Newbies Nest

[moni]

Newbies Nest

Got bad news this morning. A friend died of cancer. Feeling low and a little weak. Need to get strong. Can't break at this point.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

CONGRATS on your 30 AF days broken halo
It's a great feeling, do everything you have to do to protect your quit

Moni, I am sorry for your loss.
Cancer takes too many from us, the old & the young as well.
Wishing you strength in the knowledge that your friend can now rest in peace :l

There seems to be a break in the heat, humidity & rain around here so I hope to spend some quality time outdoors. Wishing a great AF Sunday for one & all!

Lav

[Samstone]

Newbies Nest

Morning all

way to go there Broken Halo. So glad for you!

I've been giving some thought to Byrdie's complacency thoughts, which I think are right on the mark. Having stopped twice before for a good duration of time and start again, I had to be victim of complacency and a very dim memory of what a hangover, and I mean an ugly, throw up, wish I were dead hangover was all about. So part of my plan, which is an evolving process as I keep on keeping on, is to remember, always remember, that way my complacency will be met and keep me where I want to be, sober. It is such a better place to be.

Sam

[allankay]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1539671 wrote: My Choice...I'm not sure I'm the qualified to answer your question, but until someone else comes along.... I found there was so much agitation up in my head that little things became giant irritations. I was also irritated when I couldn't drink when and how much I wanted to. There was constant turmoil in my head. Once I got some AF time under my belt, things became a lot more peaceful. Simple. BETTER! Once you are no longer a junkie constantly looking for a fix you will be amazed what else falls into place. BUT, there is a lot more to getting sober than just not drinking. It is quite a journey of self identification. I believe that when we started abusing AL, we really stopped growing emotionally. Once you quit, your emotional age tries to catch up with your chronological age and it's an eye opener. You LEARN to sort things out. You learn to cope.
I try to treat others like I want to be treated....with respect. I don't respond well to yelling. Surely there are some articles you can reference about anger management...I guess ALK is the ultimate show of anger to ourselves. Once you learn to love and respect yourself again, maybe the other issues will follow. AL is more to blame than I ever thought. Perhaps once you get the AL out, the other issues will become less of a factor.
Welcome aboard, all I know is that LIFE IS BETTER without AL!!! (and I was the last one to 'get it') Byrdie

Hi Byrdie,

everything you said went through my mind also. My logic behind this decision is

1) - I have had a bottle of wine in the house since day 1 of my quit, So if I managed not to open it in 11 months would another 5 make a difference?

2) In the future I plan to get married and my wife will likely drink so I need to get used to having alcohol in the house.

I can get alcohol anywhere, anytime. Close proximity to Al is unavoidable, however, I have a very strong but healthy fear of it. And I think this fear stops me from the temptation. To be honest I am not even tempted by it anymore, however, on those rare occasions that I am, I think back to the last day I drank and remember why I quit.

Allan

[allankay]

Newbies Nest

MyChoice;1539665 wrote: Friends, any practical suggestions how to deal with stress and anger? Before I would turn to my old friend AL, but I'm looking for ways to avoid that, yet all alternatives such as count to 10 when angry, think before speak didn't really work for me, which of course made me even more irritated and caused an internal volcano to erupt. Do you have any recommendations? Any thing you have tried that worked for you and stuck around? Each time I get upset I feel hopeless, it almost feels I don't know any other ways to deal with problems other than drinking. Any suggestions are welcomed! Thank you much for sharing your experiences and ideas! Much love to all.

Mychoice,

there is a very good remedy for anger and frustration. The gym. After a workout you are full of endorphins and other feel good chemicals, works every time.

Allan

[Samstone]

Newbies Nest

Allan
one of my brothers is a long time AF'er, about 8-9 years. His wife drinks occasionally so they too have booze in their house. His commitment has endured and stayed strong to the point that he has told me that it just not an option for him to drink. I do remember his first couple of years he was not exactly comfortable with drink in his house but he was truly committed to staying sober.

Sam

[moni]

Newbies Nest

Yesterday I was asked 'Are you 'still' not drinking'... I was going to explain that it's a permanent lifestyle choice but just let it go. 'Yes, I'm 'still' not drinking'. Always amazing how some people can turn something so positive into a negative. These are the same people who haven't once included me in a night out for the last 6 months.

[wino7]

Newbies Nest

Thanks for support and information newbies

Aloha newbies,
Thanks for support and information newbies, I really appreciate it. I'm happy this thread is so active with people in my same situation. Being AF is an eye opening experience. Sometimes feels like the emotions we feel are new again. Dealing with anger, stress, relationships takes a different light. I feel the same liberation I had when I get smoking cigarettes. I only smoked for a few years but whenever I would stress out I would start to chain smoke. Not only was is gross but it really didn't help the problem. Turning to AL is even worse because we don't make best decisions while drunk.

I found my best anti stress drug is to simply put some running shoes on and go for it. Run until I'm so tired my body is at a state of relaxation. The endorphines are a healthy drug to me. My body weight goes between 160-190 depending on my diet, exercise and how much I drink AL. I can tell you I look and feel a million times better when I'm closer to 160. Going to gym is great advise. Not everyone is fit enough to run. Swimming is a great way for lower impact. For me I need my heart rate up.

Again thank you for the support Never. Great work on 30 day broken halo. I'm as t one week today so I just need to focus on staying sober for the day. Each day I take that approach seems to make it easier. AA seems to be helping but I don't know how long I can go and talk to those ex drunks about their same stories. You have to want to help yourself and the rest will follow. I feel healthy again. I'm loading myself with great vitamins. I really think this has helped my body make the turn easier. I was dealing with bad anxiety, AL withdrawal, stress, loneliness and hopeless.

I hope everyone has great Sunday and thanks again, wishing everyone luck in their sobriety.
Wino

[little beagle]

Newbies Nest

Moni you don't need people like that who don't really care about you in your life. You have us.
Thanks Allen for telling us your side of this issue. Different things work for different people. Sam I also use the memory of my last really terrible hangover (the day I found mwo) to resist that temptation.
I had so much fun yesterday. Visited Houma House. A plantation house built in the 1700's.
The guide was dresses as a southern belle. You are allowed to touch and sit. Just like a visit to a friends house. So many beautiful treasures.
If I knew how I would share pics. The grounds are worth the visit alone.
It feels so great to be af today. No regrets or hurting.
The most impt decision yesterday was which comfy shoes to wear.
Have a great one all.

[little beagle]

Newbies Nest

:wave:
Congratulations. Broken Halo you are fantastic. So glad you are here to share the journey with.

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

moni;1539914 wrote: Got bad news this morning. A friend died of cancer. Feeling low and a little weak. Need to get strong. Can't break at this point.

Dear Moni - I am with you in your pain. The loss of someone we love leaves such a terrible hole in our heart. You won't break, Moni. To break would be pointless. It would only make you feel so much worse. You are honoring your friend with your sober life. We in The Nest love you and are very proud of you!!

[allankay]

Newbies Nest

Moni, I think your experience resonates with almost everyone here.

I certainly had to cut out some toxic people in my life and found that some people stopped inviting me to their parties. That is OK. I remember when I used to drink I would avoid sober people like the plague. It is just a fact of life which we need to accept. You don't see to many friendships between the Nazis and the Jews (sorry this is the most vivid example that I could think of) so just accept it as conflict of interest / clash of lifestyles and move on.

AK

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning, Nesters!
First of all, we have a big award this morning! To our favorite little kitty hanging on for dear life! (love that avatar!). Broken Halo, on behalf of all the nesters, please accept this small token of a HUGE job. Your hat!

:day5:

BH, you remind me of that little dish that sits beside cash registers: Need a Penny, Take a Penny. You came in and needed some guidance...you took it onboard, and now you help bring others along. You are the very essence of what this site is all about...SUPPORT. I am so proud of you! Would you have a few words as to how you managed it? What worked, what didn't? Thank you for everything you do here in the NN and all around the boards. You Rock!!
Byrdie

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Thank you, Allan, for the clarification. Just treat that wine like a rattlesnake in the back of your fridge!

Moni, I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. AND I'm sorry for the hurtful comments that some of the other people made to you. 'Still not drinking, eh?' NICE. I might have made those comments, too, back in my heavy drinking days. Because I would be wanting you to fail, so I wouldn't feel so bad. It's nothing more than jealousy. If I went to a fancy dinner in Beverly Hills... would I be more jealous of the people who weren't drinking? Or the ones who were? I certainly would not be jealous of the sloppy drunks...but I would want to be more like the people NOT drinking....I bet you would, too. Somehow, they seem a bit classier or more informed???!!! More aware of what they are putting in their bodies. There is absolutely nothing wrong with NOT drinking and anyone who thinks or says something contrary to that has an issue. (the ISSUE likely one of these: They are an Idiot. They have problems with AL, too. They are a relative who wants you to fail. OR, they are related to me!) UGG....my family! (see @#$%^^#@ thread). Hold your AF head up, Moni!! You have EVERYTHING to be proud of! Plus you lost about 400 pounds (what are the combined weights of these people?). Get rid of toxic people and substances! Yikes!

Hey Wino7!!!! GREAT JOB on your 7 days!! That is EPIC! Tess will be mooning you here shortly!

I hope everyone has a lovely Sunday! Byrdie

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Attention!! Attention!! May we have your attention, please!! Our friend in The Nest, Wino7, has raced like a deer toward achieving an ENTIRE alcohol-free week!! We Nesters honor you with a most-cherished award:

:moon:

Thank you for your support to all Nesters, Wino7. We are proud to run beside you toward freedom from alcohol. Way to be!!!