Newbies Nest

[3June2013]

Newbies Nest

Caz 22;1525697 wrote: Sorry last part of that sentence should be, I do not dance to the beat of AL ( anymore ).

Well maybe it was a Freudian slip? Some of us were real performers on AL! BTW you can edit your posts. There are little buttons underneath where you can edit or delete.

[Caz 22]

Newbies Nest

Cool, Thanks 3June2013

Rule 1. put on your spectacles before posting. LOL...

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning Lost Soul, Lav, Last Straw, Lil' Beagle, Byrdie, Caz, 3 June and All Nesters,

I'm up and at 'em. Just waiting for hubs so that we can take a walk on the beach.

I hope this is a fabulous AF day for all of you. Fly into The Nest if you have struggles. We can do this together!! :hug:

[3June2013]

Newbies Nest

Tess-2;1525349 wrote: Hello Nesters,

Hubs thought I could use a little R & R before Mom has surgery and I become her "nurse" while she recovers. We're at the coast, spoon feeding ice cream... LOL...

I am so very happy to be free from the hell of alcohol. I used to think about the "stages" of alcohol for me: 1) Wanting it 2) Getting it 3) Drinking it 4) Regretting it. Each stage was rather complex because I attempted to keep it totally hidden. So, I would do serious mental battle during the "wanting it." Then, exhausted, I would move to the "getting it." This step sometimes required elaborate schemes of lying to hubs ("Need femenine hygiene products" or "Going to the library to study" and on and on and on). Next was "drinking it." If I could, I would hide in my closet. If that wasn't possible (say, hubs is reading the newspaper in our bedroom) I might pull into the parking lot at McDonalds or use some other ridiculous and dangerous tactic. Finally came the "regretting it" part, with wondering why I was such a messed-up girl, and all of the promises to self and God that I had just had my last drink... Such a tremendous waste of time, and energy, and life. So pitiful... Really sad!!

I think maybe this is the aspect of alcoholism that non-alcoholics do not realize or empathise with: the mental gymnastics of it all. The desire to "quit" colliding with the overwhelming need to drink.

I am thanking my very, very lucky stars that I made the escape. Thank you, Universe!! Was it easy? Nope. Do I sometimes still have cravings? Yup. But I can always come to Newbies Nest and find answers, support, and laughter. And it's okay to piss and moan too. I am still loved.

Fellow Nesters, you are loved. We are in this together.

Welcome to all Newcomers. I am so happy that you are here!! :welcome:

Thanks Tess for the reminder of what was, and how nice you're at the beach with hubby! Enjoy!!

[Dogwood Blossom]

Newbies Nest

Caz, I'm starting Day 2, so i'm not as queasy, shaky and all the other pleasures of Day 1. But the mental sound bites are still playing in my head. I woke up at 3:00 in the morning replaying all the crap from Thursday that have me horrified. Up until Thursday it had been years since I had gotten into a vehicle while drinking, but I did just that! I was trashed and got into my car and drove to the liquor store! That's just one of the horrors of the day!

I cannot do this anymore. And Caz, I have to whittle away at my friends as well.

Tess, I love what you said about freedom from the prison of alcohol! That's exactly how I feel! Like I have been in a dark awful prison and I haven't been able to find my way out! Here's what's funny, even as I'm still dealing with my guilt, shame and embarrassment, the thought has already poked into my mind, "are you sure you want to cut alcohol from your life completely?!?!" Can you believe that? What the hell?

So, over the next couple days I have got to work on a plan, and stay close to MWO, especially the Newbies Nest.

On the other hand, I have glimmers of hope today! The thought of living AF is very appealing to me! I pray for all of you today. I hope we all have a good AF day!

[Caz 22]

Newbies Nest

Hi Dogwood Blossom

Day 1 for me was difficult, but as the day went on I felt really good about my decision to be AF.
I stayed very close too the nest all day yesterday, I have plans to go swimming later this afternoon and have spent most of my morning on the Tools list.

I have decided not to be too hard on myself , Thursday was my shakes, sick day...then yesterday I decided I don't like me drunk...who the hell gets loaded on a Wednesday afternoon..for no reason ?

Good to hear you have hope today,keep that feeling close, it feels good doesn't it ?

Stay strong.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Dogwood Blossom;1525726 wrote: Here's what's funny, even as I'm still dealing with my guilt, shame and embarrassment, the thought has already poked into my mind, "are you sure you want to cut alcohol from your life completely?!?!" Can you believe that? What the hell?

Hi, DB, yes I can believe that.

When I arrived here, I thought I was going to learn how to control my drinking. A life entirely without AL didn't seem possible or desirable. I just wanted to be like other people who I see drinking 'normally'. I think the majority of people on MWO start that way. And some stay there - maybe they are successful moderators but since I haven't met any of them, I don't know.

They key is to take this a day at a time. Don't worry about forever. Don't even worry about next Tuesday!

Keep reading here. Post your questions. Support your fellow quitters. Then read some more. Spend a ridiculous amount of time on MWO. Spend all the time you used to spend drinking here.

The more you learn and the more you help others quit, the more you become a person who is done drinking. This does not happen immediately and, at least for me, there was no switching on the lightbulb moment. It was just that over time, all the reading and questioning and writing somehow convinced me that I no longer needed or wanted to drink. My original goal of being a normal drinker had painlessly faded away because all the stories of success and failure here had shown me that that option was not available. I will always have an addicted brain that will over-respond to alcohol.

And the best thing is: IT IS OK WITH ME that that option is gone! In fact, it is great! I love not planning, obtaining, hiding, drinking, disposing of evidence, worrying, trying to limit, failing, being sick, planning, feeling guilty, feeling sick, drinking again, and on and on and on. What freedom this is!

That has happened to so many people here who put in the time and effort to read, learn, post, support and change themselves into a non-drinker. Stay close and it can happen to you!

:h NS

[JackDanielsGirl]

Newbies Nest

Morning all nesters,

Today is day 4. Feeling better but still dealing with the g/s/r brothers. Hubs is kind of on and off of my case.

Takes every chance to "poke" at the scab, but that is ok. I am focusing on me and getting more sober days behind me and then deal with him.

Looking forward to another AF day.

Love and prayers to all,
JDG

[little beagle]

Newbies Nest

Caz I never needed a reason to get loaded. But anyway I can't think of one single reason to get loaded, only excuses. Think of lots of reasons to not get loaded.

I am having anger issues today. One of the excuses I use to use for drinking was my anger. Now I am having to learn healthy ways to deal with the anger I've been drinking at for the last couple of years. (at least that long). Today I am working on an anger garden. I am growing forgiveness of myself and others as I tend it all summer.
Keep cool everyone here in the hot zone. Las Vegas looks miserable right now. Yuck nfire:

[Nanette]

Newbies Nest

Good morning, afternoon or evening nesters depending on where you are on our beautiful planet earth. :wavin:

Almost at 8 months sober for me and proud and still not letting my guard down. :bat AL reads our posts and he knows who he needs to target. :k He may use a commercial on TV, a beautiful sunny day at the lake, a moment after you have cut the grass and you are all hot and sweaty, a celebration, a defeat, fun with friends, sitting alone (who would know?), or whatever your trigger may be. He knows your triggers because he reads MWO and watches you. Have a plan for when he comes for you. :tsk:

I have a bird house in my tree in the backyard. A sparrow has made a next in it and there must be eggs or babies in it. The Starlings have been swooping in trying to get his/her eggs/babies for quite some time now. The Starlings come in numbers and are three times the Sparrow's size. (Something like bullies on the playground) However this Sparrow defends his home and family and has held off these Starlings. I have seen other Sparrows come too to help the little bird protect his/her family. As I was watching this it made me think of MWO. Alcohol and Alcohol related moments are the Starlings and MWO members are the little Sparrows protecting us in the bird house. Alcohol is bigger than we are and we sometimes need help to defend ourselves and the people in our MWO family. We can do this together! :wave:

Well that is it for me today. Hang in there everyone whether you are on Day 1 or Year 1. Be careful. I hope my words will help someone today or in the future. Newbies, read posts from people and you will find that our stories are all very similar.

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Dear Nanette,

Your post has helped me!! Thank you!! You have an amazing ability to describe alcoholism and the process of walking away from it. You are a gift to The Nest, as are ALL Nesters.

Your analogy of the birds is perfect. Yes, I will personally beat the s**t out of anyone who attempts to discourage or destroy a Fellow Fledgling. I am NOT a tough girl. (Actually, I'm kind of mushy and sensitive.) However, there is a "mother bear" aspect to my personality: Very protective of those I love.

There is something safe and healing about The Nest. I'm not going to analyze it just now. (I hear your shouts of relief!!) But... SERIOUSLY, there is something about "hanging" with others who have the courage and gumption to get alcohol out of their lives. Yes, we fall. But we get back up, apply Neosporin (don't want an infection!!) and get back with our plan.

Yup, that's it. We make a plan and live by our plan. Gotta have a plan, Nesters. And I encourage you to stay in The Nest where Big Mean Birds are watching over you!! LOL!! :chick:

[halo]

Newbies Nest

NoSugar;1525739 wrote: I will always have an addicted brain that will over-respond to alcohol. And the best thing is: IT IS OK WITH ME that that option is gone!

In fact, it is great! I love not planning, obtaining, hiding, drinking, disposing of evidence, worrying, trying to limit, failing, being sick, planning, feeling guilty, feeling sick, drinking again, and on and on and on. What freedom this is!

:h NS

No Sugar, thanks so much for this, your description about your previous relationship with AL could have been taken right from my own play book. The on, and on part truly resonated with me. I am so happy to be off the AL ride, and now know that even one drink could send me back on the rollercoaster from hell.

I also do not know anyone who has had issues with AL, and have been able to find ways to moderate successfully.That was my initial idea when I first visited the nest, but I have since been able to FACE THE TRUTH, and know I can not moderate

Thanks No Sugar for always telling it like it is...:l

[some-dumbass]

Newbies Nest

evening all

many thanks to everyone who responded with their support & advice, very much appreciated

I had a pretty good day1. I'd got the shakes/sweats out of the way a few days ago, so I actually had a nice time today. was warm & sunny here, drove my car for the first time in a while, bought some decent food, took 40+ spirits bottles for recycling (just the 60+ wine bottles to go now!), went to see my nephews/godson with some (late) birthday presents, same with my parents & just generally chilled out

however ...

I had a pretty crappy night's sleep last night, so I went to go for a nap this afternoon & experienced Hypnic/Myoclonic jerks. basically every time you nod off, your body physically jerks you awake again. I had this a dozen or more times

I've had this before on previous detoxes & it's not that big of a deal, but I am going to need to extend my taper for a few days until my brain chemistry settles down a bit

I'll still be checking in here every day still & will be back for day1 v2 in a few days

this too will pass ...

SD

[Sake123]

Newbies Nest

SB - Love your post name!! Wish I would have thought of that first! LOL! I had that horrible sleep issue night before last. It was awful. Was up until 6:30 am because every time I would start to fall asleep my body would have to move. Didn't know what that was...so thank you for explaining!

I'm new to this forum but love it so far. On day 6 AF. Please keep posting...I think that really helps! Take care!!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

I had crazy twitching also! I was like the dr checking for reflexes in my legs or something. I generally have restless legs, but this was different.
Some-D, you are going to have these twitches whether you are tapering or not, please don't use this as an excuse to continue the taper. Just go AF and be done with it...it is easier and more humane!! The jumpy legs only lasted a few nights.

Get Day 1 done and over with!! Great to hear from you!! Byrdie