Newbies Nest

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

Good morning,
Really cool here today...off to church and a lunch after. Havent been in many, many months. Miss our friends who have been very supportive during my health crisis lately. Neither of us makes friends easily..I call it only childism...I am an only child and dh's sister is 12 years younger so he was one for a long time. Just my observation.
Gotta run.
Dottie

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters!
Good to see everyone being accountable.

Moderation. I just shake my head....when I came here the first time and lurked as a visitor I was really ready to quit. Then I started reading about moderation and I thought....DANG, why didn't I think of this? Look at all these people who are doing it and they are happy!! What a BONANZA! (like, WOW, I coulda had a V8!) So I tried it. Hum. I tried it again. I joined the site so I could participate in the conversation and thought I was doing it wrong. I tried it for 11 days shy of a year. I never drank harder than that year I tried to moderate. Once I got some distance between me and AL, I was able to see the folly of my thinking.

It's like riding a bicycle. Once you learn how....you never UNLEARN it. You want to talk about feeling deprived, it's when you tell yourself you can only have 2 when you WANT 7! I was NEVER happy. If I wasn't drinking, I wanted to be. When I got the drinks, I couldn't be satisfied with the one I had....I tried switching to less alcohol wine, I tried making the glasses bigger, I tried drinking once a week. I made all sorts of rules and broke them all. But why were all these other people having so much success? How can it be that I can't do this? I began to FOLLOW the people that I THOUGHT were successfully moderating...It turns out that they weren't really successfully moderating at all! Once I was able to stop reading what I wanted to see and read the words, I could see that they were over there drinking like fish and still having the same problems that being a full tilt ALK has. GSR....Depression, the whole works! I could 'see' that they were saying that they stuck to their guidelines of moderation, but that they went slightly over their limits...(remember, 7 units /wk for female, 14 units/wk male). I guess it depends on your definition of 'slightly', too. For some, it's 5 beers and 2 wines in an evening. For others, it's sticking to 3 beers but just occasionally blowing that out (like every 3rd day). IF you READ BETWEEN THE LINES, they are NOT moderating but still just as out of control as ever. This is DENIAL. And it runs deep!
The second thing I learned is that I know this site was based on the concept of moderation, but nowhere does it advocate it without those high powered drugs! The drugs carry all sorts of side effects, I'm sure you have seen that just in the new thread titles. Enduring all of these things just to drink!! That is what the gift of distance does....it makes us see that we don't NEED AL anymore! It is a better life without it than with it! I wish I could just give you a snapshot of the peace in your head in 90 days!! I wish I could show the people that fight about moderation and how it CAN be done what life is like when you just don't have to worry about anymore! Why are we trying SO HARD to make AL fit into our lives when it is so destructive to us??? That is what distance from AL can give you. You CANNOT see it when you are under its spell...only when you get free of it can you see what it did to us.

I know everyone has to find out for him/herself. But if you have some AF days...protect them with all you've got. My quit is my most prized possession....I've never fought harder than I did for my sobriety and I WILL NOT give it up! Dig your heels in and do not give in! I'll be dammed if AL is going to take one more day of MY life!!

Hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday!! Stay strong and I'll see you later today....Byrdie

[Samstone]

Newbies Nest

Byrdie
well said, I thought the same coming here that maybe I could moderate because after all that's what this site seemed to be about. Then I started researching the drugs, seemed to me a lot of risk just so I could occasionally catch a buzz. So I decided to forgo that and step up to the plate and do what I really knew all along that was needed. STOP! I enjoy every day AF, no matter the crisis is because it doesn't make the crisis worse, the crisis just is. Moderation would only become the MM: moderation monster!
Sam

[Icanwithoutacan]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Byrdie! And all others who supported. BH I did post but I think I'm on diff time than y'all so there wasn't a response. Not that it's anyone's fault but mine!
I think I was triggered by overwhelm of feelings. I had been on cloud nine most of my 11 days w one or two days of irritation. It was like on that day all the good feelings I had about being AF were gone. I felt very much like I do when I'm hungover and I had t even had the "fun" of drinking and I was pissed like if I'm going to feel like this anyway I might as well drink-dumb I know but that's how I felt .... I was frustrated, sad, angry, all kinds of feelings...and I bought beer and I stared at it for hours - I posted and I stared more - then I said just 1.... And yeah right it was 6 .....I know I can't moderate , just having a hard time accepting total abstinence .... Love y'all -----can't wait to go to sleep home in my nest tonight... I won't drink tonight

[Wine-no!]

Newbies Nest

Opens the door to the nest and sneaks back in with tail between legs....
:hug: I'm back. I can't moderate... Ever.....

[C-Developer]

Newbies Nest

Top O The Morning to Ya Nesters,

Rainy and overcast outside today here in Chi town It seems like the longer I stay AF, the earlier I have been getting up in the morning. I was up at 6:15 today and bounced out of bed like I was hooked up to an IV of Red Bull.

Since I was especially motivated today, and my local Planet Fitness is open 24 hours, I decided to go ahead and get in my workout. What I found out is that not many people consider it a priority to workout at 6:30 AM on a Sunday. There was all of 5 people there, employees included. No matter, having women's aerobics or yoga going on when I am trying to train is a significant distraction anyway.

Now that the NFL season is off and running, Sunday is my day to watch copious amounts of football and scream various obscenities at the TV. I also participate in 3 different fantasy football leagues, which makes the games that much more interesting to be involved in.

Wishing everyone a joyous AF Sunday

[I'm Strong and in Control]

Newbies Nest

I think this is my third or forth time back on the boards after several 30 alcohol free days. I am going to go back and read all my old posts and try to remember my old user name. I think I see a pattern. Abstaining is fairly easy for me. I don't have a lot of triggers, and I (think) I'm strong willed enough that when I say I am not going to drink that day, I won't. I think that it's that confidence that the 'demons' feed on. I actually THINK I can moderate. That I can have one because (note the name) "I'm Strong and in Control"!! Ha ha, guess what. Here I am again, and noticing that after a few days of success, those thoughts are creeping in. Going to spend today reading my old posts and assembling a tool kit. I still have this picture in my head of myself come next week, sitting in a town square in Europe with some beverage in front of me and only having one. Need to re-acquaint myself with myself. Have a great day my friends. I don't want hangovers, regrets and shame. I'm not drinking today.

[Londoner]

Newbies Nest

I'm Strong and in Control - sounds like a great idea. Look for the patterns. They are often so subtle, that we do not realise that they are there.

How about this week, every day, visualise yourself in a town square happy and relaxed with a good book and a nice warm AF drink in front of you. Visualise how you are going to order an AF drink. Think up any situation that may sway you towards AL and imagine how you will respond to stay AF.

[prayingitsnottolate]

Newbies Nest

On day three of being AF. Worked yesterday and then came home. BF drank AL about 5 of them asked me if I wanted one, I declined. Then he asked me if I had to much to drink a few nights ago and I told him yes. I told him that I need some AF days. I am still feeling shaky, tensed up and having a hard time sleeping but at least I didn't drink last night. Going to get in the shower, take a walk and come back and make some homemade meatballs, a salad and chocolate peanut butter bars for dinner tonight. I am a little shy when I am sober and even though I read through the posts and love them I don't always respond because I am still a little shaky about responding. Hope you all understand. Have a great AF Sunday.

[free2bchez]

Newbies Nest

I'm new here

Hello all,

I am brand new to all of this, and since honesty will be the best policy, I have to admit that I am sitting here drinking a morning mimosa cuz I had the champagne and couldn't help pouring a glass. One glass, or maybe 2, is not the problem. The problem is that I seem to have come to the point now where I don't seem to have a stopper. It isn't all the time, although most weeks it is at least 5 days & becoming more like daily. It has become more and more difficult to stop and I seem to be increasing how much I drink when I do go on a binge (1-2 bottles of wine when I go for it). I bought some of the supplements and have ordered the book & CD's. I have already noticed some differences with the Kudzu and other supplements and look forward to trying out the CD's. I really want to try to moderate to see if that is a possibility for me. I would welcome any advice.
Thanks. Free2bchez:new:

[Sake123]

Newbies Nest

Praying - congrats on day 3!!! This is so awesome. I'm really happy for you!

Free2bchez - Moderation doesn't work for me...or a lot of other folks, but it's something that each person has to discover on their own. I wish you luck on your journey.

Beginning day 11 AF - This feels awesome...so I have to watch myself at every turn. Alcohol is a bastard and I know is waiting around every corner, just waiting for me to be weak. I just keep repeating to myself "I don't drink!" End of story, HAPPY ending to a story!!

[I'm Strong and in Control]

Newbies Nest

free2bchez;1556730 wrote: Hello all,

I am brand new to all of this, and since honesty will be the best policy, I have to admit that I am sitting here drinking a morning mimosa cuz I had the champagne and couldn't help pouring a glass. One glass, or maybe 2, is not the problem. The problem is that I seem to have come to the point now where I don't seem to have a stopper. It isn't all the time, although most weeks it is at least 5 days & becoming more like daily. It has become more and more difficult to stop and I seem to be increasing how much I drink when I do go on a binge (1-2 bottles of wine when I go for it). I bought some of the supplements and have ordered the book & CD's. I have already noticed some differences with the Kudzu and other supplements and look forward to trying out the CD's. I really want to try to moderate to see if that is a possibility for me. I would welcome any advice.
Thanks. Free2bchez:new:

best advice I have is come to the boards every day, twice a day, anytime you can. Stay with the program. Be honest and KIND to yourself.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Welcome Free2bChez....
We are glad you found us. Many of us began this journey hoping we could moderate. A good test for yourself and what is recommended by this site is to start out with 30 days AF. That way, you can really see what role AL is playing in your life. If after that time you decide to moderate, there is a section on this site for those going on that path. Everyone here in the nest is trying to remain AF.
Please take a look in the Tool Box, link below, and see how to get started. If AL is causing a problem in your life, most likely you have a problem with AL. You are certainly NOT ALONE. Take the 30 day challenge and see where you are. It is a real eye opener (drinking joke). Welcome aboard! Byrdie

[free2bchez]

Newbies Nest

Thanks for the input everyone. I do have a question - what does AF stand for? I'm guessing no AL for 30 days. Here is my biggest problem (besides drinking too much). For 14 years I didn't drink anything - didn't even food or chewing gum with AL in it - cuz I was in a 12 step program. Not AA, but Al-anon, due to my dad & my boyfriend's AL abuse. I was very happy to be involved with the 12 steps and had zero desire to have AL back in my life; however, without going into too much detail, I will just say that after 14 years I realized that the group I was in was VERY CULT like and honestly I was ready to end my life because of it. I've heard thousands of stories of sober members, but even tho I am very aware of what it takes to really be sober, I just can't allow myself back down that road - I just have lost faith in that path. That's why I'm hoping MWO will be a better answer for me. My boyfriend is currently out of town for several weeks, so I'm hoping to really search for the solution during this quiet alone time. Thanks all.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Free2be....AF=Alcohol Free.
Well, I don't know anything about AA or Alanon, so I can't speak to the cult-like aspect of them. MWO is a wonderful place of support. If you consider that a group of people all of like minds are together in one spot with a common goal, I guess that could be considered cult like. For many of us, this has been a life saver. I hope you'll give it a chance.
Addiction Head (Dick Head) will come up with 1000 reasons for us to take a drink...I hope you won't let that aspect of quitting get in the way of actually doing it. This place saves lives....and I'm one of them! Byrdie