Newbies Nest

[3June2013]

Newbies Nest

Nice work Rahul!

[Gardener]

Newbies Nest

I'm back. I had over 30 days AF in July and stupidly thought I could order "One" glass of wine at dinner one night with my husband. We both had a very pleasant, rosy discussion (with AL sitting on my shoulder) on how nice it would be just to enjoy wine occasionally on social occasions. Well, we all know where that led, to another, another and another. I've been stopping and starting ever since then. Last night I have made the decision (AF) that I can never drink again. That's it, I am going to accept that - no more conversations with AL, no more worrying about what other people think - it's what I think that matters!

Thank you NS and LB for nudging me during that time and checking in on me. It really meant a lot to me to know I was being thought of. And thank god for this site, I continued to lurk and read everyone's post and it has really helped to bring me back from the hole I've been in over the past couple of weeks. Thank you to everyone here for being so honest in relating to your struggles and for reaching out to others. This really was a lifeline for me.

I'll shorten this up now - about me, I'm a 56 year female, my parents were both alcoholics, my mother died at 56, my father quit in his 60's and lived to 80. Three of my siblings have severe alcohol/drug problems, and three (incuding me) struggle and are functioning. I love to cook and garden, hence my name, I'm in the real estate industry and work from home.

Going to the toolbox now, plan to visit there daily, plan to post on here daily and plan to kick the crap out of AL from here on.

Thanks for those words yesterday in your post Byrdie -NO, HELL, NO!!! I recited those words all day yesterday and found my strength to overcome any thoughts of drinking last night. Your should be a motivational speaker!!

[Samstone]

Newbies Nest

JDG
dust yourself off, pick yourself up and go find a mirror, look long and hard in that mirror. Look at what you see. Memorize every feature and when that urge to drink comes on, recall it.

I found that help me a lot when my urges came on. Unfortunately for me and sounds the same for you, that I had to make several trips to that mirror.

Sam

[Mein Sonnenschein]

Newbies Nest

Hi JDG... I've been in the same boat as you lately and I completely understand how you feel... lonely and scared. But today is a new day! YOU have the power to treat yourself right! I understand that the day after (or a few days after) a large binge, you experience the shakes and the "need for another drink to calm it down" but please don't go there. Give it a few days and you will feel so much better. Plus your body will thank you. I'm right there beside you!

Sending you much love today and thinking of you! :l

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

NoSugar;1545262 wrote: Tess, I've been thinking about you since you told us you mom had passed :l.

You are an extremely mature woman at an age where many are not. A person here encouraged me not to resent or feel guilty about my past because it in the end could make me a better person. Maybe your struggles with alcohol helped bring you to this place where you have been able to embrace your mom's swift illness and death with such compassion, grace, and love.

NS

NS - I've just logged-on since the last time I posted, which seems like a year ago (my sense of time is warped)... I usually start with my last post and read forward to the most recent post in The Nest, but this morning I only made it to your post and decided to stop here.

Thank you for your kind words. Regarding my maturity, my parents used to say that I was "born grown up." I was always more comfortable with people much older than myself. For example, I would often hang out with teachers rather than fellow students in school and I would spend time visiting with my parents' friends rather than my siblings or neighborhood friends at home. Still, my parents comments about my maturity annoyed me. Why? Because my "maturity" caused me to feel somewhat isolated and painfully different rather than special. I longed to be just like everyone else. Also, I didn't want my siblings to feel that I was being favored. NOW I can see that my parents were just being typical proud parents and did not intend to add to my feelings of isolation. I recently turned 29. Many women my age are raising families while working full time. I just graduated from college and am still trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up. I don't see myself as being on any sort of fast-track.

I agree that we need not resent or feel guilty about our past problem with drinking. Our painful experiences at the hands of alcohol have much to teach us once we finally decide to remove the drinking completely from our lives.

I do not think that my struggles with alcohol necessarily helped me to embrace my mom's swift illness and death. (If in fact I am embracing it.) My siblings and I were taught as children that a significant part of life is to prepare for a good death. That instruction always seemed rather bleak to me. But my parents not only talked the talk; they sincerely walked the walk. So... while everything about my mother's death seems harsh and incomprehensible... there is a place in my mind and heart that was trained that death is a natural part of the life cycle: birth, life, death, rebirth. Many in our culture don't ever see or give serious consideration to death. My mom embraced death in a very courageous way. Yes, she felt fear and loss. But I would have to say that she lovingly welcomed her passage.

Well, the house is now stirring with father and siblings taking showers, making coffee, talking, hugging, crying, telling silly jokes, listening to music, and generally attempting to get the day started. I'm off to join in.

Have a great AF Day, ALL.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Welcome back MS, JDG, and Gardner!

We missed you :l.

:h NS

Edit to say Hi to Tess. We will keep you in our thoughts over the coming days - xx.

[Miley]

Newbies Nest

Tess....I haven't been in the Nest for a couple of days and wanted to say that I am very sorry for the loss of your beloved Mother. These are most difficult times and it is so good that you have a support system in place here. The passing of my Mom, 11 years ago began my downward spiral with AL but you are ahead of the game and we are here for you.

JDG - Good to see you back. The first couple of days seem to be the worst. For some reason, warm lemon water helped me...I think it helps rid toxins. MS is right...today is a new day and thank God! Keep on pushing forward.

Gardner....It is so n ice to see you back. I was wondering where you went when I didn't see you posting in the August thread. The same thing happened to me after I did 30 days in June...then I went on vacation and was enjoying a drink with my Husband and then wham.....back into the same old crap. The good news is we know now where this is going to go. I think the most important thing is to get another 30 days and then cherish it and keep on moving.

I lost my cousin today to an illness he had been suffering from. He was around my age (47), which seem so young. You never know what life is going to deal you. I had the brief thought about a glass of wine but then I thought about all of you brave people, especially Tess, and as Gardner reminded us of Byrdie's saying NO-HELL-NO...and pushed it aside. Life is too short to be drowning it in poison. I hate AL....it is a liar and has ruined so many lives!

One thing I wanted to pass along, is that I heard somewhere that sipping on grape juice helps combat cravings for AL. I went out and bought the little bottles to keep in my fridge at the office and figure I will sip on one on the way home, just in case.

[sweetpea29]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters :hallo: Hope ye don't mind me popping-in!

Wanted to say to Tess how very sorry I am for the loss of your Mum and to Miley on the loss of your cousin xx

[Neddy Merrill]

Newbies Nest

Good evening nesters. JDG I am praying for you and sending lots of positive thoughts and the same for Miley and Tess.
Byrdie, your evaluation of the myths of alcohol and it's power to deceive is, as always, spot on. In terms of being a birdie I think you are a wise owl my friend.
There has been some mention of helping others actually means that you are helping yourself and I think that is so true. It's almost like a spiritual principle: what goes around comes around and if you are good, kind and helpful then that is what will come back.
BH - yes I find my job very rewarding. Especially when I can take kids from difficult circumstances and offer them a path to fulfilment and success. Your attitude of gratitude to this site and the people on it is so obvious. You are such a kind person and I am proud to have you as my friend xx

[JackDanielsGirl]

Newbies Nest

Thank you all for the kind word. Yesterday was the worst. Still very tired and slightly shaky. But it seems to come and go one min it's better the next it's back. Waiting on bedtime maybe I can sleep and tomorrow is a better day. I have to work tomorrow so praying for a much better dy 3

[Pinecone]

Newbies Nest

Hi friends,

Just a short check in from me. Welcome back Mein, JDG, and Gardener. There are lots of tricks that work so check out the toolbox if that would help. A few people have mentioned it, but I also find that saying "no, hell no!" out loud really works.

Have a great AF afternoon.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

sweetpea29;1545723 wrote: Hi Nesters :hallo: Hope ye don't mind me popping- xx

Hi, Sweetpea

You are welcome to be here anytime! I think the more perspectives in the nest, the better!

[Lizann]

Newbies Nest

Byrdie, thanks for the pep talk! Wish I had years al free behind me already!
Jdg. Your not alone! You'll feel better everyday. Be careful with the Valium, though. Shakes should get better after five to seven days. I will be praying for you! Let me know how your doing.
It was interesting to read everyone's background stories! This addiction is so much more widespread than I could have ever imagined. I never thought it could happen to me and yet here I am. I have a question to anyone who might like to answer. I have not shared my "secret" with anyone other than my husband and my children and my doctor. Is it important to my recovery to be more open about this. Just wondering.
My work schedule has lightened significantly and I find myself home early with more time to think about drinking. Im spending some time here to find strength and inspiration! I'll check in later again.

[Neddy Merrill]

Newbies Nest

Lizann;1545779 wrote: Byrdie, thanks for the pep talk! Wish I had years al free behind me already!
Jdg. Your not alone! You'll feel better everyday. Be careful with the Valium, though. Shakes should get better after five to seven days. I will be praying for you! Let me know how your doing.
It was interesting to read everyone's background stories! This addiction is so much more widespread than I could have ever imagined. I never thought it could happen to me and yet here I am. I have a question to anyone who might like to answer. I have not shared my "secret" with anyone other than my husband and my children and my doctor. Is it important to my recovery to be more open about this. Just wondering.
My work schedule has lightened significantly and I find myself home early with more time to think about drinking. Im spending some time here to find strength and inspiration! I'll check in later again.

Hi Lizann, spending lots of time on MWO is a great idea if you have temptation time. In terms of being more open I think a lot depends on what you do and who you want to tell. There are still professions that take a very disdainful attitude towards alcoholics. I work in education and I know for sure that if I came clean about the fact I suffer from alcoholism I would be sacked if ever I relapsed. It's happened to others so there would be no exception for me. In terms of family and friends they probably all know anyway. I was the only guy on my street that didn't know I was an alcoholic. Everyone else knew, that's for sure, seeing me sick in the street yada yada yada!

[broken halo]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters. Welcome back JDG, I hope you are feeling better and stronger :l

Pinecone :

A few people have mentioned it, but I also find that saying "no, hell no!" out loud really works.

It's funny because it's true! :H

Neddy, its harsh that you would be sacked, would that be the case if you took steps to seek help too?

I know my employer does do the full supportive thing when it comes to addiction. They have to show that they have taken reasonable measures to support you to keep them safe from tribunal when they fire you!

In answer to your question Lizann, you seem to have shared it with all the most important people that are directly involved. I don't really feel the need to share with too many people, everyone is different though. Whatever works for you and that you are comfortable with I suppose. It's great that you are spending time here and learning from the likes of Byrdie!