Newbies Nest

[Neddy Merrill]

Newbies Nest

TheSunFlower;1539528 wrote: Thinking out loud. I overheard a conversation recently where a woman blamed society/small minded people for her brother's alcoholism and why he never got help. At first I was inclined to think this woman just wanted to blame someone other than her brother.

Then I started to think about what my kids are being taught at school about alcohol and drugs. How awful it is to be an alcoholic or addict. Shame, shame, shame....

I got me to thinking....had I somewhere along the line been led to believe that being an alcoholic was so bad and shameful that it somehow fueled some of my denial....slowed my acceptance to what I knew to be true?

What if kids were taught that its not a bad thing? But that it is important to recognize the signs and this is what they are? I know for me it was not an overnight development of alcoholism. Rather a gradual process and had I been able to see where I was headed before it got to full blown alcoholism, when its harder to quit...would that type of education led me in another direction sooner?

I don't know. I do think its interesting how many women do quit drinking during pregnancy even alcoholics...because they have been educated on the dangers.

Hi Sunflower, I think that education has an awful lot to do with it and that society has also pervaded myths about alcoholism and alcoholics that need to be redressed. For example. if you are not sleeping on a park bench then you can't be an alcoholic; you can't be an alcoholic if you don't drink in the morning; if you don't drink then you'll have no friends; people will find you boring if you don't drink and so the list goes on. These are of course untrue and I think we have to educate people, especially youngsters, about the dangers. I think most people are like you and it would have been a gradual process rather than a full on explosion into alcoholism. The video I put the link up to worried me: would some people watch it and think, "Well, I'm not as bad as that guy so it'll be okay for me to keep on for another while" I hope not because as you say it is a gradual process and anyone who is on the slippery slope could end up there. My alcoholism has been a series of crossing lines and boundaries and heaven knows where I would have ended up if I hadn't stopped. It's not easy, but I don't want to waste the precious gift of life I have. Thanks for a thought-provoking post.

[TheSunFlower]

Newbies Nest

Neddy....I know what you mean about the video. It's hard to think that you yourself could get that far down. I used to watch Intervention and think "see I am not that bad". I really wish something would show the internal hell we live not getting that far down. Something more people could relate to and have a lightbulb go off.

My husband works with a man who is severely overweight. While eating out with him I could not believe how freaking rude the waitress was to him. I really wanted to punch the bitch out...but anything I would have done would have made it worse. He recognized her behavior and said to me that he gets treated like that all the time...and he was eating salad.

Anyways my son who is a bit overweight....I was recognizing the signs of food addiction. I also knew well enough that hiding or withholding certain foods from him was not the solution. So I talked to him and related my addiction to some of his behaviors. As well I relayed that food can be a drug. In the last two weeks he has stopped the behavior on his own and lost weight. He also knows my hubby's coworker and I relayed that is where a food addiction can lead....just like drinking did with me. I am proud of him. I am glad that maybe my hell saved him from a life of misery before it got to the point of being hard to stop and he was in a real mess.

The whole situation just did not come circle for me until I heard that woman talking about her brother.

I guess Celebrate Recovery resonates with me.....because the root of self destructive behaviors are the same.

[little beagle]

Newbies Nest

Good morning. That is part of the problem of addiction. It's a dirty little secret. We hide in our homes, shun family and friends until we are isolated because we are ashamed of our problem.
Then when we ask someone for help our pleas fall on deaf ears.
That has been my experience.
How wonderful to have mwo and people who understand us. Who can help us over the hurdles and listen to us when we are down.

I am treating myself this weekend. I am going to visit an old plantation house that does tours with the guide dressed up appropriately.
Thanks guys for being here for me.

[TheSunFlower]

Newbies Nest

LB....it's the hiding in shame. I hid the shame as well as my family.

With my kids I talk openly. Also, they go to a kids program when I go to my meeting. I think them seeing other people who are like their mom....and they look normal too helps them understand....this is nothing to be ashamed of.

I love touring plantation homes. The stories fascinate me....and one son is a huge Civil War buff.

[little beagle]

Newbies Nest

I like that your sober life includes help for the kids. You have been through so much that they need to know what is going on. I'm happy you are thinking of them and helping them with this. Maybe addressing the issue will save heartache down the road. Hope so.

My daughter turns 30 in a couple of weeks. She ask me to be part of the celebration and was sensitive about my not drinking. It is in downtown New Orleans. I am okay now with being around that kind of party. Not sure if I will attend though.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

Awaiting the arrival of T storms, it's dark & menacing looking out there.

LB, I visited NO years ago, it's sure is interesting! Wasn't thrilled with the number of drunken people roaming the French Quarter at night though - I actually drank very little at the time.
I know you are there for a different reason, hope all goes well for you

Greetings SF, Neddy & everyone!
Wishing everyone a wonderful AF Saturday!

Lav

[little beagle]

Newbies Nest

There is fantastic shopping in the French market I hear.

[Miley]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters....

Looks like the potential for rain here today. I am heading to the gym, cleaning, grocery store and I go back to my counselor today I think the counseling will keep me on track.

I will be checking back I later....hope everyone has a great AF Day!

[ford]

Newbies Nest

Good morning everyone, Just jumping in for the first time. Thanks BH for the suggestion.
I've been reading the forums for a few days now, you guys seem to have a great group with a lot of open discussions.
Still trying to figure all of the in and outs to this forum.

Look forward to listening and hearing everyone's thoughts.

[witts end]

Newbies Nest

evening all have had a nice relaxing day with 1of my sisters and brother
I m in Brisbane for 10 days and the weather is good
I also have 2 sons and there families here so am spreading myself around between them all

I know my addiction was a gradual thing that increased slowly ......also my husband had his brother died suddenly in a timber accident (tree swing back ( he was cutting it down ) and cut him in 2 )...... And it triggered off bi. - polo .....and refused that he had a problem ......and was very hard to live with....mood swings ....and everything was my fault .......but he ' s improved a lot and when he gets in a mood I say to him your in won of your horrible moods and he will walk away and come back later.....
But like I said it was hard to live with and it was very lonely.....so I drank and took all his accusations very personal and thought I was the problem ......till a councillor pointed out that he was just plan rude and bad mannered ......

We all have different stories as to how we started to drink .......I don't want to go down that road again

Thank you all for being here ......it has helped a lot ......I couldn't have done it with out you

[Londoner]

Newbies Nest

Out tonight with friends, who I would seem a party of my circle but not closer friends. Basically our socialising over the years has evolved around alcohol.

Have said openly to a friend I am not drinking, so it's not the banter that concerns me, but rather the battle began me, myself and I.

Don't want to waste my health or money on getting drunk to have pretend relationships or fun with these people of my social circle.

[Samstone]

Newbies Nest

Londoner
suggest you look long and hard of the situation you may put yourself in. In the end it is your choice,
no one else's.
good luck to you
Sam

[Elvis]

Newbies Nest

Day 4 done and under the belt. I had to look it up, I couldn't remember what day I was on, is that good or bad? :H I need another large mug of tea this morning. Today's plan is to clean the house to keep myself busy. Well, the short term plan is to get off the couch, still working on that one!

Byrd, we have a whole bunch of packages of sardines in the pantry already for some reason. I think my wife cooks with them and hides them in my dinner without telling me!

3June2013, I had read up on sugar cravings so I knew what they were. I'm pretty sure I read half of the internet by this point researching alcoholism. I apparently can't look at alcohol either yet. I have to fast forward past beer commercials or change the channel. My wife had a glass of wine with dinner last night. We had discussed this and I told her I would be okay with it, but it was in my direct sight and the wind was blowing just the right direction I could smell it, so I had to ask her to move it out of the way.

Have a great Saturday everyone!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning, Nesters!
Elvis, congrats on your Day 4! Forgetting what day is good!
I'm 2 and a half years on this journey, and believe me, there are ebbs and flows along the way. I have the utmost confidence in my quit, but I am an alcohol addict and I must never forget that. There is only one cure for my disease and that is to NOT drink AL. As such, I don't keep AL in my space. I have not purchased any AL since I quit and I don't plan on it. I don't keep it in our refrigerator here upstairs. My husband has a fridge in his garage and he keeps beer and some bag in the box wine down there. As strong as I am, I know Addiction Head (Dick Head) is stronger. If company comes over for dinner or whatever, they always ask, "what can I bring?" I tell them to bring what they'll drink. This has worked beautifully. It is amazing just what commercials will do for getting your mind thinking in the wrong direction, I don't want to derail myself by having a ready supply on hand. I am ONE DRINK away from hell. I'm an alcoholic. I am not Iron Man or any super hero. I am vulnerable and always will be to a degree. I will not temp my own fate!
Allan....I trust you implicitly...but I don't trust Dick Head. If you find yourself thinking about those frosty cold bottles in your fridge there for company who may or may not come, I'd get rid of them. They sell it everywhere, you can get it in 10 minutes already cold, if you hear someone is coming over. Those bottles will sprout heads and start speaking in tongues. This is just me, but I'd get it out of there. I don't have to live with a lion. I have a tiny dog! Sorry to preach, but I'd rather be accused of being too careful than to say, 'well, I wish I had said something'. For us as ALK, it does not make sense to keep AL on hand. I would not expect a heroin addict to keep a stash of stuff on hand for his friends in case they drop by. I know that's an extreme example, but no less a hell for them as it is for us.
Maybe I'm being too cautious....but I am sober! I want you to be also!!
Hope everyone has a happy day! Byrdie

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Morning, Nesters!
BroHalo, I'm good as new now. The sore muscles have left the building...oh, that's Elvis, sorry....who, BTW, is doing GREAT!

Hope everyone is gearing up for a productive Sattidy! It is kind of funny the various phases that we all go thru on this journey...cleaning the house is part of that. We are all more alike than we are different, that's for sure.

Have a wonderful, AF day everyone! Make it something to brag about! Byrdie