Newbies Nest

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

rooniferd;1537891 wrote: Day 1 - dammit. Just came off my "birthday bender." So sick of this crap. I just popped an antabuse, and I intend to keep popping them every day for as long as it takes to stop this nonsense. I just posted post-its around my house to remind me of how bad things are when I drink. I have made some very stupid decisions over the past few days. I've also spent a crapload of money on bar tabs and tips. WHAT A WASTE!

I am so done with this lifestyle - or should I say "deathstyle."

Kairos - you are also on Day 1. Let's do this together! Come on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :l

Sweet Rooni - this is what I see: You have just come down from your Birthday Bender and you are painfully and acutely aware of the shitty side of drinking too much. You've popped an antibuse in response to your pain. You plan to continue to take them for as long as it takes to stop this nonsense.

It's going to take a long time to totally stop the nonsense, Rooni, and a huge commitment on your part. Yes, you feel the intensity of the pain just now; your hand is being held to the fire (so to speak), but if you are like me your resolve will soften in a day or two. A week at best. If you are like me, you will begin to long for alcohol. Just one. Only one. Not really a big deal. Hell, I deserve it.

That one drink will send you back to the land of Prisoner to Alcohol.

Rooni, my friend, you gotta make a plan. A serious stick-to-it plan. Take your antabuse at the same time every day no matter whether you feel optimistic or in the pits of despair. I have not tried antabuse but I know that it has saved a number of people. Celebrations are going to come and go: Holidays, Birthdays, Vacations, Lunch with Friends, whatever. Without a concrete plan you are going to land flat on your ass. And you are going to be in serious pain, just like you are right now.

We Nesters cannot do this for you, Rooni. You must choose to do this for yourself and for those who count on you and love you. We are here to support you unconditionally. However, we will hold you accountable. Why? Because we needed to be held accountable when we were in the destructive pit of alcohol abuse.

Make a plan. Stick with your plan every day. Stick with us in The Nest. It's gonna be hard. It's gonna hurt. There will also be huge moments of joy. Your cup will runneth over with happiness. But it is NOT free. There is a price. However, sobriety is a bargain at any price.

We love you a whole big bunch. ~

[TheSunFlower]

Newbies Nest

This place is so hard to keep up with.

Tess...you mentioned people being surprised that you only drank heavily for 5 years. This interests me....because I drank for 20 years. Others drank for 40.

My acceptance was slowed because my mind rationaled....that my Dad drank heavily for 20 years....then became a normal drinker. Surely I could follow in his footsteps.

In AA I was told how this is progressive....that I would drink more, earlier and harder stuff. Hard liquor was given up 17 years ago after a bad night of shots. Wine...drank it after my second son for about 6 months.....very brief flirtation with wine last year. Back to lite beer. Years ago I was downing a 12 pack on week nights....in the last 3 years most of it time it was a 6 pack. I was not drinking earlier in the day. So this obviously disqualified me from being a true alcoholic.

I finally realized it was not about how much, what I drank or how often......it was eroding me emotionally.

I've had people tell me I can't be an alkie because light beer is the equivalent to water. If they drank as little as I did they would still be drinking.

That is not the point of this thing...it's what it does to you as a person. Everyone's case is different. I knew a girl who blacked out one time......went to AA....still attends and is over 20 years sober.

So we can compare all day long......it wasn't until I really took a look at how it was affecting me.....I could see the undeniable truth.

[Neddy Merrill]

Newbies Nest

TheSunFlower;1537935 wrote: This place is so hard to keep up with.

Tess...you mentioned people being surprised that you only drank heavily for 5 years. This interests me....because I drank for 20 years. Others drank for 40.

My acceptance was slowed because my mind rationaled....that my Dad drank heavily for 20 years....then became a normal drinker. Surely I could follow in his footsteps.

In AA I was told how this is progressive....that I would drink more, earlier and harder stuff. Hard liquor was given up 17 years ago after a bad night of shots. Wine...drank it after my second son for about 6 months.....very brief flirtation with wine last year. Back to lite beer. Years ago I was downing a 12 pack on week nights....in the last 3 years most of it time it was a 6 pack. I was not drinking earlier in the day. So this obviously disqualified me from being a true alcoholic.

I finally realized it was not about how much, what I drank or how often......it was eroding me emotionally.

I've had people tell me I can't be an alkie because light beer is the equivalent to water. If they drank as little as I did they would still be drinking.

That is not the point of this thing...it's what it does to you as a person. Everyone's case is different. I knew a girl who blacked out one time......went to AA....still attends and is over 20 years sober.

So we can compare all day long......it wasn't until I really took a look at how it was affecting me.....I could see the undeniable truth.

Hi Sunflower, I think you are right about the emotional erosion. It didn't matter what I drank or when or where I drank it, it just robbed me of my spirit.

I , at my worst, was drinking from about 7 in the morning until I passed out which usually took quite some time. It didn't matter what it was, vodka, rum, wine, beer - I just drank to "get out of it"

Today I am very happy and full of spirit. If I drink tomorrow (which I won't) my spirit will be devoured by that most rapacious of predators: alcohol. In any amount or type.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

"Today I am very happy and full of spirit. If I drink tomorrow (which I won't) my spirit will be devoured by that most rapacious of predators: alcohol. In any amount or type."

I agree, Neddy.....really for anyone who is on this site....your words are so true. For us, one drink of AL is our kryptonite....it will take us down every time!! Have you noticed this? It takes us down EVERY TIME. Without fail. If this were a stock I would buy it. It is a theorem, like in geometry. It is true for all here every time! AL for us, in any amount or type, will consume us. I wish I could tattoo these words on the side of the nest. As such, we must adopt a policy of Zero Tolerance....not one, not ever, it's the only way to beat this debilitating condition. The ONLY way to win, is to never consume a drop!! That's my Plan anyway....so far, so good. I have learned from the Master herself, Lav!!

Buckle in, Nesters! Byrdie

[broken halo]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone. For me the hardest part of being an alkie is thinking how much I let myself down, and as a result, other people who relied on me. That sickens me. I can't dwell on it though, I can't dwell on the past. I| need to make it up to myself and also the people who rely on me.

SF, loved your post. The point is not how much or little, or even how often. The point is the hold that bastard has over you, the power. To drain you of yourself, your hopes, dreams. I am taking my life back, day by day. I feel strong, but not complacent. I want my life, my family, my job in my hands. Not AL's

[broken halo]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1537941 wrote: "Today I am very happy and full of spirit. If I drink tomorrow (which I won't) my spirit will be devoured by that most rapacious of predators: alcohol. In any amount or type."

I agree, Neddy.....really for anyone who is on this site....your words are so true. For us, one drink of AL is our kryptonite....it will take us down every time!! Have you noticed this? It takes us down EVERY TIME. Without fail. If this were a stock I would buy it. It is a theorem, like in geometry. It is true for all here every time! AL for us, in any amount or type, will consume us. I wish I could tattoo these words on the side of the nest. As such, we must adopt a policy of Zero Tolerance....not one, not ever, it's the only way to beat this debilitating condition. The ONLY way to win, is to never consume a drop!! That's my Plan anyway....so far, so good. I have learned from the Master herself, Lav!!

Buckle in, Nesters! Byrdie

God, I love you Byrdie! Zero tolerance! Love it!

[Neddy Merrill]

Newbies Nest

broken halo;1537942 wrote: Hi everyone. For me the hardest part of being an alkie is thinking how much I let myself down, and as a result, other people who relied on me. That sickens me. I can't dwell on it though, I can't dwell on the past. I| need to make it up to myself and also the people who rely on me.

SF, loved your post. The point is not how much or little, or even how often. The point is the hold that bastard has over you, the power. To drain you of yourself, your hopes, dreams. I am taking my life back, day by day. I feel strong, but not complacent. I want my life, my family, my job in my hands. Not AL's

Broken Halo, I too could dwell on how I let myself down and by explosive extension those around me. Like you too I am going to look to the future and how I can make it up to those I have hurt. My first job, though, is to be good to myself. I don't mean being selfish by that - I have done enough of that - but by genuinely being good to myself: eating well, treating everyone I come across with respect and kindness, buying myself nice things instead of poison, etc.

And I am with you 100% on the complacency thing - I am feeling strong but not full of overweening pride, which has brought about my downfall before.

[Neddy Merrill]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1537941 wrote: "Today I am very happy and full of spirit. If I drink tomorrow (which I won't) my spirit will be devoured by that most rapacious of predators: alcohol. In any amount or type."

I agree, Neddy.....really for anyone who is on this site....your words are so true. For us, one drink of AL is our kryptonite....it will take us down every time!! Have you noticed this? It takes us down EVERY TIME. Without fail. If this were a stock I would buy it. It is a theorem, like in geometry. It is true for all here every time! AL for us, in any amount or type, will consume us. I wish I could tattoo these words on the side of the nest. As such, we must adopt a policy of Zero Tolerance....not one, not ever, it's the only way to beat this debilitating condition. The ONLY way to win, is to never consume a drop!! That's my Plan anyway....so far, so good. I have learned from the Master herself, Lav!!

Buckle in, Nesters! Byrdie

You may have learned from the master, but, sensei, you are passing down the warrior tradition to the followers!

[broken halo]

Newbies Nest

Off to bed now., really tired! Goodnight Nesters, love and restful sleep to all

[Neddy Merrill]

Newbies Nest

I'm off to bed too. Thanks to everyone for their contributions today. Once again you have helped me no end.

Night night.

[witts end]

Newbies Nest

hello everyone
I think everyone reacts differently to alcohol me I believe I'm allergic to it and will continue to believe it
have a good day

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

TheSunFlower;1537935 wrote:

Tess...you mentioned people being surprised that you only drank heavily for 5 years. This interests me....because I drank for 20 years. Others drank for 40...

Dear SunFlower - I've gone back through a few posts, but I have not found where I made the statement that you quote. I probably did write that, but I can't find it. To my way of thinking, I have never felt that I only drank for 5 years. I am 28 years old. I feel that 5 years was a significant chunk of my life. Had I drank for 20 years, I would have needed to start drinking when I was an 8-year-old girl. Of course, it would be impossible for me to have drank for 40 years. I haven't been around that long...

I understand and feel tremendous compassion that you and others have had longer drinking careers.

I'm not really sure what your message is to me, specifically.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

From 7/26/13

[COLOR=Navy]I was in the process of developing "a sense of one's own reality and of one's ability to give himself to society" when I started drinking at about 22 years of age. That development came to a screeching halt as daily intoxication took over. My life was "the same day over and over" for five long years, as one of our Nestmates says of addiction. Now that I've been sober for about six months, it seems that my brain is functioning again and my personality is once again developing. Observing myself right now is somewhat like watching a small child grow so quickly.

I knew I'd read that somewhere, too! Cause at the time I thought, wish mine had only been for 5 years, mine was dang 25 years, almost as long as you are old! I remember thinking that, but I couldn't remember the context...so ran back and found it. Hugs all, B

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Sweet Byrdie - Did you interpret my post as proclaiming that I only drank for five years, and that I thought people were surprised by that? If so, that's not what I meant. I felt and still feel that it's tragic that five years were wasted out of 28. Had I been sent to prison for, oh I don't know... robbing a bank... for five years, I would feel that a significant amount of my life had been spent in prison.

What am I missing in this conversation?

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Nope...I did NOT interpret your post that way at all...but it turned me sad to think that almost as long as you have been alive, I was working to kill myself. That is the only reason that stuck....well, that and that I listen intently to what you say!!

You aren't missing anything, sweet lady...we're just all talking....like if we were sitting around a campfire (with luxury camper behind us) under the stars! B