Newbies Nest

[JackDanielsGirl]

Newbies Nest

Morning all,
Another hot and humid day here. Heat index at 105, while I will be unloading our shipment of freight today, Ugh!

Byrdie sorry about the issues at work, while some are looking at layoffs, I on the other hand am looking for people who want to work. We hire them and they stay only a week or so. (Cashier's).
We are so understaffed and yes the bigger bosses are saying keep costs down and maintain productivity and sales. What???

Wine-no welcome back. Moderation was never a consideration in my situation.(didn't mean to rhyme). One drink always lead to the rest of what was on hand. Best Wishes.

Ican- the plan was the key for me, as long as I stuck with it.
Pinecone-gratitude, now that is a word not in my vocab as an alk, the only thing I was grateful for was the next drink. Now it is the little things in life like remembering the good sober times.
Sam good to see you
Lav - how is stella? Young children always have room for tanturms, my nephew told me the other day after I scolded him "you are something serious". I tried not to laugh but it was so funny.

Thought for the day: When you start to take that drink, remember someone is always watching us, whether they are young or old. Would you want them to live the same life we did as alks?

Commit to the Quit,
JDG

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Good morning, Nesters.
SunFlo and Allan....you are so right about big companies, we are shooting ourselves in the foot. Every other day I get an email about someone who is the new VP Director of (insert lame category here) yet we lay off our district service managers and techs. I do not understand it other than we are positioning to be sold.

If you reference 'Alcoholism for Dummies' (which I have yet to write).... one of the fundamental rules is 'Lead me not into temptation'. This means not going to bars and pubs in the early days. Yes we think we are strong, until temptation comes a-callin. Then, not so much. Plus we may not have a strong Plan (what to tell people and MEAN it). I have seen more nesters derailed by this in their first 30 days than I can count, and I include myself in that!!). We are not Mother Theresa in the very early days.

If there is a #2 rule in our book, it would have to be "GET IT OUT"....as they say on The Exorcist. Having AL in your space where you can get at it sends a message to our AL-Soaked brains that it's there if we need it. Ok, we need it. Take it off the table and out of the fridge. Having a 'safety net' assumes you are going to need it. And if it's there you are going to need it. I truly believe that resisting this one basic thing held me back for months.

#3. Moderating doesn't work. It can't. What does having one or two drinks do? It makes you relax and let your guard down. Guess what else goes out the window? Your willpower. One drink leads to another. Remember, even on this site, it is recommended only with those high powered drugs (along with their side effects). And even then it is questionable. I understand even the founder of MWO is now AF.

#4 Stop Bullshitting yourself. Yes, you are an Alkie. The sooner you accept this the sooner you can go about finding a way to work with it. Accepting this is key. Everyone knows that an ALK shouldn't drink....at all. That is what we must accept it, and it's a hard pill to swallow. But open wide....cause it's true, or we wouldn't be here. Think of it more as a diagnosis than a label...

#5 Adopt a Zero Tolerance Policy. Not one, not ever. If we want to build immunity to this problem you don't do that by sipping, tasting, or showering with AL. Stay away from it. Out of sight IS out of mind. Do not drink AL no matter what and no matter who.

These are the things it takes to get on with a normal life. If we compromise on any of these things, then we are right back to fighting this rattlesnake. Like any relationship, it takes time to grieve and move on, so that's what the goal is. So we don't salivate everytime someone mentions a cool glass of wine. We are trying to undo Pavlov's dog response. That's why you need the continuous, consecutive days AL. One drink feeds this beast. You CAN 'get over' this feeling of longing....but it takes time and it takes vigilance.

I have walked in your shoes.....I know the thinking and mind chatter. I've seen first hand what AL does. Getting it out completely is not the end of the world, it's the beginning of it. Don't compromise.

Have a wonderful Thursday everyone! Byrdie

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Samstone;1541300 wrote: Lav
quite right on moderation being a dream... I believe if we're at all at a certain point of questioning our intake, it's time to quit, the demon already loose.

I agree with Lav and Sam but actually, for most if not all of us, our attempt at moderation turns out to be a NIGHTMARE!

Good to see you back Wine-NO - the daily reading and posting really can help us stay committed to this better lifestyle .
I hope you and the other new and returning nesters stick around and keep this the most active thread ever!

Have a great day!

:h NS

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Hello Nesters!!

It's great to see so many posting and giving/receiving information and encouragement. Thanks Byrdie for your powerful message.

When we understand and acknowledge that we have an addiction to alcohol (an illness named alcoholism), we are then willing and able to make some changes in our lives.

What is addiction?

An addiction to alcohol meets two criteria:

1. You have difficulty controlling how much you drink or how long you drink. For example, one drink leads to another.

2. You continue to drink even though it has negative consequences to your life. For example, you continue to drink even though it has hurt your relationships.

My hunch is that nearly everyone reading and posting in The Nest would agree that the above statements are true for them. They are true for me!! My only option was to stop drinking. That was the only way to control my addiction. If I were to start drinking again I would put my life and happiness in jeopardy. I know myself. I would not be able to stop at one or two drinks. And after a few drinks, I wouldn't be at all concerned about the consequences of my drinking. I would not care about anyone but me and my drinking. That's the sad truth.

Stay strong, Nesters. You are awesome!! :heart:

[Neddy Merrill]

Newbies Nest

Good afternoon fellow nesters,

Byrdie and Tess, I agree wholeheartedly with what you say. Tess, your diagnosis is spot on: I fit both of your criteria perfectly: once I start I can't stop; I have damaged other people. This is the sore point for me - I have damaged the person not just the relationship and that, I feel, is a terrible admission to make. A wholly necessary admission nonetheless as it shows that I am aware of my actions and gives me a stimulus for keeping my quit going.

Byrdie, your five rule approach is very helpful, particularly in terms of moderation - I have tried to moderate almost every day of my adult life (I'll soon be 48) - and I think if I was going to master moderation I would have done so by now.

Thanks again folks, and best wishes to everyone.

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Welcome back Wine-No!
I agree that most people first came here with the dream of moderating. The truth is, "normal" drinkers don't have to count their drinks, or pace themselves, or make up all kinds of rules about their drinking. They just don't. We, on the other hand, have a huge problem with our "off" switch so we have to set boundaries and obsess over it. Thats what makes us alcoholics. I tried to taper for years, it never worked. It's so much easier to not start drinking than it is to stop, that's how I know I am an alcoholic. We're so glad to have you back...stick close!

[cynthialynne]

Newbies Nest

Thank you, Byrdlady for such an insightful post this morning! I need this, and will read it often.

AF day 8 feels great, but time to get a plan together for tonight. My football starts, and I'm a huge football/Denver Broncos fan. I associate football with drinking beer, so I'm nervous but mindful.

My friend is having a bbq, I'm not sure it's a good idea to attend this early on.
Will do some thinking during my workout this morning, and then reevaluate a game plan.

Thanks again for all the inspiration!
Have a wonderful, AF Thursday and keep a smile.

~Cyn

[Neddy Merrill]

Newbies Nest

Cynthialynne, It's great to see how much you have come on in such a short space of time. Well done. Only you can decide what's best for you in terms of whether to put yourself in the jaws of temptation tonight. All I can say is that I did something similar two/three weeks ago and the jaws snapped tightly on me. I only drank that night but, believe me, it was hard to stop. Once I get the taste for it, it is hard to come off it again. Hope you don't mind my comment. I just don't want you to undo all your great work and to lose the happiness you are so obviously feeling just now.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

cynthialynne;1541340 wrote:

My friend is having a bbq, I'm not sure it's a good idea to attend this early on.
Will do some thinking during my workout this morning, and then reevaluate a game plan.

~Cyn

Hi, Cyn

Until you have such an airtight plan in place that you can change this sentence to "I'm sure I can go and NOT drink, even though these are early days", my advice would be not to go. Many of us had very little social life for quite awhile and what we did do were events to which AL was not invited.

Only you can decide of course, but please know that environmental triggers can be very powerful early in your quit.

All the best to you, NS

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Neddy Merrill;1541335 wrote: Good afternoon fellow nesters,

Byrdie and Tess, I agree wholeheartedly with what you say. Tess, your diagnosis is spot on: I fit both of your criteria perfectly: once I start I can't stop; I have damaged other people. This is the sore point for me - I have damaged the person not just the relationship and that, I feel, is a terrible admission to make. A wholly necessary admission nonetheless as it shows that I am aware of my actions and gives me a stimulus for keeping my quit going.

Byrdie, your five rule approach is very helpful, particularly in terms of moderation - I have tried to moderate almost every day of my adult life (I'll soon be 48) - and I think if I was going to master moderation I would have done so by now.

Thanks again folks, and best wishes to everyone.

"I have damaged the person not just the relationship..." Neddy - It takes courage and insight to clearly see the negative impact that our out-of-control drinking had on other people. It hurts A LOT to take responsibility for our actions. I admire your strength and honesty!!

Recovery is a journey, my dear Nest Friend. We move on from the sting of the past to the wide-open terrain in front of us. We can make different and better choices now. People who have been wounded will usually heal quite nicely once they are able to trust, really trust, that we are sincere. We can go on to provide significant help and kindness to the very people that we hurt so badly. We are all in need of second chances, Neddy. Every single human being; not only those who have struggled with alcohol. Knowing this, I attempt to be quick to forgive and to offer a second chance. Endless chances, really. And I remember to forgive myself.

So... let's journey on. There's no good reason to dwell in the past. Onward!!

[Rahulthesweet]

Newbies Nest

cynthialynne;1541340 wrote:

AF day 8 feels great, but time to get a plan together for tonight. My football starts, and I'm a huge football/Denver Broncos fan. I associate football with drinking beer, so I'm nervous but mindful.

My friend is having a bbq, I'm not sure it's a good idea to attend this early on.

~Cyn

Cyn

You are in a lucky that you have a choice not to go and avoid a situation where you are tempted to drinking or a situation which you remember or associate with drinking. Look at me every phase of my life I can associate with drinking. In my job I travel a lot. While drink back from office I used to have beer in car. While catching a flight beer before in hop on ... Moment I come out of airport head to liquor store and grab pints of beers ...

Today I will be completing 6th day of AF. And today was a different day. I came back from flight ... Instead of feeding alcohol where I normally go I went to the same place and ha d a Pepsi ... And drove back sober passing thur the same set of bars where I used to stop for refill ... I challenged myself

If you plan to go to your friend then you need to challenge yourself that you will fight temptation. And I believe I found the key . I am stuffing myself with food and soda and that seems to be working ... With stomach full I don't feel like tempted to beer ...

Hope it helps ... We are on this together fighting ...

[Neddy Merrill]

Newbies Nest

Tess-2;1541363 wrote: "I have damaged the person not just the relationship..." Neddy - It takes courage and insight to clearly see the negative impact that our out-of-control drinking had on other people. It hurts A LOT to take responsibility for our actions. I admire your strength and honesty!!

Recovery is a journey, my dear Nest Friend. We move on from the sting of the past to the wide-open terrain in front of us. We can make different and better choices now. People who have been wounded will usually heal quite nicely once they are able to trust, really trust, that we are sincere. We can go on to provide significant help and kindness to the very people that we hurt so badly. We are all in need of second chances, Neddy. Every single human being; not only those who have struggled with alcohol. Knowing this, I attempt to be quick to forgive and to offer a second chance. Endless chances, really. And I remember to forgive myself.

So... let's journey on. There's no good reason to dwell in the past. Onward!!

Tess, thank you so much for your kind words. They are just what I need to hear. I have been feeling as if I have had the "blahs" for a day or two. Nothing I could put my finger on, but just a bit bent out of shape. You have helped me lift my head up. Thank you, NM xx

[Rahulthesweet]

Newbies Nest

Hellos nesters

Continuing to my earlier posts .. I always remember myself coming home late with my screaming where were you and kids fast asleep ... I would come late have an argument with my wife and collapse on effect of alcohol ... This has been a home return after travelling since as long as I can remember ...

Today ... Came back with met kids ...played with them .... Am happy !!

Problem is week later I am going to Switzerland a country I love going ... There work stops at 5 and evening it's beer time ... And every restaurant is a bar ... I been drinking loads of beer there every time I go there ... Can't imagine how I will pass evening for 6 days with no alcohol ...

[Rahulthesweet]

Newbies Nest

One more thing I miss is friends ... For some ppl they have beer buddies ... I have none ... I have been always drinking alone and being fully self "content" that's y I have always look forward to travelling to work alone ...

Every evening after work sit in bar watching movie and drinking till I would collapse ...

Now I see where are those friends ? Being obsessed with beer I now see how I have missed out on relationships ... (

[Cocoflo]

Newbies Nest

Just checking in & trying to make it through today.

Byrdie, Tess & K9, your posts were just what I needed to hear, Thank you!

Neddy, I think all of us have always intended to moderate. In my case, it just never worked. One drink always leads to WAY too many more. Letting go of the idea of the occasional drink and embracing the absolute of never drinking again is something that I am working towards.

Rahul, I agree, drinking is incredibly isolating. Ironic, because in my case, I would drink to be more social and outgoing. Wound up drinking at home and avoiding people so they wouldn't know how much I drink. Good luck on you travels, Switzerland is so beautiful, there must be other ways to occupy your time in the evenings. I do know business travel is hard and there are many opportunities to drink.....