Newbies Nest

[struggles]

Newbies Nest

That's exactly what I stopped doing, Byrd. Once I bought the beer, I never looked back and stopped coming here and posting and reading. I almost missed my son's graduation from 5th grade and their piano recital because I was so hungover. But, I made both, and did what??? drove past my house directly to the store for more beer. Just plain stupidity. So I will make sure that I read and post daily, it is so important in the beginning. I dumped all the beer I had left and even now, my head is telling me to just go grab a six pack, you'll be fine in the morning. NO I WON'T, I feel so shitty that I will go buy more to stop the crappy feeling.

If I could have one wish, it would be that I never drink again and have a sober life. I'm am so scared that it won't happen, but I was able to do it last year for several weeks.

I feel so sad that I ruin everything because of AL.

[Guitarista]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters!

Strap in Struggles and Tip!

Wishing everyone a safe, sober, and magical week, or next 15 minutes if that's where you're at!

Day 43. Bring it on!

Just do your best friend.

[LostSoul33]

Newbies Nest

Hello everyone,

I am new to the nest. Its good to be here. Reading your stories helps me feel that Im not alone.

This is the first time I have been sober for 7 consecutive days. The highs and lows I am experiencing are unbelievable. On one hand, I am so grateful for my sobriety and ability to stick to it but I am quickly realizing that I dont know how to exist in society. Im 33 and have been off work for over a year and basically drank my life away to the point that I dont remember the last time I have ever had a conversation sober, been in public sober, felt an emotion sober... well you get the point. I feel like Im learning how to be a functioning human being all over again and I dont even know who I am anymore. I always envisioned myself to get right back to the way I used to be before all this happened, my outgoing, spunky, friendly self and it is pretty scary that its not the case.

I know Im using all the right tools to remain AF and am convinced I will never look back, but boy do I have a lot of work ahead of me. I am shocked and appalled with myself, the way I let things go in my life, how Ive handled relationships, given up on work, my animals (gave my dogs to my parents), life. Ugh, I feel sick to my stomach. The guilt is starting to overwhelm me.

Anyway, I woke up feeling a great sense of accomplishment and had a great day but quickly started noticing that I am a different person and it feels pretty shitty.

[Tipplerette]

Newbies Nest

Thanks for the quick responses. I hear you Lost Soul, we're all sick of living on the edge of life and never really living fully. Seven days is huge. Stick around and don't do what I've been known to do and that's take long extended breaks from here when I give up on sobriety. I'll try to do the same.

[kronkcarr]

Newbies Nest

Hey, LostSoul33,

I hear you. I'm in my 7th month and I think I've finally gotten that I'm not going to be that "fun, nutty" woman I was before. The thing is she wasn't the real me. I've been gentle with myself and I suggest the same for you. We've done things we're not proud of but we now have the opportunity to learn from them and to now make better choices for ourselves.

Again, once I got the hang of sitting with my thoughts and feelings (They will change and pass. Trust me on that.) day to day living got easier. Hang tough!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Well good evening Nesters!

Lots of activity here today, that's good
Welcome back to everyone, a fall from the nest need not be fatal...just keep trying.
Your quit will stick when (and only when) you accept that you can no longer drink AL safely!

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[3June2013]

Newbies Nest

LostSoul33;1523127 wrote: Hello everyone,

I am new to the nest. Its good to be here. Reading your stories helps me feel that Im not alone.

This is the first time I have been sober for 7 consecutive days. The highs and lows I am experiencing are unbelievable. On one hand, I am so grateful for my sobriety and ability to stick to it but I am quickly realizing that I dont know how to exist in society. Im 33 and have been off work for over a year and basically drank my life away to the point that I dont remember the last time I have ever had a conversation sober, been in public sober, felt an emotion sober... well you get the point. I feel like Im learning how to be a functioning human being all over again and I dont even know who I am anymore. I always envisioned myself to get right back to the way I used to be before all this happened, my outgoing, spunky, friendly self and it is pretty scary that its not the case.

I know Im using all the right tools to remain AF and am convinced I will never look back, but boy do I have a lot of work ahead of me. I am shocked and appalled with myself, the way I let things go in my life, how Ive handled relationships, given up on work, my animals (gave my dogs to my parents), life. Ugh, I feel sick to my stomach. The guilt is starting to overwhelm me.

Anyway, I woke up feeling a great sense of accomplishment and had a great day but quickly started noticing that I am a different person and it feels pretty shitty.

You are so hard on yourself. Be gentle you have been through a lot. You will need time to heal, time to learn new ways, time to reflect, time to grow. Slowly but surely does it. You can not change the past but you can work on a different brighter future. But first you need to forgive yourself and love yourself, have faith in yourself. You can do this!!

[LostSoul33]

Newbies Nest

3June2013;1523143 wrote: You are so hard on yourself. Be gentle you have been through a lot. You will need time to heal, time to learn new ways, time to reflect, time to grow. Slowly but surely does it. You can not change the past but you can work on a different brighter future. But first you need to forgive yourself and love yourself, have faith in yourself. You can do this!!

You are right. I am very hard on myself and have been my whole life. Perceiving life with love instead of fear is something I am working hard to do.

Motivational speaker and recovering alcoholic, Gabrielle Bernstein has written a few books on this exact principle. If anyone ever needs a boost, she has been my go-to through this process-- she also has videos on youtube that teaches meditation and speaking engagements about finding your inner guidance and listening to it. Pretty powerful stuff. Now to practice

[STEADFAST]

Newbies Nest

Hello Fellow Nesters,

Thanks, Lavande, for suggesting the Amoryn - I'll do some research and see if I can get some. Have taken my LAST valium today - I have none left. I feel quite raw.

Tess2, anxiety is so horrible, isn't it. Sometimes I feel like it's eating me...and yes, that's what got me started on Al after the first few social times. Bring on the bubble baths!

Lostsoul 33, reading you loud and clear; I relate very strongly to what you say. And Kronkarr, the way you put it also resonates with me.

Sorry to those who've taken a tumble, but as Byrdlady says, it's not the end....You just have to get back in again (easier said than done, I know only too well.)

take care everyone, one day at a time,
love, Steady

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

LostSoul33;1523127 wrote: Hello everyone,

I am new to the nest. Its good to be here. Reading your stories helps me feel that Im not alone.

...I feel like Im learning how to be a functioning human being all over again...

Dear LS33,

You are learning how to be a functioning human being all over again. And that's the beauty of recovery. You have this opportunity to build a new and significantly better life. And just as it takes time and hard work to build anything of quality and magnificence, it will take determination and patience to build a new you. Yes, it's scary at times. But it is also a lot of fun.

I've been sober for nearly six months and my life continues to improve. Six months ago I was a complete and total mess, feeling many of the things that you do. I was mostly just wanting to be dead but also afraid of dying. Now I am becoming more than anything I ever dared to dream. It is a process, sometimes quite painful, but also full of laughter!!

It's good to have you here, Lost Soul 33. You are definitely not alone. Welcome!! :colorwelcome:

p.s. Your soul is not really lost. It's right where you left it: in the center of your heart.

[JackDanielsGirl]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone,

Im still here. struggling along Last drink was fri Morn. Yeah it sucks! I don't hate anything except this disease.

Have had some family issues. My 22 year old daughter moved back in. (she had a break up) so my usually uplifting child is very down and depressed. Hubs is still distant kind of. Feeling alone and depressed myself.

Not counting days this time just taking one day at a time.

Love to all,
JDG

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

I'm watching my 2 & 4 yr old grandsons, hardly have a second to myself

Just wanted to wish everyone a great AF Monday!
Plan to succeed, it works

Lav

[3June2013]

Newbies Nest

Lav enjoy your day with the granddies!
JDG your daughter needs you now, stay AF and you can be there for her. Congrats on getting through the weekend!
Tess great advice for us all. Patience is a tough one or me!
Steadfast bubble bath and a good book, great stress reliever I agree!
Lost soul you are doing great keep looking inside, that's where the answers are ( as well as here lol)

Fighting a cold but not going to let it slow me down. Yoga on the deck, a little cleaning and tidying and I'm off to work for 1-9. Have a great day y'all!

[Samstone]

Newbies Nest

JackDanielsGirl;1523304 wrote: Hi everyone,

Im still here. struggling along Last drink was fri Morn. Yeah it sucks! I don't hate anything except this disease.

Have had some family issues. My 22 year old daughter moved back in. (she had a break up) so my usually uplifting child is very down and depressed. Hubs is still distant kind of. Feeling alone and depressed myself.

Not counting days this time just taking one day at a time.

Love to all,
JDG

Good to see you back JDG.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning, Nesters!
So good to see new faces this morning! Lost Soul your post struck a nerve in me....I actually think it's quite common among us here. On the outside we are perfectionists...but on the inside, like crazy duck-paddling to get anywhere. That is the fa?ade we have created and there's nothing wrong with wanting things to be perfect, as long as we don't use 'helpers, i.e. AL' to achieve it. Kuya has a theory (and I subscribe to it) that when we begin relying to AL to fill in the blanks for us, that's about when our emotional maturity stops. BUT, like Tess says, this is called RECOVERY for a reason...Wherever you left off in your growth, you will now pick it back up and continue to grow. This takes some adjusting! Your mental age is catching up with your chronological age! There are some peaks and valleys in there, too, but when it all comes together, you'll see it is worth the discomfort! And that's really all a craving is...DISCOMFORT. The outgoing, social person you thought AL brought out is still there! Only new and improved!!!

A major turning point for me also was to admit that I am an ALCOHOLIC. Yes, it pains me even today to say that...but unless and until you do, I think you'll chase this thing into the sunset. When you accept that you are an ALKIE, ONE drink sounds crazy, even to you! Everyone knows an ALK shouldn't drink ONE drop. I know many people here have trouble saying that....but if you look at the facts, by golly, it's quacking like a duck! When you try to quit and can't.....When you try and control it and you can't. When you join a forum for AL problems....Admitting that you are an ALK goes a LONG way in fixing it. Think of it more as a diagnosis than a label. Our disease has a cure!! Many times, it is the denial that we are ALK that stands in our way of success. Once I stopped bullshitting myself, I was able to move forward. I denied to the very end! It took me a year, but the result was the same....I had to quit drinking. So don't be afraid of it...face it, address it, and let's get over it!!! We are all in the same boat!
We'll face it together! One day at a time.....

Hugs all! Welcome! Byrdie