Newbies Nest

[yellow cayenne]

Newbies Nest

Hey Broken Halo, thanks for the suggestion. I like where you're coming from and see a lot of opportunity in taking 30 days alcohol free. (AF?). Trying to learn the acronyms. Anyway, nothing "bad" is going to happen by NOT drinking...that is for sure, eh? And ya, if you can't always moderate....I guess that means i have a problem moderating.

Someone asked about all the dangerous things I have done while drunk.

Been flirting with my boss when drunk, and had the idea this person was flirting with me. I then told boss to leave partner so we could "hook up". Boss was "umm no" and "watch your mouth". Later was able to smooth this out thank god...but Cringe.

At a holiday party a year ago I got smashed infront of my subordinates...one of them was brand new, another very conservative. I could not even stand and do not remember leaving! I do recall blurrily telling one of their partners how much they reminded me of myself at their age. Wow. Yuck. Ego. Lot of respect they must have had for me the next day, luckily I have been able to rebuild their confidence.

Confronted a co-worker while drunk about an issue we were having on a project, and felt like they weren't pulling their weight. Told my boss this co-worker was jealous of my good looks and confidence. Double cringe. I would never say this stuff sober....I don't even have high confidence! Attention seeking...

Driving drunk...running traffic stops, endangering others, running into things, multiple car fixes due to drunk driving...

Sleeping around, blacking out, aggression...crying about no one loving me at 2am in the morning at a bar with superiors at work. Embarrassed much? The list of course goes on...a long ways....

[sanchez]

Newbies Nest

broken halo;1547588 wrote: I had a nice wee shopping trip today nesters, spending what would have been my AL an nicotine money on things that enhance my life, not detract from it!

BH - Congrats on your ~50 days! What a wonderful way to treat yourself with things that will make you feel speciall. I think that's a great idea and once I hit the 30 day mark, I'm going to do something special for myself too, like a facial, massage, mani/pedi - or all of the above!

[sanchez]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1547579 wrote: Morning, Nesters! Great to see everyone!
Sanchez, between the magic Day 13 and your hat awards ceremony, your emotions are going to be bouncing off the walls. After much pondering on this phenomenon, I have deduced that at this phase, we are in the "Bargaining" stage of grief. Remember the 5 stages? In bargaining, you tell yourself, you really weren't that bad, or that you'll just drink on weekends, or that you aren't as bad as SOME folks on here, or just 'one' to take the edge off....this is the stage that derails many a nester ,myself included. Don't be one of them!! You will find that if you have a BAD day, the next day will be GOOD. This is a merciful thing...if it stayed that hard NOBODY could ever get sober! Once you hit the 30 days, those waters will be calmer and your emotions will settle down. You will never have 2 bad days in a row!!
Getting sober is not a spectator sport you gotta get in the game on this one. Checking in here and letting everyone know how you are doing and what challenges you face let us know we are not fighting this alone. Your challenges are OUR challenges. This isn't new, the same conversations have been taking place in this nest for 7 years...one of us has surely faced it, too....don't bear it alone! A burden shared is halved and a joy shared is doubled! We can do this together!!

Thank you Byrdie, BH and MR,
Last night was rough and not just because of the al temptation, but my situation. My quit is all about me at this point though. I'll work on getting out of this marriage next. My friends and their husbands have witnessed the verbal abuse getting worse and worse and consequently my drinking was progressing as well. Not blaming him for my drinking but the self esteem erosion that comes from a constant barrage of verbal abuse, then the drinking on top of that makes it even worse. There's no way to get out of this cycle unless the drinking stops.

Byrdie - I was in fact bargaining with myself last night. Thinking okay - 16 days in, I can do this. But the truth is I CANNOT. Like Sam said, it's the BEAST talking to you! Truly appreciate the support and wisdom from everyone. Where can I find those 5 steps again?

Thankful for this safe place to come and vent and listen and try to help as I can. Knowing I have a physical place to run too as well in the event things escalate again is a good thing. Never thought I'd find myself in this situation - ever! Someday, I'll cruise on over to the My Story thread and post something there. Would be a familiar and probably boring read, but might help to get things off my chest.

Thank you all! :l

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Sanchez, I'll go find that post on the 5 stages of grief. Hang tight....B

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Here it is:

As I mentioned to a response to Allan yesterday in his thread....he'd reached his 30 day goal and then felt like a bride coming back from her honeymoon...NOW WHAT? I was explaining to him that breaking free of alcohol is, in effect, ending a relationship. And I mean a long-standing, hard-core, abusive, solid relationship. In essence you are going thru the 5 stages of grieving. Anger (what brought you here..."I'm SICK of this crazy life!"), Denial (Maybe I'm not all that bad! What was I thinking? Other people drink as much or MORE than I do' I think this is where the biggest Pity Party is thrown...it comes after the first 2 weeks and before day 30), BARGAINING ( why don't I try to moderate? Other people are able to do it...if I could just have one precious glass of _____ I'd be ok, THEN I'll get right back on track..), Depression (Is THIS all there is? Where are the balloons? Is this as good as it's ever going to get? ' Well shit...'.) and finally, acceptance. Let me tell you, this is where it's at. You finally are able to accept that, NO, you CANNOT drink ....AT ALL. Not one, not ever.....and you are ok with this. This is the stage where you can see AL for what it really is....a DRUG. Some people abuse drugs and some people don't. We do. Each stage in grieving is very important. Once you can see what is going on and that you aren't going crazy, it helps...at least it did for me. What you are going thru is the natural stages of loss. If you stay the course, I promise it will get better....I can also make a promise the other way, too....if we stay on the path we were on....well, you get the picture. I can assure you there will be a day where you don't even think about AL! As hard as it is now....it seems hard to believe. As hardcore as I was, I can now come to the end of an evening and think...I'll be dam, I didn't even think about it. THAT is amazing! You will get there...it just takes some time. Please hang in with us...you can do it! If I can do it, you can too!!! Byrdie

[Wine-no!]

Newbies Nest

Sanchez, my quit buddie.. I can truly relate with your post as temptation got the best of me last night and I did cave :-( epic fail..... No physical cravings just pure emotional...
I truly thought I had the right mindset this time but I allowed the wine-witch to join my pity-party (truly shit week with hubby problems and my mum having chemo yesterday amongst other issues... All excuses but..).
Be strong xxx

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Wine-no!;1547627 wrote: Sanchez, my quit buddie.. I can truly relate with your post as temptation got the best of me last night and I did cave :-( epic fail..... No physical cravings just pure emotional...
I truly thought I had the right mindset this time but I allowed the wine-witch to join my pity-party (truly shit week with hubby problems and my mum having chemo yesterday amongst other issues... All excuses but..).
Be strong xxx

Hi, Wine-No

You must be very disappointed but no one truly fails at this unless they quit trying :l.

Everyone here understands the allure of somehow escaping from whatever problems each of us faces in our lives. And no one blames you for succumbing to an awesomely powerful foe. As I've read here many times, if this were easy, there would be no need for MWO, AA or any of the many other programs.

Is today your new day 1? I hope so. There is nothing to be gained by re-establishing your old pattern and a great deal to lose. Have you thought about what other choices you could have made at the time you decided to drink? Having in place a simple action that you promise yourself you'll do before you drink helps. You can even have it in your mind that after you do that thing, if you still want to have a drink, you can. This can be something like walking a dog, drinking a glass of a non-AF beverage that you enjoy, eating something, whatever. My action plan has been to come to MWO and post before I drink. Any of these can interrupt the thought pattern that is compelling you to drink. Just that pause can be enough to enable you to make a better choice.

I hope you're feeling ok today and I'm sorry about your family pressures. We all need relief from those - the trick is to find positive, healthy tools. Keep reading all around MWO - people are trying all sorts of things to find balance and peace in their lives. You might read about something that sounds possible for you.

Stay close. :h NS

[sanchez]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Byrdie for the 5 stage recap. It is helpful.

Wine-no! Sorry for your bad week. Was wondering if you were out of town. I could have been right there with you last night. Only because I felt I had to leave my house did the wine-witch fail. Driving helped me actually. We can still be quit-buddies and all the more reason to stay in touch more often, especially on the weekends and when we know we're having bad days. We are both so vulnerable.
Hang in there and stay AF if you can. I'm heading to a fund raiser tonight and there will be al served, but am going to concentrate on the food instead.
Talk tomorrow?
:l

[Londoner]

Newbies Nest

Saturday night check in. I have cancelled three invitations to go out tonight - purely because I feel I am not ready to be out in large groups with people I do not know well without alcohol.

Instead I am staying in for a chilled night tonight, trying to be productive and have got some work to go in for tomorrow morning.

Anti-social. Yes.

Destructive. No.

[Pinecone]

Newbies Nest

BH, that was a great post about Puccini in the garden. I smiled reading it.

Londoner, good for you for having your priorities in order.

Have a great AF afternoon.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Hi, Londoner

You won't have to be a hermit forever !

You are so smart to make this short term sacrifice and take care of yourself. Keeping the greater goal in mind is the struggle we all need to win, right? No more immediate gratification or relief from AL.

Tomorrow morning's happiness and pride will more than outweigh any deprivation you may be feeling now. But really - you sound GOOD! Maybe you're already feeling the peace of being not only someone who can't drink, but someone who doesn't want or need to.

Have a nice evening with the one good friend you can always be with - the sober you.

:h NS

[Londoner]

Newbies Nest

NoSugar;1547655 wrote:
You won't have to be a hermit forever !

I know It takes me a few weeks of AF before I really start opening my brain and soul and feel comfortable again in the more unfamiliar social situations. Just concentrating on hitting the gym hard, sleeping and eating well.

NoSugar;1547655 wrote:
No more immediate gratification or relief from AL.

Indeed. Not just from AL. But many vices in my life. I don't want any drastic highs or lows anymore.

NoSugar;1547655 wrote:
of being not only someone who can't drink, but someone who doesn't want or need to.

This is the thought I need to keep in the forefront of my mind. I will be a more balanced person AF. And if I keep using AL as a social lubricant I will never learn to enjoy real life situations for real i.e. excitement, nervousness, shyness etc. It's far more fun, I am starting to realise, to go along with the ride of REAL human emotion.

Thanks NS. Again, any comments on here really help and MYO is starting to become a real helpful resource.

[MinStar]

Newbies Nest

Hello nesters- so I am back again D1 complete after a stupid whiskey fuelled (hubbys stash) for no reason. I'm looking to connects with people who have had success trying to quit a second time round. I really am struggling to get back on this wagon....:-(

[MossRose]

Newbies Nest

NoSugar;1547655 wrote:
Have a nice evening with the one good friend you can always be with - the sober you.
:h NS

NS - I'm going to print this out and re-read it every time I am lonely and start feeling sorry for myself. Living alone for the first time in decades has been a true transition. And obviously, I haven't always used that time wisely. But now, I can truthfully say, I would rather be alone and sober than drinking with my ex. Wise words, my friend. Londoner, hope you do something special just for you tonight.

YC - I always thought that the psychic hangover was worse than the physical one. That's one of the biggest reasons I am fighting so hard this time to stay AF. I love waking up in the morning and knowing I didn't do anything incredibly embarrassing the night before because I was drunk. ugh. I don't know how long it will take to forgive myself. But, I'm encouraged that Byrdie says it's possible to earn back people's respect. That's my new goal. Stay strong.

Sanchez, glad you are hanging in there. I can see you are in a terrible spot right now. Your mental and physical safety are a top priority. As is staying sober. You have a lot on your plate right now, but you sound determined and strong. If you didn't cave last night, you can definitely do this. I know how badly words can hurt. But remember that you are a strong, caring, beautiful woman and no one can take that away from you. No one! Be careful, have a plan, and stay strong. We're here for you. Just take everything one step at a time, ok?

[Mom21961]

Newbies Nest

Maybe I'm too far gone?

I read on here about people that drink several times a week, but then drink too much. For me, if I make it to 5:00pm. It's a super victory and doesn't happen often. I wake up in the morning wanting to drink, and often do on the way to work. My problem sounds so much worse than others who post here, I wonder if there's hope. I can go through the equivalent of 4bottles of wine a day and function as my tolerance is so high. Oddly, the couple of times I've quit my only issue is sleeplessness. Is there anyone out there that drank like me 24/7 and recovered ? I just feel really far gone right now. Thanks.