Newbies Nest

[available]

Newbies Nest

Awww Trinity, wasnt enjoyable then was it? You poor thing i got over the vomit stage years ago, all the Al stayed where i wanted it to. Back on the wagon as MyWay says, you have done 7 days and be proud of that.

Tonight i went and got my nails done and i just wanted a quiet time there but ended up there was a woman who would not shut up at all, knew everything etc etc. I personally wanted to put her head in a bucket of water (not much patience atm) but i thought to myself i think i will go to the bottleshop and just get a bottle (much better than two i thought) as i was so stressed and it took all my self control plus a bit more to get in the car and drive straight home. I still so much want a wine but i have no AL in the house. My son is having a drink and i so want to ask for one but I am having a lemon lime and bitters. Day 12 and the urge is back. Fuck it is all i can say!

I hope you feel better soon Trinity

[trinity8753]

Newbies Nest

TJAF.. thankyou so much for posting that... It's taken me right back to where I want to be and why. I need to sleep now and think. I have to do this for him. I need a serious chat about booze in the house. I realise now that all I've been doing is waiting.....

[Icanwithoutacan]

Newbies Nest

Sorry trinity. Get back up.
Available- good job and I can't wait to hear if your 13 is like byrdies
To Rahul? Not sue scant to back to post as I have to run but you are on day 7 and proud and that's awesome

[available]

Newbies Nest

All i can say Ican is thank god it is 9.30pm and i have made it and it is nearly sleep time, although funny enough tonight i do not feel tired at all. Grrrrrrr but I made it for another day.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good Thursday morning Nesters,

Partly cloudy here but it's supposed to cool off today so I won't complain

Trinity, sorry to hear you decided to drink. Nothing changes if nothing changes, every time you decide to drink you will get the same results. It's entirely up to you to start making better decisions if you want better results for yourself & your son.

Ican, I sure hope you can track down the person buying AL for your Dad. I have to think it is another person with drinking issues

Wishing everyone a great AF Thursday!
Lav

[Samstone]

Newbies Nest

Morning all
a thought popped in my mind as I understand the angst over putting the brakes to AL. If you are missing it, then you are listening to it. The quit will never be until there's an understanding between listening to the bastard OR hearing it and knowing it means you harm, it means to poison you. Slam the door in its face just like you would to a door to door salesman. Once the door is closed, you can go about the time enjoying instead of thinking about guilt, remorse, and regret. All that crap is on the other side of the door.

Create a physical sense that it is gone and good riddance. Don't look longingly back, it is only an invitation from something that only wants to be fed at your expense. The beast is nothing but a gigantic leech.
Sam

[I'm Strong and in Control]

Newbies Nest

My heart goes out to all of you that caved last night - I admire that you came right back to the Nest, despite all the emotions and thoughts that you must have had going on - it demonstrates your enormous desire and commitment to quit. I pray that I can be as strong a person if it should happen to me. (I deliberately did not type "when it happens to me"). Still having night sweats and headaches, I deserve them. At least I know I'm perspiring out the toxins. I'm deliberately not counting the days - have been to miserable to even want a drink. The wine club shipment arrives today and it is not coming in the house. We've had spirits/beer in the house for years, but I never touch them - it's the vino that needs to stay outside. I'm grateful for another day in this life and my wonderful husband - why he loves me is a mystery.

[little beagle]

Newbies Nest

Ican that someone is buying al for a man dying of alcoholism really gets me. I'm sorry.
I know what you mean about still wanting a drink though. We were at my daughter's house helping her because new boyfriend went off his rocker drinking al. Kicked in her door, police were called to her house twice, he kept coming back yelling obscenities, and yet I thought "a beer would be nice right now". Crazy stuff. Glad you didn't.
Trinity one thing I learned front Byrdie. Protect your quit at all costs. It's the most precious thing in your life. It means life. No al in your environment. Period. You lost a battle, but the war goes on. Don't give up fighting. That's what we all do here. We all fight the exact same fight every minute of every day.
Sam I love the salesman. Thanks. I will think of that today as I dust miss L's liquor supply. She doesn't drink but keeps enough al in her house to kill an elephant.
Temptations are faced by all of us everyday. I am for sure.
Keep up the good fight everyone.

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

That was a good post, Samstone. It is the change in thinking that's crucial, isn't it? I feel like I'm really getting it this time and I'm so grateful. Did you read the link for rational recovery that Unwasted posted yesterday? That method of thinking clicked with me --I'm finding it very useful.

Available, good on you for making the best decision. I think it would still be difficult for me at this time if I had someone drinking at home. I'm sure at some point it won't matter-- I hope! I'm glad you kept your resolve. I'm being selfish but I like being together with you and Dottie and Unwasted on day 12!

Lav, you don't want to post a picture of those chicks, do you? I keep thinking about them.

Stay strong, everyone! Get right back up there, Trinity. Now is the best time!!
see you all soon..

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Hummm....Sam, I am a SALESMAN!! I wish you'd use another analogy, that one hit too close to home!!! :H:H:H (we're not ALL bad!!)

Stupot.....on behalf of a united Newbie's Nest, it is our great honor to drop our pants and award this small (or large, as the case may be...) token of a big arse job!!!

:moon:

GREAT JOB on kicking AL's arse for 7 full days!!! Onwards to Day 13! It gets so much easier from then on out! We are so proud of you!

Yes, the number one rule of quitting AL....GET IT OUT!! There at the end, I drank a bottle of peppermint schnapps to get a buzz....can you imagine how disgusting that hangover was?? Please, no candy canes at Christmas for me......AL is AL, even if it's in a form we don't normally use, while we are getting our sea legs, it's best to get it out of your space. I never touched Peppermint schnapps before that....or tequila, until that's all I had. Booze Brain is an amazingly powerful thing....just get it all out of the house...who needs that around??? If there EVER comes an occasion that you'd need some peppermint schnapps, they still sell it. Let someone else buy it.

Have a wonderful Thursday everyone!!! Keep going forward!!!! Don't look back, there's nothing to see back there!!! Eyes forward....chest out....forward march! Hup...two, three, four!!! eheheheh.....have a happy day. Byrdie

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Hey, I went back and grabbed my Day 13 post...here it is:

Originally Posted by Byrdlady
Day 13. Yesterday was EASY!!!! I'm so happy to report, that hubs was out of town and I had the perfect opportunity to have myself a high old time....but I didn't! The voices weren't as loud or as often, so day 13 was the day that I think I turned the corner. I feel good! I certainly haven't lost any weight...I am rewarding myself by saying, look, you can have anything in the world you want, except AL...now I need to reel myself in a bit and stop eating everything in sight. Finally finished off the last of the Christmas cookies I had in the freezer. For the first time in years, I feel like I'm getting control of my life, and it feels really good! ODAT! I could NOT have done it without this site.

[Samstone]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1555366 wrote: Hummm....Sam, I am a SALESMAN!! I wish you'd use another analogy, that one hit too close to home!!! :H:H:H (we're not ALL bad!!)

Stupot.....on behalf of a united Newbie's Nest, it is our great honor to drop our pants and award this small (or large, as the case may be...) token of a big arse job!!!

:moon:

GREAT JOB on kicking AL's arse for 7 full days!!! Onwards to Day 13! It gets so much easier from then on out! We are so proud of you!

Yes, the number one rule of quitting AL....GET IT OUT!! There at the end, I drank a bottle of peppermint schnapps to get a buzz....can you imagine how disgusting that hangover was?? Please, no candy canes at Christmas for me......AL is AL, even if it's in a form we don't normally use, while we are getting our sea legs, it's best to get it out of your space. I never touched Peppermint schnapps before that....or tequila, until that's all I had. Booze Brain is an amazingly powerful thing....just get it all out of the house...who needs that around??? If there EVER comes an occasion that you'd need some peppermint schnapps, they still sell it. Let someone else buy it.

Have a wonderful Thursday everyone!!! Keep going forward!!!! Don't look back, there's nothing to see back there!!! Eyes forward....chest out....forward march! Hup...two, three, four!!! eheheheh.....have a happy day. Byrdie

Dang, Byrdie
I knew there would be a salesperson in here!

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

Morning all,
Off to the cardiologist..sure hope he can shed some light on this mess.....
Sun is out but i am hoping for rain to cool us off...too darn hot to do anything....
Day 12 and feeling pretty good...still tired but that could be a combination of things.
Get my hair done tomorrow and may get my toes painted to celebrate day 13....
dottie

[prayingitsnottolate]

Newbies Nest

Good morning all, thank you for being here. I am on day 2 of AF, didn't sleep well last night and am shaky and nervous again today. I am dreading going to court in 2 hours. I am getting sued by Discover Card. 4 years ago I lost my job(laid off) was out of work for over two years and lost my license due to a DUI and my mom was dying of C.O.P.D. but was able to get on the lung donor transplant list and had surgery in June of 2011, as I was the only sibling without a job I was with her in Boston, but having no money used a credit card to stay at a hotel so I could be with her. Unfortunately, my mom didn't make it her body rejected the new lung and I completely lost it. I wracked up over $2,000.00 on the card and paid as I could. But it took me another 4 months before I was able to find a job. I worked a winter season cleaning condos, then that job ended and it took me another 4 months to find the job I am at now. I work two part time jobs as a cashier in a convenience and grocery store, but am struggling just to survive on the money I am making. Just scared today and don't want to slip afterwards and turn toward AL. Please keep in your thoughts.xxx

[Regaining My Life]

Newbies Nest

Hello, I'm new here

To anyone who will listen, I'm certain my story is not unique. I just need a boost to get started. Thank you, in advance, for listening. I'm sure this will be a long post.

As with most folks, I started drinking around the age of 14. From 14 to 30, it was social drinking, but as I got older, especially in my mid-to-late 20s, it started to escalate.

When I was around 30, I noticed that most of my good friends, ones that I'd had for a lifetime, were off getting married, having kids and developing a good start to their careers. My career was going well, but I found myself having a lot more time alone, and my father had died and my last two long-term (one was nine years) relationships had failed. I had always had a problem sleeping, so a friend of mine said, "Heck, have a glass of wine or two, that will help you sleep." And, not knowing or even thinking I had the potential to follow the footsteps of so many on both sides of my family as "alcoholics," I thought, "Hey, that's not a bad idea." And, at first, a few glasses of wine worked.

Well, I know you can guess the progression, without me even telling you about it. One glass turned to two, two to three, etc. Soon, I didn't like wine anymore, and it didn't do anything but make me feel like crap, so I switched to vodka. (Yep, smart, I know!). Mind you, as we all are, very intelligent folks, I still didn't think I was an alcoholic. I did know, however, in a very remote space in my heart+soul, I was somehow getting myself into trouble.

My "love" for vodka became stronger and stronger. As I lived alone, and my friends had less-and-less time for me, my life had no real purpose (other than my career and being a good friend and daughter), those things just weren't good enough. I felt very lonely. I wanted a companion. I wanted to feel good about myself. After some time, the only thing I wanted was "not to feel at all," as I felt like a total failure. Vodka produced that sense of "wellness and not being alone anymore." I can look back, now, after about 17 years, and see how the alcoholism that had invaded my family, was now taking over my life.

I've been through treatment a few times. I've had periods of complete abstinence. But, when conflict arises, as it always does in anyone's lives, I always return to the big V.

All of the above is pretty simplistic, but I suppose most who suffer the same can fill in the gaps. This is not a memoir. :new:

As much as this disease (and I've done my research, as well, and do believe it is a disease) hurts me...it is so painful, sometimes, even when not drinking, I just want to shrink down and fall in the cracks. I wonder if I'll wake up, and there are times I don't care if I do. I feel, what does I matter if I wake up or not? My most important friends have abandoned me, not because I've caused any major upset in their lives, except perhaps a few facebook posts that were uncalled for, or a phone call that I don't even remember. These things just took a few minutes of their lives, and I live this every day. But, because I HAVE HURT PEOPLE, and this is not my innate nature.

I did get married, going on nine years next week. My husband has gone through the ringer with this, and I feel he is about to leave me. I have considerably cut down on my drinking; I drink once a week most weeks. Some weeks twice. But then, as a dual diagnosis with depression, I sleep so long afterwards. One drinking episode can leave me to sleep for a day-and-a-half.

I've tried AA. A lot, so don't think I didn't give it a great shot. But, all the talking about drinking just made me want to drink again. I've really simplified this whole thing, but again, I don't think there are many gaps to fill for those who understand. I feel very alone, again, and Vodka no longer fills the part. I feel shame, I feel guilt, for putting my husband, family and friends through this. I also feel resentment that they haven't done their part, as a husband or friend, to really understand how hard I'm trying, or to understand what alcoholism is. I've tried to get my husband to go to Alanon, but he's too tired and goes to bed at 7 p.m. I never even got to talk to my best friend of 25 years' about this, she just broke up with me in an email. That hurt me so much, I just wanted to drink more. I guess, I'm most hurt because folks, even my friend, call us drunks. It's like calling someone who is overweight "a Fatty." People have to understand they need support to give up addictions like food, tobacco, gambling, etc. Alcohol is just more insidious.

I used to drink most every night, now I drink one night a week (sometimes two), and the days that I don't drink I'm either "I'm so over drinking, I hate it", or "OK, I can drink again NEXT week." It I so sick. I'm so sick.

I'm so very tired, and I could use some support. Thanks again, if you've read this far.

Blessings to all! :thanks: