about this because I inadvertently got copied into an email - I wonder how many other little liaisons he has been having - I just don't know if I can trust him any more.

Anyway, I'm not going to dwell on it anymore. As soon as I get the alcohol out of my system, I'm back on Antabuse (stopped taking it the past few weeks because I didn't feel the need to take it - how wrong am I!)

Once again - thank you all so much for your love and support, it means so much to know you're all here for me. :thanks: :l

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

Snap, glad to hear your report, feel better soon!
I have learned the hard way that we cannot control the behavior of others but we can control our response. Choosing to turn to AL is just wrong for us, it will never help any situation. We owe it to ourselves to remain strong & clear-headed

Wishing everyone a wonderful AF Wednesday!
Lav

[Guitarista]

Newbies Nest

Thinking of you Snap. Take care of yourself. Just do your best.

G bloke.

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

Tess - you sound so strong during this trying time...i have had a brother and a sister both with cancer and the worst part of the disease, IMO, is all the waiting you have to do. I am thinking of you ....:l

[halo]

Newbies Nest

Tess-2;1518426 wrote: Hello Nesters,

Stay strong Nesters. Alcohol will not help to make anything better. In fact, alcohol takes a bad situation and makes it much worse.

Tess, your strength, and insight is an inspiration to many. Thinking of you.....:h