Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Great to see everyone this morning! Kreeves, Neddy, Elvis, good to see you all back!

I think when I began this journey, I didn't give AL enough credit. I had NO IDEA of the incredible strength it has. Its lies and deceit are compared only to my first boyfriend!! :HIt took me some time to get over him, as it has taken me some time to get over AL. What I didn't know in the beginning is what the constant starting and stopping was doing to me. If you think of the monkeys in the positive reinforcement experiemtns, that's just what we are doing to this habit when we cave. Like in a slot machine when you lose and lose and lose but you keep putting the coins in anyway in HOPES of hitting it big. Giving in only makes the pull to AL STRONGER. Every time I tried to quit again it was HARDER, not easier like I thought. Since I'd done it before, I could do it again, right? Just this once and I'll get back on board tomorrow.....Addiction doesn't work that way. When you feed this thing, it's YOURS. I would justify by saying to myself...'I'm a lot better off than I was a year ago when I drank 8 or 9 drinks every single day! I guess that was true, I wasn't killing myself EVERY day, just every 4th or 5th day! It isn't until we get AL completely OUT that we can live peacefully again. Like NoSugar pointed out with the dates with a beginning and question marks at the end...that end date will be at the end of my term. I quit many times thinking that I'd be able to start again someday. Hanging out here on MWO now for almost 4 years has given me quite an education. If you look around at the successful people here....the option to drink again is NON NEGOTIABLE. And we are all good with that. That's what the quantity and gift of time does for you. Putting the distance between you and AL helps you see what it really is. For 3J's that Dom Perignon was rattlesnake vemon. And she was able to recognize that, because she has put distance between her and AL. She has studied the people on this site and seen what ONE DRINK can do to us. She saw behind the curtain!!
Exercise your AF muscles and they will get stronger! Dig your heels and do not give in no matter what and no matter who!! Ride out that craving, it will only last about 15 minutes and they won't kill you. AL is going to. This time, say NO, HELL NO! AL is not going to take one more day of my life!! Reclaim your life! Just say NO!
Have a wonderful, AF Sunday all! Byrdie

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Hello All,

Lav - My family and I are doing OK. Nothing seems real to me. That is my brain's shock absorber at work, I think. I cry when I feel pain, which is quite often. We were able to make nearly all funeral plans in advance. My mother's Funeral Mass will be on Tuesday. Then family members will be leaving for home. I think that may be when the emptiness sets in.

Neddy - I tend to be over sensitive to other people too. For me, I was this way long before I started drinking alcohol and I'm still sensitive 7 months after getting sober. So, in my case, I don't think the problem is alcohol. I don't know if I would call our difficulty a character defect. Nearly all personal characteristics can be a strength or a weakness depending on how we use them. On the plus side I am tender-hearted, a good listener, and generous. On the minus side I wallow in pain, beat myself up, and hide out while I lick my wounds. When I find myself behaving in self-defeating ways, I try to change my behavior -- even though that can be very difficult.

Have a good AF day, ALL.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Tess, I've been thinking about you since you told us you mom had passed :l.

You are an extremely mature woman at an age where many are not. A person here encouraged me not to resent or feel guilty about my past because it in the end could make me a better person. Maybe your struggles with alcohol helped bring you to this place where you have been able to embrace your mom's swift illness and death with such compassion, grace, and love.

NS

[Rahulthesweet]

Newbies Nest

Hello Nester,

Elvis good job resisting AL. You inspire me !!

My day 23 is getting over ... and with each passing day I feel more confident and will less temptations. I am on my way to switzerland on an over night flight to zurich. Every time I used to take such overnight fligt I always used to drink drink and literally collapse on flight. This time I will be doing something which I havent done since last maybe 10 years ... getting on board an evening flight sober. God bless me and hipe to stay sobe the upcoming week of travelling ...

[Wine-no!]

Newbies Nest

Have a good trip Rahul. Just think how much better you'll feel getting off that flight sober and rested. Be sure to wave to me 10 minutes before landing...

[free at last]

Newbies Nest

Hi Rahul,
I take about 4 business flights for work every month. Once you get the words, "No thanks, I'd like ______ (water, coke, selter, whatever), you are empowered. Also, you will notice that by not drinking on the flight, you are much better off the next day. You can do this.

[Neddy Merrill]

Newbies Nest

Tess-2;1545256 wrote: Hello All,



Neddy - I tend to be over sensitive to other people too. For me, I was this way long before I started drinking alcohol and I'm still sensitive 7 months after getting sober. So, in my case, I don't think the problem is alcohol. I don't know if I would call our difficulty a character defect. Nearly all personal characteristics can be a strength or a weakness depending on how we use them. On the plus side I am tender-hearted, a good listener, and generous. On the minus side I wallow in pain, beat myself up, and hide out while I lick my wounds. When I find myself behaving in self-defeating ways, I try to change my behavior -- even though that can be very difficult.

Have a good AF day, ALL.

Tess, thank you so much for your wisdom. You are going through so much at the moment and yet you can take the time to give me a guiding hand. I am so lucky to have friends like you. It is strange, but there are people here on MWO who I have never met whom I feel are better to me and better for me than the "friends" I spent years with propping up bars and sitting in horrible houses. Thank you again xx

Elvis - I salute you. You are a shining light and you have come so far in such a short time. Way to go!

To all other nesters my very best wishes and thanks for helping me get my life back. It's not plain sailing at the moment, but it's so much better than it was.

[Rahulthesweet]

Newbies Nest

Hello wine no,

Waving at you ...

Free at last : you are right ... I am travelling with a colledgue who decided to take 2 shots of whisky on the louge ... I stuck to coffee ... )

[broken halo]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone! I've been at work today and it is so good to come back and see everyone.

Neddy, welcome back! Your posts were missed, and that support thing you were talking about works both ways. It is wonderful to have you here and to have you as a friend xx

Tess, I hope you and the family are coping. It is a very difficult time waiting for the funeral:l.

Kreeves, welcome back to this wonderful place, you can make this work. :l

LB, Elvis, wine no, free, Byrdy, NS, LB, and anyone I missed, I hope you all had a lovely sober Sunday while I was slaving away down the salt mines! :H

I'm off to make some tea and catch up with posts before bed. Stay safe everyone xx

[MossRose]

Newbies Nest

Hello everyone. Just checking in. As always, some really great posts. Byrdie, as always, spot on advice. It's only been recently that I've noticed that each quit is just a bit harder than the last. I can't tell you how many times I have tried to moderate and then patted myself on the back because, "I wasn't killing myself EVERY day, just every 4th or 5th day!" When you put it that way, it just seems really stupid and obvious. Enough is enough. I don't ever want to go through this hell (or worse) again.

Tess, thinking of you.

[3June2013]

Newbies Nest

Kreeves almost missed your post! Welcome! I hope you'll share a little something about yourself.

I will start by introducing myself, and there may be others who don't know much about me although we've been talking for a couple of months now.

I am 54, a shift worker in a high stress environment, it's an emergency call centre. I am the boss, and I love my job.

I began drinking when I was about 14 I guess and pretty much ever since I have drank steadily. I didn't actually quit when I was pregnant (with my only son - now 25) but I cut way down.

When I was young I did every drug I could find that didn't involve needles.

I have determined that a lot of it was about numbing myself. A lot of shitty things happened to me when I was at an age where learning to cope should have taken place. Instead I learned to avoid. It was a defence mechanism, and a good one for a while. But all things catch up with us eventually I guess and in the end it was pretty destructive.

My dad was alcoholic, my mum drinks too much. MY brother has liver cancer and 3 other brothers are alcoholics. I come by it honestly.

I am now learning a new way to live. It isn't just about not drinking. It's about working out what to do instead of drinking.

So figuring out what is a better choice when I used to reach for a drink. Sometimes it's food, or music, or a walk, a yoga workout, a bath, a cup of tea. I'm still learning. It's only been 2.5 months.

I came here thinking I needed help staying AF for a while. But I soon found out that I'm better off quitting forever. It's so much easier than the hassle of trying to constantly monitor and curb my drinking.

I'm boring myself now, hope I haven't bored you! Please post often and stay near, we're all here to help!

[MossRose]

Newbies Nest

3June - it's nice to know a bit about your life. We've been talking for a while now and I honestly didn't have a clue about your life. I'm 54 too, love my job, have an end-stage alcoholic brother and have been self-destructing since I was a teen. Interesting how so many of us come from different corners of the world, from different cultures, different upbringings, yet we share the same story. Amazing. Thanks for your honesty. Oh - and I wasn't bored I found it refreshing.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Moss, thank you for the kind words...
We all do have more similarities than differences. I'm 53 and drank away most of my life. Giving up AL is sure a lifestyle change but we are all living proof it can be done with a little help from our friends!
Have a wonderful Sunday evening! Byrdie

[broken halo]

Newbies Nest

Gosh ladies, I am 54 too. I like to keep reminding myself that 54 is the new 40! :H:H

[free at last]

Newbies Nest

Ok, couldn't resist. I am 54, soon to be 55 and as most of you know am an international consultant with a gig that takes me to West Africa, Europe, and sometimes Asia. Drinking started becoming an issue for me about 15 years ago and steadily progressed to a point where I knew I had to take back my life, to find joy again, and to be present for all this world brings -- the good, bad, ugly and beautiful. Here's to the wonderful support of MWO friends.