Newbies Nest

[Wine-no!]

Newbies Nest

Hi Rooni
I agree that your friend should not have suggested meeting in a bar! As you say, if she wanted to see you, you could meet for a coffee. I am surprised she just replied 'OK' and did not suggest meeting somewhere else..
Hmmm...

[Gardener]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning Nesters - Rooni - I had a friendship that was based on riding around on my boat on the lake drinking/laughing/listening to music, dinners, etc. These are my neighbors, another couple without kids that we spend a lot of time with. I confided in her three weeks ago that I wasn't drinking anymore. She was very supportive and mentioned that she and her hubby needed to cut down too.

Haven't heard from her in three weeks. Sent an invite for a "virgin" boatride the last sunny day we had here (haven't been many) and she ignored my message.

We've known them for 8 years and have been socializing over 5 years. Oh well, guess I guess that wasn't the friendship I thought it was. I'll keep an open mind, maybe she'll come around, if not, that's OK too - my sobriety is more important that pleasing someone else.

Didn't mean to ramble, just related so much to your post.

Have a great day everyone!!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Morning, Nesters....gosh, so many great posts....lots of food for thought.
Rooni, there really IS a lot more to getting sober than just quitting drinking...it is an eye opener in every way. Looking 2 years into the rear view mirror I can tell you that people that I consider friends now are TRUE friends, not commiserating drinking buddies. If the foundation of friendship is there, it will last. Leading by example like you are, she may turn to you when she gets sick and tired of this ride...then YOU'LL be her Lav! I am so happy that you are recognizing things now as the cloud of AL lifts! Drinking buddies don't want to lose their playmates....I didn't. It made me look bad. Then I had to look in the mirror myself, and that was hard to do. In this game of self preservation, it's every girl for herself!! I am so happy for you...keep up the great work!

SaraSmiles, one of these days, I'm going to write a book, "Moderating for Dummies". Nuff said....eheheh... I wasted an entire year trying my dam-dest (a Southern word) to moderate. I never drank harder. It's not possible (in my not so humble opinion on the subject). You cannot rewire addiction. So when I finally realized that and sucked it up, checked my ego at the hen house door and stepped in, I've been in a much better place!! Being AF is more liberating and buzzworthy than all the booze in Margaritaville! I would have never imagined it....I sure thought I couldn't possibly live without AL in my life in some way, but low and behold, I'm doing it, and so are all of us!! We're so glad you're here! I've seen you around the boards and it's a pleasure to meet you!

It's so good to see each and every one of you this morning!! I'll see you at the Nester's Bar after work, deal? Hugs to all, Byrdie

[Pinecone]

Newbies Nest

Good morning friends,

SaraSmiles (I like your name), welcome to the nest! Of course there is always room for one more. I can relate to what you posted about being sick of drinking and feeling like junk. For me the mental aspect of feeling like crap and knowing that I was capable of more in life was unbearable. The relief you seek is right here in AF life. Congratulations on your two days! Just walk away from it and don't look back. I think you are wise to hang out in the nest, there is so much support here.

Gardener good to see you today. Some deer jumped over my fence and nipped all my tomatoes, the buggers! I was able to save a lot of unripe tomatoes though, hopefully they will ripen in paper bags.

Lizann, how are you today? I think when the time is right, you will know who to tell and what to say. Just don't be afraid to use a white lie about antibiotics or something like that if you are in a pinch. Something like that should be part of your plan.

MossRose, 3June, BH, Byrdie, Lav, Mr.V, great to see you all today!

Rooni, I think it's normal to grieve a little bit over loss of friendships, or acquaintances becoming distant with us for wanting an AF life. Those are positive human contacts in a distant world, even though they might not be healthy for us anymore. Good on you for focusing on your positives. Good to see you today.

I hope everyone has a great AF day. Just put one AF foot in front of the other.

[Lizann]

Newbies Nest

Thanks pinecone. We are spending the weekend at the beach with my daughters soon to be in laws. The are moderate drinkers and I have my excuses all lined up. Think I'm going with I had a head ache and just took an Advil. Thanks.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Gardener;1546442 wrote:
We've known them for 8 years and have been socializing over 5 years. Oh well, guess I guess that wasn't the friendship I thought it was. I'll keep an open mind, maybe she'll come around, if not, that's OK too - my sobriety is more important that pleasing someone else.

If you do get together, Gardener, you might find that you're the one who is bored and ready to let the friendship fade...
I'm amazed at the drivel I mistook for conversation. I don't dread social events now because I'm worried about being tempted to drink - I just don't want to go to some of them because there are things I'd rather be reading, doing, creating...

[JackDanielsGirl]

Newbies Nest

Hello peeps,

Doing much better here today. Eating everything in sight, which is good. Off to work soon just wanted to say thank you for all your well wishes and insight. Hopefully soon I will be able to cheer on the newbies.

Have a great day,
JDG

[3June2013]

Newbies Nest

Rooni what if you text Cathy and suggest you meet up for a walk or something AF? It might work out that she enjoys it!

[Gardener]

Newbies Nest

Pinecone - Sorry to hear about your tomatoes, the squirrels are eating mine! I'm getting a few green ones too, but here's what I can't figure out - why don't they eat the cherry tomatoes??? I've seen them take off up a tree with a 1 lb green tomato in their mouth, hysterical.

NoSugar - I was reflecting on that friendship more today and you're right, seems like we really didn't scratch much on the surface of really knowing each other besides to share a good time.

JDG - You're doing great!!! Glad to see you toughing it out, keep up the good work, I'm working it too!

Have a great day everybody!

[Alicat]

Newbies Nest

Hi everybody,I'm new and not sure if I'm posting in the right place but just thought I'd say hi On day one and feeling a bit nervous

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Hey Alicat! You ARE in the right place if you are ready to kick this monkey out of your life for good! You'll never find a place with more understanding than right here. We have ALL been there! Read back a few days and get to know us, and be sure to check out the Tool Box (link below) for 100's of tips and strategies for living an AF life! We are so glad you found us, and congratulations on DAY 1! That's how it all begins! We're glad you're here!! Byrdie

[Sarasmiles]

Newbies Nest

Hi Everyone,
I just got home from a frustrating day, after a long drive in traffic, with four kids in the car. The first thing I did after coming home and showering was to come here. I am fighting the compulsion to have a drink. I've been very angry this afternoon - I won't go into detail here, but someone I know has been unkind to one of my children, and I am feeling like an enraged mother lion. I have a strong impulse to try and drink away these angry feelings, but I know in my head that drinking would only mask the feelings temporarily. I'd regret it so much later... The toughest thing is finding an alternative. It's so hard to just sit with unpleasant feelings!

I'm glad to have this place to come to. Thank you for the welcomes, and welcome Alicat!

[broken halo]

Newbies Nest

Evening Nesters. Hello and welcome Alicat, as Byrdie says you have found a great place to be on day one, stay close. BTW, you have great taste in avatars! :H

I am just reading through the posts right now about friendships. My mother used to always say 'misery loves company' and that's just what sprung to mind when I think about one particular friend. We don't see each other often as she lives quite far away, but when we do, or did, we just drank. We went out to eat on the odd occasion but always ended up drinking afterwards. We never did anything else, like go to the theatre, go for a coffee during the day. Nothing like that. We were both miserable drunks together.

I am fond of her and we go back a long long way before the drinking got so bad, but if I can't have a relationship with her that doesn't involve drinking, so be it. I am hoping that next time if I suggest something that is non alcoholic she will jump at it. I sense from her phone calls she is sick of drinking too and I'd love to be able to spend real quality time with her completely sober, something that we haven't done in a long time.

I am confident that I can persuade her, we'll see.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Hi, SaraSmiles

Coming here instead of drinking is one of my cardinal "rules" - great job! You won't regret it and you won't do anything like drunk-text or -call the person you are so angry with.

Glad you're here!

NS

PS Is your name from the Hall and Oates song? It's one of my favorites -- takes me right back to freshman year of college when my roommate repetitively played the album it is on .

[Alicat]

Newbies Nest

Thanks for the warm welcomes Everyone seems cool and I look forward to getting to know you.Haha,nice avatar too halo :thanks: