Newbies Nest

[Irie]

Newbies Nest

Good morning. I'm back to the Newbies Nest after being away for a while. I've been working on not drinking for a few years, with only small periods of success. I'm really at the place now that I am more excited by the idea of never having another drink than I am by trying to find a way to moderate. I've tried and tried and tried, and must finally acknowledge that it will never work for me.

Strangely, that realization has brought me a calm resolve. I'm ready for the next chapter in my life. I've wasted too much precious time. Today is day 2. My first goal is 30 days,. I've had that as a goal for so long it's crazy. I've only made it past 3 or 4 days a handful of times, and never gotten close to making it. This time is different. I will use every tool I have learned from my time on this site to be successful. I know from the past that I do best when I post and make myself accountable, so I am committing to do that, even though part of me prefers to read posts, rather than write them. I'm giving this 100% and I WILL be celebrating 30 days of sobriety in no time, no matter what!

I will spend some time reading posts and getting to know all of you in the nest. I'm looking forward to spending a lot of time with you!

[Fin]

Newbies Nest

The 70 Day Cave

NoSugar;1519155 wrote:
Fin, I was concerned when I didn't see you posting for a couple days. I am so glad you came back. :l

Thank you, NoSugar. My father, a very significant figure in my life, passed away two weeks ago and it was just too much for me. I ran the memorial service where over 125 people attended. It was incredible. All of my first cousins where there (some who love their very high end wines) and one night we cracked open a bottle of wine that was valued at something like $500. It seemed right to toast not only my father, but another cousin who recently passed who had originally purchased the bottle of wine. So, I caved after 70 days of being AF. Was it worth it, you know...it really wasn't. I didn't need to do that, but I didn't want to draw any attention to my problem at that moment.

Oh well. Back to work...a special thanks out to Bryd for getting me right back on track!

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Fin;1519575 wrote: Thank you, NoSugar. My father, a very significant figure in my life, passed away two weeks ago and it was just too much for me. I ran the memorial service where over 125 people attended. It was incredible. All of my first cousins where there (some who love their very high end wines) and one night we cracked open a bottle of wine that was valued at something like $500. It seemed right to toast not only my father, but another cousin who recently passed who had originally purchased the bottle of wine. So, I caved after 70 days of being AF. Was it worth it, you know...it really wasn't. I didn't need to do that, but I didn't want to draw any attention to my problem at that moment.

Oh well. Back to work...a special thanks out to Bryd for getting me right back on track!

Hi, again, Fin

I'm sorry your dad passed away. I have not yet lost a parent and worry about how I will handle it when I do. Whatever age we are, it matters so much.

The reasons you drank are very understandable - and human. Thankfully, the circumstance was unusual and not a trigger that you will routinely have to face and conquer. You can jump right back into the day-to-day healthy patterns you had for almost 10 weeks. You are more used to 'not drinking' lately -This event is the outlier.

I'm sure you miss your dad. I'll be thinking of you. :l NS

[Fin]

Newbies Nest

Irie;1519550 wrote:

I will spend some time reading posts and getting to know all of you in the nest. I'm looking forward to spending a lot of time with you!

I'm 100% with you. Let's start racking up the days together.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Fin;1519577 wrote: I'm 100% with you. Let's start racking up the days together.

We posted at the same time, Fin! You clearly are back in the game !

[Fin]

Newbies Nest

NoSugar;1519579 wrote: We posted at the same time, Fin! You clearly are back in the game !

Yep and thanks again for your notes. I really appreciate it and you're right; it was an extraordinary circumstance that I tripped up on and not something (god willing) I'll have to face again anytime soon. Next, 100 days! That's the new goal. Let's go...

Thanks again, all -

[free at last]

Newbies Nest

Dear Fin, am sorry to learn about your father's passing. I lost my father a couple of years ago and the ache in my heart was terrible. Watching how he lived with grace in the face of a debilitating illness makes me more determined to take better care of this precious life of mine.

Been wondering about your avatar. Are you rowing a dory?

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

First and foremost - Fin, I am so sorry about your father. It's so tough. I hope you can find peace in your memories.....

********
Thank you for my 30-day hat, everyone! I can't say enough positive words about this sober life. My thoughts are clearer, my patience levels are higher, my productivity is off the charts, my house is clean, my weight is slowing dropping, my energy level is much higher, etc.....

The point is....every single facet of my life has improved over the past 30 days. It is the greatest feeling in the world to wake up NOT hungover. I don't have to struggle with not remembering things anymore. I don't know how many times I've blacked out and had complete conversations with people that I will never remember. The GSR (guilt/shame/remorse) brothers haven't come by to visit in a long time, and I don't miss them one bit!

A couple of things I've really tried to focus on lately are:

(1) Drinking is not synonymous with celebrating. Celebrating should be a reward of something that's GOOD for you. Drinking poison is NOT a reward or a celebration. It's a punishment.

(2) I used to be so worried about what OTHER people would think if I didn't drink. Who cares what people think? They don't have to live with you. You do. Most people who give you crap about you not drinking are probably jealous or have a problem themselves. People come and go from our lives, but you will always live with yourself. People don't worry about you as much as you think they do - seriously!

Guys, please please please stick with your goal of living sober. It is SOOO worth it!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Rooni, thank you so much for that post!! I hope you'll put it in the Tool Box. I think it's so important for people to see that in a relatively SHORT amount of time, your life can change so much! I also agree 1000% about what other people think. You are in this with you and no one else's opinion matters about it. WE KNOW AL was killing us and we know what is best for us! When I was in college, I always felt like everyone else was able to go out and party but me. Until I really looked at it....this person was going out and that person, someone WAS always going out but it wasn't the same people. That was my perception. When I looked at it, most people went out about like I did!!! It's really easy to get into the pity party and think you are missing out, but I can tell you this with conviction: I missed out on a lot more when I drank than I do now that I don't!!!
I'm so proud of your 30 days! Keep it going!!! We're right beside you! Byrdie

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Maybe I'm just tired. And probably I'm being selfish. But I do not know how to stop crying. If someone could please tell me how to stop crying. I just want to stop crying. But I don't know how.

What is love? It is, I think above all, the willingness to suffer WITH. You know. Or maybe you don't know. I'm not really sure myself.

I just feel that my heart will not stop bleeding. I just need to stop the hemorrhaging.

To see a mother suffer is painful. But, I count all that is good in my life. Many people see their children and babies suffer and, possibly, die.

So, I am fortunate.

And I think of all of you. This is not just about me. Not at all.

I just don't know how to stop the bleeding of my heart. It's painful.

I love all of you ~

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Tess, I am so sorry your heart is heavy. Back in January when I lost my Dad, all I did was cry. You have a good reason so don't be ashamed of it. But then I employed the very same skills I learned right here. I kept myself busy and my mind occupied I tried to get some rest and I forced myself to eat. There's no magic bullet I'm afraid, just do the best you can. I knew AL wasn't a choice. You just move from one event to the next and somehow you get thru. Please keep checking in. We care so much! B

[Guitarista]

Newbies Nest

Thinking of you Tess.

How is your mum coping with the diagnosis? Obviously it's difficult. Only if you want to talk about it of course.

Welcome back Irie and Fin.

Fin, my condolences for the loss of your dad. No-one can take away your amazing 70 days AF. Well done, and great to see you're back in the game.

Wishing everyone a safe, sober, and magical weekend.

[Fin]

Newbies Nest

Free at Last, very astute. It's a whitewater Briggs style (Grand Canyon) dory.

Thanks for all the kinds words today, Friends. This is indeed a very-very special place full of amazing people working their tails off. I respect you all greatly.

Off to the CO river for Father's Day. Have a superb, AF weekend you all!

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1519667 wrote: Tess, I am so sorry your heart is heavy. Back in January when I lost my Dad, all I did was cry. You have a good reason so don't be ashamed of it. But then I employed the very same skills I learned right here. I kept myself busy and my mind occupied I tried to get some rest and I forced myself to eat. There's no magic bullet I'm afraid, just do the best you can. I knew AL wasn't a choice. You just move from one event to the next and somehow you get thru. Please keep checking in. We care so much! B

Sweet Byrdie,

I think that love is the only answer. It propels us from one painful moment to the next. It is a salve to our wounds. Love is so much more than a happy and content feeling. No! It is also an action. Love is an action: it asks us to DO something.

I am very sorry for the tremendous loss that you suffered in January. Painfully and completely very sorry. And at that very same time I stumbled across Newbies Nest and found new life. It's a cycle: birth, life, death, rebirth...

I will go on record as saying that alcohol is the absolute opposite of love. It is a pitiful liar, and it is lazy, and it does not really give a damn about anything that matters. Totally selfish. Totally destructive. And worse, without any meaning at all. Just complete nonsense.

Alcohol stole five years from me. But it will get no more. No more.

But enough for philosophy.

Let's get to basics. Yes, I need a bit of rest. And a little food.

I just know in my heart of hearts that my life has changed forever.

That's okay. Life changes. And we must change too.

Maybe a little sleep would be good. And a little food.

Blessings to All ~

[Miley]

Newbies Nest

Hey Nesters....

Fin - I am very sorry for the loss of your Father.

Tess - Hopefully you can get something to eat and some much needed rest and feel better in the morning.

My heart goes out to both of you!